Should Couples Have Each Other's Passwords? (5 Wise Considerations)  

by April Maccario

This argument is one that I’ve had torn feelings about for eons now, is it alright for couples to share passwords? Or should there be a healthy screen of trust that allows each partner to give the other the benefit of the doubt? 

Let me paint a picture here, everything these days has a password, your computer, your Netflix account, your email, and of course your phone. Sure, as your relationship gets more serious, it's seemingly not a big deal to let him have your Netflix password. The worse that can happen is that he finds out you’re obsessed with bloody and grimy movies. 

Your phone password, on the other hand, requires a whole new level of trust. Is it truly a sign of solidarity to give up intimate details about your day-to-day dealings? That’s what we are going to explore here because this issue right here has caused quite a kerfuffle or two.

5 Things Couples Should Think About Before Sharing Passwords

1. Yes, it's a strong sign of trust

I want to start off by saying that this is not a blanket case, so it's not the same way for everyone. But, there are some people that won’t feel trust in a relationship if everything isn’t out there on the table for them to see. The truth is that some people have major trust issues and their partners have to meet them halfway… or further down the road. So, if you have nothing to hide, why not? 

If it comes off a bit too excessive, then you have to address the crux of the issue. The truth is that privacy is a very vital thing for everyone, so if you push too much it comes off as a bit unhealthy. So, if you do decide to share passwords in your relationship, discuss the terms, don’t just charge in like a bull.

2. No, privacy is healthy

No, privacy is healthy

This is an extension of the previous point because I believe it's incredibly important to maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship. According to Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S in this article, it's incredibly important to create and maintain boundaries in romantic relationships. You see, with romantic relationships both parties are intimate in a number of ways so there needs to be something that’s just theirs. It could be their phone, it could be email accounts, social media accounts, just anything. You know that saying, too much of anything is bad? Well, it counts when it comes to closeness too, so cut that man some slack and put his phone down once in a while.

3. No, the future is uncertain

If there is anything you can count on in life is the fact that nothing is certain, relationships start and end. So, when you break up who knows what will happen when he still has access to all your accounts? Some people are very vindictive and could use sensitive information to sabotage you altogether. The sad part is that this does not only happen in boyfriend-girlfriend situations, surprisingly it happens in marriages too. So, you can never be too careful, because you never know how vindictive a person can be till you push them to the point of no return.

4. Yes, it promotes transparency

Sure, trusting one another is something you build in a relationship, that’s what makes it even worse when it's broken. Imagine going through your partner’s text messages to find that he’s been two-timing you? It's a tale as old as ‘whenever text messages were invented’. In the case that you decide to forgive him and move on together, there needs to be that show of transparency. 

A major way to move forward is by sharing passwords, not only does it show that you’re putting it all in the open, but you have a sense of security. It's definitely not the only way to be transparent, but it's a step. Especially because you’ll be in the position to register a red flag right off the bat.

5. Yes and no, do what floats your boat

If there is one thing I have learned, it's that what’s good for the goose is often not also good for the gander. So, where submitting all your passwords may feel like a serious violation of trust or a blatant lack of trust for some, it's a step in the right direction for others. 

Based on this, you basically need to find what works for you and run with it. You can even see here that everyone is different and have what they expect when it comes to relationships. There’s no blanket solution to trusting one another, so if a measly phone password will do the trick, why not? 

FAQs

Is it good to have each other's passwords?

There is no one size fits all approach in any relationship, where some people feel that sharing passwords is a sign of intimacy, others feel it's a bit stifling. Sure, sometimes this all boils down to the issue of trust or a lack of trust. But that depends on very specific details in each and every unique relationship. So, if your man was a Casanova back in the day, you may feel a little more comfortable having his passwords as opposed to a couple that doesn’t have those issues.

Should married couples share social media passwords?

It's safe to say that when you’re married the relationship is nothing less than serious. In fact, it's a strong sign of trust if a married couple has the password each other’s passwords. But then again, this boils down to personal preferences and situations. Some people, even without being married, don’t see it as a violation of privacy to share passwords. Of course, others do not.

Why you should not share passwords?

Nothing is definite in this world and even some of the strongest lovers end up crossing that thin line between love and hate. If your passwords fall into the hand of a vindictive past lover, then it could wreak havoc on every aspect of your life. So, if you’re thinking along these lines, you should probably maintain your privacy and keep all your passwords, even your Netflix, to yourself.

Should my boyfriend have my password?

First, life should be a tit for tat kind of thing, so if he has been gracious enough to hand his over, go ahead and give him yours. But when it comes to password sharing, the truth remains that it's a thing of choice. You may not necessarily have anything to hide, but knowing that someone has access to your private details can feel a bit overwhelming. So, talk to your boyfriend about how you really feel if you oppose it.

Should couples check each other's phones?

At the end of the day, checking each other’s phones on a regular can come off as a massive sign of a lack of trust. Sure, you may have your reasons, but the truth remains that if a person wants to cheat, they can execute that without leaving a trace. So, for the most part, what’s left behind is what they want you to see. If you agree to share your phone passwords, then your partner should be on the loop when you want to check their phone. It maintains that trust.

To Summarize

There is really no right or wrong answer for this, whether it's for one of your social media accounts or a phone password, it all depends on the couple’s preferences and if they have trust issues. Some people feel comfortable, even with the snooping, so find what vibes well in your relationship. Since this is quite a touchy topic, I’m sure you have lots to add here. 

Please comment below and let us know your take on this, it is a nay or a yay. Also, feel free to share, because the more takes we can get on this, the closer we’ll be to the answer.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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