If sex is the bedrock of every marriage, will a sexless marriage survive? This is the question many people ask themselves but fear asking out loud due to embarrassment. Will lack of intimacy between married couples end the relationship?
If yes, should you force sexual intimacy even though you no longer have a desire for a sex life with your husband?
You might think it’s abnormal to have a sporadic sex life as a married woman. However, sexless marriages are more common than you can imagine. For many reasons, a married couple can still be married without a healthy sex life.
Some of the reasons why you may find yourself in a sexless relationship include childbearing, low sex drive, constant disagreements, midlife crisis, stress, busyness, and health issues.
Furthermore, a sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily mean a complete absence of sexual activities. A couple can still have a sexual relationship, yet they’re in a sexless marriage. Simply put, a sexless marriage is one where a couple is having little to no sex.
To every cause there is an effect, the same is true for a sexless marriage. While the obvious effect of a sexless marriage is divorce, there are other negative consequences of staying in a sexless relationship.
This article will list 11 of such sexless marriage effects and how to deal with them.
One of the effects of a sexless marriage is that your husband will begin to feel resentful toward you for denying him sex. If intimacy has always been a big part of your relationship, it will be difficult for him to imagine a future where a sexless marriage will be the new normal.
When sexual satisfaction has been one of the ways he feels closest to you, not having sexual intercourse will make your marriage look doomed. While your sex lives shouldn’t be all there is to your marriage, it’s normal for your partner to resent you for taking away that important part of the relationship.
You can avoid divorce, the ultimate end to any marriage, by sitting your partner down for a long conversation. Discuss your reasons for not having regular sex, then try to work out ways to have sex more on your terms. If you are willing to adjust and give regular sex another chance, his resentment will recede gradually.
A marriage, especially one with kids, is stressful enough without adding other stress factors. Scientifically, sex is a stress reliever and most couples use it to full advantage. To have a healthy marriage, you need to have healthy sex. However, if you’re having sex only once in a while, your stress might pile up with no outlet for release.
When you combine stress from work, household management, caring for the family, and no sex, you and your partner might eventually crash. The crash might not be physical, but mental and emotional breakdowns are equally destructive. While your reasons for not wanting to have sex are valid, you should know that you’re denying yourself also, not just your husband.
As such, try to acknowledge the reasons for your low interest in sex. Talk with your husband about it, especially if it concerns your children. He will be more understanding when you open up to him than you giving him no explanation.
Emotional connection is very important in every relationship, especially a marriage. It is just as important as sex, if not more. Men usually form deeper emotional ties with their women through sex. Although they are logical beings, they aren’t immune to the dopamine effects of sex. This is why it is easier to get your man to do or give you something immediately after sex.
On the other hand, women think differently. Most women prioritize other ways of connecting such as spending quality time together, cuddling, holding hands, or any other nonsexual touching. Unfortunately, men are never satisfied with such intimacy types, unless they are above 70 years.
Therefore, if you want your bond with your husband to stay the same or be strengthened, you need to open up yourself to sex again. Whatever reason you have for withholding sex from him, talk to him and resolve it. Else, your marriage will not survive the consequences of a sexless relationship.
It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise if your husband is giving you a cold shoulder if sex has been a rare occurrence in your relationship. If you are responsible for the limited or no sex situation, you might have an angry man on your hand. The fact that he is angry with your sexless marriage doesn’t mean he is no longer in love with you.
However, sex is one of the major ways a man expresses his love for his woman. If you’re not allowing him to express his love in a major way he understands, he will deny you of his presence too.
To communicate openly with you, he will need to feel the need to talk to you. If you’re no longer intimate, the need for open communication decreases on his end. Eventually, other things apart from your sex life will go wrong if you don’t fix the sexless relationship issue.
Normally, most men don’t need a reason to be unfaithful because society makes infidelity on the part of a man look normal. However, you don’t want to give your husband a reason to cheat on you. If you turn your marriage into a sexless relationship, you’ll be opening up the door of infidelity for your husband.
Of course, no reason is good enough for an unfaithful partner, but you shouldn’t be the reason your husband feels he has the right to cheat. If one of the underlying problems of your sexless relationship is trust, the only way to resolve the issue is to talk about it.
The truth is, your husband is probably cheating on you at this point. As such, you might be unable to get back to solid ground on your own. Getting a professional relationship therapist is a great option.
You can be okay with a sexless marriage, but you cannot be perfectly happy with a distrustful husband. Even if your spouse tells you he’s okay with having sex only once a month, you know him better.
He probably has a voracious sexual appetite, and he’ll need more than the amount of sex you’re allowing. If you continue to pretend that it’s not an issue that he’s okay with your stipulation, your marriage will suffer for it.
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One of the ways you’ll know he trusts you less is that he will not discuss his day with you as he used to do. The reason is simple, he used to have such conversations with you before or after sex. Now that you’ve limited that important aspect of your relationship, he wouldn’t know how to adjust.
Also, he will suspect that you’re cheating on him. Infidelity is probably one of the few causes that will pop up in his mind. Nothing drives a man crazy than the thought of his wife with another man. You should address the reasons for having less sexual intercourse before your husband acts irrationally.
In marriage it is natural to do a lot of things, having sex as much as you want is one of them. When you stop allowing your husband to exercise his conjugal rights, you are sending different messages. You’re either dissatisfied with the idea of sex, you think you’re no longer sexually compatible, or you don’t want the marriage to continue.
When you send such signals without proper context, your husband will begin to see you differently. You’ll be more a roommate to him than the wife he can have sex with whenever the urge arises. His feelings towards you will range from disbelief to anger, or indifference. If you don’t sort out your feelings on time, you might lose him.
On a physical level, sex has been said to have health benefits. Apart from relieving stress, physical intimacy can be a form of exercise. It also contributes to preventing certain health conditions in men, including prostate cancer. If your husband isn’t the type to exercise regularly, sex might have been the only thing keeping him relatively fit physically.
Taking away sex from your marriage will not only be detrimental to his mental, but also physical health. If your reason for limiting sexual activities in your marriage is health-related (e.g. childbirth, surgery), your husband will be more understanding. However, if it’s for a different personal reason, you’ll still need to talk to your husband about it to have a happy relationship.
Feeling lonely is one of the expected effects of a sexless marriage. While many older couples don’t miss sex due to physiological hindrances, it is hardly common for younger couples to avoid regular sex. As such, not having sex is usually not the reason for the absence of sex in a marriage.
Underlying issues such as financial constraints and differences in opinions can lead to a rift between couples. Hence, the limited or lack of sex clause. When you’re missing someone you see every day, you can feel depressed.
This particular effect affects both you and your husband. Therefore, you’ll be doing yourself a favor by addressing the problem with your husband, who is also your best friend.
Hurt feelings will develop when one party is unwilling to have sex in a marriage. Men take sex seriously and your partner will probably take your recent disinterest in sex or intimacy as an evaluation of his sexual performance.
Apart from the blow to his ego, he will have self-esteem issues. Yes, men have self-esteem issues, but you don’t want to be the reason for his low feelings. These negative feelings will make him build a wall around his emotions. You might find his actions and words unkind towards you sometimes. He doesn’t hate you, he’s just hurt.
If you think your reasons for avoiding sex are for your good, and your husband thinks he cannot live without sex (valid reasons or not), the obvious option is to get a divorce. Many couples stay together in a sexless marriage and they’re okay with it.
If you’re not that couple, don’t let anyone, including your partner, shame you into thinking you’re wrong for wanting the best for yourself. You’ll grow to resent him if you stay in the marriage just because you wanted to satisfy him sexually. At the end of the day, both of you need to feel satisfaction in the relationship.
Most likely not, except he is in his late 60s/early 70s. Or if he has a medical condition that causes low to no sex drive or intimacy.
A marriage without intimacy will last for as long as the couple is willing to let it last. The moment one of them finds another compatible sexual partner, the marriage is over.
Affection is relative because people express it in different ways. For some people, giving gifts is their definition of affection. One sexless marriage effect is that the marriage could end if either of the couples isn’t receiving their version of affection.
No, a marriage without intimacy or sex doesn’t justify adultery. If one party isn’t getting what they need, it’s best to discuss it with the other party. If there’s no reaching a middle point, it’s best to separate rather than become unfaithful to the marriage.
Intimacy reduces in marriages when couples become too busy to address the reasons why they are having less sex. As such, lack of intimacy is mostly due to inadequate communication and understanding.
It is normal to experience a dry spell even in healthy marriages. However, making a sexless relationship a part of your lifestyle will give room for doubt, distrust, and unhappiness. Even if sex will no longer be a major part of your marriage, be sure you’re on the same page with your husband. That’s the only way your relationship will survive without sex.
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