Selfish Husband (9 Top Tips To Deal With A Selfish Husband)

by April Maccario

Relationships are bound to have their ups and downs, most of the time, when two people come

together, their opinions don’t always mirror one another. This pushes the need for the two parties to compromise in order for the relationship to work.

In spite of this, there are still various cases where a partner is point blank inconsiderate, and unwilling to compromise. Having a selfish partner is somewhat a common occurrence; and this can easily take a toll on the relationship. 

However, knowing discretely how to deal with husbands who are selfish can help you take a breath of fresh air, and handle your relationship accordingly.

What A Woman Should Do If Her Husband Is Selfish

1. Express your emotions

express your emotions

There’s a major difference between expressing how you really feel, and having an outright argument or being aggressive about the situation. Properly communicating your emotions to your husband is an easy way to let him know what’s on your mind, without him feeling attacked. If he’s always being evasive about the situations you bring up, then it might be an indication to change your method of communication.

Perhaps, your partner doesn’t take something seriously in the relationship, and that’s why he’s constantly being inconsiderate. Effectively communicating your emotions can be an easy way to motivate him to dump his selfish behavior. Expressing your emotions should be strictly dependent on how your husband perceives things. 

Does he understand better through notes or a face-to-face discussion? You need to understand what works best with your husband, and then use that avenue to communicate the reality of the situation to him. If he’s in his comfort zone of communication, there’s a probability he’ll be less defensive, and will understand you better.

2. Stay positive

It’s almost impossible to stay positive when there’s a selfish spouse in a relationship. It tends to overshadow all the good moments and can cause you to feel overwhelmed. Nevertheless, focusing on the bad moments would only constantly portray your husband as the enemy in your mind. 

Anytime you want to do something positive, all his selfishness would seemingly come to light in your head. This is why it’s exceedingly important to stay positive despite the current circumstances. 

Try to focus on the little occasions where your husband didn’t seem like such a selfish person – even if it was before the marriage. Focusing on the positives will help you love him more and have hope for change.

As a matter of fact, the way a person thinks affects their actions, if you were previously thinking of your husband as a selfish spouse, there’s a probability you were treating him like one. This wouldn’t spur a positive change in him. However, doing things differently would help him to take certain stuff differently, and perhaps want to change.

3. Lay back on some of the responsibilities

There are many things that can possibly spur up selfishness in a relationship. Narrowing down to just two, there’s a possibility that as the wife, you were unknowingly handling way too much responsibilities, which made your husband reluctant and lazy. In the long run, he might have gotten the impression that you’re simply meant to handle these things on your own.

Another possibility is that your husband feels he’s entitled to all the things you’re doing, which means he doesn’t realize that he’s being selfish. Despite these two possibilities (and numerous others), one thing you should do if you notice you have a selfish husband is to cut down most of the things you’re already doing.

For example, if you’ve always handled picking up the kids from school, reduce the number of times you do this. This will further force your husband to take care of these responsibilities himself. In order to successfully lay back on responsibilities without getting a negative reaction, try to get yourself extremely busy, which would serve as a plausible reason why you can’t meet up anymore.

4. Focus on yourself

Rather than focusing all your attention on the selfishness of your husband, the most important thing to do is to focus on yourself. This is one of the major steps any woman can take to ignoring the fact that she has a selfish husband. As mentioned earlier, it will help you stay positive throughout the situation, which can possibly spur up positive changes in your husband.

Living with selfish people can oftentimes overshadow our personal interest and wants, and pushes the focus to the other person. On the other hand, choosing to focus on yourself will only deprive the other person of the things you offer that they love, and would reduce their demands. This is one brilliant way to tackle a person’s selfishness.

Irrespective of doing this for the sole cause of changing your husband, understand that your interests really do matter. Your relationship shouldn’t always be about your husband, because you exist as an individual first, before being someone else’s partner. Thus, choosing to do what you love will make you happier, before it can possibly propel something more into your relationship.

5. Find out the cause of the selfishness

It turns out that there are various reasons why a person would behave inconsiderately. It could be as a result of their personalities, the stuff they prefer, or the mindset that has developed over the years. Whatever the reason is, it’s affecting you, so you have to find out the root cause. Narrowing down to a few possible reasons like considering how your husband was raised, because this can greatly determine his approach towards life, love, and relationships.

Also, you need to contemplate his cultural background, because this can propel him to think being selfish is a common trait. Lastly, consider his past associations, and determine whether they’ve had an underlying effect on how he’s behaving presently. After pondering on all these things, you can also determine the cause of your husband’s selfishness by asking him in a polite and inoffensive manner (be aware of what your husband regards as offensive questions to ask). 

Also, try to read between the lines whenever he gives a response to your questions, this might hint to the real reason for his actions.

6. Communicate the importance of change

Frankly, your husband may not truly realize the importance or benefits of changing his actions. Despite all the kind words you’ve spoken, and the discussions you’ve had with your husband, he may still be convinced that it’s not that important to change. This is why it’s essential to implement the tactic of voicing the importance of change.

Instead of simply telling him to change, you can subtly point out how things would be so much better if there was an extra effort on his side. This will cause him to rethink his actions more than your normal statement possibly would. Why? Because everybody likes good stuff, even your husband. As much as he would like to neglect all the benefits you’re pointing out, at some point in time, he would be propelled to change.

In order for this to accurately work, as the wife, ensure that your words don’t demean his present efforts, neither should they sound like accusations or aggressive speeches, this can easily throw him off and derail positive change. Nevertheless, doing it in a subtle way will help your words register better in his head, enough times for him to take the benefits you’ve been talking about to mind.

7. Propose a different approach

You should realize that something, change won’t happen if you’re only relying on your partner to adjust the way he does things. Change has to begin with you; and if you’ve done all the above steps, and your spouse hasn’t still shown any indication of changing, then you have to try a different approach. 

Compromise is an essential part of any relationship, which is why you have to actively convince him to diversify the areas of responsibilities in the marriage.

At certain times, focus on taking turns to take care of chores that were previously left for only one person to handle. The idea of handling situations for a period of time seems to work because there’s an impression that it would last for a little while, and not forever.

If you have a selfish husband, this will encourage him to partake in such activities, since it only seems temporary. In the long run, he will begin to realize the benefits you’ve been talking about, and might even be willing to make these changes permanent.

8. Understand your worth

Understand your worth

Living with husbands that are selfish can sometimes make the wife feel like she’s less of a person. Even so, that she doesn’t really deserve everything her partner is denying her. However, this is an absolutely wrong mindset, as a woman, you deserve all the good treasures in life, and one crucial step to handling a selfish person is to understand your worth.

If you don’t understand how valuable you are, you will start to take your partner’s selfish attitudes as a norm. This will undisputedly make you unwilling to fight for a better marriage, on the contrary, constantly remind yourself that you deserve more because this will make you bolder to voice out the selfish attitudes of your spouse.

Remember to treat yourself, do stuff that you love, and spend time with people that can instill a worthy mindset in you. This will help you retain the impression that you deserve such to be loved and treated with respect.  In the long run, you will notice a massive difference in how your partner’s selfish attitude affects you.

9. Put up some boundaries

If you feel like your husband is extremely stubborn towards changing, despite all the kind words and subtle gestures you’ve been making, then taking certain steps might further convince him to change.

If he’s receiving ninety percent from you, and only giving ten percent, then reducing your input will let him know how serious the situation is. Simply put up some boundaries; this will help him realize exactly how you’ve been feeling. Nevertheless, don’t try to challenge him, because he will be more reluctant to make a favorable change.

As a matter of fact, if he starts thinking you feel entitled, as a selfish husband, he may want to deprive you even more. So, it’s important to be gentle and tactical when putting up boundaries, find reasonable excuses as to why you can’t meet up with your regular ninety percent input. 

Make sure that the reasons would push him to make practical efforts, using this tactic will force him to think deeply about the situation, and possibly want to change. If after everything, he’s unyielding in putting aside his selfishness, then it might be time to consider whether the marriage is truly worth it.

FAQs

What are the signs of a selfish husband?

The signs of a selfish spouse lie in the way he acts towards you. If he’s inconsiderate and more willing to receive than to give, then it’s an indication he’s selfish. More so, even after you’ve tried to make him realize his actions, and he’s still unwilling to change, then you’re certain he’s a selfish man.

What are the signs of disrespect in marriage?

You can spot disrespect in a marriage when one party abuses or imposes on the rights of the other. If as a wife or a husband, your spouse doesn’t regard your needs, is rude, taunting, scornful, and outright discourteous to you, even in public, then it’s an indication he/she doesn’t respect you.

What is selfishness in marriage?

A selfish partner in a marriage can be observed when he/she requests for more than they give and suppresses the spouse’s needs. The marriage becomes more about them, leaving the other to feel like they’re not deserving of personal needs or wants.

What makes a selfish husband?

Selfish men are usually egoistic and think mostly about themselves, excluding the needs of others. Most of their actions and requests are secluded to their advantage, irrespective of how it may affect their partners.

Why do husbands ignore their wives?

It’s quite common for a man to ignore his wife, and this could be for a number of reasons. Men usually do this to withhold or communicate anger without necessarily being verbally abusive. It might also be a tactic to annoy the wife or to be evasive, especially when there’s an unsettled situation.

All In All,

Were you enlightened by this article on selfish people? If you’re in such a situation where your spouse is selfish, in order to implement any of the aforementioned tactics, remember to analyze the type of partner you have, to know what would work best with him. Share your thoughts below, and remember to share this article with friends and loved ones.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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