How to Build Security in a Relationship (9 Ways To Feel Secured)

Last updated on June 12, 2022 by April Maccario

The key to building security in a relationship is in focusing on the positives and working to build a solid foundation. You can best do this by showing appreciation for the things your partner does for you, supporting your partner, and believing in them. 

Try to be more understanding with your partner and trust in him or her unless they give you a reason not to. Try not to overanalyze every little thing, assuming the worst with your partner. There really isn’t a healthy way to build a new relationship with someone who has trust issues. 

Instead, try to find the good that has come of you knowing this person. What great things have happened to you since you met him or her? How can you best continue to build on those good things? 

In this post, we will explore this topic more in-depth and give you some great tips.

Top Ways to Build a Secure Relationship

1. Don’t overanalyze

Make sure you don’t spend time misreading situations; the more time you spend doing something like that, the further away you will start to feel from your partner. Don’t feel the need to spin each situation toward the negative, when it doesn’t need to be. Instead, turn everything toward the positive.

For example, if he hasn’t returned your text in an hour, instead of saying, “he is cheating on me,” say, “he got busy with something else.” This way, you will just feel like he lost track of time, rather than feeling like he is out having sex with someone else. Just don’t assume the worst when there is no reason to.

2. Don’t let issues stew

don't let issues stew

Make sure you bring up issues when they are relevant to your relationship. You may feel like you don’t want to stir things up, but the longer you wait to talk about what’s bothering you, the worse you will feel. Be open and honest about anything that is making you not feel secure in your relationship; your partner will thank you for your honesty.

3. Don’t expect perfection

No two people are the same; we are each different, unique in some way. We all feel and think differently. Because of this, we must realize that we cannot expect other people to behave and say the exact things that we expect from them at all times. If you have unrealistic expectations of your partner, you will never feel safe with him or her.

Keep an open mind in your relationship and offer a certain degree of understanding for the things about him or her that you do not yet know. If there’s something you expect, explain it to them or adjust your expectations to be more reasonable. You have a better shot at true love when you have realistic viewpoints. 

4. Don’t listen to social media

So, I hear it on Facebook, do you? All couples are happy, have the ideal marriages, and bore beautiful, healthy children. It’s all a bit too perfect for me. Stop listening to what other people say on social media! Stop watching romantic comedies or love stories, expecting your relationship to be the same way. Give reality a shot instead!

5. Don’t compare your relationship with others

Like the last point, be careful when comparing yourself to other people and the relationships that they have with each other. They are not you! You are special, unique, and have flaws. News flash! Your partner does, too! This means that the two of you can form an imperfect and fun union that is different from your friends. Be real with yourself.

6. Do give trust when earned

You shouldn’t make assumptions about anything. That is not the formula for a healthy and secure relationship. Allow your partner at least a chance to earn your trust and loyalty, and try to give it freely! Be open to this new experience, and you will grow flowers where there once was weeds.

7. Do turn negatives around to be positive

The best way to have a secure relationship is through positivity. As shown in the example above, if you turn a situation around to make it out to be where he’s the bad guy, you aren’t going to end up with a happy ending. How can you think positively, instead? 

Try to look at situations in that way, so you can actually carve yourself a path to a really secure relationship with a firm foundation. Successful relationships are often the result of positivity when negativity is a choice. Pick the more difficult path and reap the benefits!

8. Do take the advice of others with care

do take the advice of others with care

Be cautious when taking the advice of others, especially if they don’t have a good track record or have never been in a secure relationship. Would you take tax advice from someone who owes the IRS money or can’t figure out how to file their taxes on time? Be smart, and only take advice from people who have had successful relationships!

9. Do realize he or she is not your exes

You may have insecurities based on your past relationships with other people. That’s a normal way to feel after being burned by another person. Just make sure you have fully realized that this guy or gal is not your ex. This individual is a unique person with thoughts and behaviors that are different from your past partners. Give them a chance!


What does it mean to have security in a relationship?

Having a secure relationship is all about trusting in your partner, knowing he or she is there for you, and believing that the relationship has the potential to last for a long time. You want to know that you can rely on that one person for all of your needs.

How do you build security in a relationship?

Sometimes, relationship security is built over the course of time. You just have to commit yourself to that one individual and trust that your partner has your back. To make the other person feel secure, you need to be trustworthy and honest in all that you do.

Is security important in a relationship?

In a committed, everlasting relationship, you need to have security as a key element. Healthy relationships cannot survive with insecurities, so if there’s doubt about the foundation of the relationship, you need to deal with it immediately. That’s the only way to build trust, which is a must-have in relationships.

What causes insecurity in a relationship?

Usually, insecure relationships are built by either one person having an affair or doing some equal betrayal or by one partner entering a relationship with existing insecurities already in place. Perhaps, the person just doesn’t trust easily or has had their heart broken in the past.

What does an emotionally healthy relationship look like?

In an emotionally secure and healthy relationship, there is honesty, respect, and openness. You must be willing to bare your soul to the person you’re with, telling them about any insecurities you feel. People often forget that their partners aren’t mind-readers. Secure relationships are built from trust.

To Sum It All Up…

Are you struggling with a lack of emotional security in your relationship? What do you believe are the keys to a successful relationship? What are you having trouble with?

I’d love to hear all about it. Please comment in the section below, and share this post with someone else!

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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