Saying Hurtful Things To Someone You Love (21 Hurtful Things You Should Never Say To Someone You Love)

Last updated on October 24, 2022 by April Maccario

A relationship is a union where both parties have agreed to love, rely on and trust each other wholeheartedly. In a perfect world, finding the love of your life will mean no disagreements, arguments, and mistakes. Sadly, we are not in a perfect world. Thus we experience downtimes in even the most healthy relationships. 

Arguing in relationships is normal, but some actions during arguments are not. One such action is the utterance of hurtful things to one another. This is done out of anger, which often affects the emotions and self-worth of the other partner. Saying hurtful things out of anger is detrimental to the health of relationships and, most often, is the leading cause of heartbreaks and breakups. 

As humans, we are bound to say certain things involuntarily, led greatly by our emotions, but in this article; we are about to learn the best way to curb that. 

We take you through some of the worst things you can say to a partner and how you should avoid them at all costs because they might never forgive you for them. 

21 Hurtful Things You Should Never Say To Someone You Love

1. 'It's your fault.'

When we say 'it's your fault' to one partner, we inadvertently blame them solely for anything happening in the relationship. In doing this, we are not being honest with ourselves because, as we know, it takes two to tango. Blaming your partner prevents you from taking responsibility for your actions and contributions to arguments or issues in the relationship. 

This is a very unfair statement to tell your partner, and it is a sentence that can make them gravely upset. It indirectly places a huge burden on them to change when you need to work together on your emotions and actions for the relationship to thrive.

2. 'I don't want this anymore.'

These five words are used without warning in several relationships when one partner wants to fight, bicker, and name-call. 

In some instances, it is said as a form of threat in an argument and said as a form of punishment for the other partner without meaning. Tell your partner you don't want the relationship anymore comes with hurt and emotional damage, which never goes away even after you've taken your words back. 

3. 'You're so annoying.'

Telling your partner you find annoying might seem harmless, but it is a very insulting statement that they might find hard to forgive. Though wrong, we often say this when we find the actions of our partners annoying. We forget, however, that finding someone's actions annoying and their being annoying are two different things. While the former focuses on their behavior, the latter deals with a person's character. 

Telling your partner they're annoying means you find their character annoying, which is wrong. This sentence can hurt your partner and affect their self-esteem, making it hard for them to forgive you. When anger makes you feel like muttering these words, pause and reflect on what you find annoying; their actions on their character. Find a neutral way to communicate effectively what's bothering you and save your relationship. 

4. 'I wish I never met you.'

If you care about someone, this is one of the worst mistakes you can ever make; telling them you regret meeting them. It's a statement that is easy to forgive but tough to forget. When we say this, we're expressing hurt about something. In being upset, we utter these words that relay that we want to cut ties with our partner when we don't. 

Your partner hears that all the good times you've shared suddenly mean nothing, and you're having second thoughts about the relationship. It tells them that they were not well worth your time and that your life would have been better without them. 

5. 'You're not my type.'

We have all grown up with a specific type of people we are attracted to. We are asked about the kind of person we would want to fall in love with, and we already have a mental image of their appearance, how they'll act and what they like. While this is great, we all know that love does not operate with a type. Most often, the people we finally end up with look nothing like our type!

Another statement that is hard to forgive coming from your partner is, 'you're not my type. It might've been said as a joke or innocently, but it is, in fact, an insult and a huge slap in their faces. When you hear such a statement, it is easy to interpret it as your partner is looking elsewhere for their type. It can also mean you're not physically attracted to them, and you don't believe you are compatible with each other. 

If you keep thinking your partner is wrong for you, it might be best to ask yourself why. Is it because you're angry at something they did, or do you need something you're not getting from the relationship? 

6. 'You're too sensitive.'

 Sensitive people are usually perceived to be needy or sometimes weak, and as such, we dismiss their feelings by telling them they are too sensitive. In saying hurtful things such as this, we forget that humans are innately different, and as such, they respond to situations differently. 

When you call your partner too sensitive, you're telling them that they're overreacting to a situation and they should push past such a reaction. This is a very unfair statement to pass, and it can affect your conversation negatively. 

7. 'Stop being dramatic.'

When something bothers your partner but doesn't affect you, it doesn't mean they are overdramatic. Try listening to them as they explain why certain things bother them. Looking at issues from their perspective during communication is a great way to show respect and offer support instead of gaslighting them. 

8. 'You're pathetic.'

you're pathetic

Pathetic has a lot of negative, degrading meanings; thus, it is easy to tell why it's never a great thing to say to someone you love. Saying hurtful things such as 'you're pathetic' means you find your partner inadequate, pitiful, feeble, and worthless. It doesn't only break their hearts but also affects how they regard themselves.

These words are said sometimes when our partners do something we think is wrong in a bid to make them feel bad. It makes them place huge blame on themselves for past experiences, leaving them to question whether you love and respect them at all. 

Calling someone pathetic is a form of emotional abuse. If you don't deserve to be called pathetic, neither does your partner. 

9. 'If you loved me, you would….'

Have you ever heard of guilt-tripping? How about emotional manipulation? This statement fully encompasses these two concepts to the tee. Emotional manipulation is when you portray your partner as a perpetrator and you as the victim through your words. If you use these words, you're trying to emotionally blackmail your partner into doing or saying things they don't want to, making you the real perpetrator. 

Using this statement often is a huge sign of controlling behavior, where you constantly put pressure on your partner to do something you think is right. You always want to get your way, eliminating any romance or love in the relationship. 

10. 'Shut up.'

Another rude and aggressive statement that is hard to forgive is 'shut up. We use this when we are unwilling to make any constructive contribution during a conversation, and as such, we want to shut it down as soon as possible. It might also cut your partner off when you don't appreciate a comment they make. 

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.

It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.

Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

If your partner says hurtful things to you, you need to talk to them about it with respect. Talking calmly and addressing your concerns about their words or actions is more productive than yelling, shutting them up, or losing your cool. 

Saying hurtful things such as shut up is hurtful and very disrespectful. It is a major put-down that your partner might forgive but never look past. 

11. 'You've put on weight.'

Negative comments about your partner's body and weight are never okay. You can take back these mistakes, but they might never heal. Saying your partner has put on weight isn't just making a statement; it is an incentive act that is insulting and hurtful. 

When you comment about your partner's weight, clothing choices, or body shape, you belittle them and slowly eat their self-confidence. Everyone wants their partner to be attracted to them physically; thus, passing such a comment might raise doubts about how you feel for them. 

12. 'You never,' or 'you always.'

One of the mistakes we make when communicating is using terms like always and never, and this is one of the easiest ways to turn a neutral conversation into an argument. When our partner doesn't do something we want them to, we quickly throw in a 'you never' sentence, which suggests a high permanence. 

When you overgeneralize, you erase every partner's effort during the relationship. This often leaves your parents feeling attacked; thus, they start defensive, leading to a heated conversation and more hurtful comments. 

13. 'I'm sick of you.'

If you've been in a relationship for years, there comes a certain period where you get overly familiar and start to grow tired of each other. They might begin to annoy you with the tiny things that once amused you, and in time you'll need a little breather from them. This is a temporal phase every couple goes through, and it usually passes away if you are patient enough. Some partners aren't that patient, and during this phase, they make painful comments that push the other partner's buttons. 

Usually, when you say you're sick of your partner, your tone sounds more severe than you mean it to. This lets them know that you don't want them around you anymore. It shows that there are many things both of you have avoided talking about any past issues you need to resolve to move forward. 

14. 'You're so stupid!'

A partner who says hurtful things like 'you so stupid' is a toxic partner who has terrible issues with communication. A relationship in which you call your partner dumb and stupid is classified as a toxic relationship. Your words are insulting and constantly geared at belittling the intellect of someone you love. When such thoughts come to mind, it is best to catch yourself before it comes out of your lips. 

15. 'I don't care.'

I don't care about another one of the common lines from a partner who says hurtful things. It is used when your partner doesn't want to express their indifference and, as such, wants to avoid any potential conflict. Why this might seem positive, the comment is very hurtful and can be considered passive-aggressive. 

Another way to put this is by saying 'whatever.' It tells your partner that what they're saying or trying to communicate with you is not of relevance and doesn't deserve your attention. The dismissal of their thoughts can damage your relationship greatly since it awakens a fear of abandonment

16. 'You're boring me.'

you're boring me

People grow, and when you're in a relationship, you notice this growth and the changes that come with it. Some of these changes might be in your partner's actions or preferences. Change is a constant in everyone's life. Thus, when you respond to your partner's change or evolution by telling them they're boring, you damage their growth process and leave them feeling stuck. 

Saying something is boring means it is uninteresting and dull. When it is said to a person about themselves, it usually focuses on their personality, intelligence, and personality. 'You're boring' is a painful statement void of compassion and patience. It triggers unseen insecurities within your partner, especially when it's said as a way to make fun of them. 

17. 'I told you so.'

When something works out the way we said it would, the words 'i told you so' itch to leave the tip of our tongues. We've all felt that urge, but these four words can cause a lot of pain and damage in romantic relationships. 

I told you, so it is a terrible thing to say to a loved one, as it is also like a comeback, telling them you always have the upper hand; you were right, and they were wrong. When used constantly, it could be that your partner is an innately mean person who takes joy in holding your wrongdoings over you all the time. 

18. 'You made me….'

This is used to blame our partners when we don't want to take responsibility for our actions. While being in a relationship involves working as a team, all actions are based on our choices. If your partner is always telling you you made them do things, they're highly immature, and they are less likely to contribute to improving your relationship. 

19. 'You're crazy.'

When our partner refers to you as crazy, they're saying that they don't value you as a person, and they're trying to avoid dealing with normal, adult behavior like being heard of having conversations. 

Men have been known to call themselves crazy for a long time, especially in instances where women find out certain things about them. When you tell your partner they are crazy, you infiltrate their thoughts about themselves, making them doubt their sanity. This affects people negatively in the long run. 

20. 'You're such a….'

Calling your loved ones names or insulting them never solves any issue in your relationship. If your partner often does any of these to you, he's not someone you should picture your future with because his words will affect your self-image and worth. Calling your partner hurtful names is considered verbal abuse, and it is a major relationship red flag. 

21. 'I'll just find someone else.'

This is a manipulative statement, often used to get you to do something the other party wants, but you don't. When your partner constantly makes this statement but never really goes ahead with it, he is simply trying to keep you on your toes at all times. These people aren't mature enough to have a stable relationship, and they also have no regard for your feelings. 

FAQs

How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things?

Once you decide to be with someone in the romantic sense, you should be prepared for the sweet moments and the sour ones. There will be days where hurtful things will be done, and hurtful words exchanged between you and your romantic partner. In such instances, the most important thing will be how best both of you can navigate these moments and get out of such situations. 

Whenever hurtful things are done in a relationship, the best way to fix things is by first acknowledging each other's feelings of hurt. If you were wrong, it's your turn to be responsible for your actions and apologize without an excuse. If your words have hurt your partner and they still feel hurt, you might need to get external help. 

Is it normal to say hurtful things in a relationship?

While disagreements are expected at one point within every relationship, saying hurtful things isn't a normal occurrence in every relationship. However, the truth is that as human as we are, we are prone to letting hurtful words slip while in a heated argument. These involuntary utterances might happen once or twice in different disagreements. Still, when it becomes a habit, it's considered verbal abuse and is in no way normal in a healthy relationship. 

Being emotionally abusive with your words can affect your partner's self-esteem and your entire relationship. Your other half will start to question their self-worth, feel frustrated, and take out that frustration on you and others. 

Why do I say hurtful things to the people I love?

Many of those who often say hurtful things to people they love are those who hurt or angry themselves. These people often carry around their amounts of shame, and they always feel the need to put others down such that they experience how they feel. You say hurtful things to people you love because you're afraid of being disconnected from them. 

The more shame you bear, the more you intentionally hurt others with your words. This vicious cycle never ends until you find the cause of your hurt and deal with it squarely. 

What do you do when someone you love says something hurtful?

Many reactions to hurtful things are said to us by those we love and admire. Some of these reactions are positive, and others, not so much. If you wish to react healthily when your spouse says hurtful things, you need to practice effective communication. You both need to be on the same page about how their words made you feel to yourself and your partner. 

Once you acknowledge the anger or hurt you feel, you're less likely to personalize their words and more available to have healthy communication, free from verbal abuse. 

How do you become strong when someone hurts you emotionally?

When we contact emotionally abusive people, we tend to personalize their words and have them eat at our self-esteem. This makes us weaker holistically, as we think of ourselves as less than or not worthy enough of affection and care. We can, however, learn to become stronger in the face of such adversities using simple steps. 

The first will be to respond instead of reacting to their words. If your other half says some hurtful words to you or tries name-calling, fight the urge to react to their words. Instead, respond to have better control over your behavior. Responding involves taking a long pause to think and evaluate the situation, and the words said to encourage you to communicate effectively to prevent an escalation. 

To Conclude

When a spouse says hurtful things, it often leaves a mental scar that takes ages to heal from. The negative impact of their hurtful words can be so strong it affects all other parts of our lives, especially our own ego. If you are the most likely to say hurtful things to your partner when angry, you need to deal with your internal hurt and heal from them. This will help you save your relationships in the long run.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. If you did, share it with your friends and family; anyone you think will have a swell time reading it. If you're up for it, you could also leave a comment below. There's a good chance you'll come across many interesting comments that spark up new conversations!

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.