I can categorically tell you that when you get married, you’ll be faced with a lot of activities that will demand too much of your time, energy, and resources.
Suddenly, you see yourself worrying more about family priorities because you feel like your children and even your spouse are depending on your utmost input.
This could make you start checking the state of your bank account far more often than the state of your union or the well-being of your children. Or sometimes, you spend so much time tending to your kids and other family matters than you spend with your husband.
Does this sound familiar? Does your work-life take over the time and effort you're supposed to dedicate to your spouse and children?
Well, you’re not alone, a lot of people get married then get so engrossed about living their dreams and getting that fat paycheck, that sometimes, family takes third or fourth place.
For your marriage to work, you and your partner need not only have shared values but also place a premium on things that matter the most. Continue reading as I share with you a couple of important things you should consider as priorities in your marriage.
Life as a married woman comes with its own challenges and pressure. Finding a balance between work, family, and personal time is ultimately a struggle for you. Not just that, you find it difficult keeping up with other people you hold dear amidst all your daily activities. Despite all of these, your first priority as a wife should be to your husband.
You may feel like this is archaic and cliche, but you did make vows to put him above other people and things, by loving and cherishing him all the days of your life. This invariably means placing his needs above all else.
First of all, you should see yourselves as one; no one is higher than the other. When you notice that something is off with him, a good wife won’t look the other way. Rather, she will try to find out whatsoever it is that is going on with him and help in finding a reasonable solution.
Placing your partner as a priority would mean that your collective needs, as opposed to personal needs, come first. By this, he is assured that the partnership comes first in your mind before anything else.
Marital unions have a way of testing our love for our partners. People can fall out of love just as easily as it is with falling in love. This is why couples need to find a way to continuously rekindle the love and passion they share. However, regularly saying “I love you” to your partner may not cut it for either of you.
The reason being, actions are better believed than words. Your actions and inactions should always point to the obvious fact that you love your partner. Even without you knowing, your actions have a way of revealing your true intentions and feelings to your partner.
The love you both share shouldn’t be predicated upon mere feelings alone or else the marital union won’t last. Instead, it should be focused upon your shared values and sustaining the union. You’ll find that this would lead to warmth and harmony between the two of you.
This love should also be shown to your kids, children don’t thrive in homes that are basically devoid of love, care, and compassion.
Trust is unarguably the most important ingredient for a successful marital union. In fact, it would be impossible for the union to thrive if there is no trust. It is highly necessary for building and ensuring a healthy union with your partner and your kids. Trust is one of the key items you prioritize in any partnership seeing how crucial and important it is.
If you fail to do so, your union may deteriorate over time and collapse. Trusting your spouse makes you feel secure and safe in the relationship. In addition to that, it generally improves your overall happiness. That’s the feeling that comes when you know you have someone you can confide in and tell your deepest worries and thoughts to without doubt.
One thing people forget is how much trust they need to build between themselves and their kids; your children also have to know they can trust you and vice versa.
Marriage experts underscore honesty as one of the most important ingredients needed to grow a healthy union. Dishonesty amongst couples destroys the love and trust they have for each other. More importantly, honesty provides the bedrock for you and your partner to come to understanding terms with each other.
Being honest with your husband about critical issues, about you, makes it easy for him to adjust and tolerate some of your inadequacies. Also, it also makes conflict resolution easier as both of you understand each other well enough to wade through it and find workable solutions.
As a matter of priority, honesty should indeed be the best policy in your relationship with your spouse and children as well. Most times, in a bid to avoid conflict, one partner deliberately misinforms the other partner about their whereabouts, activities, and vital information.
It may probably get you off the spot for a few days but in the long run, the truth would prevail and you find yourself in a lot of trouble. The same goes when you tell lies to your kids, probably telling them you’ll make it for their football game when you know you can’t because of work.
Lying to them may get you off the hook at that moment, but it would damage the relationship you have with your children.
Nobody is perfect because we all have various weaknesses and relationships tend to reveal these weaknesses with time. Partners who strive for their marital success always display a high level of patience and forgiveness towards their significant other’s shortcomings.
They do so while still acknowledging their own faults and not bringing up past mistakes to make their partner feel guilty or ashamed. I must admit that this is not an easy thing to do no matter how you look at it but it is something that must be done in order to sustain your relationship.
Being able to forgive and move on keeps is a critical factor that ensures the longevity of a partnership. In addition to that, it leaves you with a clear conscience void of hate and resentment. This is another way of ensuring you stay healthy both physically and emotionally.
However, everyone has a breaking point and you should try not to push your partner to that point. Offences such as matters of the heart, betrayal, and infidelity are very difficult to come back from especially those ones that went on for a long time.
In all, just have an open mind towards the subject and learn to give him the benefit of doubt each time he offends you. Seeking retribution won’t make you feel better and might end up making it worse.
Most couples these days don’t understand the concept of commitment. For a partnership to last, it requires a deep level of commitment on the part of the couple. Both parties should be willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the union works out even if it means one person depriving their needs for another.
Commitment is an important priority for couples who really believe in the words ‘till death do us part’. The true test of commitment is when things are no longer going according to plan. Those vows you took have to turn into actions and you must be willing to stand by your husband through thick and thin.
Even in the face of difficulties, it’s expected that you maintain a resolve to ensure that the union survives. You should be willing to make some sacrifices and take some appropriate measures to keep the partnership afloat, especially for your children.
Of course, you should know where to draw the line on what you’re willing to sacrifice. Both you and your husband owe it to one another to be committed to your union and should make this a top priority.
For a marriage to thrive, couples should see maintaining a good line of communication as a priority. By communication, I mean having an open exchange of desires, thoughts, and emotions. Sometimes, misunderstandings between couples affect the way they communicate with each other.
You should never see not communicating as a way of getting back at your spouse. The funny thing about the whole concept of communication is that the silent treatment is still considered as communication. It’s just another way of saying you and your partner don’t communicate effectively anymore.
Communication allows the two of you to express yourselves more and find common ground between each other. It also helps you resolve disputes amicably without rancor. Communication can be achieved through various means ranging from verbal to non-verbal expressions.
One of the ways to improve communication in your marriage is by being intentional about spending quality time with your partner. Also, avoid making general comments about your partner. Even when you’re forced to make negative comments at your partner, try to do so in a loving and constructive manner.
The same thing applies to your children; no matter how old they are, don’t feel like they’ll figure things out themselves. Explain issues to them, talk to them when they offend you, and try to be a part of their lives by discussing even the little things.
Being faithful to your partner goes beyond not sexually cheating on him. It has more to do with staying true to your vows and promises to each other. A faithful partner pledges an undying allegiance to the significant other and remains loyal to that oath no matter the circumstance.
Faithfulness is an important priority and characteristic of a marriage that will last the test of time. As a faithful partner, you’re expected to carry out your obligations as befitting of your role to your husband. You should love him wholeheartedly, respect him, and bear his burdens. Both of you should be ready and willing to abide by the vows and promises you exchanged at the altar.
Faithfulness encompasses honesty, perseverance, and commitment. You should realize that both of you are on the same team at all times. Simply put; faithfulness reflects how you abide by the vows you made to your partner.
Couples who are faithful to each other have no need to feel insecure in their relationships because there is practically nothing to hide from each other. You’ll find your marriage oozing large doses of confidence and freedom. A journal written by Susan L. Brown indicates that kids generally do better in a stable home where the parents quarrel less.
It’s normal to see a couple’s sex life diminish with time but it doesn’t have to be so with you. In fact, it’s expected that your sexual experience with your partner should get better as your relationship gets older. This is why you need to make your sex life with your partner a priority all through your marriage.
Oftentimes, having to cope with the kids, chores, and family issues can downplay your need for romance and sexual satisfaction. However, both of you should be intentional about maintaining a healthy sex life by applying yourselves fully into it. You can opt for date nights, and romantic dinners to spice up your romance.
The kids can be dropped off at your mom’s place to create a conducive atmosphere for you and your husband. You could also try talking about it with your partner to keep him invested in making it work.
Also, be open about your sexual desires and what you want. You can do this without being critical of him. Sex can be fun anytime regardless of how many times you’ve done it in the past. So, create adequate time from your busy schedule and channel it into improving your sex life.
According to research carried out at the University of Georgia, saying “Thank you” translates to a more positive marital experience. The study also showed that married couples who displayed high levels of gratitude were less open to seeking a divorce. Spousal gratitude has a way of dousing tensions and disputes between couples.
Gratitude gives people a feeling of being valued and appreciated in their partnership. When you constantly make a practice of this, your husband sees your commitment to the union in a clearer light and how far you’re willing to go to make it last. It’s always the little things that mean so much.
You don’t need to wait for a special occasion to appreciate your man. Showing gratitude is not limited to saying thank you alone. For instance, you could reach out to him during a hectic day and allow him to voice out his frustrations. It’s all about making him feel loved and valued.
You could also take the initiative and surprise them by doing something they weren’t expecting. Occasional compliments and positive remarks could do your marriage a lot of good.
You and your partner should make a habit of carrying out normal everyday activities together as a couple. Doing fun stuff together strengthens the bond in any relationship. With this method, you create a balance between your family and love life. There are a lot of fun things you could do that could spice up your marital life.
You could spend your free time organizing a date night with your partner. Something moderately inexpensive could do the trick without having to break the bank. Rather than going out, why not cook together and have a special dinner for two with your significant other.
Experience has probably shown that such romantic dinners always end up with the both of you in bed. Some couples try doing their own workout outside of the bedroom. You and your partner could adopt something similar and go on exercises together.
This way you’re keeping shape and at the same time spending ample time with each other.
I’d advise that you see each passing day as a celebration of your time together. Take note of little yet vital things like your engagement date and wedding date and make a habit of celebrating both the small wins and big wins.
Putting your spouse first is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Your kids will spend about two decades with you and they are out on their own leaving you with your husband. This summarizes why your spouse should come first coupled with the fact that families thrive better when the parents are in sync.
In an ideal marriage setting, your partner should come first before the kids. The idea is predicated upon the fact that without a strong union between both parents, the children won’t thrive. Placing your partner down the pecking order could ultimately lead to marital woes and even divorce. For religious couples, they are taught to place God first.
According to Dr. Meredith Hansen, strong and healthy relationships have three basic things in common- trust, vulnerability, and commitment. Trust entails staying true to your word and the principles of your marriage. Vulnerability is more or less being your genuine self in the presence of your partner while commitment helps you stay put even in the face of adversity.
These are extremely important items to be considered above anything else. They are established in order of importance and precedent above all others. These are the areas of our relationships we devote extra effort, time, and resources into due to the level of importance placed on them.
There’s no gainsaying that a mother is always a man’s favorite due to the unbreakable bond that exists between them. However, once a man gets married, his wife takes center stage in his life. Under the law and religion, the man and his wife have become one and shouldn’t be separated.
Marital union isn’t something you play around with and it demands so much of your time and resources. Paying more attention to the right aspects of the relationship will definitely guarantee that it lasts for a lifetime. I’m sure you enjoyed the read, kindly leave your comments in the dialog box below. You’re free to share this article with your loved ones as well.