Do you feel like something is broken in you that makes it impossible to experience the magic of affection that others so excitedly talk about? You hear people call you attractive, but you neither see it nor believe.
You look at other women who seem happy, and the nagging voice in your head tells you you’re not like them; you feel like no one will ever notice you that way. For some reason, you have accepted that no one likes you.
Many of us go through life thinking ‘no one will ever love me’ or “why does nobody love me?’’. We just accepted that maybe love isn’t for everyone.
However, if your neighbor can find love, so can you; you just have to look in the right place. Instead of giving into low self-esteem, and thinking “nobody loves me,” start thinking positively, that’s the best way to find someone. We’ll discuss more about the science of this in the list below.
Misery loves company, this phrase is true, but you and I know misery can still thrive well even without someone fueling the fire. Not to trivialize or take anything away from your pain, but you have wallowed in this pool for so long, thinking no one else gets it. You have friends, but you only ever show them the part you think they can handle.
Like me, you might even be the ‘happy child’ among your group of friends. You try to keep up appearances despite how draining it feels because you think they couldn’t possibly understand. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it shows, and sometimes, it’s that negativity that repels every single guy that tries to start a relationship.
If you feel like no one understands what you’re going through, take solace in the fact that thousands, if not millions of people out there are going through a similar situation. They have fought it, and you can too, you are not alone.
It’s been a while since I began my journey to wholeness, my self-esteem is still not 100%, but I’ve learned that admitting that to myself is progress in itself. When you go so long convincing yourself that you don’t deserve love, it does something to you internally, until you ultimately just stop looking.
You stop making yourself available and withdraw into your shell every chance you get. The anxiety that comes with internalizing the idea that no one will ever love you even if you tried sinks in even further.
According to BACP Accredited psychotherapist, Joshua Myles, feeling unloved and being dominated by fear or negative thoughts are some of the common symptoms of low self-esteem. If you recognize yourself in those symptoms, it’s time to stop throwing yourself a pity party and try to break out of that damn shell.
I know they say there’s someone for everyone, and that may be true, but we can’t present an unappealing version of ourselves and expect the next person to just deal with it. Everyone is looking for someone to build them up, encourage them, and love them. However, it’s important to fix some self-esteem issues first, if not, you won’t even recognize when that ‘someone’ finally comes.
Reducing yourself for other people’s convenience is another sign of low self-esteem. It’s very easy to confuse this for humility, as I’m sure you’ve convinced yourself a thousand times. Saying “I have no one in my life who loves me,” in the hopes of getting pity or sympathy isn’t the right way to go about this.
You probably thought shrinking yourself will make them like you more, but what has that brought you but more pain? I wish I could tell you otherwise, but until you learn to love yourself the way you want to be loved by others, you won’t attract the quality of love you seek.
And if by some fortuitous alignment of the cosmos, you happen to find that kind of love, you wouldn’t know what to do with it. Then losing love becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because how do you want someone to love you right when you can’t even love yourself? Whichever ordeal led you here, self-love is the only way to overcome it.
Maybe the reason you have been feeling unwanted is that you’ve been looking for love in the wrong places. The fact that you’ve known them forever does not mean they are right for you and vice-versa. For your own sake, learn to let go of toxic friends and surround yourself with the right ones.
You consider someone your best friend, but the person doesn’t treat you as good as an acquaintance, it’s time to let them go. People who claim to love you just to take advantage of or abuse you, let them go and make some space in your life for the right ones.
You deserve to be surrounded by those who love you for who you are, not what they can get from you. People you won’t have to shrink or puff yourself up just to fit in with, those who you don’t have to beg to love you. It may sound too good to be true right now, but I tell you it is possible.
Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, or whatever else got you here has done enough, don’t you think? You are not perfect, so what? Your ex left you after several years despite having promised heaven and earth? Or is it absent parents in your case, do you feel invisible among your friends?
How you got here doesn’t matter, what does is that you stop giving your fears life by cowering in your comfort zone. Get out there and give the universe a chance to reward you for all you’ve lost. I don’t know if there’s a fair amount of times people should get burned in a lifetime, but I’m pretty sure I’ve exceeded mine.
Nonetheless, I’ve come to realize that staying down after being emotionally hurt serves nobody. So, put yourself out there, what’s the worst that could happen? Even if you get rejected at first, keep an open mind and heart, you’ll definitely find someone.
I do not presume to have a monopoly on being miserable, but I’m familiar with it enough to know that it feeds off your anxiety. Your mind is a powerful tool that can take a life of its own if care is not taken. You may not look like the other girls on social media or even your office, but that doesn’t matter.
If you choose to enable a low mentality, you will find plenty of reasons to feel like no one will ever love you, but there’s someone out there that actually cares. Despite what the little voice in your head tells you, it is never too late to find happiness.
No matter how old you are, you are not too old to find love. Don’t play yourself by accepting to settle in a negative situation because “time is no longer on your side.” Spend every day consciously moving closer to getting the kind of love you deserve.
You are strong and beautiful, repeat it to yourself if you have to, for as long as it takes you to believe it. You deserve to be loved just as much as the next person, you deserve someone that will make you feel like the only girl in the room. There are lots of adjectives to describe who you are, but ugly, marred, or broken shouldn’t be part of them.
When you look in the mirror and see flaws and blemishes, that is not who you are; it is your anxiety talking. In spite of what you may have been told by those around you, not meeting the standards society deems beautiful doesn’t make you broken.
Get a pen and truthfully list all your qualities – good and bad – that come to mind. Appreciate the ones you like more than you already do, and if there is something you think you can do better, do it. Eat healthy, exercise, and get your glow on. Working to better yourself is self-love, just make sure to do it for yourself and never because of a potential lover or anyone else.
What does this have to do with the fact that no one loves me? Well, it helps to put things in perspective. On your journey of finding and choosing yourself again, you will find an appreciation for things deemed a little very handy.
As I said, a lot of people struggle with similar issues, in fact, do not be fooled by appearances, you are probably doing better than most. Most hide behind the facade of big houses and fast cars but are not truly happy. So, take your time and stop asking “will I ever find someone.” Just because you don’t have someone in your life now, doesn’t mean it will never happen.
When you realize our world is filled with self-hating humans who project their inability to love themselves on other people, you learn to appreciate those who try – including yourself. Know this, you’re still alive, you still have hope, and you still have time, that’s worth being thankful for.
It will seem like it at some point, but giving up is not a simpler option, it will only make you feel worse than you used to. Relapsing into self-pity after making a conscious effort to get out of it will happen, but it is left to you not to stay down. The good news is that it gets easier as you progress.
Don’t rush your process, every day you move closer to your goal is a win. As you learn to understand this, you’ll come to be kinder to yourself and, in turn, people around you. If it gets too tough to deal with on your own, please seek professional help.
I would like to end this with this wholesome message from Viola Davis.
“You’re worth it. Three words we’ve all heard at least a thousand times. You’re worth it, but do you really understand what that means? It’s a beautiful reminder to us all that we have worth. You have reason and rarity. There is value in you that is precious even on the days you might not feel it. You never depreciate in value.”
These words are there to remind you on those days when people fail you or you feel like you are not deserving of love.
The fact that some people in your life do not appreciate, notice, or love you enough doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t. Sometimes, we are just too carried away by our own insecurities to see it. What you can do is figure out why you feel this way, work on it, and love yourself as your life depends on it, because it does.
There are a number of possible reasons why nobody has fallen in love with you yet. It might be because the people around you think you are out of their league. Or it simply hasn’t happened because the right person for you is yet to come around, give it time.
Finding a support system in your family is good, but not getting it is not a death sentence. The most important thing is that you love yourself, but if their love is important to you, you can try to work on building a bridge between both parties. Else, you can respect them from afar while cultivating a healthy relationship with others who love you.
Between young lovers and long-term married couples, there have been various descriptions of what it feels like to be in love. Beyond the chemical rush and the infatuation, Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D. describes it from a scientific point of view in this article.
I do not believe that some people are meant to be single the same way I do not believe there is only one soulmate for an individual. However, one can choose to stay single if the idea of being romantically entangled with others doesn’t appeal to them.
My life did not begin until I learned to love myself. Learning to find love from within is not easy, but ultimately, you’ll be glad you did. Please do someone you know a favor by sharing this post. And share your insight in the comment section if you’ve managed to get past thinking no one will ever love you.