My Husband Lets His Family Disrespect Me (5 Things You Need To Do)

Last updated on June 12, 2022 by April Maccario

Are you finding it difficult that your partner never defends you when his family is constantly disrespecting you? Do you often find yourself feeling alone and outcast at your partner’s family gatherings? 

Or maybe your partner never takes your side in discussions that involve his relatives? If so, firstly, I’m sorry - it absolutely sucks feeling like your partner is always choosing his family over you. However, this situation isn’t as rare as you might think it is.

A lot of people have to deal with difficult in-laws that act as they disapprove, or ‘mummy’s boys’ that will do anything their parent says at the drop of a hat, disregarding their feelings. It’s even tougher knowing that even after you married this guy, his family still continues to disrespect you and the relationship you’re in. 

It is your right to be respected and appreciated by your partner’s family, so kudos for standing up for yourself and realizing there’s an issue that needs to be tackled. The good news is, you’re in exactly the right place to find out what you can do about it! 

In this article, we’re going to share five of the most important things that you need to do if your husband’s family is disrespecting you. 

We’re also going to take a look at the 5 things you can do if your partner’s family doesn’t seem to warm up to you - they might actually respect you but they might not be keen on you (just yet). Hopefully, in time, you’ll gain the respect you deserve and everyone can play happy families!

5 Things You Need To Do If Your Partner Lets His Family Disrespect You

1. Try to figure out why your husband allows this

The very first thing you need to do is try and figure out why your husband allows his family to show you little or no respect. There are many reasons as to why your spouse might not stand up for you, so think about the relationship he has with his family and try and think of specific reasons that may explain his behavior.

For example, your husband might just really love his parents and not realize they’re doing anything because he puts them on a pedestal, or he might be scared of his family and not want to stand up for you because he’s worried about what that could do to the relationship he shares with them. Whatever the reasons are, once you figure them out, it’s easier to speak to your partner about the situation because you will understand his point of view.

2. Tell your husband how it makes you feel when his family disrespects you

tell your husband how it makes you feel when his family disrespects you

Communication is key to working through any issue in a relationship, but it’s incredibly important when it comes to relatives causing issues because it is something that you should face together. You need to tell your husband exactly how it makes you feel when his relatives don’t show you respect, and hopefully, he will see your point of view, and together you can find a way to figure it out together.

It’s important that when you do communicate with your partner about this subject, you do it in the right way and don't come across as jealous, needy, or controlling. So, rather than leading the conversation with blaming his relatives, make it about how you feel and how it’s affecting the relationship the two of you have.

3. Tell him the moment that his family disrespects you

Once you’ve had the conversation with your partner about how their family has no respect for you, you need to make sure that every time you’re with them and you feel like they’re disrespecting you, you bring it up with your partner. Your partner needs to be aware of exactly how their family is disrespecting you so they can take action and do something about it. 

If your partner is blinded by love for their family they may not be aware of the lack of respect until you point it out, so it’s vital that you do point it out and open their eyes.

4. Spend less time with his family until they respect you

You shouldn’t have to suffer by subjecting yourself to disrespect, so tell your spouse that until his family decides to show you respect, you will be setting boundaries between yourself and them. Stop spending time with his family until they’re willing to show you respect. 

If you set boundaries, your partner will not only see how much of a big deal this is for you, but he will also most likely stand up for you and speak to his family about the situation so that you can all spend time together again. This is a great way to have your partner see it from your perspective.

5. Think about what to do if things don’t get better

Although a lot of people have trouble dealing with difficult in-laws and they might not be best friends with all of their partner’s relatives, it’s a different ball game when your husband’s relatives don’t show you respect and your husband doesn’t do anything about it. If things don’t get better, you need to think about what you will do - can you deal with your partner putting you in second place long term?

You definitely deserve to be respected, and you deserve your partner to stand up for you when you’re disrespected, especially when it’s your in-laws and other relatives that aren’t respecting you.  

5 Things You Can Do If Your Partner’s Family Doesn’t Seem To Like You

Your in-laws and your partner’s other relatives might actually respect you, but they might just not like you - those two things are incredibly different and although not being adored by your in-laws doesn’t feel great, as long as they respect you and the relationship you have, it’s not the end of the world.

However, if you are struggling with the fact that your partner’s relatives, your in-laws, or one family member, in particular, doesn’t like you, there are some things you can do about it. Take a look at the five things below you should do if you’re not feeling the love from your second family!

1. Ask your partner what you can do to make them like you

One way to find out why your relatives aren’t warming up to you is by asking your significant other! Your partner is going to know exactly what their parents and other relatives like and how you can appeal to them, so that’s the best place to start your research. You should tell your partner that you want to get closer to their family and that you would love it if their family liked you as well as respected you. 

Your partner should be able to share some tips with you that you can try out, and hopefully, they will work! Make sure you’re not changing who you are, but instead, just put effort into making the relatives-in-law see you in a good light.

2. Get to know them more

If you’re not very close with your in-laws or husband’s other family members, they probably won’t dislike you, because they actually haven’t had a chance to really get to know you and have a proper relationship with you. So, a good way to get to know them is by simply spending more time with them and getting to know them more. 

Maybe you should grab coffee or lunch with your partner’s mom or possibly you should host the next family gathering. If you spend time and make an effort to get to know your in-laws and the other family members of your husband, they will already appreciate it and warm to you. You may make good progress starting by creating at least one solid relationship with one family member.

3. Think about how you act around them

If your husband’s relatives don’t seem too keen on you, you might want to think about why that is. Do you act in a certain way around them or have you ever been rude to them or disrespected them? It might be a good idea to actually look within and make sure you are showing your husband’s relatives the best version of yourself. 

4. Ask them directly why they have a problem with you

ask them directly why they have a problem with you

If you really feel like your partner’s family has a problem with you, it might be a good idea to just confront them about it. Of course, you don’t want to come across as aggressive and start creating more problems, but if you communicate with them calmly and in a laid-back manner, you might find out the reason they have for not being so keen on you.

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Clear communication also shows that you’re mature in handling conflict, and the fact that you have the confidence to talk about the issue will probably earn you a lot of respect. You might even find out that there’s been a huge amount of miscommunication and your husband’s family do like you and want a closer relationship with you.

5. Settle for them respecting you

Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make your husband’s in-laws and other relatives love you, and certainly don’t try to act like someone else around them. You might quite simply just not be compatible on a friendship level with these people, and that’s OK - no one is loved by everyone. As long as your partner’s relatives respect you and respect the relationship you have, you don’t actually need to have a strong relationship with them.


What are signs of disrespect in a marriage?

If your spouse is disrespecting you, there will be a multitude of different signs showing in the relationship. The most obvious signs are that they aren’t concerned about your emotions, they spend a lot of time with their friends or others, they hide things from you, they speak over you, they don’t support your independent achievements and they have a lot of expectations of you.

What to do when he chooses his family over you?

The first thing you need to do is communicate with your spouse and tell them how it makes you feel. You definitely don’t want to come across as being needy or controlling, so make sure you tell them that you understand the fact that they love their family but ask if they could maybe work on incorporating you into everything. If he communicates well with you and takes action to make you feel as important as his family, that’s great. If not, you might want to think about whether you’re willing to deal with this kind of partner in the long run.

How do I deal with a rude family husband?

If you’re asking about the rude family of your husband, what you need to do at first is try and make an effort with them and make sure that you haven’t judged them too quickly. However, as time goes on, if they’re still rude to you, you should communicate this with your husband and tell him how it makes you feel. If nothing gets better after that, you should set boundaries when it comes to spending time with them.

What does it mean when your husband disrespects you?

It really depends on how long your husband has been disrespecting you. If you feel like your husband has disrespected you once or twice, it’s probably just because he was having a bad day and you were rubbing each other up the wrong way. However, if your husband is repeatedly disrespecting you, it could be because he’s actually lost respect for you and doesn’t actually value you, both as a person and as his wife.

Why do husbands disrespect their wives?

It’s important to say that not all husband’s disrespect their wives. However, for the ones that do, it’s hard to give a single explanation. Everyone is different, so it’s hard to generalize why husbands will disrespect their wives. However, people typically disrespect others because they have very little self-confidence and they feel better about themselves when they put others down, especially those close to them.

In Conclusion

Hopefully, this article has helped you deal with things if your husband’s family is disrespecting you or you feel like they don’t like you. You deserve respect from everyone, especially your husband’s family - they don’t have to like you, but respecting you is essential.

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments below.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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