Why? What did I ever do to him? You might find yourself asking these questions and finding yourself at a loss as you try to understand why a person you’ve picked as a partner will act with such hostility towards you. It’s an unfortunate situation, and research shows that men are more prone to bursts of anger.
This doesn’t mean women don’t get angry as frequently as men; they just handle it better in most situations. With that said, the question for the purpose of this discussion is, why does your husband get angry, and what are you going to do about it? There are a few steps you should take when your husband flies into a rage to protect your mental health and possibly save the relationship.
Your default reaction to an outburst by your husband might be to blame yourself. ‘This is my fault,’ ‘if I hadn’t done this and that, he would not have been angry,’ you need to stop that and realize that his emotional issues aren’t on you. While there are situations where his anger could stem from something you did, more often than not, the reason is something else.
Maybe he’s experiencing some trouble that has left him frustrated, and he lashes out. That said, he has no right to lash out at you, and the point above was simply to show that you are not to blame for his grievances. So, when he gets annoyed or uses harsh words, remind yourself that it isn’t your fault, and you are not to blame for his issues. Subsequently, you’ll realize you feel a lot better and can deal with the situation with a clearer mind.
There are times when you might be the reason he’s annoyed, this could be due to various reasons, but it is important to settle down and reflect when your husband gets angry to ensure you aren’t at fault. Maybe he’s angry because you’re doing something he doesn’t appreciate, and he’s talked to you about it on several occasions.
This can be pretty frustrating and annoying as it could feel like you don’t really care about what he thinks. It could also be because you’re hurting him, and he doesn’t have any idea how to express himself. Some guys are too polite to say the stuff they find annoying, and they, instead, hope you realize it somehow and stop. You could argue that he should speak up so you can address the issue, but you can understand how upsetting it is for someone to behave in a way that distresses you continually.
Therefore, when your husband experiences one of his mood swings, trace the source of his anger to see if it leads back to you. In addition, self-reflection is important as it prevents you from attacking him and saying something you will regret later. Imagine for a second screaming back at your partner when he’s annoyed only to realize that you are at fault, embarrassing, right?
If your husband is always annoyed with you to the point where you can’t take it anymore, it is best to seek support. This could come in the form of friends or family, but best of all, a counselor. Seeing a psychologist is vital for your mental health as they help you out in times of trouble.
In addition, we weren’t made to live life in isolation or handle life alone, so, having people around who have your back is essential as it helps when dealing with situations. Therefore, talk to a close friend about your husband’s issues and listen to them. This reduces stress and gives you some new insight that you might not have considered before.
Also, speaking to older people who have maintained marriages for a long time is a great idea as they usually have keen insights on such matters. Moreover, if you are in a new environment and don’t have friends in the area, you can make some new ones. Join a book club, volunteer for a noble cause, and you’ll be surprised at the fantastic people you’ll meet who are ready to help and support you, bottom line, don’t go through this alone.
Anger issues could lead to bigger marriage problems, and if they are not appropriately addressed, it could lead to the end of the relationship as a whole. So, before it gets to the point of no return, seek professional help. Marriage counselors are well versed in various issues regarding marriage and are well equipped to help you and your partner deal with it.
Counselors are also important as they are more likely to recognize underlying issues that your husband might be going through and help him get help faster. It is also possible that your husband is unable to articulate why he is angry all the time and can only get to the root of the issue with the help of a trained professional probing and digging to find out the problem.
With all that said, ensure that your husband wants to get help before going down this road. This is because he’ll be more cooperative if he is on board with the idea, and it’ll be productive for all the parties involved. On the other hand, if he is uninterested in getting help, don’t force the issue as it doesn’t end well, and no lasting solution can be found with an unwilling participant.
So, the next time your husband gets annoyed without reason, talk to him about the possibility of marriage counseling and see if he’s receptive to it.
As alluded to above, your husband’s anger might stem from several other factors, one of which is depression. Depression is a severe mental health condition that affects more people than you realize. Also, it is brought about by several factors, including stress, isolation, burnout, and so on.
Therefore, when your husband gets annoyed or irritated at you, ensure that you find out the underlying problem. What does irritated mean? This has been described as showing slight annoyance and it is just as cutting and frustrating as a full-blown annoyance.
If you determine that your husband is suffering from depression, then get him some help so he can get better. This is because while support and love are all great factors for battling depression, it is usually best to pair it with professional help; that way, an expert will be able to prescribe drugs or methods to help your partner feel better.
However, just like with the last point, he must want help. This makes the healing process a lot easier. So, suggest that your husband sees a professional, but don’t try to force him as this would only backfire.
Unfortunately, one of the most common mistakes you may make is to fail to set boundaries around yourself when dealing with your husband’s anger. By boundaries, I don’t mean a physical barrier to protect yourself, but rather, an understanding of what you will and will not take.
It might seem daunting for you at first, but you can muster courage when dealing with your husband’s anger. No one should be treated in a way that makes them feel less, useless, or annoying. So, make it clear what you will not accept when he’s angry, for instance, you can tell him that yelling and slamming doors are unacceptable, as this would be a condition for your exit. When boundaries are established, a caring husband will stick to them even if he’s angry.
Also, boundaries are a great way to check if your husband still respects you and would appreciate your boundaries even if he is annoyed. However, if he consistently fails to respect the rules of engagement that you have set every time, then you might need to take further action as this is a big red flag.
For any marriage to work, mutual respect between both parties is necessary. So, even if your husband is in the most severe rage, he must never lose sight of the fact that he respects you. On the other hand, you must also ensure that you are always respected, and if he does something that makes you feel like he’s disrespecting you, then let him know immediately.
It’s possible that he accidentally disrespects you and apologizes in which case you can reestablish what flies and what doesn’t. However, if he shows wanton disregard for how you feel, then perhaps he should be with someone else. It is essential to stand your ground when it comes to respect because, as humans, we are prone to pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable.
Therefore, if you don’t take a stand, he might start to take you for granted, and things will go downhill fast. So, the next time your husband gets angry with you, don’t add fuel to the fire, but also ensure that the balance of respect is preserved. This way, he’ll learn to keep his emotions in check.
Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.
The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
Watch this free video (click on the link to watch) that my friend recorded which explains how you can become his priority!
There are several techniques to deal with an angry husband, but one of the most effective is taking timeouts when things get heated. A timeout is an excellent way to diffuse a heated conversation, instead of ‘fighting to the finish,’ both parties stop arguing and take some time to cool off before revisiting the problem. Think of an argument as a kettle on the stove due to the fire underneath; it gradually gets hotter until it reaches a boiling point.
What happens if before it reaches that boiling point, you turn off the fire? The answer is obvious as the water starts to cool again. So, think of relationships as a kettle and you and your partner’s well-being as the water. Finally, imagine your angry words as the fire, if things start to get too heated, turn off the fire (your words) and return to it later.
With that said, some people will argue that this technique doesn’t work, as it can sometimes be weaponized by one party against the other as a way of cutting them off. However, for a timeout to work, both of you have to commit to it. This might take practice as it is like every other skill you might want to acquire.
So, the next time your husband gets angry and you fight back, suggest a timeout and commit to it. This could mean staying in separate rooms and staying out of each other’s way for a while, but once you get the hang of it, your relationship will be stronger.
It’s sad, but the reason your husband is always getting annoyed with you might be because he doesn’t love you anymore and wants to be with someone else. So, rather than come out straight and explain that they want out, they resort to arguing every day until you can’t take it anymore and leave. This isn’t great behavior, but it is real and should, therefore, be considered.
So, observe your husband when he’s angry, and even when he’s not, does it seem like he wants out? Finding the answer to this will save you a lot of stress, but how do you go about this? Well, you should understand that disillusionment with a relationship or marriage does not exist in a vacuum, which means that there are usually signs other than the anger for you to notice.
For instance, is he spending less time with you? Is he unwilling to be intimate? Is he talking to strange people and becoming more secretive? These are all clues that indicate problems in a marriage. So, if your husband exhibits these signs coupled with the anger, then maybe he has checked out of the relationship and is looking for a way to get you to take some action.
Anger is not a pleasant emotion, if you’ve felt red hot anger consume you to the point where you find it difficult to focus, you’ll understand that the angry person isn’t having a good time. It’s the same with your partner when he gets angry as the more he does it, the more he suffers. Hence, understand this and show compassion when dealing with his bouts.
Also, anger is not strength, and if your husband is indulging in it, it isn’t healthy. As a result, you should be compassionate and understanding while displaying firmness. It should be noted that this point is for husbands who are suffering and striving to be better. If your husband is unrepentant, doesn’t listen when you talk, or refuses to seek help, then no amount of compassion can help his situation.
Therefore, it is critical to be able to tell the difference between a man who is angry even when he doesn’t want to and does his best to be better and one who doesn’t make an effort at all. Also, ensure that your compassion doesn’t result in giving him a pass or overlooking issues of disrespect.
Yes, getting yelled at is annoying, humiliating, and frustrating, but, reciprocating will not help the situation. Remember when we talked about the analogy of the kettle? Stove burners have intensity levels, so the more fire there is, the faster the water in the kettle boils over. What this means is that, if you yell back, it only makes things worse.
Also, you might say a couple of things you don’t mean in the heat of anger that you cannot take back, and this could lead to undesired consequences that you’ll both end up regretting. Instead, as suggested above, you can call for a timeout and stay away from him until you’ve both cooled off and can handle each other civilly.
This is a handy technique that works most of the time, as long as both parties commit to it. Also, you could try some humor to diffuse the tension and quell his anger. Maybe tell a joke that made you laugh and see how he reacts, even if he isn’t laughing, he’ll recognize your attempt to diffuse the situation and calm down. There are other things you could do, but ensure that you don’t add more fuel to the fire as this never ends well for anyone.
It’s possible that your husband’s annoyance is justified either because of something you did or didn’t do. If this is the case, the best option, if he gets angry, is to apologize. Nothing quells anger better than a genuine apology that comes from the heart. Your husband will realize that you are remorseful and will calm down, and you can both talk about the issue with more rationality.
That said, it is important to apologize without trying to justify what you did. So, an apology like ‘I’m sorry I hurt you, but…’ won’t fly, if anything, it only makes things worse as it shows that you aren’t really sorry. Therefore, when you say sorry, say it without reservation, so the journey towards forgiveness can begin in earnest.
This is probably the most challenging thing to do on this list, and it takes an incredible amount of heart and courage. However, sometimes walking away is the best thing to do for yourself and even your husband. It should be a last resort and only done when all else has failed. This is especially important if there are kids in the equation, and your husband’s toxicity is beginning to affect them too.
Also, if he is using you as a punching bag, no amount of compassion or boundary setting will help. Even if you want to help, it’s best to do it from afar where you are safe from harm. You need to know when there is nothing you can do to save your marriage, and it is much better to walk away from your husband’s life than to end yours.
So, consider the next time your husband is angry with you if it puts your life, the kids, or even your pets in danger, and if the answer is yes, then that’s your cue to leave.
There are a couple of ways, but one of the most common ones is to take a timeout. This ensures that you both aren’t arguing and saying stuff you’ll regret. Also, don’t add any fuel to the fire and see a counselor if necessary.
There are several reasons why your husband gets mad, for instance, he might be going through depression and is only lashing out at you as a result. It could also be due to stress or looking for an easy way to get out of the relationship.
Anger is a bad habit, so the first thing to acknowledge is that it probably isn’t your fault. He might be dealing with some unresolved issues or is going through something in this life that he isn’t talking about for one reason or the other.
There are several reasons for this, you might be a perfectionist, and you get angry when you fall short of your lofty standards. It could also be a result of stress, isolation, depression, and a host of other things. So, ensure you trace the cause of your anger and deal with it as soon as you can.
No. If your husband constantly yells at you, then that’s a red flag, and you should get out of that situation. Mutual respect and love are important for any relationship to work, the absence of these is simply draining, and not worth it.
I hope you enjoyed the article, the tips above are all highly effective when dealing with an irritable husband and could save you a lot of heartaches. If you have any opinions you’d like to share, please leave a comment, and if you enjoyed the list, please share.
Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.
The thing is that which causes men to behave this way is actually something how men are wired. Once you understand how this works, it's relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him today.
My friend uploaded a quick video which you can watch here (click on the link to watch) where he explains how you can turn this behavior around!