While you had hoped on getting your ex back after a rough patch, he decided to drop the "move on" bomb on you. I get it; you weren't expecting it to go this way since you've been in touch, calling, perhaps you’ve exchanged some sweet words on many occasions. Telling you to move on all of a sudden appears confusing.
You want some clarity; I totally understand how you feel. But, to understand what your ex told you, you may need to understand the reasons that led him to say it in the first place.
So, allow this article to enlighten you, offer clarity, and put you in a better position to either getting back together with him or take his words at face value.
Apart from physical attraction, there's also mental attraction. Most relationships begin with the former, but research shows that the unseen chemistry between both of you takes it further. Once this chemistry is no longer there, you can only patch it up for some time with sex, or some other fun engagement you both like. The inevitable is just around the corner.
Now, think back, ask yourself, did he change? Perhaps, you have become more confident and independent since you met? Maybe he's the type of guy that likes to be in charge. Perhaps you are prettier or more powerful, and he suddenly feels you are way out of his league. All of these can cause attraction to fizzle out. If you can narrow it down to any reason, now ask yourself again if you can be the attraction he wants or needs?
While you’re thinking about where you went wrong, sometimes, it's no one's fault. You did all you could, but the circumstances that bonded you together are no longer the same. For example, your ex-boyfriend got a job 10,000 km away. While you may think technology can still bridge the gap, the truth is, your ex may not feel the same way. Some people aren't just good at adjusting to big changes.
Once the dynamics become different, they find it rather challenging to manage. Have a healthy conversation with your ex, a change in circumstances can be easy to figure out. If you can reach a compromise, you might reach a common ground and reconcile. On the other hand, if it's a situation that can't be changed, moving on might be an option worth considering.
It's a common fact that it takes many acts of sincerity to build trust, but one dishonest action to bring it all down. That's how fragile trust can be. Once it's broken, it's going to take a lot to come back from that. While infidelity is one of the most common reasons that trust breaks in relationships, maybe you shared a secret he entrusted to you with someone else. Sometimes, people also lose trust when a loved one uses their vulnerability against them.
Altogether it is quite hard to trust again. While it may not be over between you after the trust-breaking scenario, old wounds can open up again when the time to make big decisions come up. e.g., if you cheated on your ex, he may be trying to forgive but can't get the mental image of your infidelity out of his head. This reason may be hard to get to the bottom of, but not impossible if you can convince him you have genuinely changed.
Now, before you sum this all up as a "sex and romance" issue, cool your jets. Intimacy goes beyond bedroom activities. It involves going out on dates, having private fun together, more importantly, communication. Once these components dwindle, it's only natural for things to fizzle out.
Has there ever been a time he felt you were neglecting him, but you thought he was overreacting or being a baby? When a guy feels neglected, it's not uncommon for women to think it's all about sex. Well, news flash, that's not the case all the time. If boys can hang out with each other for many hours, and enjoy the company, that's an indicator that sex isn't all they need.
Reaching the point where your ex tells you to move on may mean he no longer sees or feels the connection. If you want him back, the question is, can you work to the level of intimacy he needs?
I know this pill is hard to swallow, but it happens a lot in relationships. Yes, you can swing this one as "men are scum" if you like, but it is what it is. Let's face it, he's your ex-boyfriend. Forget the fact that he calls on occasions, or you even have "breakup sex" occasionally. The truth is, your ex is at that point where he's processing whether he wants to give things a shot or not.
It doesn't take rocket science to know the situation will either lead to either a comeback or a final break up, then a new relationship. If he has found a new girlfriend, it's only natural for your ex to stop investing in you to focus more on her.
Well, sometimes we get too comfortable in our relationships. It's possible that at some point, your ex felt the feelings were one-sided. Perhaps you made him feel you didn't value your connection as much as he did.
When some guys get to a point when they are ready to "put a ring on it," they want to be sure you are worth spending a long time with. He may have already decided to mend the rift, but only wants to see how you'll react when he tells you to move on.
If you both honestly shared a meaningful connection and are not just some free booty call to him, it's unlikely your ex will just move on. As long as infidelity isn't involved, and you didn't suddenly become a mean diva with extreme ideologies; he's probably angry and didn't mean what he told you.
I mean, I've told my mum I hated her a couple of times when I was a teenager. Did I mean it? Yeah, for about 3.3 seconds. It equally did not mean I did not love her. If that's the case, you'll need some patience. Do not pressure him by calling to ask him for explanations. If you see your ex with a girl, don't overreact either. If you genuinely meant something to him, he'll likely come back because there's no way he won't miss you if your relationship wasn't a superficial one.
You could take those words at face value; it may mean he's telling you to move on because he has moved on with. If there's no other girl, it means he doesn't have feelings for you anymore, so he's ready to start his life over. If you cheated on him, it could mean he's just hurt, and he's at a place where he's finding it hard to forgive/forget.
When you are still in love, and the idea of moving on doesn't sound so great, parting ways after investing in a relationship with the hope of getting married is one of the hardest things to do. So, it's normal to feel upset. Even more, the feeling of going on without someone that's has been part of your life for a long time is scary and uncomfortable.
There's no point leading your ex on and giving them false hope if you're totally over them. Being honest is the best thing to do, especially with someone you were once in love with. Sometimes, you might feel pity and think it'll break them down because they've been hoping to get back with you, but if you don't think it's going to happen, be honest with him.
It means they still love you and want to get back together. Sometimes, people simply want to string their ex along because it makes them feel good getting all the attention. Even if you were unfaithful, you shouldn't have to wait forever for him to forgive you. If he still loves you, it shouldn't take an eternity to figure out he wants you back.
Naturally, whoever invested or expected more from a relationship gets hurt the most. It doesn't matter which gender it is; if the relationship means a lot to you, you'll be hurt after a breakup.
I hope you enjoyed the article, and perhaps it was able to give you some clarity about your ex telling you to move on. You should by now know if it's best to take his words as they are, even though you want to, or try to work on the issues that led to him wanting to part ways. Simply hoping it could lead to getting back together will not bring him back. Please leave a comment and share if you have someone going through something similar.
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