My Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me (8 Sensible Tips)

by April Maccario

Solid relationships are built on trust; without it, everyone would just go around pointing fingers at each other. You've probably already heard this, but I'd say again for emphasis, trust is earned not taken, and that takes a process. You cannot precisely make someone trust you; although you could give them reasons to, trusting you is entirely up to them. 

I'm sure you're aware that a person can withdraw their trust if you give them reasons to do so. Lots of people have trust issues due to previous experiences in other relationships, and you can't blame them for being cautious about trust (to an extent). 

Also, trust translates to vulnerability, allowing someone to see into you and generally depending on them for emotional support, and that's not a piece of cake. Most people get outraged when their partner has an issue with trusting them with something or trusting them in general; rage is never the solution to something as delicate. 

Instead of going around complaining or nagging to him about it, make an effort to reach your boyfriend. Trust issues come from a person's insecurities, and that's not your fault nor problem. However, here are a few ways to try and deal with the situation.

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust You

1. Be trustworthy

If your boyfriend is having a hard time trusting you, rather than focus on how upsetting that is, check within yourself and ask, “am I trustworthy?” You might be the reason your boyfriend doesn't trust you, and that's not his fault. Trust is a very crucial thing in a relationship; without it, almost everything can go haywire. 

Before you go about demanding or asking to be trusted by your man, make yourself trustworthy. 

Trust can be retracted at any time, especially when it keeps getting fractured by the person whom you trust. Earning a person's trust is a continuous process that rarely stops, you can't act a certain way with your partner, then wake up the following day to change the narrative as you please. 

It'll be difficult to trust you, and as I said, you can't blame him for not doing so. To earn and keep a person's trust, you have to work at it continually. Start with the little things that make you dependable; honestly, kindness, even timeliness falls into that category. 

The switch won't flip overnight, it takes a while, but when you earn it, it's worth the wait. For as long as you remain untrustworthy, your boyfriend/partner would have a hard time trusting you even if he tries. 

2. Be patient 

You need to be patient with your partner through this process and try to see things from his point of view. I understand that the waiting process can be tough, but being impatient doesn't help him get over whatever trust issue he has. As I said, trust takes time to achieve, so it's not going to happen overnight. 

You and your boyfriend need to spend quality time with each other, to understand and lean on yourselves more, being patient also means giving him space. Don't be in his face about his inability to trust you or make that the only thing you ever talk about. It's good to let him know how his lack of trust in you makes you feel but try not to come off strictly. 

Both of you are trying hard to make it work, try not to be too hard on yourselves. Even though you've told him countless times don't give up on ensuring him that you would be there when he needs you and try to keep to your word as well. 

3. Reassure him 

Reassure him

Without trust, a relationship is walking on very heated grounds, anything can happen, from one person being suspicious of the other, anytime there’s a problem, they may not say it, but they’ll think you caused it. You can’t blame him for thinking like this all the time, human nature is naturally untrusting

He has probably seen people change, go back on their word, or worse, stab him in the back. However, all hope isn’t lost, you can make efforts to reassure him that you’re for real, this is something you should do when you feel like your partner is in doubt. These things happen; we are all human. 

Reassuring your significant other goes beyond merely telling him that you love him, it doesn't matter how many times you say it if you don't act like it as well. A little kindness, honesty, and love every day would go a long way to reassure your partner. Go out of your way to do something for him occasionally. 

Also, it feels good to know that someone is there for you, and if you become that haven for him, it will be easier for him to trust you. It would take a while for him to get used to this reassurance. Sometimes, he might not be so receptive but keep at it, however, try not to be so intense about it. Genuine love and care should naturally encourage a person to trust you, there’s no need to force it. 

4. Beware of abuse 

There's a huge difference between having trust issues and abusing someone emotionally. You need to be careful to spot the difference between them. It's a different situation if he's worried about you leaving him, not getting enough of your love, or even thinking that you’re having an affair. 

However, spying on you, telling you who you can and cannot hang out with, plus continuously accusing you of cheating on him is a form of abuse. Anything that is too excessive has become a problem of obsession or extreme insecurity. People like this may not necessarily have an issue with you, the problem stems from deep within them. 

If your partner becomes very controlling, excessively demanding due to the trust issues or insecurity, please flee. This type of abuse (emotional)  can leave even deeper wounds than physical abuse. You need to guard your heart against it because it's difficult to heal from. Don't set up yourself to be used by someone as a doormat, that’s not how relationships work

5. Talk about it 

Trust issues could develop due to miscommunication and can be resolved sometimes by just talking things through. Spending time together would help couples build a strong bond with each other, and that way, values like trust are inevitable. 

Relationships have difficulties, maybe this is just one of those things that will blow over if you pay attention to each other. Don’t stress yourself too much or be under pressure for things to work out. If you’ve done the best you can (in your opinion), and things still don’t seem to go well, maybe the relationship isn’t meant to be

Overcoming a situation like this in a relationship is not easy, it takes a while but like I said you have to be patient. 

6. Therapy

Don't rule out therapy, it's essential, there's only so much you can do to manage the situation so seeing a professional would help. You could either see the therapist together, or he would see one alone. However, professional help is required, a person having trust-issues would eventually have to make it their last resort after trying so much to sort it. 

Don’t let people shame you out of taking the therapy option; do it if you have to, it’s not out of the ordinary. If this person is willing to grow with you, he would be open to talking to a therapist about how he feels for the benefit of the relationship. 

FAQs

What do you do when your partner doesn't trust you? 

Well, this is a tight spot, there's only so much you can do after being supportive, acting more trustworthy, being patient and all the tips above. A person with trust-issues could make you feel unreliable, untruthful, and unaccountable. If you've tried the best you can and it seems you're not getting through to him over time, it's difficult, but I suggest you take a couple of steps away from this relationship.  

What does it mean when your partner doesn't trust you? 

It could either mean you're not trustworthy, or he has got trust issues. On the subject of not being trustworthy, you might have lied in the past about something that made him stop believing you, or you continuously do things that give him reasons to doubt you

Can a relationship survive without trust? 

Love feeds off of trust, and in case you didn't know, love grows. You should both be able to rely on this person, and vice versa, for the love you have to survive. Otherwise, it will starve to death whether you want it to or not. 

Should you be with someone you don't trust? 

It's not the best decision to make unless you are willing to learn to rely on who you are with. It's also very unhealthy to withdraw your trust in a partner at the slightest bit.  You might not see it now, but it's drilling a hole in your partner’s faith. Eventually, he might develop issues too, it's a cycle! 

Do cheaters feel guilt? 

Yes, it’s possible for someone who loves you to make a mistake and that mistake could be that he cheated on you. Of course he would feel guilt, even pain as well. Unless your partner or the cheater in question has no feelings for you anymore, then he won’t feel guilty after cheating

All In All... 

I hope you enjoyed this article, remember that it’s not solely your job to make your partner trust you with the relationship, these tips are just here to help if the issue is from your end. I’m interested in your thoughts, put them down in the comment section below and please share this article too. 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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