Men Who Can’t Love (11 Ways To Deal With Them)

by April Maccario

Have you ever wondered why there are some men who can’t love? Believe it or not, some people are just not programmed that way. There are many men who just don’t work that way. 

While having feelings is a vital part of the human connection, some men can just turn off their feelings and emotions as a means to protect themselves from harm. This means they just instinctively or subconsciously know when it’s time to shut down and turn their feelings off. They do this because they don’t want to be open enough to get hurt. 

They may have been hurt in the past, know what hurt feelings like, and hope to avoid it at all costs. This is understandable since hurt leads to pain, but if you don’t open your heart up to love, you won’t ever find it again. Sometimes the pain of heartbreak is worth the risk.

So, what do you do if you find yourself in love with a guy who is incapable of feeling the love? How can you convince him to experience the feeling of falling head over heels for someone?

Signs Of A Man Who Can’t Love

You need to look out for yourself. You don’t want to continuously have unhealthy relationships. Know the signs to look out for so that you don’t end up with a guy who is unable to say those three little words

1. What Is His History With Relationships?

what is his history with relationships?

If his dating history is mysterious or confusing, he may have an ugly past when it comes to relationships. Has he always been the one to end things with the women he dates? He may have a difficult time creating and maintaining real relationships. 

Find out if he’s been in committed relationships in the past, whether they were toxic relationships or not, and how much he enjoys being a bachelor. It’s imperative that you know whether he’s capable of being in a real, committed, loving relationship.

2. What Has He Said About His Feelings For You?

Has he said those three little words to you yet? Do you believe he has real feelings for you? Does he show his true feelings for you? If it seems like his feelings are bipolar (up and down), he may just not understand how to properly show you what’s inside of his heart.

3. How Many Women Is He Currently Dating?

This is important because you don’t want to be the girl on the side, especially if he’s giving someone else his full attention.

4. Does He Change The Subject When You Try To Talk About Your Relationship?

Is he actually capable of emotional intimacy? Is he willing to talk about the serious stuff (more in-depth topics that reveal his vulnerable side)? Try to find out his stance on serious relationships so that you aren’t just wasting time on a meaningless relationship.

5. Do You Get The Impression That He Just Doesn’t Like Women In The Way That A Normal Man Should?

He may be a shallow guy who just uses women to get what he wants; then, he just moves on. Watch out for guys like this; they tend to throw women away without giving much thought to the subject.

6. Is He A Self-Centered Individual?

is he a self-centered individual?

What are his priorities like? Is he a selfish person who only looks out for number one? Have you noticed that he always has an excuse for his selfish behavior?

7. Does He Make Himself Available In Your Times Of Need?

Does he just run away whenever you need him? Be with someone you can count on.

8. Is He Capable Of Or Willing To Be Empathetic?

Is he able to be vulnerable or emotional? Does he demonstrate his true feelings through his actions?

What To Do Next (11 Things You Can Try)

1. Have Realistic Expectations

It’s crucial that you don’t have unrealistic expectations when it comes to the actions of a man incapable of love. Don’t think that you will be able to change him or turn him into an emotionally healthy person if that is not his default setting. Women often think they can change men. Really, only the person who wants to change can do so.

2. Play Hard To Get

If you find that you are already attracted to emotionally unavailable men, you may want to reexamine your tactics when it comes to getting your way. In many instances, playing hard to get can help you get what you want from men. All you have to do is take a step back and let him make the first moves in the relationship. Wait for him to call you.

3. Encourage Him

If you think your man is acting weird because of shyness, you may want to be a more encouraging person. Be more engaging when you are in the middle of a conversation with him. Ask him plenty of questions. If you do this right, you will be showing him that it’s okay to open up with his feelings. 

4. Give Him Space

give him space

Sometimes, men just need to know that their women aren’t just sitting around waiting to be taken out on dates. Give him a chance to miss you and time to think about the emotions he may or may not be feeling for you. In other words, let him stew in his feelings for you. This way, if he is in love with you, he’ll have time to realize it.

5. Watch Out

Do you think he may be a sociopath (a person who lacks the ability to feel emotions)? Does he act like a narcissist (a person who seeks constant admiration from others)? Carefully guard yourself against a person who only looks out for themselves, someone who is unable or unwilling to show you the care and devotion that you deserve.

6. Set Healthy Boundaries

Women who are attracted to men who can’t love often think these men will learn how to have feelings for them over time. However, not only do unhealthy men not understand healthy boundaries, they may even have habits in their relationships with women that are destructive for the women’s ability to be stable. 

7. Don’t Be Pushy

You never want to make men feel like they are trapped in relationships they don’t want to be in. It’s never fun being the one that someone feels sorry for or has pity on. You should want to be with a person with the ability to love you completely and the desire to be in a relationship with the one he loves.

8. Examine Yourself

If you are frequently attracted to men who treat you poorly or are unable to love you, you may need to check yourself. After all, you don’t want this cycle to continue, do you? Find out why you are attracted to emotionally unavailable men. Do you think your self-esteem is too low to be in a healthy relationship? What are the men you date like? 

9. Get To Know Him Better

get to know him better

There’s always the chance that he’s just not that comfortable with you yet. Spend more time with him, getting to know one another better. Maybe that will make him feel more at ease around you, which may encourage him to open up with you more. I know when I’m in love, I can’t wait to get to know the guy I’m head over heels for!

10. Focus On Yourself

Women in unhealthy relationships with men should make a point to work on self-improvement and positive self-talk. Men who are emotionally unattached to women can easily tear down any self-confidence they may have. 

If you don’t want that, you really should take the time to work on yourself. Focus more on your career or education; engage in a fun activity, new sport, or light hobby. Embrace the world around you, and find a better way to be with men. If you’ve been with someone unhealthy, you may want to seek the counsel of a qualified mental health professional.

11. Move On

There’s always going to be emotionally unstable men out there. At some point, you just have to learn to let them go and say, “he’s just not the one.” If you are in a relationship with the wrong guy, you may want to end it and find someone who knows how to treat women, a guy willing to be the first one to say, “I love you” in a relationship.

FAQs

Can a person be incapable of love?

Yes! There are men out there who just don’t have it in themselves to provide love for other people. They may have been raised in a dysfunctional, toxic, or abusive environment. Now, to avoid heartbreak and rejection, they choose not to love other people.

What is it called when you can't love?

Sociopaths are not capable of feeling emotions, such as love. They often understand what feelings should look like to others, but they don’t actually feel anything. However, since they can sort of, understand feelings, they are able to act in the way that normal men do. 

Are men capable of falling in love?

Definitely! Many men enjoy being in love, experiencing intimacy with a single person, and having all of the other benefits associated with a long-term relationship. Read the Does He Love Me article to find out more information concerning your boyfriend, husband, or partner.

What does it mean when your partner isn't affectionate?

Having a partner who is unaffectionate could mean many things. Yes, one of them is he doesn’t love you but it could also be caused by his past relationships, including his childhood. He may just not be ready for a steady relationship right now. He may not want to lead you on.

What causes emotional detachment disorder?

Often, things like PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), abuse, and trauma cause unhealthy emotional detachment disorders. Likewise, dysfunctional personality disorders, manic depression, and bipolar result in an emotional detachment disorder.

To Sum Things Up…

A man who can’t love shows warning signs; perhaps they suffered a trauma growing up and never learned how to love in the right way. It’s crucial for you to be supportive and encouraging!

What is your experience? What’s your opinion? Please comment and share this post with someone else!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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