How To Deal With A Jealous Boyfriend (13+ Inspiring Tips)

by April Maccario

A bit of jealousy occurs in most relationships, but what if the partner is extremely jealous? 

These expert tips will help you. Most of us still find a slight amount of jealousy a nice compliment, our partner just loves us and shows us that we are important to him, but the boundaries between mild envy to intense envy are somewhat blurred.

If envy increases to such an extent that our partner constantly gets jealous or annoyed at us, even if we are only five minutes late when we get home, it has clearly gone too far. 

There are several warning signs for the extreme form of envy, according to experts. Keep reading to find out how to recognize warning signals that your partner is overly jealous

If you approach your partner and explain your behavior to him, but he still does not forgive you, but is offended and does accept your explanations, then it may be because he is extremely jealous. If you talk to another person and your partner becomes extremely jealous, this is another warning sign. Or if you constantly have to deal with your partner's envy and he is never not jealous, you likely have a problem. 

I Have A Jealous Boyfriend: What Can I Do About It?

At some point, you have the accept what is going on, stop ignoring the warning signs, and adjust your life accordingly. If you have begun to cancel meetings with friends and avoid activities-- all for fear that there will be arguments and accusations again then it is important that you don’t ignore this any longer. 

But don’t worry, there are things that you can do to help this situation. Keep reading to find out how to deal with an envious partner. 

1. Don't Look For A Jealous Partner In The First Place

That sounds silly, but it is important to remember that you shouldn't look for a boyfriend with extreme envy because any relationship with such a person is exhausting. You have to constantly maintain the person’s self-confidence in order to alleviate their fears that you may leave them for someone else. The fear of an envious partner is that there is always someone around the corner ready to take their loved one away from them. 

The partner must, therefore, be very lavish with recognition and attention in order to try to relieve him of this fear. This is extremely exhausting and often hardly even possible. You avoid flirting or talking with others and you become really loyal so that you don't give your extremely envious boyfriend any reason to be jealous.

You do everything that you can to make sure he feels secure in your relationship. For example, you compliment him, write him a love letter or tell him what makes him so unique, what it means to you to have him in your life, and that there is no one as great as he is.

2. Don’t Restrict Your Life Because Of Him

don't restrict your life because of him

What you shouldn't do with an extremely envious friend is let yourself be restricted too much by his jealous behavior. For example, if you start to stop meeting friends for fear of confrontation with him, you will only end up unhappy. In any relationship, it is vital that you can trust your spouse so that both of you can also have some secrets without the need for envy. 

Those who have to constantly justify themselves because the other is suspicious will find themselves in an impossible position that will become unbearable at some point and the relationship will likely not be able to survive such pressure. As a spouse of an envious person, you try not to do anything in secret for fear of him becoming jealous. 

Extremely jealous people have an inner warning system and if you meet someone secretly, without him knowing, a jealous partner will likely find out. If your spouse is really envious, you have to assume that he is going to find out any secrets that you are hiding from him. With simple technical tricks, anyone can crack any password and get access to any computer or cell phone. So if you hide things from him, he’ll likely find out. 

3. Assess Your Own Behavior

Almost everyone knows the feeling of almost bursting with envy and unfortunately, envy occurs in the best love relationships. Also, almost two in four women have already, because of envy, snooped around in their partner's cell phone, and 10 percent have even searched his pockets. Few men and women want to admit that they are never jealous and it can put a huge strain on relationships. 

If the spouse actually cheats, it is, of course, good if our inner alarm bells ring, but mostly we doubt the loyalty of the other for no reason and torture ourselves unnecessarily. In this case, envy is less about the behavior of the spouse than about ourselves, our self-confidence, and the problems that we carry around with us.

If you are already restless when your spouse is talking to other women, although nothing has ever happened, you should consider whether your envy is unhealthy. If you have never learned to trust your spouse completely, the feared breakup can occur more quickly than you may have expected. Consider this if you have a jealous boyfriend that stops you from seeing your male friends.

4. Consider The Lack Of Self-Esteem Or Childhood Trauma As The Reason For Jealousy

Remember why your spouse loves you if you do not know: ask your spouse or friends and they'll be able to say something positive about you so that you can be confident in your relationship and why your spouse is with you. This gives you a good basis for your own self-esteem. You have to become so independent of your spouse that you are even happy if they are gone for a while. 

You should also have a life beyond the partnership and stand on your own two feet instead of just clinging to your spouse. Then you will no longer be afraid that your partner will run away and choose someone else.

Consider whether there is anything in his childhood that may have caused this envy such as his father's massive unreliability and his lack of love. He has to react when the spouse is flirting with someone else and because he feels that the relationship is at risk. Therefore it is best to speak to him openly in case this is the reason for his envy. 

5. Remember That Moderate Envy Is Normal

remember that moderate envy is normal

To a certain extent, envy in a relationship or jealousy in a partnership is certainly normal and by no means destructive. You can tell in these situations how important you are to your partner is and your spouse himself will certainly be flattered when he observes envy in you sometimes. However, it becomes critical when envy completely takes over a partner's thinking.

It is not uncommon for excessive envy to be a major burden on a relationship, which in the worst case can lead to separation. envy and fear of loss are closely related. There is always great self-doubt in envy as well as the unconditional desire for deep love and full attention from the spouse. Envy and fear of loss can be observed especially when either of the partners makes their self-esteem completely dependent on their partner. 

The jealous person defines himself and his own value almost exclusively through his spouse or life spouse. People who are aware of their weaknesses and strengths and who believe in themselves have less fear of loss and are less susceptible to envy. As a child, they learned not to measure their own value based on how popular they are with other people. 

6. How To Tell If Someone Is Pathologically Jealous

On the other hand, highly jealous people literally crave confirmation from others and often put their own strengths and talents under the bushel. How can you tell that your partner is pathologically jealous? The envious spouse repeatedly searches the other person's cell phone, computer, or pocket to find evidence of infidelity. He would like to isolate his partner from the outside world.

There are constant, unjustified allegations that the spouse would find other people more attractive or cheat. Love and affection in a relationship are put to the test by constant conflict and quarrels due to envy. In all of these cases of pathological envy, the causes of which can be discovered and discussed, for example, as part of couple therapy or marriage counseling.

7. How To Tell The Difference Between Envy And Jealousy In The Relationship

If he is jealous, you might be wondering about what you can do to make him see how much his behavior is making you feel upset all of the time. If he is envious, it might be hard to get him to realize that his behavior is causing harm. Jealousy can best be described as a kind of grief for a property that you envy own. 

Envy, on the other hand, includes the fear of losing something that you own. Basically, envy as such is not destructive, rather it is envy that brings envy into disrepute. If you examine yourself self-critically what the cause of envy is, you can quickly see that it results from a disturbance in the balance in the relationship. 

Envy means a certain fear of being disadvantaged and neglected. Envy can also be observed in some relationships. In any case, envy is a very emotional, but destructive feeling that will in no way lead to inner happiness. Those who are not envious are balanced in paying full attention to their actions and the promotion of their abilities, instead of wasting energy on the success or lifestyle of other people.

8. Is Loving And Being Envious In A Relationship Inseparable?

is loving and being envious in a relationship inseparable?

If either of the partners is not envious, you would have to assume that in order to answer this question with “yes” then they do not love their spouse. But love is a positive feeling, but envy is a group of negative feelings. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to develop and grow. On the other hand, envy does the opposite: the partner is thwarted and his freedom is curtailed. 

For a healthy partnership, trust is the basis of a relationship. No love can survive without trust. Ultimately, envy always means that you want to shape your partner according to your own ideas so that you don't feel bad yourself. Love, on the other hand, means that you want the partner to be happy. Your own wishes and ideas are not primary here, though you might not like to hear it.

9. Being Jealous In An Open Relationship

People in an open relationship do not consider their life partners to be interchangeable. However, loyalty and thus envy are not based on sexual, but rather on emotional, exclusivity of their partnership. At the same time, these groups of people often trust their partner more and are relatively free of envy as long as they have no objective reason to feel that way.

However, the more someone trusts their partner, the more intensely they experience jealousy if it is well-founded, and they are less likely to experience envy. Furthermore, those who love their partner more strongly, subjectively have more to lose and are accordingly more jealous when they fear loss or infidelity of their partner. 

10. How Can Excessive Jealousy Be Overcome?

Envy manifests itself in various forms of expression. Without envy, human life and a relationship would be more uneventful and boring. There are basically two different approaches to overcoming jealousy. 

First, the subjective approach to combat jealousy in which the important thing here is to increase your own self-esteem and ego strength and to become independent of other people's attention and judgment. 

The second is the objective approach to combat jealous where the focus is on dividing objective and overarching moments in the couple's relationship. Extended goals that go beyond the moment, bigger tasks and the relativization of oneself towards something that is more important than yourself help to dispel jealousy.

People most affected by envy are those who identify fully with their possessive feelings, without showing self-criticism or a certain amount of reflection. It is often forgotten that any “possession” (in a partnership) is only a temporary loan that you have to return at some point. The challenge of jealousy should be understood as a possibility of maturation, which ultimately leads to more self-confidence and ego strength.

11. How To Understand Jealousy And Its Relation To Passion And Trust

how to understand jealousy and its relation to passion and trust

In a way, jealousy can be described as the price of passion. However, there is also love that is so strong that it does not know jealousy. In such relationships, envy is irrelevant, or at most an occasional, spice in a partnership that ensures it is not boring or monotonous. Generally, this type of jealousy is by no means pathological and therefore does not need to be combated. 

Jealousy is hardly avoidable anyway, but it should never have the last word, but should always only be the preliminary stage of a ripening love. Faithfulness and trust have the same root. They are also the cornerstone of any constructive interpersonal partnership. This naturally applies above all to love relationships and long-term partnerships.

Jealousy sometimes arises in response to an actual breach of loyalty, such as an affair or an affair during the partnership. However, quite a few people bring them into the partnership: Even without a specific reason, they are jealous because they generally find it difficult to believe in loyalty. A little bit of jealousy is seen by many as a sign of love. In fact, jealousy is a sign of fear - and friendship and love are supposed to deliver from it. 

12. How To Explain His Jealous Nature

Many jealous people have a strong fear of loss and have many doubts because they do not consider themselves strong or attractive enough to permanently bind to another person. They don't believe in their uniqueness and therefore see a potential competitor in every outside person. They don't believe their partner's decision because they subconsciously classify themselves as a second choice and are afraid to fall short when it comes to comparisons.

It is scientifically difficult to clarify whether envy is inherited, that is, whether it can be innate. However, it is clear that some people are more prone to jealousy, while others only react jealously after they have broken their loyalty. It is also known that envy is always associated with a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Often, but not always, there are reasons for this in childhood. This can be the loss of a caregiver through a divorce, moving, or death, but also domestic violence or education based on control and surveillance. Sometimes it only becomes clear with psychotherapy which early experiences or subtle upbringing methods have permanently damaged self-esteem and basic loyalty.

13. Remember That Infidelity In The Partnership Justifies And Nurtures A Feeling Of Being Jealous

remember that infidelity in the relationship justifies and nurtures a feeling of being jealous

Loyalty is not only defined in the sexual area, although many think of it first when talking about marital or partnership loyalty. Loyalty is a two-way partnership and long-term partnership always includes the entire area of loyalty: each partner must be able to rely on the other. 

The inability or unwillingness of one or both partners to keep to agreements and respect agreed limits violates basic loyalty. Those who have been cheated on, betrayed, abandoned, or disappointed tend to expect further injuries and breaks and live in fear of losing their partner entirely. 

His jealously watches over his partner’s behavior no longer believes their words unconditionally, and actively searches for possible suspicions.

The distrust and envy that may arise out of a real situation can disappear again if both partners are determined to overcome it. 

14. Dealing With Excessive Jealousy

Jealous people tend to be self-torturing, melodramatic, and aggressive. They fear unpleasant surprises and suspect secret thoughts and actions that are always against them. Jealousy favors the kind of situations that no one likes to experience. If you are constantly confronted with the jealousy of the other person and have to take care of it, it is difficult to relax in the partnership and to feel safe.

Extreme jealousy in marriage or civil partnership is torture for both parties and over time poisons all love and affection in the partnership. The lust for life, the joys of love, curiosity and spontaneity wither under its shadow. Therefore, excessive jealousy is the end of any partnership of loyalty unless the partners find a way out together. However, that means a lot of work. 

Loyal partners who are regularly accused of unfaithfulness react in much the same way as those who feel caught breaching the act. They face complicated interrogations or withdraw into silence. 

Does Couples Counseling Help Against Jealousy?

Couples counseling or couples therapy is worthwhile if both partners are ready and willing to save their partnership or marriage. The prerequisites for this are inner and outer engagement and sometimes compromises. Agreements that are made during or after couples therapy must, of course, be agreed upon by both partners so that they are happy to commit to them. 

Those who are tormented by jealousy, be it their own or that of their partner, and who are looking for ways out should not be afraid to ask an expert for advice. Breaking up or discarding long-standing undesirable behavior patterns is not easy, especially if everyday life and work-life have to continue to function normally. 

However, it is worth overcoming fears at any age in order to return to trust and gain new faith in love and loyalty. If he is jealous, this might be a good way to deal with it. 

FAQs

What is a jealous boyfriend?

A jealous man is someone who doesn't trust you enough and becomes annoyed or envious when you meet up with male friends or other people. When a man is jealous he will likely try and stop you from doing things that make him feel uncomfortable or make him feel like he is losing control of you, though he might not like to admit it. 

Is it bad to be a jealous boyfriend?

Some amount of jealousy is normal in every partnership and is usually a sign of how much you love the person. However, when jealousy becomes extreme or even dangerous, it may harm the partnership and even ruin it. If you think that your boyfriend is overly envious and may even need help, it is important to address this situation in a sympathetic way. 

How do you respond to a jealous boyfriend?

If you have a jealous boyfriend it may feel like you are being smothered by him all of the time. Talk to him and see how he views the situation. He may not even know that he has a problem. If you bring up this situation sympathetically with your boyfriend, he will be much more likely want to get help to work on his problems. Talk to him and it might make all the difference. 

What are the signs of a jealous boyfriend?

Almost everyone knows the feeling, and yet its essence is difficult to put into words. It is a mixture of hurtfulness, fear of loss, and a feeling of inferiority, which usually overwhelms you if you feel too little loved on the one hand and on the other hand the person from whom you long for this love, apparently or obviously prefers someone else.

What is a controlling boyfriend?

A controlling boyfriend is one that stops you from seeing your male friends or your work friends because he only wants you to spend time with him. This is a sign he is jealous and might also have self-esteem issues. He does not feel confident that you will stay with him and fears that you might leave him for another person. 

To Sum Up…

Basically, jealousy is by no means proof of love. If it is unfounded, it is usually more evidence that one of the partners is suffering from very low self-esteem and great self-doubt. Unfounded jealousy is by no means a witness to love, but an expression of fear of losing love. If you have a jealous boyfriend, there are things that you can do to help him work on his issues.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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