Is It Ok To Vent To Your Best Friend About Your Relationship? (17 Factors To Consider)

by April Maccario

Venting about your relationship to a close friend is a very toxic loop to fall into. I understand the need to express a little so that you can take something off your chest or get a piece of advice (that's not bad) but boundaries need to be clear for healthy venting. Otherwise, you're putting a strain on both the relationship and friendship. 

For every time you vent to your friend about your relationship problems, you're creating a mental picture that's not good about your relationship. It also takes away the ‘privacy’ you and your partner should have because a lot gets said while venting (some of which you don't mean.) 

Technically, the person you vent to becomes an active third party in that relationship. At the same time, this relationship should be between you and your partner. This type of situation is a deal-breaker for most guys. 

It's okay to vent to your close friend about relationship issues if a healthy boundary is set. Venting isn't always bad; it can be a good thing as long as your friend is aware you're just releasing frustration momentarily to seek support. However, below are a few factors to consider before venting to your best friend. 

17 Factors To Consider When Venting

1. The aim

It's important to think hard about why you want to vent before going right ahead. Are you doing this just to feel better about yourself? Are you seeking another perspective on the situation? Do you need relationship advice? Finding your motive is an excellent way to ascertain what to tell your friends. 

If you just want to talk and get things off your chest, talking to some friends about your relationship problems could be okay. However, you might be crossing the line if you reveal secrets or things your partner told you in confidence. 

2. How much is too much?

how much is too much

Relationships are not all rosy and breezy, sometimes, when things get tough, we need friends to fall back on. However, remember that a lot can be said unintentionally when venting. Think carefully about how much detail you would have to give off on this issue when talking to friends. 

Get your facts right and breathe before you speak so you don’t end up saying too much to someone who isn’t supposed to have that kind of information.

3. Privacy 

If you keep venting to your close friend about every issue in your relationship, soon there'll be no privacy between you and your partner at all. It’s tempting to spill all when we’re angry, but always let caution guide you. Letting your best friend in on all that happens in your relationship can make her lose respect for the union, and you do not want that trust me. 

4. Gossip

Do you want your friends to know all the juicy and not-so-pleasant facts about your relationship? Do they share intimate things that go on in their own relationships? Well, there's a thin line between venting about something someone did and gossiping about a person. 

Draw that line clearly, so you can tell when you're crossing it. No one is going to trust you with vital information if you're the type of person who can't handle yourself emotionally (even your best friend.)

5. Writing your feelings 

I can't tell how much magic this does to the rage you inside. Writing down how you think is a very therapeutic method of blowing off steam. It helps you keep account of your feelings because after pouring it out on paper, you can read it over again when you feel better. It would help you discover all the loopholes in your feelings, your mistakes, and that of the other person. Try it! 

6. Let them know you're venting

This is something I do with my close friends and family. I tell them ”I’m here to vent.” Automatically, (because we've set a healthy boundary) she just understands I'm here to rant about my feelings and carry on with my business afterward, sometimes I don't even need advice. You should consider telling your friends first rather than ambushing them with your emotions. 

7. Confidentiality 

If what you're about to share is confidential, tell your friend that it is. Do not assume that he or she knows it is. Consider talking to someone who would be kind enough to keep your information private. Venting to anyone available is like dancing on a slippery slope. Don't go confiding in someone who doesn't have your interests at heart. 

8. Staying within limits

Your friends indeed play an essential role in your life, but these roles have limits when it comes to your relationship. Making them a third party is unacceptable (even though they don't mind.) 

Also, just because someone is willing to be an emotional cushion for you doesn't mean you should constantly talk about your relationships with them. You may feel like your venting to someone who cares, they may be tired of always hearing about your issues

9. Venting to your partner instead 

venting to your partner instead

Have you ever thought about venting to the person who triggered your emotions in the first place? You have to be careful about this as they might likely be impatient with you and not as willing to listen as your confidante would. However, if you decide to vent to your partner rather than talk to friends about it, you're keeping your issues private and within the relationship.

10. Overreacting

Even though you are calm and careful when you start venting to your friends about this guy, things can escalate quite fast. That’s why it’s better to let off the steam in other ways. By overreacting, you might say something uncalled for or regretful. 

11. Are you complaining? 

It's easy to confuse venting about a situation with complaining about a partner. It shifts from talking about facts to sharing the hurts and pains that come with being in a relationship with your partner. That might not be your intention, but it paints a bad picture of everything. 

12. Unsolicited advice 

Venting to your friends or family about your relationship opens the window for unsolicited advice from them, is that something you want? Not all advice is true or helpful. Sometimes, it’s best to work things out with your partner discreetly instead. 

13. Mental state

Remember, we're all human, and each has problems to deal with. The mental state of such a friend should be calm, wise, and understanding. You don’t want this person to have private information about you, she could spill the beans at any time!

14. Time 

You can't go on and on about the same thing to someone; you would exhaust them. It's easy to get carried away by an excellent confidant(e), but you shouldn't be. Time yourself if you have to and be concise about what you're sharing. You don't want to drown your friend in the negative energy you're deflecting. Keep it short and straightforward

15. Trust 

trust

Venting to your friends can kill trust between you and your partner. Think of what your relationship would be like if your partner doesn't trust that you can keep things between yourselves. He won't share vital information with you; even if he does, you'd probably be the last to know. 

16. Am I dumping? 

There's also a thin line between venting to your confidant and dumping your emotional distress on them. Venting feels healthy; it's time-limited, there's hardly any blame thrown or issue of victimization, and you show some accountability on your part as well. If this isn't how you're letting off steam, then you're probably dumping on this person, even though it feels like you’re not. 

17. Is this toxic? 

Ask yourself hard questions to be sure what you're doing isn't toxic venting. Have you complained about this same thing before? Are you willing to change the situation at all, or do you just enjoy playing the victim for emotional support all the time? Be sure that you're not engaging in toxic venting if it looks like it, you should get help from a therapist. 

FAQs 

Is it OK to vent to a friend? 

I suppose it's okay to vent to someone close occasionally to get advice, feel better or gain support. However, you're at risk of sharing private information that could hurt your partner and too much information that can ruin your friendship. You're better off safe than sorry if you ask me. 

Is it OK to talk about your relationship with friends? 

I don't think it's wise to talk to your friends about issues in your relationship. It makes you lose the ‘privacy value’ of the relationship and leads to a lack of trust from your partner. It also opens your relationship to unnecessary criticism from your friends. It's okay to share thoughts on broad subjects like ‘how to handle miscommunication’ but refrain from personal information. 

Do best friends make good couples? 

Friendship has always been a good foundation for romantic relationships. Although I think every couple should be best friends with each other, they are some friends that are better off as just friends. However, they do make a good couple if they have feelings for each other.

How do I stop friends from venting to me? 

The best way to remove yourself from this type of situation is by telling your friends how you feel. Be honest and polite while you're at it. A lot of things can be sorted out with excellent communication. Another way is not to be too available or engaging when your friends are venting to you, draw boundaries. 

What is toxic venting?

Venting becomes toxic to you and the listener when you keep painting a situation where you are the victim over and over but doing absolutely nothing to change it. You don't take advice from your friends, you can't see a perspective other than yours, and you don't feel better because you keep coming back to vent about the same thing to that close friend (tragic.) 

In Conclusion 

It's wise to go over all the factors listed in this article before venting to anyone, whether family or friend; it'll help you set healthy boundaries. I would like to know your thoughts; please write them in the comment section below and share this article with your friends, many thanks!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *