I Hate Being Married (21 Ways To Handle The Situation)

by April Maccario

Marriage is not a bed of roses, regardless of the picture-perfect impressions you get to see around. It requires a lot of dedicated effort from both parties for it to work out. Ever wondered why happily married couples divorce despite being in love? The answer is not far-fetched; marriage exposed them to all the flaws and faults they were oblivious to while dating.

Love is never enough to sustain any marriage. There may be times when the feeling of love gradually turns into a sense of hate or, at the very least, resentment. Resentment in marital relationships stems from many causes ranging from behavioral changes to unfulfilled expectations. 

Feelings of resentment, if left unchecked, can gradually develop into full-fledged hatred towards your partner. If you find yourself with a sense of resentment towards your marriage, you're in the right place. 

Before you start contemplating the prospect of divorce, here are some tips on how you can handle the situation. 

I Hate Being Married: 21 Ways To Handle The Situation 

1. Find the root cause of your resentment

Anything can make someone hate being married, but feelings of resentment can build up over time and damage the marital relationship. A lot of women find themselves in relationships where they hate being married to their spouse. Which begs the question, “why do I hate being married to my husband? Finding the reasons could help you handle the situation better.

2. Evaluate yourself

evaluate yourself

While it’s so easy to point accusing fingers at your significant other, try stopping for once to check within to see if the problem is from you. Chances are, you would discover the problem isn't with your husband but you. Probably the reason why he behaves in a particular manner might be in protest of some of the attitudes and characters you display.

3. Put away unnecessary pressure

The picture-perfect impressions propagated on social media is a subtle way of putting one under immense pressure. As women, we like to believe our happy ever after lies with a charming and flawless spouse. However, since your partner got married to you, it’s been one problem or the other. 

Analyzing your marriage in retrospect and seeing that it doesn't come close to what you envisaged, might be the reason for the hate you feel. Always remind yourself that no marital union is perfect and strive towards adapting to the imperfections in yours.

4. Look on the bright side

Saying “I hate being married,” might be a verdict you’ve passed too soon. Look back at how far both of you have come as a couple and the gains you have made. Maybe you resent your husband right now, but I guess that you didn't feel the same way last month or last year. 

Try and picture the good times both of you have shared or the qualities that attracted you in the first place. It might alleviate the way you feel at the moment. 

5. Open up to your husband about the issue

There are two sides to every story, and we humans are naturally biased. There is absolutely no reason why you should bottle up hate when you haven't discussed the issues with your significant other. If the cause of the resentment bothers you so much, you could try speaking to him about it to hear his side of the story.

6. Avoid criticizing him openly

Most people do not appreciate being talked about in a negative light in public. Criticizing your spouse openly or in the presence of your kids is something you must never do. 

Despite your good intentions, it could ruin his reputation, hurt his ego, and even turn him against you altogether. Remember, tensions are high enough already, so you do not want to do anything to escalate them further.

7. Collectively come up with solutions with your spouse

Both of you can strategize and come up with practical solutions to salvage the situation that would suit yourselves and the kids. Working through the crisis together would further strengthen your bond and improve your relationship.

8. Be the change you want to see

Marriage is a two-way street, and it takes two to tango. Rather than wait for a miracle to happen, why not institute the changes you want to see going forward? As women, we whine a lot instead of taking charge of our lives. If you want change, start instituting it. It won’t be long till your spouse starts following your cues. 

9. Learn to cope with his flaws

Some see marriage as a bed of roses, so when the arguments weigh in, and you start having kids, you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, your spouse would do something that annoys you or sets you off. 

10. Get a hobby

No one thrives under continuous pressure, at some point you’ll surely break down. This happens to women a lot, we’re stuck in the same routine practically every day, with no outlet to let loose or rejuvenate. 

All that pressure is making you feel like you hate being married and the resentment is growing by the day. One way of fighting the feeling is finding an outlet, a hobby to occupy your time and have your much-deserved space

11. Take some time off

take some time off

If you notice that the feeling is eating deep into the fabric of your soul, then the best thing might be to take some personal time off. It will give you time to think, consider your options, and clear your head. 

12. Follow through on the lessons learned in the past

Both of you must have experienced something similar while dating, and you survived through the crisis. You can apply the lessons and strategies you used in the past to resolve this issue. If it worked then, the chances are that it would still prove useful because you are dealing with the same person. 

13. Spice up your lovemaking

Rather than sit and watch your lovely marriage fade into oblivion, why not add some spice into some key areas? It would be best if you didn't rest on your oars because you are now married. 

Having an unhealthy sexual life raises a red flag already, and before you know it, your mind is filled with “I hate being married,” thoughts. So, maybe getting kinky in the bedroom could spice things up and add more fun to your lives. 

14. Engage in fun activities together

I know that the demands of marriage can make us lose interest in engaging in certain things. However, both of you should resume the fun activities you loved doing before getting married to strengthen the already weak bonds. “We used to do everything together, but after marrying me, it’s like everything changed,” that’s the story of many women. 

Maybe it’s time to put your foot down and reignite the flame; you could try hiking, skiing, fishing trips, or romantic getaways. Don’t wait for him to have time for it, go ahead and start planning.

15. Strive to see him differently

Change is dynamic, and people tend to change over time. The fun guy you met who loved partying and working out might not be interested in those sort of things anymore. Don’t resent him for changing, just keep nudging him a little so he remembers how much fun life can be. 

16. Engage in calming physical exercises

There are a couple of calming exercises you can do to release some bottled-up tension and help calm your nerves. Letting the hate simmer won't do you any good at all. Tending to the kids, working, and still being a good wife is challenging. So, try taking deep breaths, visualizations, yoga, and light dancing to help handle the situation better. 

17. Seek counsel from people older than you

There are older women around with a massive wealth of marital experience you can approach on the matter. Your mother or aunt, for instance, can offer you invaluable counsel that helps resolve the issue. You're not the first person to feel the way you are feeling now. Chances are, the person you get to talk to might have had similar experiences.

18. Get some help

Women are multi-taskers, somehow, we manage all these tasks without breaking them down. That still doesn’t make it healthy, and getting help may be the only option. Get a babysitter to watch the kids once in a while, and have your home professionally cleaned on some weekends. It eases stress.

19. Be positive-minded

Don’t let the depressive thoughts get to you. Focus on the positives like what you’ve achieved this year, how much you’ve learned, and the likes. 

20. Get professional help

After trying all you know how to do, going for marriage counseling with your husband might seem like your safest bet. The counselor can also help you both resolve whatever conflicts are threatening your marriage. 

21. Get a divorce

get a divorce

Getting a divorce should be the last thing on your mind whenever stuff like this comes up. However, there's no point fighting for a cause that is lost already. 

If, after trying all within your power and the feeling of hate persists, it might be time to call the marriage quits. Life is too short to keep crying over spilled milk. For your sake and that of the kids, you need to move on. 

FAQs

What should I do if I hate my wife?

First, you need to find out the root cause of this sudden hatred for your wife. If you feel the marriage is still salvageable, engage her in an honest conversation and tell her how you have felt over time. You could also try counseling to get a professional perspective on how to handle the situation. 

Is it normal to be unhappy in marriage?

It's normal to be unhappy occasionally in marriage. Like life itself, marriage has its ups and downs but what matters is how you deal with the issues. As women, we can decide to endure an unhappy union or find happiness elsewhere. If you choose to stay, you should strive harder to work things out with your spouse.

Why do I hate my partner?

Love can quickly turn into hate before you know what's happening. There are a thousand and one reasons why people develop hatred towards their partners. Certain character traits you ignored in the beginning, may likely be the reason why you hate your partner. Maybe he nags too much, belittles you, or maltreats you. 

How do you know when your marriage is really over?

It's not an easy thing to admit that your marriage is over, but it's a sad reality you must accept. From being inseparable, both of you now barely tolerate each other. Some subtle signs that could mean the end of your marriage include a wide communication gap, unhealthy sex life, ongoing fights, and utter disdain towards each other.

How do you know your wife is cheating?

Every man dreads the thought of finding out that his wife has been unfaithful to him. But like they say, life happens. You can quickly know through your wife's actions if she is cheating on you or not. For instance, nothing you do interests her anymore, even those things you love doing. Additionally, when your spouse becomes more secretive, something may be up.

In Conclusion 

It's not out of place for a person to hate being married. That said, how you handle the situation might be the deciding factor on whether your marital union remains unscathed or not. I hope the tips highlighted above helped in some way. Please, don't forget to drop your comments below and share this article. 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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