Husband Wants Threesome (7+ Important Things)

by April Maccario

Has your husband broached the idea of having a threesome with you? Or perhaps you know watching threesome porn is really his thing? 

It can feel daunting and even a little bit scary knowing that your man wants to add someone else into your sex life, even if it just happens the once. You might question whether there are problems in your relationship or if he wants to just have sex with someone else and is going to incorporate you into the act so that it’s not considered cheating. Of course, these could be the reasons, but most of the time, having a threesome is simply a sexual fantasy. 

Most people have sexual fantasies that they really wish they could bring to life, but sometimes they either don’t have the confidence in their sexuality to do so, or they aren’t open and don’t know how to communicate with their significant other about what they want in the bedroom. 

Why Your Husband Wants To Have A Threesome

If your husband is coming to you about the idea of having a threesome and being honest that it’s something he wants to do with you, the first thing you need to do is realize that it probably took courage to speak with you about it, so don’t make any negative assumptions before you’ve thought about it more.

This article is here to help you understand why your husband might want a threesome, and share the 8 things you need to do in this situation.

1. It’s a sexual fantasy of his

This is the most common reason that people have for wanting a threesome with their partner. As mentioned above, most people have sexual fantasies or one fantasy in particular that they want to bring to life, and this could just be the one that he wants.

There’s nothing wrong with having a sexual fantasy and making it come to life with a partner, as long as it’s all consensual and enjoyable for all people involved.

2. He’s trying to spice things up for you both

Be honest with yourself - has your sex life slowed down or even ground to a halt? If so, your husband probably thinks that trying to add another person into the bedroom would be a good way to spice things up for the two of you, and may lead to the two of you connecting on a more erotic and deeper level.

3. He may want to cheat on you

This reason has been listed last because it’s probably not (and hopefully not) the reason that your man might want a threesome. However, it has to be spoken about because it could be the case. Your man might want to sleep with another woman or other women but doesn’t want to break down your relationship or cheat on you.

This will be pretty obvious if this is the reason, and a vital clue is if your husband comes to you with the idea of introducing another woman in particular into the bedroom.

8 Things You Should Do If Your Husband Wants To Have A Threesome

1. Figure out why he wants a threesome

Figure out why he wants a threesome

The very first thing you need to do is figure out why your husband would like a threesome. To help you figure this out, you can take a look at the three reasons above and see which resonates best with what he’s suggesting, what he’s acting like, and your sexual relationship together overall.

If your man suggests inviting someone into bed with the two of you but is very open to hear how you feel about it, is willing to listen, and has clearly plucked up the courage to speak to you about it, he’s probably trying to find a way to spice things up between you or may have a sexual fantasy surrounding the idea of a threesome.

If your man is being shady and rather than suggesting a threesome acts more like he’s telling you that he’s going to bring another woman into the sexual relationship, this is a red flag, especially if he has already chosen which woman he wants it to be with. You can be pretty certain that he’s not going to be that interested in you during the threesome, but more into the new woman he’ll be inviting.

2. Clarify whether this is an ongoing thing or a one time fantasy

There’s a big difference between having a threesome once and living out a fantasy and constantly inviting someone in to be the third part of your sexual relationship. So, once you’ve learned of your man’s desires, you need to discuss whether this is going to be a one-time thing, or whether your husband wants someone to be part of your sexual relationship in the long run. 

It’s really vital that you broach this before going ahead with anything because you don’t want any problems to occur further down the line. In addition, clear communication when it comes to situations like these is absolutely essential. 

3. Think about whether you’re interested

Obviously, you’re in the relationship too and you don’t have to say yes to everything that your man desires. So you need to take some time and really think about this, as inviting a third person to join in with you and your partner having sex is a big deal. 

Even if you’re completely comfortable with your partner and you have faith and trust in the relationship you share, you need to think about what it would feel like to see them be sexually intimate with another person.

As well, you need to think about this at times when you are completely compos mentis, without alcohol and without being turned on. If you’re a little tipsy or in a sexual mood when you think about what it would feel like to have a threesome, the truth is you would most likely be turned on by it and say yes. Then, whenever the time comes around to get it on with another person and your man, you might regret it.

4. Will it be another woman or another man?

If you are interested in having a threesome with your man and someone else, it’s a good idea to think about what the gender of the third person is going to be first. Typically, most men have a fantasy about having sex with two women at the same time and also getting to watch two women engage in lesbian sex together.

However, you might be completely up for it if the third person was to be a man, but not happy if another woman is involved. Therefore, you both need to decide together whether you’re going to have a man or a woman join you in bed. Perhaps the two of you would actually be more suited to having a foursome - just something to think about.

5. Try out other fantasies and become more erotic first

Try out other fantasies and become more erotic first

Although not always the case, most people that engage in threesomes are pretty confident in their sexuality and understand how to be erotic. If you have never tried to be overly erotic or bring any other fantasy to life with your partner, jumping into a threesome might seem daunting.

So, before you do so, a good way to get ready is to try out something else, or multiple things. For example, you could try watching porn together, BDSM, role play, anal, etc. It’s a good idea to get used to feeling erotic and doing things in the bedroom that you’re not used to before incorporating a third person into the equation.

6. Find the extra person

If you’re both ready to go and excited for the fantasy to be brought to life, have had discussions about feelings, and the way you will deal with a threesome as a couple, it’s time to find your third person. 

It’s normally best not to choose someone that either of you knows too well, just in case things get awkward or it doesn’t go well. You may prefer to search for your third person on dating apps or sites that can link you with likeminded people.

7. Make sure there are specific boundaries laid out beforehand

So, you’ve found your third person and you’re all ready to go, but before anyone does anything, you need to set out boundaries. You may find it useful to first discuss boundaries within the relationship as a couple, and then with brief the third person, or speak about it altogether. 

Is there anything that you definitely are happy doing or seeing get done to your partner? Is it a once only kind of thing? Where will you have it? What if it gets uncomfortable for anyone? Lots of questions need to be answered and everyone needs to feel comfortable, happy, and consent before even one kiss gets exchanged.

8. Go for it but feel free to stop if you don’t feel comfortable

If you’re on board with the threesome, have found your third person, have set boundaries and you’re all ready to go, have fun! Enjoy the eroticism of a threesome and take pleasure in it. However, just remember, if you feel uncomfortable at all or don’t like what you’re seeing and want it to stop, you can stop. As mentioned above, it’s a good idea to set boundaries and it would be a good idea to think of a way that everyone can speak up if they’re unhappy during the threesome.

To End Things Off

Hopefully, this article has helped you understand why your man might want a threesome, as well as guide you through the things you need to do when you find out what he desires. Just make sure you always remember, you don’t have to get involved in anything that you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable doing. 

Your relationship is between the two of you and therefore there has to be mutual decision making and consent, especially when you’re dealing with something like inviting a third person into your bedroom.

Did you like this article and find it helpful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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