If you feel frustrated and emotionally unsatisfied because your partner only shows affection when he wants sex, I want to let you know your feelings are valid. Therefore, before you rush off thinking your spouse may have grown out of the love you once shared, thereby making you feel like a mere means to fulfilling a sexual urge, cool your jets.
It might not be what you are thinking. With this article, you’ll understand why your partner likes to touch you only when sex is involved.
You must have probably heard love isn’t just an automatic feeling that remains forever, and it needs a conscious effort to grow, but when it comes to sex, any two adults can have sex. Sex between men and women can be so transactional; once there’s consent, there’s no longer a barrier.
On the other hand, real intimacy outside the bedroom can only continuously exist between two hearts that love each other. Then, how will you be intimate when the love you have now is only a shadow of what it used to be? Do you even make a conscious effort to touch him the way you want him to outside the bedroom?
Do you initiate date nights, or do you just assume it’s his job to do so? Do you consciously create time to get together and just enjoy communicating asides discussing the financial situation in your marriage?
Men and women aren’t the same, old conventional ideologies and environmental influence make many guys hold the ideology that initiating sex with their spouse is a two-in-one package of sexual satisfaction and affection. You will need to help him understand you want the two separately.
Let him know there are different ways to express love that are non-sexual. Physical touch like cuddling, embracing, just sleeping on his chest, kissing are still ways to connect. Avoid just saying "I want more intimacy". It’s ambiguous, he may take it as he’s not satisfying you in the bedroom at all. Trust me, guys don’t like a 'punch' below the belt.
Like I said earlier, sex is a lot easier to execute than being intimate in a non-sexual way. All a man needs here is an erection, he doesn’t have to be in love. In fact, research shows that guys can have sex when they are upset or angry.
A good and honest dialogue could also help here, let him know you’d prefer physical contact in a non-sexual form sometimes. His sex drive may be getting him what he wants, but doing very little for the relationship.
A past issue during upbringing could make some people almost incapable of naturally expressing love without being sexual. It could also be a traumatic experience from a previous partner that caused him to feel little or no need to emotionally connect beyond sex.
Perhaps, there’s an underlying fear that the current relationship may not last like the previous one, so he sees no point investing too much as it makes them vulnerable. A heart-to-heart conversation with your significant other might not be enough here.
You may need to bring in the big guns, like a professional therapist if you really want to help your partner, and build a healthy relationship.
You’d easily admit that tech advancement has ushered in different ways of doing things and that goes for dating, loving and meeting a potential life partner. A happy birthday or happy wedding anniversary on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter seem more important all of a sudden.
It’s now very common for couples to be together under one roof with their phones in hand. Getting together more often, like going to the movies will help. Also, playing non-sexual games that challenge you both like scrabble, chess, etc and more is also a good approach to reinstalling intimacy.
In reality, nobody consciously desires a relationship devoid of affections and emotional connection. If your sex life is great, it would be nice if you understand and give him the support he needs as a wife while you honestly let your feelings known.
There has to be room for compromise and trade-offs in your relationship so that you don’t get too fixated on the things that you don’t have for now and end up losing out on the ones that are present.
One major reason may be he’s seeing someone else causing his attention to shift completely. Also, it may be a medical condition perhaps due to aging or a drop in the sexual drive which he may be embarrassed to address. Furthermore, he may be reacting to a past event perhaps infidelity on your part.
Sometimes, it might be great to address this problem by shifting the goal post; make it about him. Get him excited by asking for his fantasies or ways he’ll like to enjoy lovemaking. Trust me, if he’s more into sexual intercourse, you’ll be better satisfied.
If you’re sexy and beautiful, your presence will light him up like it’s July the 4th. Even more, if he’s in his prime, that is, when all his hormones are raging wild, the urge to make love will be more even without direct seduction.
Honestly let your feelings be known to him in a loving way without making him feel he’s not putting any effort. He could be the type of man that feels showing affection during sexual intercourse is enough affection.
Furthermore, engage in more activities together and communicate more often by organizing dates. This will promote the need of being affectionate towards each other.
The number one reason for divorce according to research is infidelity when looking at it from the angle of sudden termination. Lack of intimacy and commitment are also major reasons, looking at it from the angle of marriages that die gradually.
I hope you enjoyed the article. While it’s not an exhaustive list, it did cover some of the major reasons why a man would only show affection in the bedroom. Also, each reason pointed out in the article was accompanied by what you can possibly do to tip the scales for a better relationship.
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