My Husband Is Mean To Me And Nice To Everyone Else (19 Reasons)

by April Maccario

There is absolutely nothing more hurtful and heartbreaking as seeing your spouse act all nice to everyone but you. Your colleagues at work, close friends, and loved ones keep telling you how lucky you are to have such a nice and caring partner. 

Underneath all of these praises, lie bitterness and resentment towards your husband for treating you the way he does. You can’t seem to wrap your head around why he treats you terribly both when you’re alone and in the presence of friends and family.

I fear I can relate to what you are going through much more than others. I, for one, have taken cues from various experiences amongst other things that marriage could become very unbearable when issues like this come up.

It’s obvious that you are reading this article in search of answers to why your spouse is behaving this way. Brace yourself for whatever truth you might find as you work your way through the list.

19 Concrete Reasons He’s Being Mean To You

1. He doesn’t love you anymore

I know this sounds harsh, but it is one of the likely reasons men treat their women poorly. The motive behind it is to get you to grow weary of the relationship and break things off.

This takes the guilt off him and those on the outside see him as the victim, when in fact, he was sabotaging the relationship to be with someone else. Yield my unsolicited advice, take a cue, and walk away from the marriage. It is also possible that there may not be anyone else.

2. He may have anger issues

If this is the case, I think your marriage stands a chance at redemption. What this means is that he is not a narcissist, rather he is just dealing with bouts of anger stored up within him. I’m not in any way implying that his frequent angry episodes are a good thing, plus, no one enjoys being at the receiving end of nasty or mean comments. I just feel that with proper treatment and therapy, your partner’s anger issues could become a thing of the past.

3. He sees you as the help and not as his wife

He sees you as the help and not as his wife

This explains why your spouse yells at you at the slightest provocation, many women like you find themselves in this deplorable state owing to the bad orientations of their spouses. He may have seemed like a decent and nice guy before you got married, but once those vows were said, his attitude towards you changed

It’s also possible you caught a whiff of this attitude, but chose to ignore it because ‘people change’. Men who see their wives in this light are known to demean their wives, it’s best to encourage him to seek therapy before it ruins your marriage.

4. He is yet to move past something you did

Many times, this is usually the reason why men act so vexatious to their wives, men easily pick offense at the slightest turn. It could be that you spoke rudely to him in the presence of his friends or you provoked him unknowingly. Instead of discussing it with you, he chooses to play mind games, and treat you unfairly. Whatever the reason could be, try to get to the bottom of it and apologize to him accordingly.

5. He has been abused by women in the past

Your partner may have suffered many physical and psychological waves of abuse while growing up and this may have affected how he sees the female folk. He wants to show his dominance at every given opportunity hence causing him to be contemptible to you. 

Try talking to your man about it and encourage him to see a therapist. Sometimes, regaining self-love helps people start loving others in their life, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you can’t give what you don’t have. 

6. Hormonal fluctuations

Men who suffer from low testosterone can become irritable, angry, and depressed; they tend to transfer their aggression to their wives and kids at the slightest opportunity. This could probably be the reason why your husband is always so vexatious towards you for one reason or the other. Try to be a supportive wife and stand by him through this trying time, while figuring out other medical and psychological means of help. 

7. He is self-centered 

I hate to break it to you but it is possible you have found yourself stuck with a man who cares more about his needs in life than yours. All he is concerned about is advancing his own

agenda, irrespective of whether it suits you or not. He treats you poorly and says unkind things to you when you challenge him about it. I’d advise that you explore why he resorts to selfishness and work things out.

8. He is a control freak

A man, by nature, loves power and likes to be in control, this trait has led some to become control addicts. They insist on things being done in their own way and make all of the most important decisions. Acting all aggressive is a tactic used in trying to bend you to his will. 

This kind of marriage is not sustainable in the long-run and may eventually collapse. You are his wife; don’t let him turn you into something you are not, no matter what stage you are in your life, it’s never too late to leave and find love with someone who truly cares about you.  

9. Strong religious or cultural beliefs

Some religions and cultures do not think very highly of women; in fact, they believe women should be relegated to the background and should not be seen or heard. Your partner may be an avid subscriber of such teachings and beliefs, and that’s why he acts the way he does. According to his beliefs, he is free to yell at you or scold you publicly if you ‘misbehave’.

Whether this religion or way of thinking is new or has been practiced all his life, if he can’t see reason, and starts treating you like a lover, friend, and confidant, then maybe it’s time to hit the road. 

10. He has low self-esteem

Some men may seem so strong on the outside but deep down they are really weak. To massage their fragile ego, they lash out at their wives. Most of the time, they put up this charade in front of their male counterparts in an effort to appear as being in charge. If your husband is fond of demeaning you to boost his ego, he likely has narcissistic tendencies.

11. He wants to change but lacks the commitment to do so

Your partner talks so much about treating you better or doing better by you, but seldom follow through. He wants to improve his behavior but due to a lack of commitment on his part, it doesn’t materialize. Building a successful marriage requires plenty of effort and hard work. He will continue to be mean towards you if he doesn’t muster enough courage and will to change.

12. He lacks empathy for you

Most vexatious men lack a certain amount of empathy for their wives. He may not feel this way towards your children or people in general, maybe it’s time you start weighing your options and start seeing this as a marriage problem. Find a solution that works best for you and your kids (if you have any). Any man that does not regard or respect you does not deserve you.

13. He may be cheating on you

From experience, when a man picks fights with you over petty issues, those are not the main issues bothering him. When there are no real issues in your marriage and your husband is contemptible towards you, the bottom line is that he is cheating on you

Asides treating you poorly, he avoids you completely and changes his access codes on hisdevices, this secretive behavior leads him to take his phone call in the shower. The earlier you start dealing with his unfaithfulness, the better chances you have on salvaging the situation.

14. Being mean has become a part of him

A man’s behavior is somewhat hinged on his upbringing, his experiences, and the things he learned in his formative years make up his personality. This is quite sad, but true; the way he treats you and yells at you may stem from his background and upbringing. 

If properly motivated, your spouse could change his stripes and turn a new leaf. Get him to seek professional help but if he is unwilling to change, I’d advise you just walk away before things get awry.

15. Peer pressure

His friends could be the instigating factor behind his meanness towards you. It is also possible that he could be taking a cue from what he witnessed at a friend’s place. In a bid to ‘feel among’, he does and says things that are unbecoming of him. No need to panic, your husband is just simply making some poor choices. 

First off, work towards increasing the grip you have over him, and try to limit the time he spends with those friends in question. 

16. He may possess some narcissistic tendencies

He may possess some narcissistic tendencies

Some men unknowingly are narcissistic in nature, they have this superior mentality that makes them feel they are better than everyone else. These men bully and intimidate others to give them a grandiose sense of self-worth. It is possible that your partner might be narcissistic and this allows him to demean you without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse.

17. He may be going through difficult times

Not all men are capable of handling their problems and difficult moments. Rather than acknowledge the problem and tackle it head-on, some men transfer aggression to their wives and kids. They vent their frustrations on their spouses by acting mean towards them. As a wife, you should learn how to cope with your partner and manage his excesses.

18. It could be a ploy to get you to notice him

Some men employ this tactic to get their wives to pay extra attention to them. Women tend to get carried away with raising the kids, work, and keeping the family that they neglect their husbands. Underneath all the contemptible behavior is a man who just wants the attention of his wife. Pay attention to his needs and wants so that he doesn’t feel left out.

19. You could likely be the cause of the problem 

Your spouse might not be comfortable with your recent attitude or the kind of friends you roll with. Before you got married, you paid extra attention to your looks, but all that changed when you get married. Some of this matters a lot in marriages and you need to put in extra effort in maintaining it. Most men feel that being harsh might get you to change your ways.

FAQs

Why is my husband mean to me but nice to everyone else?

There are a thousand and one reasons why this is so, some men grew up this way while some picked up the vice recently. You need to be very careful in making your assessment. It could be that he has an impulsive nature or that he lacks empathy for you. Revise the reasons I highlighted above and then draw your conclusions.

How do you deal with a mean husband?

Take the bull by the horn and by that I am implying that you shouldn’t be afraid of him. I always recommend a mental approach to matters like this. Always maintain a calm resolve whenever he vents out his anger on you. Find a subtle way of introducing humor into the situation to calm his nerves, very importantly, encourage him to get help from professionals.

Why does my husband talk to everyone?

Generally speaking, men like talking to people they feel can understand them better. It’s not personal so you can’t blame them. My advice is that you get acquainted with topics that interest him. Communication is a vital part of every relationship that must be applied generously. Get him to love talking to you if you are uncomfortable with him talking to others.

When do you know a marriage is over?

Marriage is one of the toughest and hardest jobs you can ever do if all your attempts at salvaging your marriage have proved abortive, you no longer feel an emotional connection to your spouse, the relationship feels irreparable or if your partner is no longer committed to the marriage, then it’s time to call it quits. It may feel like the end of the world, but trust me; it is the best thing to do.

How do I know if my husband is narcissistic?

There are several signs that can tell you if he has narcissistic tendencies. Someone who is narcissistic thinks he is better than everyone else, demeans and intimidates others, has a sense of entitlement, exploits people without shame or guilt, has delusions of grandeur and has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

To Sum Up...

Thank you for reading through this piece, I hope you enjoyed it and found it helpful. Leave any comments and questions you may have in the dialog box below. I also enjoin you to share this article with as many persons as you can so that they benefit from it too.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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