Do you ever feel like your husband is drifting away from you?
His once undivided attention is now waning; he doesn’t want to be around you and you are left with negative thoughts circling your mind such as, "My husband doesn't care about me" and "my husband does not like me."
Admittedly, it is understandable if you have those thoughts and feel angry towards him. While your situation isn't unique, it is also not normal. You see, a couple spending quality time together is a valuable trait every marriage should have and not compromise on. This is because quality time strengthens the bond between two people.
If you are wondering what to do when your husband doesn’t want to spend personal time with you, the first thing is to find out why he feels that way. This will help you apply a relatable solution, as well as reduce the chances of coming off as a self-absorbed wife who is only concerned about how she feels.
The pressures of life can sometimes be overwhelming. So, if you don't know why your husband is drifting away from spending quality time with you, here are some reasons to guide you.
It is important to bear in mind that people react in different ways when faced with pressure. In the case of your husband, his reaction may just be to withdraw and figure things out on his own. You may not have noticed this trait while dating because you were probably not living with him, so you never got to see him handle such pressure.
It is possible he still wants to be with you but just needs some time to himself to think. I understand if you feel shut out, but constantly complaining about your life will only make matters worse and put him under more pressure.
You can remain consistent in your emotional support by letting him know that you are on his team and will stand by him through life irrespective of the circumstances.
Remember when you stood before your wedding officiator vowing to stick with your husband? The words you likely said were ‘for richer or poorer, for better or worse, until death do you part’. Well, now is the time to practicalize that.
If you have been married for some time, you will know that marriages go through phases, and it's not always rosy. Sometimes, the loss of a partner’s job or death can lead to marital turbulence and difficulties. If this is your husband's case, you should consider asking him if he wants to see a counselor or get an older person he respects to talk to him.
From your end, do not invalidate his feelings by expressing how he is taking too long to grieve or come off it. Instead, validate his feelings as this will make him feel like you understand, and he can lean on you.
Take a moment and think back to the times your husband had come home grinning with delight and excited to tell you about something that had happened in his life, what was your reaction?
Did you just nod with fake interest or maybe even sleep off? Responses like this can lead anyone to think their partner does not care about the things that happen in their lives.
Besides the time you share together and issues that affect you directly, you must develop a genuine interest in the things that concern your husband. Remember, the keyword is genuine because unless you are an outstanding actress, people can sometimes tell when a person is pretending to care.
Just because you are married does not mean you should get rid of alone time or push aside any possibility of your partner finding happiness outside your marriage. You do not have to be one of those couples who drop every other pronoun and adopt 'we' alone.
While the desire to always have alone time is a red flag, spending so much time together every day of your life can also be unhealthy.
Some marriage counselors will suggest you devote just as much attention and time towards having time alone as you would towards spending time together. Your husband may feel smothered or a bot choked up, and simply need some time to himself.
Familiarity can be a blessing and a curse in marriages. It is a blessing because familiarities help you predict a person's needs, likes and dislikes, and reactions to occurrences and events. On the other hand, familiarity can also play against couples as it robs them of that sense of surprise and mystery.
Remember when you first started dating or got married? Did he find everything you did fascinating and exciting, but now, it seems the tune has changed?
It is no surprise that men are sometimes drawn to mysterious women, and when they feel a woman is predictable, they withdraw. What you can do is to bring back that air of mysteriousness you once had by surprising him occasionally.
Your inconsistencies are probably starting to get to him. If you have the habit of canceling plans last minute with your husband, he may develop some sort of withdrawal from including you in future plans. This is not necessarily because he does not want to spend quality time with you; it could be the other way round; him feeling like you do not want to spend time with him.
Your husband could avoid inviting you for outings because he doesn’t want to be disappointed by your rejection. To fix this problem, make sure you follow through with whatever plans the two of you have set out to do together. If you must cancel, be sure it is for an unavoidable reason he understands as opposed to flaking simply because you don't want to go anymore.
A shared interest is vital in marriages, but sometimes, partners outgrow each other and changes occur. Perhaps, when you first married or started dating, you had a lot of similar interests like hiking, jogging, or playing lawn tennis. These interests may have even been what created a bond between the two of you, but now, it's no longer there.
Maybe you now have children and no longer share in his interest to go hiking again, rather, you are more interested in things that keep you indoors like watching movies or spending time with the children.
This can lead to your husband's sudden refusal to spend quality time with you. However, the two of you can have intimate conversations to discover the new interests you now share and create a timetable to ensure you spend time together.
Sex is an integral part of any marriage, and when neglected, it can make a couple's intimacy level suffer. Maybe he is no longer aroused and excited by you or has developed an attachment to things you don’t want to know.
When a person develops an attachment to porn and the likes, the net result is they can now satisfy their sexual desire without having to get intimate with their partners. Observe your husband's mood when having sex; if he seems uninterested, you can come up with new tricks to keep the bedroom activities fresh and exciting.
Our childhood experiences play an essential role in shaping the way we interact and maintain relationships as an adult. That is why it is not strange to find men and women getting married to people who have similarities with their parents.
All this goes to show that perhaps the reason why your husband is not willing to spend time with you could be an influence of his childhood experience. Maybe he grew up in an environment where men and women lived separate lives; the father's sole job was to provide food and bring income, thereby leaving everything else to the woman.
Maybe he expects you to carry on with that style of life. Try having a conversation with him on what his expectations from you as a wife are, the answer will give you a clue into his thoughts.
No one likes to think of the possibility that their significant other is attracted to someone else, but this could be a plausible reason why your husband refuses to spend time with you. Another woman has his attention, and he feels like he can’t connect with you as before.
It is possible you already have your suspicions and are eager for a confrontation but, just before you confront him, make sure that you get your facts right. Throwing out your suspicions without confirmation will come off as an accusation, and if he is innocent, this could only push him further away from you.
From little boys playing football to adults in the workplace, men love competition. They like the feeling of winning. Sometimes, they get carried away by this urge to excel to a point where every other aspect of their lives is ignored and starts falling apart. Your husband could be acting withdrawn because his priorities have changed. He now puts work above spending time with you.
If this is the case, you do not want to compete with his work, instead, bring your observation to his notice – maybe he does not even know that you feel ignored. Appreciate him for his hard work ethic, celebrate his success with him, but let him know that it would be nice if he spent a fraction of his time with you.
Beyond physical attachment, there is another layer of human interaction that though unseen, it's just as important which is emotional attachment. Emotional detachment does not happen overnight but over a period. It starts with one little unresolved issue that slowly builds a wall between a couple.
Your husband may be feeling emotionally detached; therefore, he does not want to spend quality time with you. He no longer feels like there is a connection between both of you. Consider infusing activities you are both interested in, like a dinner date where you get to talk about unresolved issues.
First and foremost, before you start busying yourself with what to do when your husband doesn’t want you, you should decipher what is taking up his time and attention. Once you can understand this, you can then begin to act on solutions. Remember to be patient with him all through this process and try not to be judgemental.
The fact that your husband does not want to spend quality time with you is a red flag and it stirs doubts regarding his love, however, it should not be used as a basis to make rash conclusions. There are other things to look out for like if he dismisses your feelings or makes you feel inferior?
Tit for Tat; that is the wrong way to handle conflict in a marriage. Look at this, let's assume my husband hurts my feelings and doesn't care, and I decide to go ahead and ignore him, will that solve anything? Of course not. Instead, it will push us apart, if you want things to be better, you should communicate how you feel rather than get sucked into the 'ignoring' game.
I advise that you do not make instant conclusions like “oh, I don’t know why my husband doesn’t love me anymore, that's why he does not want to have some alone time with me?" because there are other reasons why husbands ignore their wives. This includes a shift of priorities from you being the center of their world to a job, task, or children taking up that space.
Marriage is an institution that was created to last for life, and it is not for the faint of hearts. Things happen, people change, and it is possible to wake up one morning thinking “my husband doesn’t like me.” Before you think of calling it quits, reassess the situation and make sure you have tried to fix up the cracks and make things work.
I hope you enjoyed going through this list and found it both insightful and helpful. Remember to be patient and non-judgemental when tabling your husband's refusal to spend time with you. I know you don’t want the situation to continue, but it’s vital to remain calm.
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