My Husband Can’t Stay Hard - Is He Cheating? (11+ Worrying Clues)

by April Maccario

Of recent, your spouse struggles to get hard during sex and it worries you sick. It is natural for most women to suspect their guys of getting ‘the action’ elsewhere

You are not the only one trying to make sense out of it; I too have tried only to arrive at an impasse. I’m intrigued by what modulates difficulty in maintaining an erection. I discovered amongst other things that a number of physical and psychological reasons may be responsible for the sexual malfunction. 

I am no sex therapist, but I know that when it comes to sex, guys do not have it as easy as we women do. For us, even when we are not sexually aroused, we can still fake our orgasms and desire for the sake of our relationships. Guys have zero control over their sexual urge, in fact, their feelings are what drives their ability to get aroused and to maintain an erection. 

So, try to be an understanding and supportive wife for your spouse in this trying time. I am not in any way ruling out the possibility that he might be cheating. Rather, I suggest you meticulously consider some of the reasons I highlighted below. 

My Husband Can’t Stay Hard Is He Cheating? 

1. He’s likely not in the mood

Don’t expect your partner to jump at the opportunity of having sex every time you desire it. He may have bouts of stress, anxiety, and depression due to physical and emotional factors, in addition to other unknown health issues. In fact, the hormones and nerves play a significant role in getting a guy aroused. He may be facing some problems at work or having some family issues to deal with.

Obviously, in that state, maintaining an erection or having sexual intercourse may be the last thing on his mind. Nothing getting enough sex sucks the life out of many relationships. So what to do, try talking it out with him to help ease the tension and burden he may be carrying. 

2. He’s afraid he might get you pregnant

Both of you have decided against having children due to reasons best known to you. It could be that he is not yet ready to father a child or that the means to raise a child are not forthcoming. This is a very legitimate reason why your spouse may find it difficult to maintain an erection during sex. This fear could be predicated upon the fact that he knows you are off your birth control pills. 

Men have learned the terrible way that women can get cold feet at the idea of not having children. Heartfelt reassurances that you remain committed to the cause could help relieve the pressure off him and get him on you within minutes.

3. Excessive alcohol intake

Excessive Alcohol Intake

Alcohol has been proven to down the sexual senses causing many guys to fumble at sex and have erection problems. If you notice he has had one too many drinks at the bar, don’t make a fuss out of it. No need to get angry at him or bare your frustrations to his face. Rather, get him to take a cold bath and drink plenty of water. 

I advise that both of you take the night off getting laid and get a good sleep. I’d bet that by the time he wakes up, your husband would give you the thanks you deserve by leading you on a wild sexual journey. 

4. He might not be that attracted to you anymore

It is very uncommon for a man to get hard for a woman he is not physically attracted to. This is not the time to enter into a panic mode or get yourself all worked up. This does not have to signal the end of the road for your marriage and sex life. I suggest that both of you sit down and talk things through. 

It is possible that the things that got him attracted to you before you got married no longer exists. It could be your attitude, lack of personal hygiene, a new hairstyle, or the extra weight you’ve put on. Whichever way, get him to talk about it and point out possible ways you can be better for him. 

5. He’s addicted to pornographic materials

Many studies indict porn as one of the primary causes of a guy’s inability to get hard and maintain an erection. Some guys get off from watching or viewing pornographic materials. It is likely that your husband may fall into this category and does not know how to recalibrate his senses to respond to you. 

Prior to getting married, it is possible that he relied heavily on these materials to satisfy his sex drive. You just have to be patient with him and see how things play out. Try reintegrating him into the optimal sexual function by getting him to abstain from pornographic materials for a while. If it persists, mandate him to see a sex therapist. 

6. He might have performance anxiety

This is a likely possibility especially for newlyweds who haven’t had sex before. The guy develops this genuine anxiety prior to intercourse that he may not be able to fully satisfy you. Men tend to overthink and analyze everything before they make love to you. They want the lovemaking experience to be top-notch hence the undue stress and anxiety they feel. 

More so, guys who suffer from premature ejaculation are the likely candidates for performance anxiety. In a bid not to wrap things up quickly, the anxiety he feels might not even allow him to get hard or sustain an erection. So, please try not to add to the pressure and anxiety he feels by demanding so much from him. Flow with his pace until he eases up a bit before you go all out. 

7. He may have some underlying health issues

This is a completely rational reason for why your husband may not be able to sustain an erection. Sexual dysfunction can indicate the presence of a number of health problems. It could be heart disease, diabetes, thyroid problems, and mental disorders. Most, if not all, of these conditions, can be salvaged if diagnosed early enough.

If this is the case with your hubby, encourage him to see a doctor about the challenges he may be having so that treatment can commence immediately. More so, don’t give him room to be embarrassed about it though it is natural for him to feel so. 

It is important to find out if he is suffering from erectile dysfunction especially if he had undergone prostate cancer surgery. The latter could lead to an unforeseen pile of erectile problems.  

8. He can’t let go of ugly experiences of the past

Statistics indicate that guys also suffer sexual abuses ranging from physical violence and rape. Most of them get permanently scarred physically and emotionally. Often times, some men witness a lot of terrible experiences of violence in marriages while growing up. This accounts for why many relationships don’t last the test of time.

Your husband might have had it rough while growing up. It just might be that your touch or presence brings back memories of the constant beatings he got from his mother. Another narrative could prove that he was raped or physically abused as a child by a woman. If this is the case, accompany him to see a therapist before things get out of hand

9. He may be going through some psychological issues

Man with depression crying during psychotherapy session

A man’s thoughts and feelings must be in sync before he can get an erection talk more of sustaining one. According to WebMD, 10-20% of all reported impotent cases in men are caused by psychological factors. Most of the time, it is precipitated upon an underlying physical cause. These psychological issues could be a resultant effect of sexual trauma or abuse the man endured while growing up.

The potential psychological causes of why your partner may not be able to maintain an erection include anxiety, depression, guilt, and low self-esteem. The latter could be caused by a prior instance where he didn’t meet up to expectation. Under all of the strong pose and ego, guys are very emotional and sensitive beings

10. He feels he is not in control of the moment

This is a very unlikely reason but I have seen it play out most of the time. Most guys like to be in control of what goes on in the bedroom. You do not want to appear as being bossy as it could be a major turn off for your partner. So, leave all of your woman power outside the door of your bedroom. 

More so, allow him to dictate the flow of the entire sex. Remember that our role as wives is to support our partners and not to engage them in some power tussle. I’m sure the last thing you want is your husband feeling incapable of satisfying because you have ruined his confidence.  

11. He is scared of letting his guard down with you

Like I pointed out earlier, men are very sensitive when it comes to expressing their feelings. Their ego doesn’t permit then to bare their weaknesses and vulnerabilities in the open. It is your prerogative to make him know that his secret is safe with you and that he could trust you. 

Additionally, many guys internalize their fear and appear like everything is fine on the outside. The only time they let out their inadequacies is when the conditions around them seem safe enough to do so. For this reason, women should learn how to get their partners to trust them completely.

12. Drug abuse

Excessive drug intake can have the same resultant effects as having high alcohol content in your bloodstream. These drugs can disrupt the normal body functions of a man, and in the case, prevent him from sustaining an erection. He may not likely be using banned substances as prescription drugs have also been found to produce similar effects. 

The solution is quite simple; get him to lay off the use of whatever drugs he may be on. However, if the drugs are a necessity for him, seek medical advice on another drug that can water down the side effects of the one he is on. My advice remains that he stops all use of hardcore drugs. 

FAQs

Can cheating cause erectile dysfunction?

Although it might be one reason, cheating is not always the root cause of erectile problems. However, it cites heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity, Parkinson’s disease, and low testosterone on its long list of possible causes. 

What do you do when your husband can’t stay hard?

Remain optimistic that the situation wouldn’t always remain the way it is. You have to constantly remind him that this ‘crisis’ doesn’t reflect poorly on his masculinity. The both of you can also explore other means of satisfying your sexual needs in the meantime. Lastly, encourage your man to seek professional help and guide him through it. 

How do I arouse a man with ED?

This is not entirely difficult as there are a couple of stimulating performances you could put up. Teasing, sucking, licking, kissing, talking dirty and foreplay are some of a few you could try. More importantly, take your focus off penetration and just try to enjoy the moment. 

What causes loss of erection? 

Medical experts underline the limited supply of blood to the tissues of the penis and a problem with the brain nerves responsible for erection as the primary causes of loss of erection. Maintaining an erection involves your brain shutting off the blood vessels connected to the penis to prevent blood from leaving it. Physical or psychological factors may inhibit this from occurring. 

How do I know if I have erectile dysfunction physically or psychologically?

This condition could be caused by some underlying physical and psychological conditions. However, the likely symptoms include difficulty getting an erection, soft erections, and trouble maintaining an erection. It is quite easy to self-diagnose yourself with these symptoms in mind. Once diagnosed, treatment must begin immediately so as to avoid it becoming a chronic lifelong experience.

To Conclude

I hope you now see that cheating may not just be the reason why he can’t keep ‘it’ up for you. I’m sure you found this article very insightful and informative. Let me know what you think in the comment section. Do not forget to share with your loved ones as well. 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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