How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship (13 Surefire Ways)

Last updated on June 7, 2022 by April Maccario

Are you an analytic person who likes to explore the reasons why certain things happen when they do? Does this affect the relationships you are in? Are you now wondering how to stop overthinking in a relationship? 

If you are looking for the answers and solutions to the above questions, you’ve come to the right place, because today, we are talking about how to stop overthinking in a relationship!

We’ll explore why we often ruin things by overthinking, what happens when you constantly overthink in a relationship, and the best ways to stop overthinking in a relationship. 

You may feel like your mind is spiraling out of control as you make one assumption after another one and feel as though the best solutions to relationship problems are light-years away. 

Have no fear, because we are going on a journey that will leave you with the best tools to stop overthinking in its tracks, so stay tuned for the best tips, tricks, and steps to solve this problem.

Why People Tend to Overthink

Many people are just born to be analytical individuals. We tend to look for the reasons behind actions in an effort to understand motivations better. Some individuals are content to go through life, accepting that everything happens for a reason. Many of us are just not built that way; we must understand the “why” behind the “what.”

There are occasions when individuals feel insecure in their relationship, asking things like, “Why is this person with me?” If you have serious doubts about your relationship, your relationships will suffer - not just romantic ones, but all relationships. Doubting why people want to be with you can really show insecurities that you probably don’t want anyone to know about!

What Happens When You Overthink

Sometimes, being analytical and overthinking are innocent curiosities, and there’s nothing wrong with being like this. However, if you begin overthinking in your relationship, there is the possibility of damaging it. Your partner probably doesn’t want to constantly reassure you that he’ll stay in the relationship - no matter what. 

If you don’t trust him and suspect his intentions, you probably need to reexamine things. You shouldn’t live in a state of uncertainty or doubt. It’s not healthy and certainly won’t make your partner (or you) happy in your status quo. Don’t ruin a good thing with a partner who is great by thinking too many “what if” scenarios. In the long run, you’ll regret that you were this way.

How to Stop Overthinking

1. Be decisive

This is something I have struggled with most of my life. I think it was because I relied on the advice of my best friend and family members too much. I didn’t give myself a chance to really make my own mistakes in life. If you are struggling to make decisions, you may easily be overthinking things your partner is or is not doing. 

One thing that comes to mind if you also struggle with insecurities, asking others for advice when you need to make your own decisions, is to start small. The next time you pick up the phone to ask for advice from a trusted person, try coming up with an answer on your own first. It may be a simple, easy decision, but if you’re having trouble, try this.

2. Slow down the relationship

If you have misconceptions about your relationship, you may want to put a halt to the advancement of the relationship. Don’t just let nature take its course, because often we fall in love and end up in a whirlwind romance that moves way too fast! To alleviate your concerns and doubts, just start taking things slower. Take the time you need to process.

3. Be mindful

If you feel as though you can’t stop thinking about the past wrongs in your relationship or what the future holds, do some deep breathing exercises. Meditate and take the time to learn how to be mindful of your thoughts and actions. Mindfulness is all about finding your calm by meditating on what’s right in front of you - the present!

4. Be confident

What are your beliefs, dislikes, likes, concerns, struggles, and triumphs? Learn everything there is to know about yourself so that you can be more confident in your own skin. What do you stand for? What are you passionate about? Understanding these things can greatly improve your self-confidence and give you a good dose of positivity.

5. Don’t go down the rabbit hole

Trust me; I’ve been in your shoes, spiraling out of control with my thoughts and “what if” statements. If you aren’t careful in the way you think and communicate, you will always be in a state of wonder, trying to figure out the intentions behind actions. Does your mind tend to wander into unknown territory, causing you to have serious anxiety?

Practice better communication. Ask your partner for some clarity when you feel that you may have misunderstood something he said. Be honest and open about your concerns. According to one source, this will help you best avoid misunderstandings and miscommunication that leads to those insecurities you are fighting against. 

6. Listen to advice

listen to advice

For those of us who walk through life with a million unanswered questions, we often ask the advice or counsel of others. This is especially true when we are having difficulties in our relationship. Look at it from your friend’s point of view, though. Are you always bringing up the same issues about your partner, asking the same advice every time?

Your friends are probably exhausted from hearing about it. Instead of expecting a different nugget of truth from a friend when you present the same problem, consider the advice they have already given you. Keep in mind that you should only seek relationship advice from someone with a good track record. 

If you seek the counsel of someone who is a serial relationship hopper, you may end up making the same mistakes your friend has. What can you learn from those you are close to? How can you do things better? Also, remember, you don’t have to take their advice; it’s just an option. You may find it more beneficial to ask many friends for advice.

7. Trust your gut instincts

Sometimes, the best course of action is for you to trust yourself. What is your gut telling you? Does your partner make you suspicious, or have you always felt this way about the opposite sex? Do you think this may be a problem that you have, not your partner? 

What do your feelings tell you? If your gut tells you something is up when he walks out the door, there may be something to that! Don’t deny your instincts, especially if they’ve never proved you wrong.

On the other hand, if you have no reason to be mistrustful with this guy and still feel something is wrong, you may need to take a close look at your intentions - the reasons that you are feeling this way. There’s a good chance you’ve been burned before or are scared of getting hurt, so you may be unintentionally just protecting yourself. 

There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you keep emotional walls up, not letting anyone in, you’ll never find true love, so make sure you are not doing that.

8. Speak what’s truly on your mind

It’s okay to be reserved on occasion, but you must learn to shut down your defensive nature at times and just tell it like it is. Speak from the heart, talk without a filter on, and just say what’s on your mind. You don’t have to spell check every word you text; instead, let those emotional walls down and open up. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the results!

9. Be honest if you have concerns

Rather than keeping your thoughts and feelings bottled up inside, you may want to go ahead and talk about your insecurities with your partner. How else are you going to get things cleared up? Consider telling him everything - even those insecurities you feel. It will do wonders for your mental health and your relationship as a whole.

10. Stop making assumptions

This is probably one of the biggest reasons why overthinking kills relationships. You assume things that aren’t even true! Hint: Try the last tip! Don’t let false information roll around in your head forever, or you will spiral out of control with your feelings and thoughts.

11. Open yourself up

We have touched on this, but here’s a twist - Try trusting in your partneras you open up! Let him or her know your feelings and why you are thinking what you are. This is a great way to open up the lines of communication in your relationship, making it stronger and giving you a chance for success!

12. Separate your thoughts from your feelings

separate your thoughts from your feelings

Make sure all the crazies inside your head quiet down from time to time and don’t let your feelings take over what you know to be true. It’s easy to climb down into a rabbit hole with your insecurities. Instead, sort through your thoughts and feelings, and determine what’s valid and what is just you spiraling. 

13. Pay attention to what he says and does

Has your boyfriend or husband actually given you a reason to overthink the relationship? What are his actual actions? What does he say? Does he keep his word and do what he says he will? That’s all that matters!


How overthinking can ruin a relationship?

This is very common - overthinking in your relationship. The concept is clear, but how does it affect your life? If you constantly question the intentions of your partner, he or she is going to get tired of this and will probably search for someone more secure about who they are.

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.

It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.

Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

How do you know if you're overthinking a relationship?

Do you feel like you are having little panic or anxiety attacks when your thinking gets out of control? Do you frequently question the motivations of your partner, having unrealistic expectations - that no one can actually meet? If you tend to feel that way, you are probably overthinking things.

How do I stop overthinking and worrying?

Remember that stress can have serious physical repercussions on your health, and you don’t want that. Instead, try being more mindful about everything you are going through. That means that you should focus on the present moment rather than the past or what you fear will happen in the future.

What triggers overthinking?

When we overthink in a relationship, we are usually conflicted by our insecurities or have serious trust issues. You may have experienced something negative happen to you in the past, and you are taking it out on your current relationship. Try being more mindful of what you are currently feeling.

Can anxiety ruin relationships?

If it isn’t treated, anxiety can definitely have a negative effect on your partner and your relationship. People don’t like having to constantly reassure their partners that they will remain loyal or faithful or that they can and should be trusted or at least given the benefit of the doubt.

To Sum Things Up…

Are you overthinking in relationships? Do you feel like you are spiraling out of control while your thoughts have taken over the logical side of things? Are you struggling to trust your partner, even though he or she has given you no reason for this?

Please comment and share this!


Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

3 comments on “How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship (13 Surefire Ways)”

  1. My husband and I have communication issues. In “over thinking” and researching I found that he doesn’t understand sarcasm. I found information that suggests he may be on the Autism Spectrum. I think that is true because he meets many of the other characteristics. Now what?

  2. Hi!
    I loved this article because this is 100% me, but I actually have a reason.
    I caught my boyfriend talking to other girls online twice, basically cheating on me. It caught completely off guard because I trusted him 100%. He treats me like a queen all the time, I’ve never had a boyfriend treat me so well. He has given me different excuses as why he did it, but I don’t buy any of them. I’ve never forgiven cheating before I just breakup with the person, so I don’t know how to act after this. I’m constantly paranoid that he’s going to cheat again. He closed all of his social media accounts except Facebook, but he gave me all of his log in info so I can go check on it whenever I want to. I’m constantly checking his phone and Facebook. He also shares his location with me all the time. I’m always anxious and paranoid, I can see that he’s getting tired of it, but I can’t control it. It’s like it eats me inside thinking that he will cheat on me again. I don’t know what to do. I have never dealt with this before. I need help!

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