Are you currently dating a guy but not sure where you stand with him?
If so, you are probably more sad than happy and more confused than secure with this guy. So, if you are reading this, it’s because you suspect you are being strung along by him. Or maybe, he is stringing someone along whom you know, but the person can’t see it.
No one gets strung along without allowing it consciously or unconsciously. So if you have to ask “is he stringing me along?”
Then that’s one sign that he is. There’s one thing that I know, if you keep making excuses for someone like this, it will affect your self-worth in the long run.
So, if you want to know how to stop being strung along by a guy, keep reading this for a few helpful tips.
If you are single-handedly pushing a relationship and your partner is not meeting you halfway, then we have a pattern. You are being strung along. It’s essential to understand what it means and pay attention to behavioral patterns, so as to ascertain if a guy is doing this.
Sometimes, we want a relationship to move too fast, without putting a lot of thought into the type of person we’re with. It’s important to know the difference between having a partner who is not interested in the kind of relationship you desire and one who might want something different than you do.
What do you want? You have to figure out what you really want for yourself to relay your intentions to the guy you are expecting commitment from.
Ask yourself questions like “Do I want a committed relationship?” “Am I ready for exclusivity?” “ As he offering me what I want?.”
If it’s hard figuring out, try clearing the guy from your mind and ask yourself what you want from a relationship. This helps you distinguish between what you’re honestly after and what you are getting.
Sometimes, feeling strung along happens when you can’t figure out what you really want and how to effectively communicate those wants. The other person isn’t a mind reader, so you have to be sure you know what you want. Figure it out, and communicate it.
Two good heads, they say, are better than one. Most of the time, we need opinions from people outside our situation to really understand what we are doing. This is only reasonable because they are not emotionally connected, and they can make decisions from a logical point of view.
Ask them what they think of your situation with the guy that is stringing along just to be sure. Also, make sure they are friends that have your best interests at heart; they will help you analyze things without any bias. Think of your condition as an article, and talking to your friends is like asking someone to proofread the work.
Effective communication is vital. Now that you have figured out what you want and have spoken to friends about the situation in your relationship, it’s time to have that talk.
A good way to go about this situation is by communicating what you'd like to see instead of saying what you don’t see. Try “I am in this relationship because I see it leading to a lifetime commitment, what do you think?” rather than “I don’t think you see this relationship leading to a lifetime commitment, am I wrong?”
Also, use “I” statements and not “You” statements. State clearly what you expect from him moving forward because you honestly deserve better.
After communicating effectively and stating what you want moving forward, you need a time frame to assess whether Mr. Self is taking in your words and working towards becoming Mr. Right or not. This time frame is the “benefit of the doubt window.”It’s the waiting period.
This period should be very short, a maximum of 2 weeks. Yes, you read that right. You are not waiting for him to come back from the moon, you are waiting for him to step up, assimilate your terms and conditions, tend to your emotional needs, and man up. And two weeks is more than enough time.
It’s important to consider how this situation could affect your self-esteem. This guy probably has no plans to pursue a serious relationship, that could affect you a lot. The earlier you accept that this guy's a phony, the earlier you can start self-healing and move on.
Don’t extend the “benefit of doubt window”. Do not make more excuses for him, it will only lengthen the emotional turmoil. You have tried, you cannot fix this, just accept that it is not beneficial to you.
Now that you have accepted that this guy can not offer what you require emotionally, it’s time to walk away. You will be better off without him, I promise.
There is only so much attention you can give someone when there are no good results. If you’re direct about what you want, can communicate effectively but he is still stringing you along, then please walk away.
Walking away is a different thing from cutting him off from your life entirely. To remove yourself from Mr. selfish’s pole; cut the string, and stop being strung along.
If he still has access to you, then he can still manipulate you. Don’t be afraid to cut him off.
You already gave him the injunction, and he threw it back at you with his elusive response. So, stick to your guns and stand by your decisions. Don’t compromise what you’re after in a relationship with someone that continually disappoints you.
He is probably texting you by 1 a.m saying “what happened to us? You certainly ruined a good thing,” do not fall for his blame game. He has not changed; he is only guilt-tripping you, and chances are, he is totally drunk and lonely, looking for a booty call.
You deserve better than that, for the sake of your self-respect, ignore him whenever he tries to make you feel bad for leaving him. Remember, you did nothing wrong, you are not to blame, you gave him multiple chances, and he still messed up. He did not change then, and I can definitely assure you that he will not change now.
Here’s a thing about self-love, it helps you realize when you’re not getting enough from the relationship. When you love yourself, you’ll know when this guy isn’t. This is hard, possibly because you were in love or you had an emotional connection with him.
He is in the past now, and he is there for a reason so leave him there. He had the chance to remain in your present, but he did not act right when he had the opportunity. On days when you feel like calling him or getting back together, remind yourself of what he did.
Do not change who you truly are. Just because a guy was not good for you does not mean that someone different won’t be your perfect match. Remember that one man's “you’re asking for too much” is another man's “is that all?”
Experience is forever the best teacher. And the silver lining in every bad situation is that we learn from it and become better and stronger people. Identify the patterns and tell-tale signs of a guy that will possibly string you along will become easier.
Once bitten, twice shy, so before you get into another relationship with a new person, tread with caution. Now that you have mastered how to stop being strung along by a guy, you will have no problem next time.
So it didn’t work out with Mr. Selfish, and so what? It’s not like he is the only man in the world. This might be difficult to do at first, but you will later ask why you did not make the decision sooner. It’s time to move on, leave all that behind, and start a new chapter of your life.
Have fun and do whatever will make you smile again. Go on trips if that works for you or go to the movies and spend time with your family. Do whatever will make you feel better so you can fill the void Mr. Selfish left with happy experiences.
Not every part of dating focuses on commitment. The world is your dating stage, so explore and only date men that treat you like a queen, nothing less. However, this time, be smarter and curious and give yourself enough time to get to know him. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
When you start seeing someone else and want to take the relationship to the next level, you must both be on the same page.
Effective communication helps when you want to ensure both of you are on the same page. State what stage you’re at and what you want in a relationship to avoid finding yourself In a similar situation in the future.
Try having an open and honest conversation with him about the situation. Be very direct and ask about his plans moving forward. If he doesn’t change subsequently, then it’s time to tell that man goodbye. You cannot spend your only shot at life hoping that a guy steps up. You are too bomb for that.
You have the power to walk away from people that do not serve you positively or treat you right, and he is no exception. He is a grown man, he knows what he wants, and it’s definitely not you. If it were, he would step up to treat you like the queen you are.
The answer is in your question sister, just STOP. You are not a fishing pole. You are only strung along if you remain in the situation. Remember that being strung along is a mutual effort. You have to allow it or cooperate in the process for it to happen. So make up your mind not to tolerate him anymore and cut him off if you have to.
I know this may sound cliché, but you are not sending any signals or attracting toxic people. So don’t blame yourself for another person’s baggage and toxicity. It is not a “you” problem, it is a “them” problem.
They have their telltale signs, but the most common one is how he never introduces you as his girlfriend, you are “his friend”, “a special friend” never the girlfriend because he’s not ready for the commitment that comes after. Never underestimate your intuition, if you feel like it, then you are most likely right.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. Utilize these tips, and he will start acting right in no time. However, if he doesn’t, then it’s time to just stop and back out of the situation. Remove yourself completely from anything and everything that has to do with him. It only means that he does not know what he wants himself, and you don’t want to spend the best years of your life with a time-waster hoping that he will change.
Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to share the article if you liked it or found it helpful.