Adult relationships are complex. Only a small percentage of us will ever get the opportunity to be together with someone who ticks every item on our checklist.
The rest of us will have to compromise, re-strategize, and adjust our expectations to have a fulfilling relationship because, among other things, the inability to manage expectations is what leads to fights in a relationship.
When fights arise in a relationship, it is easier to be on our side; we get to be so deeply invested in our point of view and automatically view our boyfriends as inconsiderate, unreliable, deceitful, and ultimately bad. We dish out hurtful words and carry out irreversible acts; surely, our boyfriend must atone for his behavior.
However, after we have had ample time to re-think, we realize that perhaps, we have made a mistake. Recovering from a bad fight can be tough, but the good news is, there is always hope. This article aims to provide you with practical tips to help you make up with your boyfriend after a fight.
As I mentioned earlier, recovering after a bad fight can be tough. It is especially tricky if you have used something you had discussed together in the past as a weapon or carried out an irreversible act like cheating to spite him.
Therefore, you must first have the conviction that your relationship is worth fighting for. Secondly, prepare your mind for all the hard work that’s ahead. It may take a while for your boyfriend to forgive you, but if you arm yourself with the willingness to commit to make-up, you will persevere.
Saying sorry just for the sake of peace can sometimes come off as insulting and condescending to your boyfriend because, in some ways, it means you do not admit to your wrongdoing but just want to move forward. On the contrary, a sincere apology shows you acknowledge your fault in the fight, and you are now willing to make amends.
If you usually just get him a gift or let him suggest the ways he’d like you to make it up to him, this time say a genuine “I am sorry”. Go further, state what you believe you did wrong, and end it by asking what you can do to make things better. This simple step can go a long way in warming your boyfriend’s heart and reigniting love.
You have offered your apology, now allow him to speak. Give him room to express how hurt he feels, what he thinks could have been done differently, and what his next steps are going to be. I know this may be tough, but by all means, do not interrupt or worse, get defensive. Remember, you need to make him feel that he is in a safe space where he can openly express how he feels.
Do you often feel the need to get defensive? Do you feel your boyfriend is this macho man without feelings? Well, he may act like one, but it’s evident that this guy has feelings too.
Empathy is the ability to see things from another person’s perspective to understand them better. When people fight in a relationship, it’s easy to get absorbed in our emotions and neglect our partner’s feelings.
However, when we are empathetic, we can tell ourselves that perhaps, we are wrong. We can admit that we don’t know it all so we must listen to our partner and imagine what he must be going through.
It’s easy for little unresolved issues to build up and become full-blown problems. At that point, it becomes difficult to point out precisely what the problem is. Look within and think deeply to discover what led to the dispute and why it is a problem.
Perhaps, that fight over not throwing out the trash may have originated because you felt ignored. It’s usually the little things we let into our heads that cause the huge fights, that’s why you need to identify the problem so it doesn’t repeat itself.
We like to be around people who find us intriguing, people who genuinely care about the things that matter to us. In the same vein, if you want to win back your boyfriend’s love, you must show that you genuinely care about whatever concerns him.
Don’t fake it; people can tell when you are just nodding your head in agreement but not interested. You can show your interest by listening to his complaints, make him feel like you want to resolve things, and value the relationship.
While you may be ready to discuss your fight, your boyfriend may not be feeling the same way. He may probably need more time to think, and you should respect his decision. Don’t pressure him into having a discussion.
After all, people deal with issues differently, and this may just be his. Don’t let his initial reaction deter you, but if you are finding it difficult to hold off, consider confiding in your support group but let him know that you are ready to talk whenever he makes up his mind.
Sometimes, when things don’t go the way we planned, we react by shutting down. Shutting down here could make you decide to give your boyfriend the silent treatment with hopes that by ignoring him, he will miss you enough to forgive you.
While that may work, it is a manipulative way to go about earning someone’s forgiveness. If you notice your pleas and efforts are falling on deaf ears, simply ensure he knows you will be there whenever he is ready to talk and move on, then, give him space.
Acts of service can go a long way to show a person how you feel about them. It’s especially useful if quality time is your boyfriend’s love language. For instance, if your boyfriend rarely gets to see you during the weekdays, consider having lunch together. He will be grateful for your thoughtfulness, and this can serve as a reminder to him about why he loves you.
Touch has always served as one essential part of human connection. According to Professor Ralph Nackel, touch is an interaction between two individuals, and it has a positive impact on relaxation. Therefore, it is no surprise that we feel a sense of comfort and well-being when we are touched.
When both of you are together, simply place your hands in his or rub his knees when speaking, that shows you want to be with him, and it eases whatever tension he is experiencing at the moment thereby leaving room for a healthier conversation.
When someone we trust hurts us, it is easy to create doubts in your mind, to wonder if they ever really loved you because if they do, why else will they choose to hurt us right? Well, the thing is, sometimes we hurt people unintentionally, but they won’t know that if we don’t say it.
Reassure your boyfriend a little more by telling him how much you love him regardless of what you are both going through in your relationship.
Everyone has their flaws; it’s this imperfection that makes us human. So, if you need a little boost of strength in your quest to win back your boyfriend, try focusing on his strengths which are all the things that make you drawn to him.
If possible, have a list of all the positive things you like about him and reflect on them occasionally. By doing this, you will always know what you stand to lose.
If you’re up to it, get a paper and pen and write them down, then read all those things you feel he’s great at doing out loud to him. It’s one way of showing how much you love and appreciate him.
If your agreement is based on something that can’t be changed and it goes against your values or that of your boyfriend, decide if it is a deal-breaker and if it isn’t, you can always agree to disagree. Not every argument has a clear-cut solution, for instance, issues surrounding religion or politics.
Compromise is hard, but you can always find a middle ground for your arguments. Don’t be rigid, be fluid and keep an open mind as long as it does not go against your values. There are decisions you can make that will favor both of you in the end, and all you have to do is sit and have the conversation.
Humor has a way of breaking down our walls; it’s a great tool that can get rid of an awkward situation. When you laugh with one another, it relieves stress, builds intimacy, and breeds a positive environment for conflict resolution. When in the middle of a fight, think of an inside joke you share and use it as an ice breaker for the conversation.
Don’t be so quick to express how you feel verbally. When upset, we have the tendency to say things we don’t mean, and you know what they say about words, once out, they cannot be taken back. If it’s difficult to express your thoughts, consider writing them down. Writing gives you ample time to think about what you want to say, and your boyfriend will appreciate the effort.
Communication is a two-way street. It is essential to express how you feel and give leeway for your partner to express himself as well. When he expresses how hurt he is, be sure to give a sincere apology. Also, let him know when you are hurt or bothered about something instead of allowing yourself to build resentment.
Transparency builds trust. To win your boyfriend back, you have to prove that you are trustworthy. Do not hide secrets, if you think there is something he needs to know, open up and say what it is.
As cliche as this sounds, it honestly works. Not to say you should shed crocodile tears, but if you feel enough remorse and you feel the urge to cry, then cry. It’s difficult watching the ones we love to break down in tears. No matter what they have done, we are always moved to make them feel better. If he loves you as much, he will be moved and see how sincere you are.
Nobody is perfect, it’s an important fact we should all know. We all have our shortcomings, from not turning up the toilet seat to not caring much about how we look. Regardless of what they are, we need to make peace with them. First decide if it is something you can deal with even though you do not like it, then choose to make peace with it.
It’s easy to have so many expectations from a significant other that we fail to see that there is so much a person can do. Having a lot of expectations will get you disappointed most of the time especially when your significant others do not live up to them.
While your boyfriend may not act as you expect, remember that managing one’s expectations is the key to a successful relationship.
Vulnerability is essential in any relationship. Bearing yourself to your partner, so he fully understands who you are is one way to have a lasting relationship. Vulnerability when asking for forgiveness is also vital.
When you are vulnerable, it gives your boyfriend room also to feel comfortable expressing himself. In your conversations, do not be afraid to show yourself fully and to tell him how much you like him; there should be no shame.
Take note of what led to the fight, observe what triggered an adverse reaction from your boyfriend, and do well to avoid them. By paying attention to the genesis of the fight, both parties can understand each other’s boundaries and know what they dislike.
Ask any older lady the way to a man’s heart, and they will say it’s through his stomach. Think of your boyfriend’s favorite meal and dedicate time and effort to preparing it for him. Remember, it is the little things that matter. It might be something you hardly do so he would recognize the effort put into it. Gestures like this are sweet and can help patch things up quickly.
In most cases, his friends probably know what happened. If you are finding it difficult to reach him or appeal to him, seek the intervention of his friends. Sometimes it just takes a few words from a good friend to set things in perspective for you. It is necessary to talk to his friends that care about him and have his best interests at heart.
Show up at his house unannounced with a sentimental gift, but make sure it is at a convenient time. It is possible that by showing up, it will force him to have a conversation with you finally. It also goes to show that you are serious about reconciling.
It can be tough winning a guy back, some of us have been there before, and we know how ego-bruising it can be. However, when things look irreparable, try bringing up old memories—times when you both were happy together and could not bear to be away from each other. Good memories make you miss the person and it's a step in the right direction.
Offer a sincere apology, and make sure you state exactly why you are apologizing. Don’t just end it there; show him that you are willing to change through your actions. He may not be willing to accept your apology immediately, so don’t push it. Give him space and time to think.
I prefer apologizing through a text message as opposed to verbally because text messages give you ample time to meditate on your thoughts. When you type your message, do not send it immediately, step away from your phone for a few minutes then return to proofread it. This helps you ensure that your words come off well and are expressed adequately.
Besides apologizing, seek ways to communicate extensively on what led to the fight so that it does not repeat itself in the future. Also, you can make a surprise dinner for him and while eating, bring up lovely memories from a time when you couldn’t stay away from each other.
First, remember that he may not be ready to talk even if you are. So, if you feel like he needs space, don’t let it deter you. Write a heartfelt letter expressing how you feel and notifying him that you are ready to communicate whenever he feels ready. This shows you understand his anger, but you are also willing to make amends.
If you are serious about reconciling with your boyfriend, then you should have no shame in texting him first, especially if you are the one at fault. However, make sure your text message conveys an apology without pushing blames or throwing accusations.
Every couple fights but the beauty is in how they fight and reconcile. You must learn to fight fair and take responsibility when wrong. I hope you found this list helpful; I will love to see your opinions on the matter in the comment section. Also, don’t forget to share this with your friends and family.