Relationships can be challenging, but breakups are worse, mainly because most breakups happen without warning, and that can be hard to take in at once. One minute you are lovers, and the next minute, you have to struggle with the reality of knowing that they are no longer a part of your present and future.
It is this sudden withdrawal that makes us hurt. You feel you have to get your ex back but he doesn’t want to get back together. You want to hear from him, perhaps beg and ask for a second chance. However, that will only push your ex further away and leave you feeling miserable.
Before we get into the juicy details of getting back together with your ex, you need to have a mental review of your relationship. You will have to review what may have led to the breakup and decide if it’s something that can be resolved. Is there a possibility that you and your ex will reach a compromise, did he sound serious about not wanting to get back together?
There is no point in trying to revive a relationship that ended because of abuse, violence, or differences in core values; that cannot be compromised. However, if none of these apply to you, then here are seven ways to get your ex to talk to you.
As humans, our emotions fluctuate, so even though your relationship has gone sour and your ex says he never wants to speak to you again, it’s possible that he no longer feels that way. That is why you must pay attention to the signs he shows and keep up with his relationship status.
Perhaps, he has met someone new and has no interest in talking to you. By paying attention to the signs, it will be easy for you to determine if your efforts towards getting your ex back are worth it or not.
Some sure signs that your ex will talk to you again include the following; first, they stay connected with you on social media. It’s one thing for your ex to still be friends with you on social media, and it’s another thing if they still engage on your posts. It could be in the form of likes or reactions, and if he’s doing any of those, it means he is open to reconnecting with you.
Another sure sign is if your mutual friends randomly ask about your relationship with him or his current status. Chances are, he’s been talking about you with them, and he probably wants to know if you are still available.
If your ex displays any of these signs, he is likely open to talking to you again, and you can think of getting back with him.
I know this may look counterintuitive, considering your goal is to get your ex to speak with you again. However, now is not the time to be pushy. This is especially important if he was the one who initiated the breakup. You must respect his decision and give him some space because you don’t know how hurt he feels.
If you don’t know how to get someone back this way, here are a few tips. First, learn to enjoy your own company and do whatever it takes to be content with being happy doing activities and hobbies you love. That could be revamping your room - if you are someone who spends a lot of time indoors, or making a change to your routine, or even taking long walks.
Secondly, revive your other relationships, (which you may have ignored) these relationships will serve as a healthy distraction. Thirdly, reflect on your time with your ex, and the areas you went wrong. Ask yourself, what you would have done differently? Once you have the answer to that, then you can proceed to work on yourself.
Engage in personal development so it will be easy for him to see that you are a different and a better human when you talk again. Whatever strategy you choose to adopt, don’t sit around pouting and wondering if your ex is thinking of you.
Remember the saying, distance makes the heart fonder, so while you may not be miles apart, you will be making him miss you by giving him space.
Keeping mutual friends after a breakup can be tricky, but you can use it to your advantage in this case. Most times, when people split up, mutual friends will want to know what went wrong and may try to act as mediators - this is a good thing. However, try not to share too much; keep them curious so they also ask your ex about you.
That way, your ex will actually have to think about you. Plus, a breakup could mean they have to pick sides or lose a friendship that matters to them. Therefore, it’s only natural that they may want to act as mediators.
When speaking with mutual friends, keep your conversations short and sweet. Do not talk too much about the gloomy details and try not to speak badly about him. You do not even have to make your ex a topic on its own as that may rub off the wrong way.
Instead, talk about him as a passing comment. For instance, if your friends talk about a vacation, you can chip in about a place you and your ex visited and all the fun activities you did together.
Written messages remain one of my favorite means of communication, especially when I am upset or emotional, and this is why I recommend you send your ex an email. Clearly, you are distraught about the breakup, and your emotions are running high.
Therefore, if you want your ex to speak to you again, make sure you don’t communicate with him when you are emotional because it will be difficult to control your choice of words. You may end up making things worse and ruining any chance you had to get your ex back.
Unlike verbal communication, written communication gives you room and time to choose your words carefully. So, take time out to sit quietly and write a heartfelt email or text message. Make sure you start with a catchy title or first paragraph, so it gains his attention. After writing, you may want to step away from your device for a couple of hours or days.
This will give your emotions ample time to stabilize. This way, when you read what you have written, it will be easy to spot errors and areas where you need to tone down your choice of words. When your ex reads your email, he will most likely want to talk with you and seek a resolution.
It’s almost impossible not to bring up social media when discussing how to make your ex want you back. That’s because what you post on social media will provoke thoughts of the love you shared within him. However, I will suggest that you do not post too often, so he does not catch up on your plans - after all, he is also a smart human.
Instead, sparse out your posts and make them worthy. That way, he will look forward to seeing them. Your posts do not have to post only pictures of you in exotic places. You can put up pictures of you doing fun activities you would normally do together in the past or a photo of you achieving something he knew you always wanted to achieve.
What this does is that it makes him realize that your world does not revolve around him. So, even though the relationship is over, you are still able to carry on an incredible and exciting life.
I must mention this; social media will not help you heal if you focus your energy on stalking your ex’s page and trying to put meaning into all his posts. However, it enables you to seduce yourself back into his life.
Did you think gifts and flowers are only for ladies? Well, they aren’t. It’s a perfect way to show your ex that you still care about him and will like to re-establish a friendship. If he is open to the possibility, he will reach out to you.
Sometimes, when people break up, while one partner will like to rekindle things, the other may be feeling the same way, but they are afraid to state their intentions for fear of rejection. So, this may be the case with your ex. He probably misses you and will like to talk but is not sure of your reception.
So when you send a present, it signifies that you are willing to look past your differences and possibly reignite the relationship. You can use his birthday or any special occasion as an opportunity to send him a present, and if you are lost on what presents to give, don’t fret.
For starters, it does not have to be expensive. It could be flowers, cupcakes (if he is a sweet tooth), or lunch order. The goal is to gently stir thoughts of you in his mind through acts of kindness.
Just because your relationship is over, that doesn’t mean you have to cut off everything that concerns your ex. One reason people cut off everything about their exes is that they do not want to run into their ex. However, your case is different, so that’s not a problem.
If you want your ex to talk to you again, make sure you remain involved in the things that interest him. That way, you will be up to date on those activities and have something to discuss when you meet. Your ability to engage him in topics that interest him speaks volumes. It reminds him of how compatible and in tune you are with each other.
For instance, if he introduced you to a book club, keep visiting the club and stay updated on books shared. So if you run into each other there, your conversations will flow smoothly. However, remember to keep your conversations casual and short, don’t linger for too long so it doesn’t get weird.
Communicating with your ex after a ‘no contact’ phase can be awkward, especially if it’s unplanned. Keep your conversation simple and ask open-ended questions that will lead to a full-blown discussion. Tell him about things that you have been up to and ask him about his life too.
Breakups are tough, and it’s important to remember that you are not the only one hurting regardless of the reason your relationship ended. Your ex may not want to talk to you because he is also hurting and needs space to heal. Another reason could be that he is still upset with you, especially if you are the reason for the breakup.
Many life decisions are based on emotions, so the trick is to play into his feelings and make him miss you. Get mutual friends to talk about you in his presence, post positive achievements on your social media, and give him space to miss you. These things will keep him wondering what new and exciting things you are up to these days.
Expecting your ex to open up to you would be you hoping he trusts you again, so you must give him a genuine reason. Use your time apart to focus on self-development, work on your insecurities, and all the areas your ex may have highlighted as your shortcomings.
You must pay attention to your choice of words and tone when messaging your ex for the first time after a breakup. If you miss them and want to stay in touch, you can type; “Hello X, how are you doing? You crossed my mind, and I thought maybe we should meet up for coffee”. That’s a brief message that conveys how you feel.
While breakups can be messy, they can sometimes be salvaged if you use the right approach in getting your ex to talk to you. Remember not to be too pushy and don’t turn into a stalker; instead, take things slow and be patient. I hope you enjoyed reading this list; please share it with friends, and don’t forget to leave a comment behind.