Let’s clear this real quick, the friend zone situation isn’t something to be ashamed of, as long as it’s a perfectly healthy, non-toxic, non-obsessive feeling you have towards your friend. While lots of people have made the friend zone seem like a state of cluelessness and unhappiness, it’s just a simple friendship scenario where one party has feelings for the other person but can’t seem to say for fear of rejection.
More often than not, the “friend-zoner” doesn’t feel the same way. I know it can be a bit frustrating, but the good news is there are ways out of this zone. Yes, and I’m not talking about getting you out of the feeling, I’m talking about moving you from the friends zone into the couples zone. This article will let you know how you got into the friendship-zone initially and present solutions to exit in no time.
It’s very common for people in the friend zone to feel frustrated and used from time to time. After all, you are doing so much for your friend but you are clearly not getting what you want from the relationship. This has caused some individuals to put the blame on their friend for being insensitive and unappreciative.
However, the first step to getting out is accepting that it exists and you are in a bad situation. In addition, you need to accept the responsibility that you put yourself in there. If you don’t, you’ll only get more frustrated. More so, if you allow it to consume you, bitterness will set in. You don’t need me to tell you that’s toxic energy. No one wants to be with a toxic human being.
As a matter of fact, don’t be needy at all. I don’t need to overemphasize this point when it comes to how to get out of friendzone. Being needy is not attractive, it’s that simple. One of the first things you need to realize about every relationship, whether it’s a business, romantic, or platonic relationship, is that a negotiation is always involved.
Unlike business, the negotiation between friends is never written down in black and white. It’s usually an unconscious agreement. So, when you unconsciously behave needy because you are crazy about your friend, your friend will unconsciously take the upper hand and the control of the relationship.
Furthermore, this will make you give more than you’ll get. Now, getting out of the friend zone is technically a re-negotiation of everything you have going. Only this time, you are very much conscious that you’re in that area.
So, what next? Well, you have to present yourself more often as uninterested. This is naturally the next step on how to get out of the friend zone once you’ve admitted you put yourself there. This step gradually puts the negotiating power back into your corner. More so, research shows that those that are more willing to walk from a relationship holds all the aces
The aim of scarcity is to increase demand. When you don’t see your friend for some time, it’s only natural that you miss him. Now, if you create a scarcity of yourself for a while, his need for you will skyrocket.
Perhaps, you are in a type of friend zone where you guys are having sex with no strings and you are hoping he’ll see you beyond a sex-object, this is the time to make yourself completely unavailable.
More so, if you talk a lot about work or school-related stuff, make it less often. This is where you’ll know if your friend is into you at all. And once you are not around like you used to be, there’s a huge chance he’ll want to do more to catch your attention again if he likes you at all.
Okay, so you’ve made yourself scarce and he doesn’t see you as often. It’s time to turn up the heat. The idea is to let your friend know something has changed. Everything isn’t what it used to be when he had all the leverage.
This also means reducing the amount of times you call in a day. If you send a text and he doesn’t respond, don’t act all clingy by giving him a follow-up text or call to ask if he’s doing fine after an hour. Remember, you are still in the friend zone, you clearly can’t demand more calls and text from him like a girlfriend would.
So, you need to let the change in communication be obvious if you want to get the kind of result that you need.
This means personal improvement of yourself in the physical, mental, and emotional areas of your life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should hit the gym because you found yourself being friends with someone you like. However, if you feel your physical outlook needs some work, it’s not a bad idea to improve, not for your friend, but for you.
There’s a saying, “the right person will take me as I am.” That’s not true on every occasion. A lot of people have standards or yardsticks they expect their ideal lover should possess. Perhaps, you are in the friend zone because you don’t fit the ideal lover profile.
Don’t be a weakling. Stop taking permission for every little thing when you are around someone you are friends with. It doesn’t put you in a pretty place. Furthermore, don’t be afraid to initiate what both of you will be doing. You don’t have to allow his suggestion when you don’t want it. For example, you guys want to see a movie at home or at the cinema.
You don’t have to agree to his choice just because it will translate to being with him for some time. In addition, if you have a contrary opinion, just spill it out without any form of hesitation or awkwardness. If you want something he doesn’t want, that’s alright. It doesn’t have to be about him all the time.
When you are not sure how to step out of the friends’ area, it’s only natural for you to make efforts so that your friend can see you more as someone he would want to be with. Sometimes, he might be the only opposite sex you are making efforts with. That’s not good for you if you’re ready to get out of that position.
What you need is to make more “friends.” So, go out more often. Research shows that competition is a proven way to increase need. If you share the same social media platforms, go ahead and post a couple of your enjoyed outings with your new friends.
Just like competition drives manufacturers to do more for their customers in the world of product and services, seeing you having fun without him and more importantly with other people might make him jealous and willing to do more to get your attention.
I know this can be a bit difficult especially when you are a compassionate and kind person who likes to help everyone as much as you can. This is common with women. But trust me, you need to do this more often. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not suggesting you should suddenly become mean.
What I’m saying is, try not to be his “one-stop.” Don’t try to solve his problems whenever he asks. Try using the “No card” on occasions when the need isn’t crucial. Saying ‘yes’ all the time to his request is what got you deep in the friend zone in the first place. He unconsciously sees you as his handy-woman, his go-to person whenever he’s in need or want.
If your friend is someone you can’t avoid even if you try. Perhaps, he’s a colleague at school or work, you might want to try getting him to invest more in you since you’ll be around him often. This isn’t a scheme to financially exploit your friend. It’s more like getting your friend to get used to you by doing things for you.
You’ve been on the giving end for a while, it’s not a bad idea if your friend does the same. It doesn’t have to be something extreme. For example, you could ask your friend to drive you to the store, accompany you to get your nails done. Research shows that the more people invest in a relationship, the more the relationship will matter to them.
Ask for favors more rather than doing the favors. Furthermore, this will also make you see if he’s reluctant in doing the favors or he’s happy. If he’s happy, then you might have a way out of your friend zone.
I saved this for last because it’s always the hardest for a person in the friend zone. It’s even harder for women. The reason you are stuck is because you are afraid your friend might not feel the same if you come out. So, you decide it’s better not to ask instead of risking the loss of the friendship. Well, here’s the thing.
You might never get out of the friend zone if you’re hoping your friend will just wake up and realize you are the “one.” This isn’t Hollywood where everything is settled in 90-110 minutes.
Furthermore, you’ll be more disappointed to see your friend with another person after waiting for so long as friends. So just go ahead and ask. It doesn’t have to be too direct or forceful. You can simply say, “ I like what we have going on, it’ll be nice to take it further if you’re interested. However, don’t sound pathetic or needy.
You can also add, “if your answer is no, then it’s totally fine.” By this approach, one won’t ruin the friendship or cause any awkwardness during future engagements. More, you’d be surprised your friend might have the same feeling and he’s probably just doing an impressive job masking his emotions while you waited in the zone.
The major reason you are in the friend zone is because you are afraid of the “No” answer. So, you hope doing all your friend’s requests will make them somehow love you. To escape, you need to stop being needy and clingy towards this person. Be bold and have your own opinion instead of doing whatever your friend wants.
On the other hand, just put fear aside and ask. If you are lucky, your friend probably likes you too. If not, look on the bright side, you won’t sit around forever regretting you never asked.
It depends on the situation you find yourself in. If you are sure your friend isn’t into you but you are in denial, nurturing false hope that they will eventually come around, it’ll take more than a miracle to break you out of this zone. However, if your friend shows signs of liking you but you’re just afraid to ask, then you might have a good chance getting out.
The first step is to stop being needy and desperate around your friend. Then improve yourself, perhaps, you are in the friend zone just because you are not relationship material enough for him? Then make him jealous by bringing a little competition. If he’s into you, he’ll show some interest.
Accept and take responsibility that you put yourself there. Ensure you don’t stalk the person with calls or SMS. Give them space and make yourself challenging by not being available all the time when they need you.
While it’s not possible to force a person to love you, it is possible to make a person see their ideal woman in you if you improve yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Then, it’s safe for one to be honest and be ready to deal with a “No” answer respectfully and maturely.
I hope you enjoyed the short article. Though the list isn’t exhaustive, it’ll do the job of getting you out of the friend zone if well adopted. The points are interwoven and would do much good if you use them together. It’s also safe to accept you might not receive what you want from your friends. More so, meeting others outside the friend zone will help broaden your horizon for something new.
Let us know what you think in the comment section and if you know other people that need to see this feel free to send their way. In fact, share everything said with as many friends and people that need to see this.