How To Get Closure From Him (15 Steps You Need To Take Now!)

Last updated on July 4, 2022 by April Maccario

A lot of the time when a relationship comes to an end, we experience pain and heartache not only because we are losing the person we love, but also because many of us don’t fully understand the reason for the breakdown of the relationship.

Without clear and honest communication at the end of a relationship, closure doesn’t exist and without it existing, it’s incredibly difficult to let go of the relationship and successfully move forward.

Whether you feel like you’re lacking closure from a recent breakup or you’ve never been able to properly move on from a particular relationship you had years ago, the good news is that closure is possible and you definitely don’t need the other person to give it to you.

In this article, we’re going to share the 15 steps you need to take to give yourself closure from a past relationship so that you can fully close that chapter of your life, let go and move on. Let’s get started!

How To Get Closure From Him

1. Exchange things with your ex

If you’ve been broken up with your ex for a while then obviously you won’t need to do this, but if you’ve just separated, this is one of the first things you need to do after calling it quits. The last thing you want is your ex coming back into your life in a few months’ time asking for his hoodie back, so exchange your things with each other as soon as possible to get it out of the way and make a clean break

2. Think about what kind of closure you need

Before you do anything else, you need to think about what closure means to you and what kind of closure you are looking for. For example, if you were cheated on you might want closure on why your ex did that, meaning you will have to communicate with them. Or, if you’ve been separated from an ex for months or years and still can’t seem to get over them, you might be looking for closure without talking to them so that you can finally move on.

3. Write your ex a letter (you don’t have to send it)

One great way to find a sense of closure is by writing a letter to your ex explaining exactly how you feel about the situation. If you have never had the chance to let this person know how you feel, this is your chance, so get it all off your chest and onto paper. After you’ve written the letter, you have two choices.

You can either enjoy the therapeutic feeling of scribbling down all of your emotions and then burn the letter, signifying the release of these emotions, or you can send it to your ex. It’s never recommended that you get in touch with your ex when you’re trying to get over them, so it’s best not to send it to them. However, if you really feel like you need to get some answers from this person or you need to tell them how you feel, you may want to send it to them.

4. Cut all contact with your ex

cut all contact with your ex

It’s vital that, at least for a few weeks or months, you cut all contact with your ex. If you are speaking to them frequently, you’re not making a clean break and therefore you won’t be able to move on from them. This means deleting their number, unfollowing them off social media, or blocking them for a while. Although it might seem dramatic and over the top, the last thing you want to see every time you scroll through your phone is your ex’s face - you need to create distance between you and this person.

5. Allow yourself to feel grief for the relationship

When a relationship ends, it’s completely normal to feel an array of strong emotions because you’re in pain and you’re experiencing heartache. The relationship has died and you need to allow yourself time to grieve for it. Don’t force a smile on your face and bury your emotions deep down, because they will only come back to haunt you in the future. Instead, let yourself feel everything you’re feeling.

6. Realize that the relationship ended for a reason

Although it might feel like your life is crashing down around you, it’s really important that you realize that the relationship had to end for a reason. You just weren’t supposed to be with this person, so trust in the fact it’s all working out how it should and there will be better things coming your way.

7. Remove things that remind you of them from your life

Getting closure is going to be incredibly hard if things that remind you of your ex are scattered around your house, looking at you and reminding you of them every single day. You need to remove everything from your life that reminds you of this person, including gifts they got you and things that have sentimental value. If possible, give these items to charity or recycle them.

If you are really keen to keep hold of something long-term, it might be a good idea to remove it from your house until you have moved on from this person and you don’t feel such a strong sentimental attachment to it. 

8. Try to forgive yourself, and your ex

try to forgive yourself, and your ex

Forgiveness is essential when it comes to gaining closure, so it’s definitely something you need to practice. Forgive yourself and your ex-partner for all of the problems that occurred in the relationship, the breakup, and the bad times. Although this might be really difficult if your ex did something wrong by you, forgiveness allows you to move on, so try to conquer it.

9. Lean on your support network when things get hard

It’s no secret that you’re going to have days that are harder than others, and sometimes you will feel like you need to speak about everything with someone. When you have days like this, it’s important that you turn to your support network. Your support network should be made up of people that will support you through tough times, just as you will with them. 

These people will be really close friends and family members that you can open up to and talk with about how you feel. The old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved” really is true.

10. Practice self-care daily

You’re going to want to make sure that you’re making a conscious effort to practice self-care every single day. Self-care means very different things to everyone, but whether it’s pampering yourself with a DIY spa day at home or it’s going to your favorite coffee shop to curl up and read your book, make sure you’re doing it.

11. Focus on personal growth

One of the best things you can do for yourself when you’re trying to get closure and move on is to focus on your own personal goals. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Do you want to change the way you live? Have you always wanted to go and live in another country, write a book or go back to school? Ask yourself some big questions, figure out what personal goals you have, and start working towards them. Stop wasting energy and time on thinking about an ex, and think about number one.

12. Take on a new hobby

take on a new hobby

Taking on something new is a great way to not only keep your mind away from thinking of someone, but it’s also a great way to meet new people and expand your circle of people. If you’ve always wanted to join a group or start learning a new skill, now is the perfect time to do it. 

13. Spend more time with friends and family

Although you should always spend time with your friends and family, even when you’re in a relationship, you might benefit from prioritizing spending time with your loved ones when you’re struggling to move on from someone. Being around people who you love, and who love you back, will not only make you feel content, but it also shows you that you don’t need your ex to make you feel loved.

14. Get help from a professional if you’re struggling

If you’re still struggling to find closure from a relationship that ended a while ago and you can feel that you’re being held back by it in your everyday life and with new relationships, it might be a good idea to seek the help of a professional. A therapist or counselor may be able to help you move forward and find all of the answers that you’re looking for.

15. Move forward with an open mind

The final thing you need to do is move forward with an open mind and heart. Don’t let this experience deter you from heading onto the dating scene and getting into relationships in the future. Instead, understand that that chapter of your life has closed and now you’re moving on to the next one. 


How do you get closure when there is none?

If you’re struggling to find closure to a relationship that’s ended, you should follow the 15 steps in this article, so take a look above for detailed instructions of what to do! Essentially, you need to finalize that chapter in your life by cutting contact with your ex, removing anything that reminds you of them from your life, and realize that the relationship ended for a reason. Once you’ve done this, you can move forward focusing on yourself. 

What is relationship closure?

If you have relationship closure, you are aware of why the relationship came to an end and you’re no longer holding onto the relationship. Instead, you don’t feel attached to the person you had this relationship with anymore and you can move on and find new, fulfilling relationships.

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Do you really need closure to move on?

Closure really helps people to move on, so you could say that you ‘need’ it in order to move on. However, you don’t need answers to come from the one that you’re letting go of. In fact, you are the only person that can actually provide closure for yourself

How do you get closure from a broken relationship?

If you’re looking to get closure from a broken relationship, you should take a look at the 15 steps above. You need to do everything from cutting contact with your ex and allowing yourself to grieve the relationship, to hanging out with your friends, and focusing on personal growth to successfully be able to move on and close that chapter of your life. If you follow all of these steps, you should be moving forward with an open mind in no time at all. 

Should I contact my ex for closure?

It’s completely up to you whether you think it’s necessary for you to contact your ex for closure. If you think speaking to them about the end of the relationship will help you be able to move forward, then do it. However, you don’t need to speak to your ex. In fact, if you think that you need to speak to your ex for closure but you don’t want to actually contact them, you should follow point #3 and write them a letter but never send it. By doing this, you’re able to release everything you want to say to this person, without actually having to contact them.

In Conclusion

If you have been struggling to find closure to a relationship that’s ended, hopefully, the 15 steps in this article will help you to understand what you need to do, and bring you closure once you follow each step. Although the idea of finding closure might seem impossible to you right now, it’s well within your reach and as long as you make moving on from this relationship a priority of yours, it will happen for you.

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with anyone you feel like needs to read it!

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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