How To Get A Narcissist To Chase You (7 Foolproof Tricks)

Last updated on June 5, 2022 by April Maccario

If you want the details on how to get a narcissist to chase you, you must first understand what is meant by the term narcissist. 

According to Psychology Today, a narcissist is an individual with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, an overwhelming need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and a desire to be unique and receive special treatment. 

The Urban Dictionary explains that this person has no soul and an inflated ego. It doesn’t sound like narcissists are the best people to want to be around. I don’t think I would say they have no soul unless they were sociopaths; rather, I believe they just don’t know how to feel empathy; to me, they are just high-maintenance people.

So, what if you are in love with a narcissist? How do narcissists in love treat the people in their lives?

In this article, we’ll take a close look at what exactly a narcissist is, how he or she acts in a relationship, the best ways to win over a narcissist, and what to do if you are in a relationship with one. We’ll closely examine what love is and whether or not a narcissist is capable of it. 

What Is A Narcissist?

The Mayo Clinic classified a Narcissistic Personality Disorder as occurring when a person has a deep need for attention and admiration, struggles with understanding what empathy is, and carries an inflated sense of self-importance. In other words, this type of person takes a lot of care and attention; as I mentioned, narcissists are basically high maintenance people. 

A high maintenance person often has drama following them wherever they go. They are needy, self-serving, self-centered, and a lot of work. If you are dating or married to someone who fits within this framework, you probably know how your partner is high maintenance. 

My question is simple; why do you want to be in a relationship that’s so difficult to maintain?

How Do Narcissists Act in Relationships?

Narcissists have difficulty with love. They may not even know how to love or be capable of doing it. Love is an act of selflessness; it’s all about giving to the other person in the relationship. Love is all about showing affection and care. The Bible says love is patient, kind, honest, respectful, trusting, and everlasting. Can someone full of themselves exhibit those traits?

Of course, being with someone who has a large ego can be quite thrilling. After all, they always have something to talk about, to share, and to entertain you with. There’s never a dull moment. It’s exciting to be with someone full of passion and life! You can get addicted to this kind of excitement and passion. Who doesn’t need a little spark in their life?

But, the question is, can someone with narcissistic traits actually feel the love you give them? 

You may find that the narcissist you are in love with just wants to have his ego stroked or keep the relationship satisfying to him, not you. He wants uncommitted pleasure. How do narcissists act in relationships? If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, what can you do at this point? 

How Can You Get A Narcissist To Chase You?

1. Be a good listener

Be a good listener

There’s so much more to listening than just hearing. The Harvard Business Review explains that a good listener is engaging, interactive, cooperative, and encouraging. This person intently hears what the other person has to say and offers relevant feedback. Sounds like a tall order, right?

So, how does this help you win over the self-involved individuals? They enjoy talking, thinking out loud, and/or having a sounding board to air their thoughts to. Learn to listen intently, so you can find things to talk and do together. Listening is a great way to learn more about a person and to find things you have in common.

Aim to hear what the other person is saying and respond with relevant, helpful feedback. Show that you are an excellent communicator.

2. Share their interests

As you learn more about the person you are interested in, you will discover their hobbies, interests, and values. What interests do you share? Are there any hobbies or interests that you could learn to compromise about and love? Could you fake interest until you find a way to be interested in something? 

Find an angle about their passion that interests you. For example, my man loves bird watching and talking about the different types of birds. To me, there is no interest in this topic. However, I love shopping! I found joy in buying bird feeders and the different kinds of bird feed. I enjoy finding new ways to attract birds because he’s really into the hobby!

3. Be confident

There’s nothing sexier to a narcissist than self-confidence. You can show confidence by showing that you know exactly who you are. Walk straight with your shoulders held back and your eyes pointed straight forward. Be sure of yourself, and smile while you do it. Show your unwavering self-esteem in your entire persona.

4. Look your best

If you want to catch the attention of a narcissist, try looking really sexy! Hit the spa, so you feel your best, and go shopping for a little red dress that makes you look absolutely stunning! Make yourself feel and look like a princess, and you’ll knock his socks right off! Hit the makeup counter at the mall, and receive a free makeover.

Go treat yourself to a massage and see about snagging a manicure, pedicure, and complete waxing. Hit the hair salon to get highlights and the cut or hairstyle you’ve been dying to try. 

You’ll feel so much better about yourself. Plus, you won’t just catch the attention of the narcissist you’re chasing; you’ll grab the attention of every male around!

5. Be independent

Nurture your own hobbies and interests; show you aren’t needy, that you have your own life. Sometimes, maintaining space will just make him miss you more. Usually, the heart grows fonder the longer you’re apart. You don’t have to play games with his heart; just show him you can make it fine on your own. You see your “me time” is important, too.

Find a new passion by discovering something new to love. Develop a new lifestyle like vegan, anything to focus your attention on that doesn’t involve men. It’s smart to take cooking or knitting classes. He’ll be shocked at your independence and self-assurance, and he’ll be knocking down your door before you know it.

6. Play hard to get

If you are anything like me, you realize it’s hard to not think about and pursue men! Instead, it’s more like an addiction! Start focusing on something else, even if you think it’s not that important, pay attention to things in your own world. This will give you time apart and you’ll know how to best make guys attracted to you.

Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
This is one of the most common issues our female readers face.

It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.

Take this free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

Be a mystery! Make him work to catch your attention! Narcissists love a challenge! Let him learn about you slowly, similar to peeling an onion. Don’t open up too fast; that way, the two of you can take your time getting to know one another. 

7. Show off your intelligence

Show off your intelligence

Intelligence is arguably the most desirable characteristic in a mate. If you don’t feel as though you are smart, you are discrediting yourself. 

Everyone is smart in some way. You may have street smarts or know Jeopardy trivia better than the people on the actual game show. Flaunt your stuff! You’ve got this!

What Should You Do?

If you have a narcissistic lover, you may want to take a closer look at your love life, making sure you are getting the love you deserve. Narcissists often play mind games, aiming to trick you into being one of their admirers. Do you really want to go through that? I know it’s thrilling to have drama and excitement added to your life, but it can be quite exhausting over time. 

Understand narcissistic people may be unable to provide you with the love you need. Research shows that people in love express their feelings by giving words of affirmation, quality time, and physical love. One study found participants felt love when their partner showed interest in their life, provided them with moral and emotional support, and tolerated their flaws.

Ask yourself if you think your lover can actually change into a person who could do those things for you. Does the definition of love describe the way your narcissistic partner treats you? I think the way a narcissist treats their partner is the opposite of the definition of love. In other words, it’s impossible for them to empathize and treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. 


How do you trick a narcissist into leaving?

If you are looking to understand how to make a narcissist miserable, you may just want to go ahead and walk away. You don’t have to play games to get out of a relationship. Instead, consider working on your self-love and self-esteem. Learn boundaries and just let go.  

Can you get a narcissist to come back?

Yes, you can if that’s really what you want, but do you really think he or she can change? Why would you want to be with someone who can’t really love you back? Weigh the pros and cons of being with someone like that before trying to win them over.

Can you outsmart a narcissist?

Of course! You can make this person want you by playing hard to get. Keep busy and show your person of interest that you mean business! In other words, strike out with boldness, strength, independence, and confidence. Don’t get too caught up playing games, though. Instead, maintain your self-worth!

What are narcissists like sexually?

I once heard a phrase that is so true when it comes to sex. It was, “It ain’t over until you both get your cookies.” For a narcissistic personality, the idea of understanding the feelings or desires of another is foreign to them. Narcissists satisfy their needs first, yours last.

What happens when you stand up to a narcissist?

Narcissists may actually find this attractive. They will see that even though they aren’t treating you right, you are not scared of them. It’s a good way to make these people feel perhaps even worse than how you feel when you’re with them. Enjoy getting this good payback.

The Bottom Line…

What do you find attractive about narcissists? Do you carry narcissistic personality traits?

It’s a difficult personality to get along with, right? Do you ever feel like it’s time to walk away?

I’d love to hear all about your experience. Please share this post and comment below!

Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.

It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.

Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

4 comments on “How To Get A Narcissist To Chase You (7 Foolproof Tricks)”

  1. Loving a narcassist is not lighthearted or just something to study and find entertainment from. These relationship can go from fairy tale perfection to feeling like a trapped life or death situation over night or within minutes. Please be careful. Regardless, this is about how people treat each other, and hearts. Mine, is an amazing man, so when it hurts, it hurts. And I never know what is going to happen. Fun..? Not so much when you are questioning having a roof over your head. He is a magical man. I love him.

  2. In my experience the comment about sex is completely untrue. My narcissistic ex was more than happy to satisfy me, often apparently without satisfying himself at all. This is because sex to a narcissist is another way to control and overpower someone. The satisfaction comes from being in control and being the one to make the other lose control.

  3. I first became a chase from a Mexican migrant worker who works nine months in the US then goes back to Mexico for three months. He started chasing me in 2017, I was friendly but refused him and i was married so was he. Covid hit and we didn’t see each other for a year…I got divorced….he lost a daughter violently. He pursued me but I wasn’t really interested in quick sex for I knew it wouldn’t be satisfying for me. I must’ve been very lonely for his persistence wore me down…we had very passionate lusty sex which quickly ended with me giving more than I was getting. I started to feel anxious, used because he was emotionally abusive…sometimes arc would hurt so he was somewhat physically abusive.
    His job was ending late fall and I was somewhat relieved but I gave him my number and ask him to call me. He did but it was mostly about him and it was short and abrupt
    hang up. I never called him back but I’d get a call with no messages from him once a month. When he returned to the US this spring he came to me and we became sexual again. Before we would have sex twice a week, now it was once a week and I was chasing him for it.
    The chasing would once in awhile get me sex but he seemed irritated if I chased him so I stopped. He works in my neighborhood and had to pass my house to get work supplies. As he passed he’d looked continuously at my house as though he was looking for me to come running to him. I didn’t. As I read more about narcissism I realize this is behavior of his come after you, love bomb you then go cold was typical. As I continue to stand strong I feel better but still think of him, still want him but I know it will not be fulfilled in a normal way a casual sex should be. I just wanted to be with him when he was hear giving good love but I know now that’s impossible.
    In time this too shall pass. I wish I’d never gotten involved, it a hurt that’s undeserving baffling and lingering. You’ll never forget being involved with a narc.
    Annemarie Conrod.

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