How To End An Affair (9 Ways To Break Free From An Affair)

by April Maccario

Letting go of a relationship is one of the hardest decisions anyone can make. Nevertheless, it’s recommended to allow yourself, and others around you, to move forward. You need to heal, and to allow other healthy relationships in your life blossom. 

You also need to allow yourself fully love the one you’re already committed to because an affair indicates that you have someone, but you’re focusing your love somewhere else. 

Moreover, ending an affair is a prudent decision that will allow you to take control of your life once again, and focus on the future. 

It will also allow you to see the beauty of tomorrow, rather than fixating on something that might not be profitable at the end of the day. Letting go, even though you have deep feelings for this other person, is important because it helps you prioritize those who truly come first, despite the desire of your heart to focus somewhere else.  

And although it may be the hardest decision you might make, these nine practical ways to end an affair will put you one step ahead, and accompany you on your way to recovery.  

9 Ways To End An Affair

1. Understand the pain the affair is unknowingly causing

Understand the pain the affair is unknowingly causing

Affairs, when both parties are married, can be the deal-breaker that makes two power couples go their separate ways, this is because it’s quite difficult for you and your affair partner to see the bigger picture. 

Your focus remains on the fact that you love your affair partner, you’re happy about the relationship, and you don’t want to end things. 

Nevertheless, seeing the bigger picture, and understanding the pressure the affair is putting on your marriage helps you know how to end an affair. More so, having an affair does not exclude the fact that both of you separately have people in your marriage. The damage of rejection that the affair would have on these people, only makes it mandatory for you to end the affair immediately. 

Rather than having someone find out, the right thing to do is to start fixing the damage done before it gets worse. The more you ignore all the signs of the damage being caused, the worse the aftermath of the relationship, and the one you have with others. On the other hand, starting now to protect the future and those around you by letting go, is the right thing to do. 

This will also help you prioritize the people important in your life, and help you strive towards making them happy. 

2. Know why you’re ending the affair

There are numerous reasons why a person would decide to end an affair. One of these involves finally seeing the damage and pain it is secretly causing to those around you. It’s not just your marital relationship that’s at stake, the affair may also affect the kids or even the extended family in the long run.

No doubt, going through a normal life with your spouse, and also having one with your affair partner, can make you see life from a different perspective. In the long run, it will affect your self-respect, because you’ll always feel bad about the situation. It could even make you lose all form of empathy, and start to consider negative actions as good ones. 

Whatever reasons you have to end the affair, be aware that it has the power to set you free. Even more, it will make things much easier, and give you peace of mind in the long run. It will also give you the willpower to fight for your marriage and for other great relationships that stand in jeopardy. 

No one should influence you to keep on with the affair, a friend or even a family member may be doing it, but that doesn’t make it right or acceptable. Ending the affair is the only way of saving your marriage and patching things up with your partner. 

3. Decide that the affair is over

For most people engaged in love affairs, it’s never easy pulling the brakes on the relationship, you start to consider most of your emotions, which interferes with knowing how to end an affair. 

On the other hand, knowing how to end the affair is as simple as breaking up with someone – which everyone can easily maneuver through. However, for the people involved, this it’s not the case, this brings to light that the real hindrance isn’t the knowledge of how to end an affair, but you subconsciously not wanting it to end. 

Most times, not knowing how to end an affair comes as a result of fear that you’ll lose the one you love, and everyone would find out about your actions, therefore, you can’t come to terms with the subject of ending an affair. 

To overcome whatsoever might be stopping you from ending an affair, the first step is to fully convince yourself that the affair is already over. Recall how you felt when you knew this wrong relationship needed to end and let that be empowerment, both in your mind and in reality, to take action to end the affair. 

With this knowledge, you won’t be able to talk yourself out of doing it, you should also try to get support from somebody else, to ensure you don’t back down from your decisions. 

4. Understand that you won’t forget easily

If you haven’t already ended things, the best time to do it still remains now, it can be done via text messages or calls, but ensure you do it in a precise way, without leaving room for doubts. After this is done, don’t try to force yourself to forget about your affair partner immediately, because this will only have a negative outcome. 

Live with a conscious mindset that their memories will remain, and it is only important for your recovery. This, in turn, will help you make the right decisions at all points in time, no matter how hard it may seem, going back to an affair isn’t the best move. You have to remain conscious that your actions are essential for your happiness and those around you, this will help you manage your emotions better.  

In the meantime, look for ways to distract or occupy yourself, this will bring you one step closer to forgetting about your affair partner. Focus on building healthy relationships with people, while doing the things you love, and being happy while doing it. You might not get a drastic change in emotions overnight, but you will definitely get better with time.

5. Prepare for the reality of people’s reactions

Prepare for the reality of people’s reactions

The aftermath of having an affair comes in many folds, one inevitable aspect is having to face the reality of other people’s reactions, when they eventually find out that it happened. Keeping it a secret isn’t exactly prudent, because there’s a high chance that it would still come to light. On the other hand, opening up to your spouse and other close people about it will reduce the impact of the damage. 

In most cases, this might not necessarily be the best thing for you to do, but you have to consider if you’ve ever lied about certain subjects concerning the affair to your partner. If so, then you need to come clean, being unfaithful is one thing, but keeping it a secret and choosing to lie is like a volcano waiting to erupt.

Also, there’s a chance that your partner will eventually hear about it from someone else, so it’s best they hear it from you first. Lastly, if there are traces of emotions like guilt, pain, and shame, that could hinder you from being free and growing your relationship with your partner, then you should, in fact, open up about the subject, before things get out of hand. 

There will definitely be negative reactions; but understand that these people are also on a road to recovery, which will take some time, if you are to save your marriage, you have to come clean, and give your partner time to heal

6. Be honest, but prudent

When the subject of an affair gets out, many questions would be thrown at you from multiple people. Though it’s important to be honest about it, you still have to be prudent enough to know what to say, and who exactly to say it to. You have to run through everything that led up to the affair and fully understand what happened – your motives, and why you later decided to end the affair. 

Have a clear mindset about things before talking about it, because this will ensure you don’t misconstrue your statements and end up looking bad in front of everybody. More so, since the other party is bound to feel hurt, you shouldn’t say anything that worsens the situation. 

Consider those who might want to exhibit revenge on you or act crazy, and refrain from speaking much to them. Also, consider those that might want to hurt themselves, and don’t go into intricate details, or blame them for your actions. Be cautious in every situation because you don’t want your close ones to end up leaving you. Nevertheless, don’t tell lies just to make them stay, because there’s a high chance they would still eventually find out. 

7. Know that the healing process takes time

Apart from worrying about other people’s emotions, yours is still important as well. You would feel a lot of painful emotions over a period of time, but understanding that you will eventually heal and move on, is what will help you pull through. This also goes for everyone around you, you might feel the need to cry and worry about the future; but bear in mind that everything will be eventually alright.

Yes, an affair will take a toll on your marriage, but don’t feel the need to suppress your emotions and rush into the healing stage too soon. This will only have a negative effect on you, the more you suppress your emotions, the more it will build up until you’re forced to explode and let it out. This indicates that it’s okay to cry and feel bad, but don’t stay in this stage forever.

8. Cut off all contact 

For affair partners, there’s a likelihood that they’ll be tempted to engage in the same act again. Most times, one party tends to lure the other into the same act, especially if they’re unable to handle the situation as good as the other party. This is why the best thing to do after ending an affair, is to cut off all contact with your former partner. 

It might be the hardest thing to do, but it will ensure that you, and everyone close to you, don’t get hurt again. Don’t accept their phone calls or messages, and remove all forms of contact from your social media accounts. Even if they find a way to contact you, don’t be tempted to give them a listening ear, because this will only cause more temptation, which you may not be able to handle. 

Be the bigger person in the situation and acknowledge that your actions are protecting both yourself, your family, and marriage. You could also seek help from others around you to ensure you don’t make a mistake and try to make contact with your former partner. 

Have someone else you can always talk to, especially when your ex is trying their best to contact you. The more support you have in such a situation like this, the better your chances of scaling through.

9. Focus on repairing the damage

Focus on repairing the damage

After everything seems sorted out to an extent, you would need to focus on repairing the damage done. Understand that the affair happened for a reason, so try to get to the root of it, this will prevent anything similar from occurring again. Focus on repairing the damage done in your relationship with friends, and in your marriage. 

Forgiveness needs to be embraced between you and your spouse, more so, you need to adequately understand the roles the both of you might have played, which led up to the incident. This should be done when the two of you are comfortable speaking about the subject and need closure

If you weren’t in a relationship, but having an affair with someone in a marriage, then you should figure out if the problem was personal, or perhaps associated with certain life experiences. Try to completely understand why you acted the way you did, and how you can recover from it, this will, in turn, give you a sense of freedom. 

You can also consider talking to a professional about it, or anyone you know wields more knowledge on this subject than you. When you focus on repairing the damage and possibly preventing others from making the same mistake, you will definitely have a sense of fulfillment, More so, you will forget about the pain, shame, and guilt that overwhelmed you before.  

FAQs

What to say to end an affair?

In order to end the affair, you have to be direct with your words, this also indicates that you have to be certain and unshaken about your decision to end things. Any room of doubt you have in your heart only creates room for your affair partner to convince you to stay. Make sure your words hit the target and show your determination not to continue in the relationship.

How long do extramarital affairs usually last?

Extramarital affairs usually last from six months to two years, depending on the degree of secrecy involved. Being involved in an affair doesn’t guarantee that your affair partner will always be there for you. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t indicate love, this means that for a cheat, he/she can always find somebody else to have an affair with, while you remain in the dark.

How do I get over my affair partner?

In order to get over your affair partner, and move on with your life, you have to look for other avenues to distract yourself. Ensure your focusing on your goals and the future as a whole, work towards achieving certain dreams you couldn’t actualize before, and focus on building healthy relationships with new people. The more you stay away from thinking about them, the more you can completely get over them.

Do affairs start up again?

Affairs are bound to start up again because it’s hard for the two parties to forget about each other. Nonetheless, if you’re really determined to leave that part of your life behind, then cut off all communication with them, and focus on building the future. Ensure your life becomes a top priority, and building profitable relationships with new people becomes something you strive to achieve.

Can an affair last forever?

Though people believe that affairs can last forever, this isn’t exactly the case. At a point in time or the other, the two parties are going to be caught, which means they’ll have to make an open decision – either to end things or to make them official. Whichever decision they make will determine how the future will go, however, in plain terms, affairs cannot continue in secrecy for a lifetime.

On The Whole,

Did you enjoy this article on ending affairs? Remember that the best decision you can ever make is to get rid of a toxic relationship in your life, especially if you’re involved in an affair. The pain that would be caused to many can be reduced with your decision to end things early. 

Kindly share this article with people who need to see it, and leave a comment below if you liked it.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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