How to Deal with Someone Who Blames You For Everything (11 Ways)

by April Maccario

Being blamed for something when it isn’t your fault is never a fun situation to be in, but it happens to the best of us.

You may be wondering how to deal with someone who blames you for everything, and luckily, this article is going to address the best ways for you to handle this situation without yelling or attacking the person (even if you really want to)!

I’ve heard people say, “My husband blames me for everything,” and I understand that can be quite trying. You are in a long-term relationship where you can’t just walk out the door and end it. Instead, you have to face the problem head-on in the best way that you know how. 

Often, people who blame others who they know are not to blame do so because they feel confused by a particular situation and feel like they have to take it out on someone, or they will just explode. You may not realize it, but you’ve probably been in their shoes before!

When we blame other people for things that are our fault or our responsibility, it may temporarily increase our self-esteem because we feel a momentary release from pain.

How to Deal with Being Blamed All the Time

1. Ask your partner to rephrase the accusation

No one enjoys being yelled at and blamed for something that isn’t their fault. To refocus the issue and to perhaps calm down the accuser, kindly ask him or her to rephrase the blaming statement in a different way. This will also give them a chance to think about the words that he or she just said, and maybe say them again in a better way. 

If you are being yelled at by a spouse or loved one, consider politely asking him or her to change their tone of voice and rephrase the facts so that you can better understand what they are trying to say. Give them a chance to redirect what they’ve said to a neutral force rather than at you, especially if they know you had nothing to do with the situation.

2. Determine if there was a misunderstanding

While you may very well know that there was no misunderstanding, it never hurts to give the person the benefit of the doubt. After you have had a chance to clearly understand the facts, calmly explain your side of things. This will give them a chance to settle down and feel like they have been listened to since you will be explaining what you heard.

For example, if your spouse says that you left your coffee cup out and wants to know why you didn’t put it in the dishwasher, you might say, “I understand you think I left my coffee cup out and are bothered that it was not placed in the dishwasher.” You may very well know the facts of who was to blame are different, but you have rephrased it all. 

This gives him a chance to say, “Yes,” or “No.” Further, you now have the opportunity to defend yourself and explain what really happened. There’s no need to place the blame on him; you just need to state the facts of the situation. If you are dealing with someone who frequently has the same argument, I understand this process is tedious. 

If you care about this person and the relationship you are in, you should still take the time to recognize the part that you played in this scenario. It can get old; I get that, but you don’t want to make him or her feel small by yelling right back when a simple exchanging of words is all that is needed. 

3. Don’t just accept defeat without some facts

One thing you will want to be careful with is being a pushover. Over time, it may seem like the easier option when a person tends to blame you for every part of everything in life, but don’t just roll with it. Make sure you stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be mean or anything; just make sure you understand the facts before taking the blame.

4. Take the time to get some space from each other

If things have gotten heated between you and your partner, you may need some air. Give yourself some breathing room until your tempers have had a chance to chill out. Often, when we fight with each other, especially if one person decides to place blame on the other, we say things we don’t mean or that we instantly regret. 

To prevent this from happening, give each other time to cool off - a chance to think things over without the other person around. You may both realize it was a dumb thing to argue over and will forget the whole thing. If your partner decided to blame you for something minor, he or she might determine it wasn’t worth arguing over.

5. Consider taking a break from the relationship

consider taking a break from the relationship

On the other hand, if you notice that you are in a situation where your partner frequently or always places the blame on you when it’s not your fault, you may need more than a little breathing room. You may need a complete break from the relationship, time for both of you to think about the future of your relationship, and how you feel about one another.

Playing the blame game as a part of your daily life is not a healthy way to live in a relationship. This kind of routine behavior may mean you need to leave the relationship altogether, especially if the relationship was a temporary one, to begin with. 

Give your partner time to miss you and a chance to see just how valuable you are to him or her. This may give them the time they need to work through their issues so that they can quit playing the blame game with you. Maybe he or she needs time to process their feelings so that they can better understand the part you play in the relationship.

Hopefully, your partner will realize your value and want you back in their life to start your relationship in a healthy manner. People often don’t realize how great they had something until it’s gone.

6. Stay open-minded as you listen to the facts

Examine how you respond to being blamed for something that you believe is not your fault. Your defensive behavior may surprise you. Keep an open mind, and be humble in your response. Does your partner have valid claims? If you believe you have done nothing wrong, ask for proof, but be willing to take the blame if you are in the wrong.

If you immediately respond in a defensive, combative manner, you may regret it. Try to listen openly and take care with how you respond, because when the truth comes out, you don’t want to have any regrets, especially if it turns out that you are the one to take the blame. 

7. Determine if you were in the wrong

If you have determined that you are to blame, it’s time for some humble pie, especially if you were defensive or combative in your response to the blame! Make sure you are able to admit when you are wrong with plenty of apologies. You wouldn’t want to be a sore loser, right? Instead, learn from your wrongdoings and grow from these experiences.

Be a courageous spirit and show that you can admit when you’re wrong. Perhaps, your partner will learn from your behavior and be willing to show humility the next time he or she is wrong.

8. Approach the subject carefully if you were right

Have you gotten down to the actual issue and investigated the truth wholly? If you have concluded that you are right on the subject, be sure to be a gentle soul. You should carefully show the proof that shows you are not to blame in this instance. You don’t have to go overboard in rubbing it in; just show that it was not your fault and let it go.

9. If this isn’t about you, watch your reaction

If blaming has become a frequent affair in your relationship, you probably know by now that this situation is not your fault, but you should still be careful with the way you respond to your partner’s concerns. Even if you’ve heard it all before, to your partner, this problem probably seems new and disturbing, so you should listen with care.

You may play some role in the problem at hand, and if you have completely shut down to listening to what that role could be, you could be causing your own amount of damage to your relationship. Instead, listen intently in a non-defensive way to see if there is any role you need to accept responsibility for. If so, make sure you commit to changing it. 

10. Decide on the future of your relationship

decide on the future of your relationship

If your partner blames you for everything in the relationship, it may be time to consider whether you want to stay connected to this individual or not. If he or she is never able to take responsibility when they are wrong about something, it can feel like you are carrying a large load on your back because it is a heavy burden. 

Do you want to continue to live like this? What pros are there with your partner? Do they outweigh the cons in the relationship? It’s important to make a weighted decision to make certain that you are truly giving it every consideration before just giving up. However, you don’t really want to be part of a negative situation forever, do you?

11. Consider attending couples’ counseling

Often, the right therapist or counselor can shed light on issues that you may have never thought of. For example, maybe your boyfriend was teased as a child, causing him to have resentment issues that he’s blaming you for. 

Having a third-party chime in can also often make more sense. They can word things in ways that may ring truer than your own. If your partner has been excessively blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you and is willing to go to therapy, what do you have to lose by checking it out with him (or let him get help on his own)?

FAQs

What is it called when someone blames you for everything?

Usually, when one person blames another for every little thing that goes wrong in life, they are known as a blamer. They have decided to project their hurt and guilt onto another person in an effort to feel less pain themselves. It’s not the best way to handle things, though.

What is the psychological term for blaming others?

Often this term is known as “projecting,” because you project the guilt or blame you feel onto someone else, even though it was in no way their fault. It’s a kind of coping mechanism that helps us through particularly difficult parts of life. It’s not right, but it happens.

What does it mean when a man blames you for everything?

A man who does this feels he needs to blame someone for the wrong in his life, and you just happen to fit the bill. This doesn’t mean that his actions should be supported by you, but this is just a possible explanation as to why this is happening.

How do you deal with being blamed?

The main course of action you may want to take with someone who always blames you for everything is to end the relationship. It may be a choice that you only get to make once, but if you see this negative pattern of behavior, it might be a smart move.

What personality type thinks they are always right?

A narcissistic personality thinks they are right on most occasions. Sadly, this can be true with many people - narcissistic or not. Have you ever come across someone who always seemed to be right? It can be annoying, but if you are open-minded, you may learn to find it refreshing.

To Sum Things Up…

Do you feel like you are always the person who has to take the blame in your relationship? In what areas do you think you’re right and wrong? How have you responded to accusations in the past? I’d love to hear your side of things. Please leave comments below!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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