How To Break Up With Someone You Love (12 Useful Tips)

by April Maccario

The feeling that love brings can sometimes be described as 'magical'. This unprecedented phenomenon brings with its litany of utterly overwhelming behaviors – not listening to friendly counsels, getting depressed at the slightest things, going beyond your boundaries just to please him, and jumping to conclude that these feelings will last forever. 

No matter how magical and beautiful being in love feels, there is always a down-side to everything. Most romantic relationships break down even before the words ''it's over'' are even said. This constitutes a major emotional disaster for both parties, especially, for the one who is more deeply in love. 

More so, the reasons for the swift, but gradual break down of such a lovely relationship could range from a list of renowned reasons. These may include, pride, ego, infidelity, poor communication between both parties as well as, the lack of compatibility in life goals. 

12 Fail-Proof Ways To Break Up with Someone You Love

Luckily, with this article, you can’t go wrong if you want to end things with a partner. It aims at giving you all the guidelines and good counseling on how to break up with someone you still love - but do not want to be with anymore. 

This is because, just as love is essential in any relationship, staying happy is just as important. I, certainly agree that there is no wisdom in remaining in a relationship where there is no joy. 

Keep reading, as I address the best possible steps to be taken before, during, and after the break-up.

Before Break-Up

1. Your happiness is important

Your happiness is important

The that things have gone sour in a relationship does not completely erode the possibilities of both parties still loving each other – this, however, quickly transcends from a simple, lovely relationship to an awkward ‘situationship’. 

This term can best be understood as a moment in a relationship where no one can say what is going on at the moment, it’s usually a very confusing and awkward situation.

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the ‘situationship', it is very important to have a mentally intellectual dialogue with yourself.  This conversation will seem like a debate, stating the reasons why you should or should not break up with your partner. In most cases, if the reasons why you want to break up exceed why you shouldn’t, it conventionally means you should try to work things out.

However, it is important to note that individual wants or needs in a relationship always vary. Hence, you should, at this point, pick out the things that are paramount to your happiness. According to relationship experts, what constitutes happiness in a relationship is not so simple to define, as each partner’s views on the subject may greatly differ. 

Every successful relationship is built on the foundation of respect, loyalty, and love. These elements, when put together, create happiness in the relationship, so, if you are happy in the relationship, there is no need insisting on a break-up; unless your partner wants it. 

If you are not happy in that relationship, regardless of other reasons you might have to stay, it may just be time to move on, your happiness is paramount. 

2. Stick to the plan

Relationships are not always going to be smooth sailing, even those couples that appear so good together on the outside might be going through dark times on the inside. This mindset will prepare you for anything that may eventually come up. 

Just as a coin has two sides, everything else in life has the good and bad side of it. While a perfect example of a romantic relationship is full of hugs and kisses; milk and honey; love and bunnies; the flip side could involve moving from best friends to strangers in a twinkle of an eye. This can be very hurting and difficult to handle, with that said, this then leads to the next point - inconsistency.

Most times, after making up your mind to break up with someone, you end up making excuses like ‘let me give him another chance’ or ‘he has promised to change’ or ‘I still have feelings for him’. These excuses simply show how inconsistent you are in sticking to the plan. It is necessary to note that, just after having that very important mental pep-talk, you arrived at the decision to break things off. 

If you chose to move on by breaking up with him, that was you in your right mindset, having weighed the pros and cons to it. Therefore, it is rather, not very rational to go back on that decision, simply because he has promised to change or because you still love your partner. 

Your reasons for deciding to break up must be stronger and more convincing than your momentary feeling of love and nostalgia. 

3. Prepare to defend your reasons

Breaking up with a guy you love is already hard enough, but what if you're up against a smart, smooth talker, who likes to win in every situation; he is intelligent and manipulative, and has a way with his words, and probably his hands too. Then, you must be fully prepared to convince your partner beyond all reasonable doubts about why the relationship is not working for you anymore. 

To successfully win this debate, you should be as precise as possible, this means that you should state your reasons for wanting to break up and explain it to them in the simplest of terms. Also, you should be ready to answer their questions as well, your partner will want to know why you’re ending things, or if there’s another person in the picture. 

It does not always end with stating your points and running off, you should be prepared to defend them as you answer his questions. More so, answering his questions is the best way to help him understand your perspective and reasons. It is never wise to call it quits, and not take the time to address their questions; it only leaves your partner confused, angry, and feeling used. 

4. Accept the consequences

Going through a break up is one of the toughest parts of being in a relationship, there’s no easy way to end things, or deal with moving on. The thought of being alone; no more frequent calls, or text messages, checking up on one another, buying each other gifts, or even cuddling at night, it’s tough. 

The fact that you will no longer share a bond with this person is quite devastating. However worrisome, you simply have to accept these consequences as a price that must be paid for true freedom and happiness. 

Furthermore, it is important to note that this moment of loneliness will not last for long. According to Dardashti, a relationship expert, he emphasized that simply because breaking up with someone makes you uncomfortable does not mean it is not the right thing to do. 

During The Break-Up

5. Break up in person 

Break up in person

Oftentimes, we hear how people call off relationships over the phone through calls or text messages. This isn't an ideal way of breaking up, this is because it only leaves your partner questioning if he didn’t mean anything to you, and why you couldn’t explain things in person.  

It goes further to show a lack of respect for the person, an ideal break up should be properly timed and carried out in a quiet and calm environment, where both you and your partner can feel comfortable while expressing deep emotions or grievances at least. 

6. Be honest, but polite

As you already know by now, this position is usually very awkward and uncomfortable for both parties. The last thing you want to do is lie about your feelings or make things look like you guys could easily get back together. It is best to start by telling the other person the things that attracted you to them in the first place, then move to state the reasons why you want and need to move on. 

It is imperative to do this in a very calm, polite, chilled way, this will minimize the level of drama, as well as ease the tension between that might be building up between you and your partner. Make sure you must pass the message without igniting any form of hatred, anger, or unnecessary drama, even though you feel like he deserves it. 

7. Be mindful of his feelings 

The decision to break up is usually born out of pain, hurt, and frustration, nobody just sits down and decides to end a perfectly, smooth-running relationship on a Tuesday morning; something must have warranted the break-up. 

However, regardless of the ugly experience that must have necessitated this action, it is important to stay humane and empathetic, don't get too emotional, and put your partner’s feelings into consideration when passing the message. 

After The Break-Up

8. Give yourself space to grieve 

Give yourself space to grieve

Usually, after breaking up, it is never easy getting over your partner, flashbacks of the good moments keep running through your mind, and every little thing reminds you of him. You may even feel like getting back together and screwing the odds. This experience is not in its entirety bad, as this is a sign that you really loved the person and still miss him regardless

However, some studies have shown that breaking up can lead to short-term mental disorders and a general decrease in life satisfaction, at least for a short period. It is, for this reason, you need time for yourself. More so, it is vital to understand that this period is usually very trying, and a little break would do you some good.

Try to get your mind off thinking about your ‘ex’ significant other, go for a walk, exercise, and surround yourself with friends that won't necessarily remind you of the past. 

9. Focus on yourself

Perhaps you have been in a relationship for way too long and have forgotten how important you are too. This is usually the case for many young people in relationships, they invest so much time and energy into a relationship and when it all ends, they feel like they no longer have a life. That's wrong! You had a life before meeting your partner.

Therefore, rather than wallow in the nostalgic memories of the past, this could mean the breaking of a new dawn for you. Give attention to those areas of your life that were suffering while you were in the relationship. Pick up new hobbies, travel, visit family and friends, as well as, meet new people.  

10. Respect boundaries

One of the hardest things about breaking up is the transition from being the best of friends to being total strangers. To effectively facilitate this change, a little break from communication is usually needed. More so, it is not such a good idea to keep communicating with your ex, especially when you have not fully adjusted to the new circumstances. However, this does not mean that friendship in the near future is impossible. 

11. Avoid nostalgic feelings

The act of regurgitating on good memories with your ex sure has a way of making you want to go back to the relationship, regardless of how messy it was. One of the best ways of handling this feeling is a replacement; or at least, surrounding yourself with people who truly love and value you. 

More so, it is important to note that this nostalgic feeling is just a state of the mind and does not in any way signify that your partner is feeling the same way or at least, would change if you went back. Therefore, the heart should be guarded against this manipulative syndrome, while you try to keep a positive perspective at all times. 

12. No one is irreplaceable

On many occasions after a break-up, we hear people use phrases like ''you'll never find someone like me'' or ''… no one can love you the way I did''. This is them simply being bitter and manipulative, and you should not let your life circle around statements like this.  

Although no two people are indeed the same, the fact that you are breaking up with this person is an indication that you deserve better. This is why you should always consider the broken relationship as an example of what you would not want to be in; move on in search of something better. 

FAQs

How do you break up with someone you love?

The first and most important step is having a personal conviction that you are not being treated right, you deserve better, and you need to leave. Then you should confront him in person, let your intentions be known to him, listen to his side of the story, and address his questions. Remember to be honest with your feelings, at the same time, be very nice and considerate of his feelings as well. Also, do well to remind them of the beautiful moments you both shared, and how it all started. 

Is it ok to break up with someone you love?

There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone you love, especially if the feeling was never mutual. We all desire to be loved and cared for, so when we give out love, we expect the same, or even more in return. It is never a happy feeling to love and not be loved back. However, in a scenario where the feeling is mutual, but his actions do not sit well with you, I suggest dialogue. No one is perfect, talk about issues, and try to resolve them peacefully. 

How do you break up with someone without hurting them?

Make up your mind on whether to break up or not; carefully analyze your reasons before confronting him. When confronting him, make sure to start by telling him what attracted you to him in the first place; be honest with your feelings; listen to him speak, and answer his questions. Breakups usually hurt both parties, there is no way of breaking up without hurting someone; but with these tips, you can minimize the effects. 

When should you not break up?

If you are in a relationship where your partner is constantly lying, dishonest, and probably cheating on you, then it might just be the right time to break up. There is no joy in being treated with disrespect, especially when your instincts keep signaling possible red flags. However, you should not initiate a break up when you don't have your facts right. You must have tangible evidence before taking the bold step. 

What are the signs when a relationship is over?

The first few signs will include frequent arguments; your partner suddenly becomes very annoying, and you start hating their habits, it will also include poor ways of communication. During this period, other people's company becomes more pleasing to you than theirs, and you feel alone even when you're together like you are basically dating yourself.

To Conclude

The process of breaking up with your partner is not usually an easy one, however, the basic guidelines I have discussed above should be helpful in baby-stepping through that unprecedented journey. You must apply these tips if the need arises as it will aid in making the break up less dramatic, help you move on with your life as soon as possible, as well as, let go of any toxic feeling that might be lurking between the two of you. 

It’s also worth keeping in mind that a break up is not the end of life. There is so much more life has to offer beyond any unpleasant relationship. If you enjoyed reading this article, kindly leave your comments in the section below and feel free to share this with friends or family members who might be going through a similar situation.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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