How To Be Independent In A Relationship (11 Tips On How To Make Sure You Stay True To Yourself)

by April Maccario

Whether you’ve been swept up in the honeymoon stage of your relationship and you now realize, months later, you never spend any time apart from your partner or you’re just starting out with someone and you’re determined to stay as independent as you were before, mastering independence in relationships can be tough. 

Having a significant other is incredible but as much as you love them and want to spend all your time with them, it doesn’t mean you should. It’s vital that you spend time apart and retain your independence, as this makes for a healthy relationship.

In this article, we’re going to be sharing 11 ways you can be independent in a relationship, and hopefully, both you and your partner will do some of them. After all, a relationship is a union of two individuals, and you definitely don’t want to fall into the trap of being seen as one. 

How To Be Independent In Your Relationship

1. Communicate with your partner

There shouldn’t be any problems surrounding independence in a relationship, as long as there’s clear communication with one another. 

For example, if you don’t communicate properly with your partner and you start to take on hobbies, see your friends alone and stop wanting to see them during your workday, they might feel like they’re being left out of your life or that something has changed between the two of you. However, if you simply communicate openly with them and tell them why you want to make these changes, there shouldn’t be any confusion or conflict.

2. Set boundaries

set boundaries

Communication is important to tell your partner what you’re doing independently, but it’s also important to set boundaries as a pair. It’s obviously better to have this conversation at the beginning of a relationship so that you can clearly set boundaries for the future, but even if you’ve been together for years, it’s useful and quite frankly, necessary. 

Set boundaries when it comes to how much time you spend together, how much time you spend apart, where you want to have just for yourself and how you’ll communicate when you need time alone.

3. Make time for your friends and family

One of the worst things people do when they get into relationships is to spend less time with their friends and family because they become too wrapped up with their new beau and their romantic life. 

You need to keep your independence when it comes to seeing your friends and family because, at the end of the day, they’re always going to be there for you. Although you might think your partner is your best friend, don’t neglect to spend time with your other best friends and family members, alone.

4. Keep up with your hobbies, or take on hobbies

One of the best ways to make sure you have independence in your relationship is by doing something regularly that forces you to get out of the house and spend time apart. The best way to do this is by keeping up with the hobbies you had when you were single or taking on a new one. This means that every week at the same time you have some away time scheduled.

5. Don’t see each other during the workday

Most couples don’t see each other during the workday, and as much as they might miss each other during these hours, it’s healthy because it separates business from pleasure. If you are always meeting up with your man on lunch breaks or he swings by your office whenever he feels like it, it might be a good idea to put a stop to that. 

You need to separate your time at work from your time at home. If he sees you throughout the day he knows how your day is going, but if you don’t see him until you get home, you can then share how both of your days have been and properly check in with each other, rather than doing so in the middle of the day when your mind is focused on your to-do list.

6. Take yourself out for coffee dates and lunch

A great way to boost your self-esteem is by taking yourself out for little dates, whether it be just nipping out for a coffee or indulging yourself at your favorite restaurant for lunch. Making the effort every so often to spend time alone in a public environment doing something you enjoy does wonders because it takes you back to a time where you didn’t rely on someone going everywhere by your side. It can actually be remarkably empowering to choose to dine out alone!

7. Make a space in the home just for you

When you live with your significant other it’s a good idea to create some independence within the home, and you can do this by making a space especially for you. Whether it be that you’ve got an office space, you have a particular chair you sit in or you have a specific area in the garden you like, claim this space and tell your partner not to use this area. 

This means that whenever you feel you need some time out, you can go to this area and you won’t be disturbed. You should also encourage him to create his own personal space too.

8. Practice self-care (by yourself)

Self-care should never stop because it’s not only vital for your well-being, but also increases your self-worth. Taking time every day or every week to practice some kind of self-care alone is essential. Whether you head for a massage or you spend the evening in a bubble bath, you need time by yourself to show yourself some love.

9. Text and call less throughout the day

text and call less throughout the day

If you’re constantly texting and calling your man, you might feel as if you never really disconnect from his side. If you talk all the time on the phone, you’ll also have nothing to discuss when you actually spend time with each other. 

You need to set boundaries when it comes to over-the-phone communication so you don’t feel constantly at the beck and call of someone, and so you both have more to discuss when you are together. 

10. Realize you don’t have to agree with your partner all the time

Being independent isn’t all about spending time by yourself. In fact, a large part of it is speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, and living a life you have created for yourself. So, make sure you retain your independence by acknowledging it’s perfectly fine to not agree with your partner about everything because you’re two separate individuals.

11. Encourage your partner to spend more alone time

If you’re wanting to spend more time away from your beau, it’s a good idea to try and encourage him to do the same thing. The two of you will probably notice that the life you share together gets better when you’re still enjoying life as individual people.

FAQs

How do you become independent in a relationship?

Although people think it’s easy to be independent in a relationship, it can be difficult when you feel like you and your partner should do everything together or you simply love spending time with each other. You can make sure you stay independent, or become independent by following the tips in this article - spend regular time apart, have your own hobbies, spend time with your own friends and live a life you’re single-handedly proud of living.

How do I show my boyfriend I am independent?

You can show your boyfriend you’re independent by following the tips in this article. If he still isn’t grasping that you’re an independent person, you simply need to communicate with him and set some boundaries to ensure you have an independent relationship, not a codependent one. 

Can you be too independent for a relationship?

No - anyone can be in a relationship, you just need to set boundaries and be with someone that respects you for the person you are. To make sure you get into a relationship where you can be as independent as you need to be, it’s a good idea to communicate early on with a partner how important independence is to you. As long as you keep communication open and honest, you shouldn’t encounter any problems with this.

How can I be a strong independent woman in a relationship?

You can be a strong, independent woman by simply doing whatever it is that you want to do. All you need to do is communicate with your partner so they’re aware of how much spending time alone actually means to you and why it means so much. As long as there’s open communication you can have as much alone time as you want, have your own friends and hobbies, speak your mind and keep up with self-care and self-appreciation. 

What 3 things make a relationship?

This really depends on your personal point of view and what makes a relationship go well for you. Typically, the “3 c’s” are said to be what makes for a good relationship - communication, commitment, and compromise. However, it’s important to have a strong level of independence in a relationship too. Even more so, if you are an independent person, this will be one of the most important things for you in a relationship.

To Summarize

Hopefully, after reading this article you are all clued up on the ways you can make sure you have independence in your relationship. As long as you have clear communication, boundaries, and honesty with your partner, independence should be something that’s celebrated. 

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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