How To Be Confident In Bed When Overweight (9 Amazing Tips)

Last updated on June 15, 2022 by April Maccario

Do you feel held back in the bedroom by your size? Do you focus more on ensuring your body looks good than enjoying sexual intimacy with your partner? Have you stopped having sex because of your lack of self-love and self-acceptance? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, or resonate with the things they were mentioning, you are in exactly the right place and this article is here to help.

News flash - sex isn’t only enjoyable for people that are size 6, toned, and have low body fat percentages. Sex can be pleasurable for everyone, regardless of size. However, overweight people sometimes find it much more difficult to enjoy sex or sexual intimacy with their partners. 

But, the reason for this isn’t because of their body shape, size, or weight, but is in fact down to confidence, or the lack thereof. If someone doesn’t have confidence in themselves and in particular with their naked body, they are going to feel uncomfortable in the bedroom and therefore be held back by themselves from fully enjoying any sexual experience.

Maintaining Confidence In Bed

There’s a lot of stigmas attached to the word ‘fat’ and therefore a huge proportion of fat people have gotten it into their heads that they aren’t good enough to enjoy their bodies or enjoy intimacy with someone else. 

This is absolutely false, and society should have never branded the word ‘fat’ with such a horrible sentiment because it quite simply isn’t a bad thing. As long as someone is happy with the skin their in and doesn’t feel a need to change, there shouldn’t be any negative judgment.

So, now we’re all caught up, let’s jump straight into looking at 9 top tips on how to make sure you have more confidence in bed as an overweight, fat, or plus-size person.

1. Spend time looking at yourself and being kind, with your clothes off

One of the best ways to get more comfortable in bed, and to ensure you are going to be confident when you’re being intimate with your partner is to first get used to your body and to start falling in love with it. If you shy away from ever looking at your body in the mirror or you’re always making sure your partner doesn’t see you naked, you need to muster up the courage to take your clothes off and go and stand in front of a mirror. Yes, this is daunting, but it is vital. So many women hate their bodies, so many women put their bodies down and so many women wish for someone else’s body. 

Once you’re naked and in front of the mirror, you need to spend time looking at yourself, all over, and appreciating the fact you are beautiful. Say a couple of nice things about your body out loud, and realize that you and your body are special, unique, and wonderful. 

You need to talk to yourself as if you are speaking to the child version of yourself, and you definitely wouldn’t be nasty to a small child, would you? If negative thoughts drift into your mind, notice them and decode them - do you really feel that way about yourself, or is it society that’s brainwashed you into thinking you’re not perfect just the way you are? 

This is an incredibly hard task to accomplish as someone that’s not happy with their body, but the more time you spend naked, the more you will like your own skin. You’ll find yourself taking your clothes off as much as possible! 

2. Work on accepting yourself every day

Work on accepting yourself every day

As well as spending time naked and saying kind things to yourself about your body, you will need to work on accepting yourself and loving yourself exactly as you are every day. To fully accept your body and feel confident in both the bedroom and outside, you also need to accept who you are inside. 

You need to stop putting yourself down, let go of any judgment you have of yourself, forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made in the past, learn how to listen to what your body and mind needs, and start putting yourself first. 

The only way you’re going to feel confident and enjoy having sex or being intimate is by fully accepting yourself and knowing yourself. Self-love is a long road, but you need to get onto it as soon as possible because the benefits to not only your sex life but your entire life, will be astounding.

3. Sexy lingerie is a must

Although you will get to a stage where you’re strutting around naked without any need for anything at all, one of the best things you can do to increase your confidence fast is to go and buy some beautiful lingerie. 

Sometimes all you need to feel sexy is a new set of lace undies, so head out to the shops or hit the online stores and look for something that will not only make your curves look voluptuous, but will also make you feel incredible.

Once you have your brand new underwear, you will want to show your partner how incredible you look, and it’ll probably lead to the hottest sex you’ve had in a long time. A great little tip is to also wear a set you feel like a sensual goddess in underclothes that make you feel not so great, such as work clothes or chill out sets, so you can always feel great underneath.

4. Self-pleasure

Self-pleasure is definitely not something anyone should miss out on, as it not only allows you to experience some really enjoyable intimate moments with yourself that makes you feel good, but it also makes you learn what you like and what you don’t like.

The women that are the most comfortable in the bedroom are those that know themselves well and are in tune with what turns them on, what they like, and what makes them orgasm. 

Once you’ve experienced making love by yourself, you will fall in love more deeply with your own body as well as understand it more. Therefore, when you get into the bedroom with your partner, you’ll know exactly what you need to do to experience the best type of pleasure.

For plus size women, it might be best to start off self-pleasuring by laying on your back, but you can try and move around and see what position is best for you. It will most likely give you a few ideas of the positions you’ll feel most comfortable in when your partner is there too.

5. Communicate well with your partner

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or you’re seeing multiple people, it’s always vital to communicate with a sexual partner to make sure you both feel comfortable and confident both before you get it on and during the time you’re having sex. 

This is even more vital when you’re struggling with body image because it allows you to really tell your partner how you’re feeling, what you like and don’t like and whether you have any issues with particular positions or concepts.

If you are in a committed relationship, it’s a good idea to talk about your body image concerns, as your partner can help to make you feel even more comfortable in the bedroom, and can boost your confidence.

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6. Try out some fantasies

One of the best ways to move past your lack of confidence is to try something new with your partner. There’s nothing better than trying out a fantasy with a partner because you both focus on having fun and figuring it out together, rather than thinking too much about yourself and your body confidence problems. 

Just remember that before you try out any fantasies, make sure two of you have discussed it and are on the same page. You both need to consent and feel comfortable giving it a go.

7. Introduce sex toys into the mix

Introduce sex toys into the mix

Whether you like sex toys or you’ve never thought to use them, they one of the best ways to increase confidence in the bedroom, both when masturbating and in a shared sex life with someone. 

When it comes to being intimate with someone, sex toys are similar to fantasies, as it introduces something new into the equation and spices things up so you don’t focus too much on your body image.

Just remember, you will want to choose sex toys that are suitable for your body type, so going for a longer handle might be useful if you’re slightly more fat.

8. Try positions that work for you

For people that are bigger, not all sex positions are going to work or are going to be comfortable. So, it’s time you take a look at the best sex positions for you. 

You are guaranteed to feel added confidence in the bedroom if you get it on in a position you love and feel comfortable and secure in. As an added bonus, you can have fun trying out a variety to see which ones suit you best!

9. Enjoy the moment

Although this advice is clearly easier to say rather than do, you should really try and let go of your inhibitions in the bedroom and enjoy the moment. Sex is amazing. Your only focus during sex should be on both giving and receiving pleasure, so try and narrow your thoughts down to just that. 

Let go of any worries or anxiety you have surrounding yourself and stop wondering whether you’re fat, not fat enough, or too fat -  just focus on the intimate connection you are having with this person. 


How can I feel more sexually confident?

The only way you can feel more sexually confident is by loving yourself more. You need to be confident in yourself before you’re confident when you’re in the bedroom. So, self love and self acceptance are the only way you’re ever going to increase your confidence. Take a look at the points above that go into more detail about ways you can increase your overall confidence.

How can I be hot and confident?

You can be hot and confident by simply realising that you are those things. Everyone has the ability to be hot and confident, and the only reason people don’t feel like they are is because they’re holding themselves back. Start loving yourself more, accept yourself and take more control in the bedroom.

How can I be confident about my weight?

You can be confident about your weight by accepting the fact that you are perfect just the way you are. As said above, you just need to show yourself more love and accept yourself. You are beautiful, regardless of your size, so stop holding yourself back and telling yourself that you’re not. 

How do you feel when you're overweight?

This is really personal - some people enjoy being overweight and for others, it’s something that really bothers them. As long as you are healthy and happy, then you shouldn’t have to wonder how other people feel about being overweight. If you’re unhappy with being overweight, there are only two options - change it or accept it and love yourself.

Can anxiety affect you sexually?

Anxiety is definitely something that affects sexual performance in many ways. It might affect your libido and cause you to want sex less, it might make you perform badly in the bedroom and it might have you holding back from experiencing pleasure. If you’re dealing with anxiety, try to focus on being more mindful and relaxed, and if it persists, it may be a good idea to consult a professional to help you.

At The End Of The Day

Hopefully, this article will have helped you understand some of the ways in which you can feel more confident in the bedroom. Just always remember, you are beautiful and special and deserve to enjoy a full, exciting sex life that brings you pleasure.

Did you like this article? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share!

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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