How To Ask A Guy What He Wants (19 Ways To Know)

by April Maccario

Getting to know someone new is exhilarating and ultimately incredibly fun. You’re trying new things, going on dates, experiencing intimacy with someone new and it’s all great. 

Suddenly you realize that you’re getting feelings for this person, and so before you get too ahead of yourself, you want to figure out whether this person feels the same! Or perhaps things have been getting particularly flirting with someone you’ve known for a while and you’re keen to know if they want to take things a little further than simply flirting

Regardless of the specific situation, it can be unnerving not knowing where you stand with someone, so obviously, you have to figure it out. However, how are you supposed to ask them? After all, don’t guys get freaked out when you ask what their intentions are? 

Don’t panic, this article is here to help you understand how to tell what a guy wants from you, and more specifically how to answer the question, “does he want to be with me?” by actually communicating with him.

How To Ask A Guy What He Wants

1. Check you’ve got the signals right

Before you dive straight in and ask this man how he feels about you, it’s a wise idea for you to try and figure out whether he’s actually attracted to you or not. If he’s spending a lot of time with you, flirting with you, supporting you, doing you favors, and always wanting to see you, you can be pretty confident in the fact that he is attracted to you. If he’s not showing these signs, you might want to give it some more time.

2. Make sure he’s not already in a relationship

make sure he's not already in a relationship

This might sound like an obvious one but a lot of people make the mistake of not double-checking to see if the person they’re attracted to is single. You obviously don’t want to look like you’re trying to break up a relationship and you don’t want to develop feelings for someone that’s seeing someone else, so confirm they’re single.

3. Try and work out if he’s emotionally available

Although this sounds similar to the point above, someone could be single but emotionally unavailable. So, try and figure out if this man is emotionally available before you try and find out his intentions towards you. 

4. Ask around in a subtle way to try and get answers

You definitely have to be subtle with this one to make sure nothing goes back to him, but asking around to try and see if this man wants a long-term relationship or is interested in anyone can be really useful and might even give you the answer you’re looking for.

5. Try and have other, unrelated emotional conversations with him

It’s important to have emotional conversations with this man before trying to talk to him about how he feels towards you. You need to understand him on a deeper level, so try and get him to open up to you speaking about something unrelated to the two of you. Hopefully then when you come to ask him how he feels, he’ll feel more open towards you and less vulnerable. 

6. Develop a more intimate relationship with him

As well as trying to establish a deeper connection through conversation, it’s a good idea to try and develop a more intimate relationship. Of course, you might already have a physically intimate relationship with this person and if you are, try to incorporate more pillow talk and cuddles. This shows you’re not just interested in sex

If you aren’t intimate with this person, try and slowly become more intimate with them by doing things like touching them on the arm, hugging them, or brushing their back with your hand.

7. Drop hints that you like him

Obviously, it would be ideal if you didn’t have to approach this conversation with this man, and instead, you could get him to just turn around and tell you how he feels without having to put yourself out there. You might be able to make that happen if you drop hints that you like him. Flirt with him, spend time with him, prioritize him and show him that you like him with your actions rather than words at first.

8. Give it time

You need to give things time to organically progress between the two of you, so make sure you don’t jump the gun. If you’ve only been dating for two weeks, it’s not the right time to talk to him about how he feels. However, if you’ve been dating or flirting for over a month and nothing seems to be progressing naturally, you might then want to talk to him. 

9. Create a safe, intimate environment to talk to him

It’s really important that you think about where you’re going to talk to this guy. You definitely don’t want to speak to him about this over the phone, in front of people, or in an uncomfortable environment where things could interrupt. 

Decide where you’re going to speak to him and make sure it’s somewhere he’ll feel safe and secure to talk about his emotions and the relationship between you. For example, invite him to yours and sit in the living room or meet up and take a walk somewhere scenic and quiet.

10. Run through what you’re going to say

run through what you're going to say

It can be really nerve-wracking talking to the person you like and asking them how they feel about you, and it takes a lot of courage. If you’re unsure what to say or you’re scared about messing up, it can be a good idea to run through it in your own head before saying it out loud. 

11. Approach him at an appropriate time

It’s vital that you approach this conversation at the most suitable time. For example, if you know that this person is going through something tough at the moment or they’re particularly stressed about something, wait until you talk to them as this is going to be the last thing they want on their minds.

12. Show some vulnerability

If you’re going to try and get this person to be vulnerable with you, you also need to show a little bit of vulnerability so that they feel like they can actually open up to you. You might want to lead with the fact you’ve had to muster up a lot of courage to speak to them about this and you’re nervous. This shows vulnerability from the outset.

13. Dial down the intensity

The last thing you want to do is declare your undying love for someone only for them to turn around and tell you that they don’t feel anything for you. So don’t do this. Instead, dial down the intensity and speak in a calm, relaxed manner. You want to act as if you’re interested but that it’s not going to break your heart if he says he doesn't feel anything.

14. Ask him how he feels about the spark between the two of you

Rather than going straight in with “do you like me back?” and looking a little desperate, you should ask him how he feels about the relationship the two of you have together and if he feels a spark between you. 

You want this to be an opportunity for him to open up to you, not for you to tell him how you feel in an intense, weird declaration of love, so ask him open questions that allow him to take the lead and talk. You want to know how he feels after all, so let him talk openly and without butting in.

15. Don’t talk about it after sex

One of the places you shouldn’t speak to a man about the nature of your relationship is in his bed after sex. Although it might seem sexy and sweet to talk about the feelings the two of you share after you’ve had sex, it’s actually a really bad time to talk openly. 

Pillow talk should be reserved for cuddles and delicate conversations, not deeper chats concerning emotions and the relationship itself. Also, obviously, this man isn’t going to want to turn you down while you’re lying naked in his bed, so the answer you get may not be the truth. 

16. Don’t talk about it after drinking

Just like how after having sex your brain might feel a bit fuzzy, so is your mind when you’ve been drinking. So, it’s not the right time to talk about anything serious or intimate. Although most people do at some point, you shouldn’t ever have serious conversations when drunk. 

Emotions run high, sexual chemistry is stronger and so the answer you get when you’re boozy might be the complete opposite of what you actually get the morning after, if you even remember it at all.

17. Don’t pressure him into answering

don't pressure him into answering

Of course, you don’t want to come across as intense when asking the questions, but you also don’t want to come across as intense whilst waiting for an answer. Whatever you do, don’t pressure this man into giving you an answer on the spot, as it might overwhelm him. Give him some time and space to think about it.

18. Respect his response

Whatever this man tells you, you have to respect his response. If he’s interested in taking things further and possibly having a long-term relationship with you then that’s great news, but if not, you need to respect that. You can’t force him to feel a certain way, so respecting his response is the one thing you have to do.

19. Move forward with no regrets

Getting clarity is always a positive long-term, no matter what the outcome, even if it feels painful at first. Maybe you’re looking forward to seeing where the relationship takes the two of you and the talk paid off, or maybe it didn’t and now you know they’re not into you in that way. If that’s the case, try not to get too disheartened, the one for you is still out there. Whatever happens, keep your head held high and move forward.

FAQs

Can you ask a guy what his intentions are?

You definitely can ask a man what his intentions are with you because, at the end of the day, you’re the one in this relationship with him. However, there is a specific way in which you need to confront him if you want him to be open and honest with you. After reading this article you should have a good idea of how to get a guy to really open up and tell you what he wants.

How do you ask a guy if he's serious about you?

After reading this article you should know how to ask a guy if he’s serious about you. As mentioned, there are ways to ask a man what he wants without actually addressing the question directly. However, the most mature and simple way to ask a guy what he wants is by just asking, in a relaxed and calm manner in the right situation. 

What does it mean when a guy doesn't know what he wants?

When a guy says that he doesn’t know what he wants it’s typically because he isn’t ready for a relationship or for any type of commitment. He might really like you and be trying to buy some time because he wants to figure out how to move forward with you.

Is it OK to ask a guy if he's still interested?

It’s definitely acceptable to ask a guy if he’s still interested in you because you’re the one in the situation and you deserve clarity. You can use the tips that you’ve learned in this article to tackle posing the question to him - keep it calm, do it at the right time and allow him to open up to you. 

What questions do guys like to be asked?

All people are different and therefore the questions they like being asked will differ depending on their personality, how open they are and the level of vulnerability they are willing to share with you. If you want to ask a guy more surface-level questions you could ask about his life and hobbies for example, but if you’re looking to get to know him on a deeper level you could ask more intimate questions about romance and sex.

In Summary

This article will have given you some valuable tips that you can use if you’re trying to confront a guy about what his intentions are with you. Remember, you have the right to ask how someone feels about you and as long as you’re not too pushy or intense, you should get the answers you need.

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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