The pleasure of being in the company of your new boyfriend is so intoxicating it often erodes all forms of rational judgment. You begin to see him as that perfect man, whether he is the troubled artiste with a chip on his shoulder or he is a ruthless businessman whose presence commands authority- in other words, a man’s man.
According to physiologists, the flow of endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine become so intoxicating, you unconsciously work towards getting a steady dose of that natural drug. The downside to this is that you might miss or blatantly ignore red flags. So one question every woman needs to ask herself when she spots that man that stops her dead in her tracks is this, how often should you see your boyfriend?
Important to note is that this is not an exact science as people and experiences differ. However, I’m going to layout a template that every woman should run her motives by when broaching a new relationship. This template will help clarify your priorities and even help you avoid a possible catastrophe.
The first 3 months may be the most delicate window in the relationship timeline. The reason for this is that two individuals are drawn to each other without explanation and as much as they are trying to make sense of this attraction, they are equally walking on tiptoes in order not to give their partner reason to pull away.
This is your chance to set the pace you would like the entire relationship to sail on. Spending time together is as important as spending time apart from each other. Stay with me, I’ll explain.
Spend time together to discover details like his values and desires, but take it slow. There’s no reason to see him every day, as difficult as it is to stay apart, to preserve your attraction for each other, it’s best to establish boundaries.
Spending time apart also reveals bits about him you might have otherwise missed, like the other things he does with his time. Believe me, fairytale tale love quickly becomes a nightmare when you become the singular object of his attention.
Another benefit of scheduling your dates in the first 3 months actually has more to do with you. Yes, it’s easy to lose yourself and your individuality, so meeting up less helps you stay connected to the other things and people you love.
If you did things right during the first three months, then you both should be ready to scale things up three to six months in. You have become fond of each other and can somewhat separate the rush of attraction at the sight of him from the more steadying comfort of having a man you are drawn to and want to take a chance with.
Relationship psychologists recommend upping the ante to two times a week. Assuming in the first three months, he had naturally tried to impress you by taking you out on dates to fancy restaurants and choice destinations, in this second phase, you would want to know the man without the pomp and circumstance.
Date nights can be arranged at home watching your favorite TV shows, cooking, discussing business ideas, or whatever appeals to you both. The aim of this is to know if you can sustain his interest without the occasional interruption by the waiter or the music in the background.
This relationship will progress organically and you will be in control of your responses as opposed to if you were to see one another more often. After six months, you should know if this is someone you want to be with, in the long run.
However you both have decided to swing it about sex, six months into the relationship, you would have already laid the foundation about your physical intimacy. Depending on your schedules and activities, you can be more relaxed about inviting him over for a lazy afternoon together.
Let it flow naturally, you may want to see him every day of the week, but sometimes, seeing someone that frequently can rob you of the excitement. If you have unwittingly established a routine, that’s a good thing, you know his work and family schedules and can easily plan to meet up after either.
If you have been with him for six months already, you have decided that this one is worth the chance, right? Pack your overnight bag! Or have him pack his, whichever works for you two.
Spend a day or two together and discover his bedside manners and the way he relates with others. The way he treats you is really not as important as the way he treats others in his life.
Be mindful of that because with you he can put up an act if he wants to or, if he has an appalling attitude, the need to keep you to himself will cause him to shower you with love and not give you reasons to leave. This is particularly important if you envision more from him.
Never lose sight of the fact that the entire reason for you establishing boundaries in the relationship is so you may get to know this beautiful soul and at the same time, preserve your individuality. A common misconception in relationships is that after spending a year together, your man wants you to be more like him than yourself.
Unfortunately, this misconception has caused many relationships to lose their flavor and either of the parties begins searching for that flavor in other people, most times, unconsciously. You may say, “We see each other frequently, so what if I’m doing things his way now?”
No, your man does not want you to agree with everything he says. He is not looking for a doormat, so do not lose yourself in order to seem more appealing to him. I can assure you, it almost always achieves the very opposite aim.
So, as you have steered the relationship in an organic manner for a year and as a result, understand and appreciate each other more, you can be more confident about letting down your guard and taking a romantic time away. Not only will it sustain the spark in the relationship, but it will reveal more sides of your partner to you.
After a year in a relationship, it no longer qualifies as a fling, there shouldn’t be any pressure to start planning a wedding and picking out baby names yet, however, you can say to a certain extent that you know this man and if you are still in the relationship, it points to the fact that you feel safe and loved with him.
It’s awesome if, at this point, you still want to see him often, and crave the warmth of his presence, one thing is certain, it’s not just hormones now.
After thinking long and hard about it, you can give him the symbolic key to your apartment. Whether or not he takes you up on it, you have gotten to the point where you have weighed the implication of your decisions and are certain it’s what everyone wants.
The point of taking these steps is to serve as a check to each other, you want to still have a life separate from this person while still exploring possibilities with him. You do not have to be lost if for any reason, he ups’ and walks out of your life.
By this time, there are no bars up, your lives would have pretty much blended, just like at the beginning of the relationship, you have arrived at a sensitive point in the relationship. The point where it becomes easy to take him for granted. Now the responsibility is on you both to be deliberate about appreciating those loving attributes that attracted you to each other in the first place.
Be mindful, there is always that chance that after following your instincts in handling the relationship, it will not work out. You may even be tempted to wish you had taken all the time available at the beginning to have as much of this person as you could. It takes discipline to halt, acknowledge valid errors, and press forward.
In charting out your course in a new relationship you need to consider your value system, long term, and short term goals, personal ambition, family, and work schedules. Then spend time together with the full knowledge that you need to keep your emotional excesses in check, in which case, it differs for couples, some could be once or twice a week.
It’s easy to ride on the waves of the magnetic attraction drawing you together and spend every minute getting to know each other, but then it becomes increasingly difficult to see your individuality. Spend as much time as you can afford together but ask the questions that need to be asked.
If that is all your schedule can afford, then once a week is fine. A relationship is about communication, so even if you can only see him once but you keep in touch by calling or texting, he will know you are as into him as he is into you.
The beginning of every relationship is the most delicate, insist on talking. The attraction is palpable and you can barely keep your hands off of each other, but you cannot miss this moment to know if this is a man you would be happy being associated with two years down the line.
The most evident way of knowing this is when he keeps following you with his eyes. So long as it is in a non-stalkerish fashion. If you are friends already, he might keep making reference to something you did or said when talking with his buddies or family. If he does this, he not only likes you, he admires you too.
The saying absence makes the heart grow fonder is indeed true, the risk here, however, is that your mind would make him into the man he is not, and when you finally see him, it will not be as exhilarating as you had imagined so it’s best to stay grounded in reality. I hope this article has given you the pointer you needed to steer the sails of your relationship to shore.