He’s Not The Same Guy I Married (33 Things You Can Do About It)

by April Maccario

Marriage is an absolutely wonderful thing and the fact that you’ve made a commitment to be with someone is beautiful. However, it isn’t all fairytales and rainbows, as much as romantics would like us to believe. The truth is, it’s hard work. 

Something that a lot of married people tend to say is, “he's not the same man I married.” 

Often what’s changed is the way that spouses see each other. Rather than simply enjoying the honeymoon stage of the relationship, marriage makes you experience living together and you have to get through the more monotonous, domestic side of life as a team. 

If not enough work is put in to keep the romance alive, it slowly disappears and therefore you’re left with a spouse that you can’t recognize, hence the “he's not the same guy I married”. 

However, there are some things you can do to bring your romantic relationship back from the brink, and it’s pretty much guaranteed that you will start to see the man you first met come back.

Contents

What To Do When He’s Not The Same

1. Communicate with your husband

communicate with your husband

The most important thing you need to do is communicate with your husband and tell him how you feel about the situation. He’ll most likely feel similar and want to work on it together.

2. Acknowledge how you have changed

Rather than thinking ‘the man I married has changed’, think about how you’ve changed from when you first met, and acknowledge that what’s going on probably isn’t his fault.

3. See a therapist separately, and together

If you’re having trouble understanding each other and enjoying married life together, it’s a good idea to go and see a therapist to work through any issues the two of you have.

4. Create distance to become closer

Sometimes it’s a trap to spend too much time together, so rather than doing every single thing as a team, create some distance. 

5. Prioritize dating each other again

Dating shouldn’t stop in a marriage, so schedule a weekly date night and stick to it.

6. Use less technology

Technology is a mood killer and takes us away from our partner, so make a rule to put the tech down after a certain time so you can actually connect.

7. Ask about your partner’s day more

When was the last time you asked about how your partner’s day went and actually listened? Make an effort daily to spend ten minutes or so talking about how your days went.

8. Take a walk down memory lane

Take a look at old photos, go for dinner at the places you used to, and talk about happier times to rekindle the romance you felt back then.

9. Make an effort to make each other laugh

Make an effort to make your partner laugh, whether you act like children and play fight or crack a few jokes.

10. Focus on yourself

‘The man I married is different’ attitude is never healthy because you’re eliminating your role in the marriage when maybe the problem is that you’re not showing yourself enough love as you were before, and you’re actually blaming it all on your partner. 

11. Increase intimate contact

Make a conscious effort to hug him, kiss him, and hold his hand more.

12. Criticize your partner less

A lot of the time in long-term relationships we take our partners for granted and that often leads to us giving criticisms out all of the time. All your doing by criticizing your partner is driving the two of you further apart, so make sure you stop it.

13. Send your kids to their grandparents every so often

Send your kids to their grandparents for a night or hire a babysitter and treat yourselves to an intimate night just the two of you.

14. Text just to say that you love him

text just to say that you love him

Show appreciation for your husband randomly each day - text him and tell him that you love him and why. It’ll make him feel good, and then he’ll want to make you feel good!

15. Ditch the cozy clothes every so often

Marriage can get a little comfortable and every so often it helps to make an effort as it makes you feel like you’ve gone back to when you wanted to impress your man.

16. Take on a project together

Working on something together is a great way to get the two of you to reconnect, so maybe it’s time to finally renovate the house or start that new business idea together!

17. Compliment your partner at least three times a day

Make a conscious effort to compliment your husband, and see how the positivity you give to him is received right back.

18. Stop discussing logistics so often

Spending every day together, it's easy to forget to spend time just enjoying each other’s company, so make sure every conversation isn’t about family life logistics and let go sometimes.

19. Leave your work at work

Remember to leave your work at work - dedicate your time at home to enjoying your husband and family, not stressing about your job.

20. Ask your partner for advice

Men like to feel needed, so ask for your partner’s advice every so often, he’ll appreciate it and turn into the helpful person you once knew.

21. Take a trip together

There’s no better way to reconnect with your spouse than by going on a vacation together

22. Invest in some beautiful lingerie

Go out and get yourself some sexy new lingerie, it’ll not only make you feel great but as soon as your husband sees you in it he’ll turn into that hungry young guy you used to know.

23. Plan to have sex more

Sex shouldn’t be pushed aside in long-term relationships, so either prioritize having sex more or make a sex schedule and stick to it.

24. Keep some things private

You might not feel invigorated by your partner if you see him brush his teeth whilst he’s on the toilet or he sees you waxing your bikini line - some parts of being a human being should be kept private because they kill romance and sex appeal.

25. Pamper yourselves together

Men like getting pampered too, so why not reconnect and relax together? 

26. Get into bed at the same time

Getting into bed at the same time not only increases the likelihood of intimacy but it’s nice knowing your partner is there to cuddle up to and say goodnight to.

27. Organize things to look forward to as a couple

Everything is so exciting at the beginning of a relationship because you’re always looking forward to doing new things, so make some plans together and get excited to feel that way again.

28. Show appreciation towards your partner

Show and tell your partner how much you appreciate him and it’s pretty much guaranteed he’ll give you the same response, creating a more grateful relationship.

29. Shake your normal routine up

Nothing kills romance quite like monotony, so shake it up and go somewhere fancy for dinner on a weeknight or plan a last-minute getaway for the weekend. 

30. Flirt with each other

You probably miss the flirty nature of your early relationship, and it’s obvious why - flirting is great! Flirt with your partner again and see the fire between you reignite.

31. Take turns to plan dates

take turns to plan dates

Sticking to a date night schedule is great, but having each other plan the dates makes it even better because it makes for romantic spontaneity and surprise!

32. Don’t compare your relationship to others

You need to let go of the idea that a long-term relationship is constantly romantic and amazing like in the movies. The truth is, relationships can get difficult and you might go through patches that are less than fun, but that is normal. 

33. Commit to working on it, or leave

The final thing you need to do is make a choice - either work on it together and commit to making it work, or leave the relationship and move on.

FAQs

How do you know if he's the one for you?

You will know if a guy is the one for you if he ultimately makes you feel happy, loved, safe, and secure. If he supports you, lifts you up, shares your good times and your bad, accepts everything about you, and loves you without needing to change you, he’s the person for you.

Do guys change when they meet the one?

Everyone changes when they meet the one for them in some way because they realize that they have finally found the person that they want to be with for the rest of their life. Most people will ditch their old, bad relationship habits and work at becoming a better person for their partner.

How do you know if a married man has feelings for you?

If a married man likes you he will open up to you by sharing vulnerable details with you, he’ll try and spend a lot of time with you alone, he might discuss the shortcomings of his marriage with you and he’ll try to develop a deeper connection with you than just a platonic one.

Can you marry someone you are not in love with?

Anyone can choose to marry whoever they want to, so yes it is possible to marry someone you’re not in love with. However, there’s absolutely no point in doing this. If you do, you’ll never experience the true beauty of marriage and it isn’t ever going to be a happy or healthy marriage.

How do you make him prove his love for you?

The bottom line is, no one should have to make anyone prove anything.  If someone wants to be with you, they will show you how much you mean to them and you won’t have to question it and you certainly won’t have to coerce them into proving anything. If you have to try and get someone to show you affection, they’re probably not the one for you.

In Conclusion

After reading this article you should be ready to take on the challenge of getting your marriage back on track and rekindling the love you felt for your husband when you first met him. Of course, this isn’t only your problem to work on though, so communicate with your husband and work on it together. 

Did you enjoy reading this article and find it helpful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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