He Won’t Commit (10 Actionable Steps)

by April Maccario

Men are notorious for avoiding commitments in relationships much to the chagrin of women all over the world. We work hard, do all we have to, in the hopes of finding a partner that wants us as much as we want them. So, it’s pretty galling when you think you’ve found the one and he starts stalling. 

Also, you will find yourself wondering why he won’t commit even though the relationship has progressed far enough to graduate into the much anticipated ‘next phase.’ While the guy’s feelings are worth considering, and you don’t want to seem pushy, your feelings are just as important.

Therefore, there is no reason to feel like you’re lacking something simply because he’s not ready. There are even studies that point out that men desire commitments, but only when women are scarce. However, you aren’t some statistic, no one should want to be with you simply because there is a shortage of women. 

You deserve love, you can’t be stuck in a ‘friends with benefits’ situationship forever, so what do you do? Well, I’ve put together some actions you can take if you feel your partner has commitment issues. 

10 Things To Do When Your Partner Won’t Commit

1. Talk To Him About It

talk to him about it

Communication is key in any relationship, and when you and your partner are on the same wavelengths, things tend to go better. So, you want some commitment from him, and he’s not forthcoming, the best way is always the direct approach. 

Vocalizing what you want and expect from a relationship is pretty healthy. As a result, your boyfriend can’t pretend he doesn’t know how you feel or hide behind some other excuse. 

Hence, talking with him provides an opportunity for both of you to consider all the necessary issues and talk honestly. You might discover the real reason he’s refusing to take the relationship to the next level. Maybe, he was hurt in a past relationship and needs time to get used to being with someone else. 

Also, it might be a case where he wants to see where things go, or is working towards something and feels that a commitment might be a distraction. That said, some of the answers you will get might not be pleasing to you, but it’s better to know where you stand than to be left wishing that one day he’ll come to his senses and do the needful.

2. Build Other Relationships

One of the reasons men seem to get away with not committing while leaving us on the hook is because of how dependent a lot of women are in relationships. The idea is that you’ve found a partner that you love and, therefore, they become everything in your life, and the thought of losing them is unbearable. 

However, this creates a huge problem as it not only places a considerable burden on your boyfriend, but it also hands over a great deal of power to him. So, he will leave you hanging, refuse to commit, and you would feel you have nowhere to go. 

If you build healthy relationships in your life with people you know and love, you’ll be surprised at how less reliant you’ll be on this guy. So, go to the gym, make new friends, find people that love the same things you do, and you’ll find that your life is a lot richer. 

As a result, even if your relationship seems like it’s in the same place, there’ll be other relationships in your life that you can leverage to ensure you never feel lonely. 

3. Don’t Give In To His Demands

don't give in to his demands

The last thing you want to do while dealing with a man who doesn’t want to commit is to give in to his demands. His refusal to commit while still expecting things from you in the relationship is a double standard that should not be respected. 

So, if he wants you to meet with him while he’s with friends or is looking to have regular sex, you’ll need to ensure he’s not always getting what he wants. If you give in to his every demand, it makes him wonder why he would want a relationship in the first place, he’s getting everything on a platter of gold.

Think about it, would you still want to pay for a Netflix subscription if the 30-day free trial never ended and they just hope you’ll upgrade, that won’t be a brilliant business decision, would it? In the same vein, giving in to your man’s demands all the time means he’ll enjoy relationship benefits without placing any investment into it. 

Thus, if you hold some things back from him, he’ll understand that he can’t truly be with you if he doesn’t give some assurance, which could make him want to commit

4. Set A Timer

Life is way too short, so, if your man doesn’t want to commit, there is no reason for you to wait around. If, for instance, you are also not looking for a relationship, then being with a man who is content dating you with no strings attached is probably fine. 

However, if you’re reading this article, odds are you want something more and are frustrated by your man’s reluctance to prove his love. So, your next move might be to set yourself a timeframe in which he has to commit to the relationship unless you’ll walk away. Setting a time frame is very considerate, as it shows that you care for him and the reasons he is unwilling to commit to you. 

The waiting period doesn’t have to be a long time, and you can decide to inform him of your decision. That said, telling him there’s a timer running might feel like adding undue pressure, and most women don’t want to seem desperate, but in some cases, it might be necessary, so he doesn’t feel blindsided if you decide to step away. 

So, depending on the type of person you fell in love with, informing them might work. Also, giving yourself a timeframe shows respect for yourself and the ambitions you have set. In addition, it gives you time to think and reflect before making a decision. 

5. Don’t Commit To Him Either

don't commit to him either

If you’re with someone who doesn’t want to commit, then why should you? Why should you deprive yourself of spending time with other wonderful people when your boyfriend isn’t ready for something serious. Sitting around thinking “why won’t he commit,” when you could be out there testing the waters as well.

Even though some people view dating other guys while with a prospective partner as a form of cheating, if there is no commitment, then you owe no one any obligation. Therefore, keep your options open and hang out with other people until the person you have your eye on makes a definitive decision. 

This means your man never feels secure knowing that there is the potential to lose you to anyone else, causing him to step up his game. If he doesn’t flinch even in the face of huge competition, then maybe he was never really into you in the first place. 

If that’s the case, then dating other people and keeping your options open could lead you to someone even more amazing and who is ready to love you the way you deserve. Yes, you might think it is impossible to find someone else you love as much, but how would you know for sure if you don’t consider your other options?

6. Let Him Know What He’ll Be Missing Out On

With a heading like that, you might think I mean you should send hot, semi-nude pictures and caption it with a message that he won’t be getting this if he doesn’t commit. That is definitely not what is being said, but rather paint a picture of what you want and how he figures in that, and then explain that if he isn’t ready for that, then it’s best for everyone to split ways. 

So, imagine sitting him down and telling him, “I would love to be with you, and I can imagine our future together, but if that isn’t what you want, then I have to leave.” Also, you can tell him about your dreams, or how you’d like your lives to pan out. 

This is because making such a statement and painting a picture could help a guy picture if he figures in that equation or not, and if it is the latter, it makes things easier. So, if he says he can’t commit or is unwilling to, then walk away

That said, walking away by itself is not the end of it, you’ll have to commit to walking away, so, meet other people, cut off communication, give him space. If he still wants you and is serious, he’ll do whatever he can to get you back. 

7. Make Sure He Invests In The Relationship

make sure he invests in the relationship

The truth is, you never really care about things you have no investment in. We all care about the environment because we have an investment in it, and if it falls apart, we’ll be affected. The same principle can be used in a relationship. So, if your boyfriend isn’t invested in the relationship, he has no reason to care about it, or about losing you. 

Therefore, ensure that he works for the relationship, this could mean that you don’t make yourself available for his every whim or drop your plans to fit his schedule. For example, if you had a dinner date planned with friends and he calls saying he’d like to spend time with you because he’s free, tell him you can’t and that you have a commitment to someone else. 

This will cause him also to consider your schedule and plans, therefore, if he is serious, he’ll make time for you that he normally would have been unable to. Furthermore, making him invest emotionally in the relationship causes him to properly reflect on if you are worth the work that he’ll need to put in. 

So, if he isn’t really interested, he won’t care too much if you have no time, and this will clarify that he doesn’t really want you. On the other hand, if he really cares and is working his way towards commitment, then he’ll do whatever it takes to win you over. 

8. Don’t Badger Him About The Relationship

So far, we’ve spoken about the things you should do if the man you love refuses to commit to you, but here’s something you must never do, don’t pester him about it! One of the major reasons men back away from commitment is that they feel pressured into it. 

It’s like the popular saying, you can force a horse to the water, but you cannot force it to drink. Similarly, you can get someone to spend time with you, go shopping with you, and so on, but you cannot coerce a commitment. 

So, if you’ve had the talk with him where you outline what you want from the relationship and how you’d like the two of you to be together, leave it be. Don’t go about pestering or badgering him about what you want, because instead of the desired result, all it will do is push him further away. 

Trust me, if you mention that you want commitment, it’s something that he would not need to be reminded of again as it will stick in his head. Instead, as mentioned earlier, give yourself a time frame, and if by then, he hasn’t made up his mind, then it’s time to leave because, at that point, it is clear that he is not going to commit.

9. Take Time For Yourself

take time for yourself

One of the reasons women get so attached to guys even when they do not give them the love and attention they deserve is because they are pretty insecure. Being insecure is not a bad thing, we have all gone through it at one point or the other. 

The problem comes up when the insecurity persists with no end in sight, and you use the guy you’re with as a crutch without dealing with your issues. So, if this is you, then take a step back and learn to love yourself, as if you don’t, you’d be unable to show love to someone else correctly. 

Therefore, if your date refuses to commit, take some time out, do things alone, and learn to enjoy your solitude. Once you achieve this, you’ll be amazed by how much less you’ll crave his attention. 

Also, your self-love will not go unnoticed and once your boyfriend realizes that you’ll be just fine without him, he’ll need to make a decision about where the both of you are headed long term. 

10. Walk Away

This is usually the last resort, after you’ve tried a couple of things and nothing seems to be working then you may have to do the thing you’ve been avoiding. Then you’ll just have to cut your losses and walk away, it isn’t always easy to do, but it might be necessary. 

This is because men ultimately know what they want, and if he hasn’t said anything so far, then the odds are that he is uninterested in commitment and probably doesn’t love you the way you love him. 

It’s also possible that he doesn’t want a relationship for a number of reasons, but, you also matter, and if he can’t fix his issues and pay attention to you then it’s time to leave him. As mentioned earlier, walking away could also force him to evaluate how important you are to him and do something about it. 

On the flip side, if he doesn’t care that you’ve walked away, then it’s all for the better and you would not regret your decision. 

FAQs

What do you do when a guy won’t commit?

As mentioned earlier, if a guy refuses to commit, there are a couple of things you can do. Firstly, communicate effectively with him about how you feel and how his refusal to commit affects you. Once you’ve done this, there are a few other things you could try, including dating other people and giving yourself a timeframe to leave. 

When a guy won’t commit but won’t let you go?

He won’t commit but won’t let go? That’s very selfish behavior and you do not deserve such treatment. So, if you find yourself in that situation, you have no reason to stay and should walk away once you’ve had a talk with him. Also, ensure you follow through and cut off all contact so he doesn’t feel he has access to you. 

What to say to a guy who won’t commit?

Having a chat about commitment is never easy, but if he doesn’t want to commit, then you should probably say something like “I would love to be with you, and I believe we’d make such a great couple, but, if you don’t feel the same way, I have to get on with my life.”

Can a man love you but not commit?

Yes, it is indeed possible for a man to love you and refuse to commit. The reason for this is varied and it ranges from past experiences to fears of screwing it up. That said, what you want also matters a great deal and if you can’t meet in the middle, then even if you’re both in love, you might have to walk away. 

Should you walk away if he won’t commit?

It might not be your first option, but it is certainly something to consider. Hence, do your best to make things work, but if all else fails, then walking away might be the best option. 

In Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed the list, and never forget that your feelings matter and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Also, if you found this article useful, please share, and if you have any thoughts or questions, why not leave a comment in the section below? 

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *