Growing Apart (17 Ways To Know You’re Growing Apart From Your Partner)

Last updated on June 18, 2022 by April Maccario

Do you feel like you used to be closer to your partner? Is the relationship less tolerable than it was at the beginning? Or have you stopped spending time with your partner? 

Keeping your distance for a period of time is okay, but when you feel like you can’t spend time together because you can’t stand each other, then things have probably gone sour. 

It is easy to mix up when your relationship is going through a tough phase and when you are growing apart. A tough phase could be family squabbles, health issues, and the loss of a close relative. If regardless of how long you’ve been with one another, you still feel emotionally distant from your partner, then, that’s a red flag.

In this article, we will be reviewing 17 ways to know if your relationship is growing apart.

17 Ways to Know You’re Growing Apart

1. You both spend more time on your phone

If you find yourself spending more time tapping away on your phone as opposed to spending quality time with your partner, then something is amiss. It is common for couples who no longer feel drawn to each other to seek validation from strangers online. It has a way of filling the emotional void they feel.

2. He blames you for issues in the relationship

he blames you for issues in the relationship

The blame game is one way couples express their disinterest in a relationship. If your partner makes you feel like you’re the person spurring up issues, he is simply saying he no longer cares about you or the relationship.

3. You dread going home

For couples who stay together, returning home can be quite daunting when there is strife. You can tell you and your partner are growing apart when you continually seek reasons to stay away from home so that you don’t get to face your partner. This could happen when one partner takes up more responsibilities at work or spends more time with friends.

4. Your future with them is bleak

It is hard not to imagine or fantasize about a future with a person you like. However, when you start to drift, the thought of a future together slowly fades away. It is possible that you may still see them in your future but the question now lies on your significant other – does he still see you in his future? Surely, you can tell from his attitude towards your previously shared life goals.

5. You are no longer interested in what they do

They say, the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. So, if you notice you are not interested in who your partner is talking to or what happens during his off-time, these are the signs that there’s a disconnection.

It is okay for couples to spend time alone and focus on themselves, but when it feels like what you do with your spare time is no longer a concern for your partner, it’s a cause for concern. 

6. Every act is a brewing argument

When people grow apart, they start keeping scores of each other’s errors; they use these acts as weapons for attacks. This is an abnormality that should not exist in a healthy relationship.

7. One person keeps asking for more space

The push and pull effect is often used to describe a situation where one partner wants to be close but the other is pulling away. Observe your partner’s demeanor each time you try to fix a date or activity, if he keeps making excuses then clearly, he needs more space.

8. You feel lonely in his presence

Do you feel lonely in your partner’s presence even when he is right beside you? There is no emotional connection and you are unable to read what’s on his mind. That’s one way to show that the person is somewhat detached or drifting away from you. 

9. You share important information with other people

you share important information with other people

One of the early signs that couples who are drifting apart exhibit are the lack of communication. Not only is this an early sign, but it’s also one of the most important according to relationship experts. When partners no longer share their goals, dreams, worries, and little victories with each other but they share it with strangers, it is a sign of emotional disconnection.

10. You compare responsibilities

When in love, we do not keep count of the things we do for our partners. What matters most to us in those moments is their happiness and fulfillment. However, when couples drift apart, the reverse is the case. For instance, he used to enjoy mowing the lawn while you cook but suddenly, he now feels like his work is more demanding than yours.

11. You no longer miss them after a trip

It is said that distance makes the heart fonder, and that’s true for most people. However, if you have gone on a long trip and spent days away from your significant other and you notice he does not seem to miss you, it means your presence no longer excites him. 

12. No physical touch

Intimacy is not just about sex; it starts with the little things; a peck, a shoulder rub, hugs, or just holding hands. If you start to recoil at the touch of your partner’s hands or you no longer feel comfortable sleeping on the same bed with him, it means there is a disconnection.

13. You see communication as a waste of time

When we drift apart from partners, we no longer see the point of having in-depth conversations. We don’t care if they change their ways or not because there’s no real thrill in talking to the person anymore. 

14. You silently resent each other

When couples drift apart, it starts with physical touch, then lack of sex, and finally communication. Those are the elements that make a romantic relationship work. When there is no communication, the little things that you both found quirky are now provoking because the intimacy that made you care for one another is no longer there.

15. Your interests differ

Before getting into a relationship with your partner, there was something that endeared you to each other – a shared interest. Once that interest starts to change, it can be difficult to connect with your partner. Perhaps, you have outgrown each other and are now concerned about attaining different goals in life.

16. You avoid eye contact

you avoid eye contact

Many women will agree that when a relationship starts to fall apart, partners avoid eye contact. When you talk to each other, his eyes are either fixated on the tv, his phone, or anywhere else but yours. This behavior could also be because of a hectic day but if it persists, it’s a red flag.

17. You avoid spending free time together

The thought of spending time with your partner weighs heavily on you and it is no longer something you anticipate. Unlike when you first started dating this person, you’d fantasize about going on vacations together, now it makes no difference. Your partner should be someone you want to relax with, but if you feel this way, it means you both have some work to do. 


What does it mean to grow apart?

When there’s an emotional disconnection, perhaps, their shared interests, goals, and lifestyle now differ, and they no longer feel compatible with one another.

How do you know you have grown apart?

If you find yourself reluctant to spend time with your partner, then that’s a red flag. Other signs include no physical touch, no eye contact, and you both experience silent resentment for one another due to lack of communication.

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Is it normal for couples to grow apart?

Absolutely. Many couples that have stood the test of time will tell you they too have had their fair share of ebbs and flows. However, if you feel disconnected for an extended period of time, it is probably time to seek help or a therapist’s intervention.

Can you fix growing apart?

Just because you and your partner are drifting from each other emotionally and physically does not mean you are irredeemable. Communication, quality time, and commitment are the three most important things needed to make a relationship that is dwindling work out.

Is growing apart a reason for divorce?

From the top of my head, I will like to say it’s not a reason for divorce. However, while no one wants to be considered a quitter, if you have tried all possible solutions, including therapy and your relationship isn’t progressing, perhaps it is time to call it quits.

In Conclusion

There will always be rifts among couples but when it lingers for too long, it is a sign that the couple is emotionally disconnected. I hope you enjoyed going through this list and hopefully, you can take the necessary steps to make your relationship work. I will love to read back from you in the comment section and don’t forget to share.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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