First Loves Are Never Really Over (Is It True?)

by April Maccario

It's been almost five years, and yet, it feels as though it ended yesterday. It still hurts, and the memories feel as fresh as day. The sad thing is, these feelings that come with memories of a past boyfriend might never really go away; it was your first love, after all. 

You've moved on (or so you thought), met some fantastic guys, and been in some of the best relationships; yet somehow, the presence of your first still weighs heavily on you, both in mind and body. You think deeply about this and finally, conclude that it might probably be true; memories of this person never get out of your mind. 

It hurts to let the perfect one slip away; in fact, it still hurts to do this day, and it's normal. Really and truly, what I have come to realize is that feelings and memories of our first loves always stay, especially when they're great memories. Even crazier is the fact that your ex is probably also thinking’ I was her first love’. 

Interestingly, even though time has passed and no matter how great your current partner is, some things are just not as exciting; at least not like the first time. So, if you're ever wondering why first loves never really get away, I have listed great reasons you can relate to, and other reasons why you don't need to beat yourself up with guilt.

Why The Feelings From The First Relationship Always Come Back

1. Your Innocence Was Lost

I know how first loves always feels. They're crazy, wild and silly, it still seems like you're in a dream; a foolish, colorful and beautiful dream that you don't want to wake up from. With your first love, you're like a baby bird that's now learning that you can fly. 

You couldn’t force, or control him; it's just something you shut your eyes and plunge into. Your innocence on relationships is lost somewhere between your growing up stage and moving on stage.

You've now lost your first love, and all the wildness is gone. You're left with fear and extra caution, always weighing emotions, people, and relationships. Your trust is gone, and that little carefree child within your heart has been lost forever. This must’ve felt like hell. 

2. He Was Your First!

He was the reason you learned how to accept people altogether. With him, it was the most important time you felt special, and all loved up. Every time you looked into his eyes, you felt something beautiful, you couldn't explain to anyone, even if you tried. Your heart pounds so fast and loud; you handled the entire world could see it beating through your chest.

It was also the time you experienced so many emotions you never thought possible. You’ve never felt this excited one second, then almost internally mad the next couple of seconds. Memories such as your first kiss will always stick with you, even if you've had better ones after him.

3. Because First Loves Change You Forever

When it ended, that was the first time your heart broke and I understand, it broke bad. Heartbreaks like this will always be dream-like, a beautiful idea that's been taken away from you so suddenly, you have no choice but to wake up.  

It’s not your fault you fell for him and fell very hard. The breakup tells you that there’s always more to what you see; that it’s never wise to fall for someone else so quickly and immediately. That being said, you are probably now 'wiser' and extra cautious since this person took away a considerable part of your soul; a piece that may never really get to fill up again.  

4. Your First Love Takes Away A Part Of You.

Walking away from your first love means you're letting go of all your firsts. The first kiss, date, argument, and the first ‘I love you’. All these go away with the person as he walks away, and it'll hurt a lot. You may have moved on, but you still feel empty somewhere inside.

You know he's gone, and he's not coming back, and this reality takes away everything you ever hoped for, from the beautiful wedding to a crazy bae cation in Bali. The one thing your first love takes away that you can never feel again is the excitement felt after those young, first time thrills.

5. Unrequited Love Is Excruciating

Unrequited love sucks. You always thought it could work out, and yet somehow, it never did.  You looked into his eyes and thought he was the one for you; the only one who could make you feel the way you did and suddenly he left and all your dreams came crashing down.

Unrequited love always leaves you with the what-if question, and this question tends to haunt you every time you see them with another person because you fell in love with him.

6. Emotional Imbalance

During my first relationship, with my first love, I always got passionate during arguments. This was because I wanted him to understand how much I loved and cared for him wholeheartedly. It was always a rollercoaster of emotions, the highs, and lows, with each feeling being new to me. Feeling love for the first time engraves different memories in you forever, and these memories can leave you emotionally imbalanced and so exhausted, you'd rather stay alone.

7. Your First Love Was Perfect.

Perfect love is well encapsulated in everyone's first relationship. At least, that's what we all believe when we're new to the feeling. You're led by your heart most of the time, and as such, there's nothing like wrongdoing, complications, or expectations. 

First loves are like new flowers, now learning how to blossom as naturally as possible with no prior knowledge. With such feelings, it’s easy to see your first love as the perfect kind. And you’ll always crave this perfection in subsequent relationships, where you’re not on your guard, wild and crazy in love with just your heart. 

8. It Was Carefree

And that made it even more amazing. A huge number of people experience our first love at a very young age. I was fifteen when I met my first love. It was high school and a time where I had no job insecurities, spiraling, and even mortgage payments. At that age, there was no adulting stress to worry about, making the feeling even more exhilarating

At that age, my first love quickly became my full-time job. I could still think about him all day, waiting for my phone to ring or to see him in class. Without the burden of grown-up responsibilities, you get to love with a carefree attitude that allows you to enjoy every single moment of your love.

FAQs 

Is It Possible To Never Get Over A First Love?

The primary reason many people feel like they can never really get over their first time lover is that they don't believe there'll be any other person as good as their primary. The truth, however, is that such a notion is a mere myth and a mental black that needs to be moved slowly. It takes a while, but you will gradually learn to give yourself a chance to fall for someone again.

Do First Loves Never Die?

All memories and emotions, whether good or bad, always stick with us. When it comes to love, it can be very tricky because that's when you were introduced to new feelings and emotions you thought were not possible. There'll always be a soft spot in your heart for your first love, and any attachment, really that comes after.

Why Is First Love The Hardest To Get Over?

When you're new to feelings and emotions that come with your first love, it'll hit you so hard that letting go will be tough. With your first love, it's like you've learned to breathe and see the world differently. Letting this go means you will have to learn how best to do all over again. Since first loves are not really over, you get attached to the other person so much so that letting go seems almost impossible.

Do You Ever Get Over Your First Love Psychology?

According to psychology, you may never really get over your first love. This is because the process of falling for someone for the first time can be life-changing and altering. It usually comes with the creation of some secure emotional connections which really get severed after a breakup.

Does First Love Ever Die?

Strong emotions never die; they stick with us for the longest time. For first real love, the intense emotions attached to the other person means that they hold a special place in your mind and heart for the longest time. It doesn't matter if it's the last or first person you met and had feelings for; the attachment to those people will never die.

To Sum Up

First loves are extraordinary first relationships that open you up to a lot of emotions, experiences, and memories. No matter how tough it is to let these go after the relationship is over. Don't be hard on yourself, though; it's natural, and it doesn't mean you have to keep running back to all your exes.

That said, if he enjoyed reading this article, feel free to share it with a friend who might be going through the same emotions.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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