There’s always a phase in every relationship where we all feel lonely. It comes in different ways. It could be as slight as your initial excitement for your partner wearing off, or either of you suddenly feeling tired. There are times when you’ll feel that no one, including your partner, understands you.
You’ll wake up every day wishing that someone knew how you feel, because you think that’s the only way you can get help. Feeling lonely in your relationship could be a result of neglect or even miscommunication. Your partner may not know he’s doing anything wrong, or in this case, not doing enough.
If you feel lonely in your relationship or think it’s not as exciting as it should be, here are a few tips on how you can handle it.
When you feel lonely in a relationship, remember that it should be you first before your family. Most women don’t know about this. Some think they do but in reality, they just have it as an idea in their minds. If these feelings of loneliness consume you, you won’t even be in a healthy frame of mind to cater for your family.
The first step to overcoming the feelings of loneliness is to go out there and do the things that excite you or make you happy. Before you met your husband, there must have been some things you enjoyed doing. It could have been hanging out with friends, exploring art and cultures, reading books, volunteering, and whatnot.
Loneliness kicks in when you stop doing those things you love and choose other people's happiness before yours. There’s nothing wrong with loving and caring about people a lot. There’s only an issue when those people alienate you for a while, then you’ll feel like you have nothing to live for.
That’s why it’s advised to heal and love yourself first before you take the next step to love somebody else. Try to keep your expectations from your partner minimal so you don’t get disappointed. Men are different from us, their perspectives of how life should be is quite different from ours sometimes.
Is he stressed? Is he distracted by someone else? As a woman, this is one of the things you should look out for. Ask him questions in ways that won’t piss him off and try to observe him.
If you’re not comfortable asking questions, you could try this easy technique. First off, clear your mind about any assumptions or thoughts you have about him. Then make a list of his positive and negative attitudes. I mean the ones you’re familiar with, keep it simple.
If the negatives are more, I feel you should find a good way to talk to him about correcting them depending on the kind of partner he is. If it’s the other way round but he’s still acting up, try to find out what could be wrong and remember to do so amicably.
Let’s say you’re living apart from one another, he meets new people and tries to fit into a new lifestyle, these minor changes could weaken the bond you both share.
It could even be as simple as changing your lifestyle, the loneliness creeps in when both of you don’t do things together anymore. Maybe you used to smoke, drink, or party together, but now one person doesn’t do that anymore. That could explain why you’re feeling lonely, what connected you in the past is no more, and now you feel alone.
Rather than letting this feeling of loneliness take over you, take some time out to talk to him about it and see how it goes with that. Let him know you’re feeling lonely, and you both could possibly come up with other activities you enjoy doing together.
Little fun things always spice up our lives whether it’s done in a relationship or not. They make things easy to handle especially when words can’t describe how we feel towards our partners.
You can make a list of fun things to do and talk to him about them. You don’t need to go out to do them. Write the simple ones and try them out at home. For instance, I love talking to my partner with an invisible walkie-talkie phone when I need to say something and then I say “over” at the end so he also has the chance to talk as well.
It could be any game you both love or even an evening stroll. Relax and have fun in your own way.
Please do not compare your relationship with others. Everyone is special in their own way and we all try to make what we have look more perfect than others. It's a natural human behavior, but please don’t fall for it.
I used to have ‘couple goals’ until I discovered they all had issues they told nobody about. It’s okay to admire other couples but don’t dwell on that. Spending more time on social media affects our relationships more because you find ‘perfect couples’ online to compare your relationship to.
It’s funny because these people may also be feeling lonely, that’s why they have so much time to post pictures online, so it seems everything is fine. Don’t let all that information online alienate you from your partner. Appreciate the little he does and grow from there.
If you’ve done most of the things I’ve listed above and the feelings of loneliness still remain, I would suggest you see a therapist.
Sometimes, we need to vent to someone. You could talk to a friend, sibling, or just go in for paid therapy. Let them know how you feel at certain times. Feeling alone in a relationship could be a result of letting things from the past or minor insecurities get to you easily.
Nonetheless, if personal therapy sessions don’t completely help, experts suggest going for couple therapy sessions.
Oftentimes, we feel bad for leaving a relationship for the better. We feel we should endure loneliness and things will be better. It’s okay to keep trying to make things work, but if it’s taking more from you than it’s adding to you, then it’s time to give yourself a break.
Talk to him about it and listen to what he has to say. Let him know your intentions and why you can’t keep up anymore. You’ll be surprised he could also want to take a break.
Loneliness can come in different ways whether it’s at the beginning of a relationship or a long-term one. When you start feeling like you’re not heard, you’re compromising too much, or you’re the one that always has to do something to keep the relationship going, it could make you feel alone.
As said earlier on, every relationship has a phase of loneliness either for one or both partners. It’s very normal. Especially when it gets to a very delicate stage and you’re both unable to handle it, it could be very draining and sometimes depressing.
Relationships come with a lot of packages. What you love may not be what your partner loves and if this happens a few consecutive times, you may feel off about it and it’s normal for everyone. I suggest you give the relationship more time to grow.
When it’s love, you know it. Nobody needs to reassure you that you’re loved. But loneliness makes you feel confused like something is not right. If you find yourself asking too many unanswered questions that do not sound uplifting, try doing one of the things I listed above.
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It takes a lot of things to make a relationship work. And when those things go missing, the relationship starts falling apart. When there’s no communication, attention, time, trust, compromise, and friendship, that’s not a healthy relationship anymore. It means you need to find ways to balance things out.
Don’t forget to do all you can to make yourself happy and comfortable. Try to talk, listen and suggest things to your partner when you feel something is not right. Remember, don’t assume things you’re not sure of. Please leave a comment below and share it with others if you liked it.
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