Often, we experience false hope in relationships when someone leads us on, making us believe there is a future when really, there is none.
An article by Psychology Today took a close look at the downside of certain kinds of hope, explaining that for some, hope is evil because it prolongs the suffering of man. That article takes a deep, dark look at hope and what comes of it.
It goes on to explain that hope can cause people to suffer fromdisappointment and even defeat in some circumstances. Basically, the way I understand it is that hope deals with something that hasn’t yet happened, so it’s natural to hope for the best. However, if we can expect the worst, we will be better prepared for it in the future.
This may seem very negative, but it often can save you from being disillusioned - believing something is there when it never really was.
The article goes on to explain that if you can at least restrain your hope to be realistic, you will save yourself from many hurts and heartaches. I know I hate it when I’m not prepared for what’s to come! What about you?
This is probably the most difficult one to do, so let’s tackle it first. I always like to tackle the biggest problems first (“eat the frog”) so that I can get them over with. Do you suspect your partner has led you to have a false sense of hope? You have every right to know what’s going on as it pertains to your relationship! Ask him to tell you the truth!
Does he truly love you, or is he just having fun? Find out what is fact and what is fiction. You deserve the truth, but make sure you are ready to hear it if he does decide to be completely honest with you. Realize that you may hear unpleasant news, and know what to do if you do hear it. You will need to let go of the relationship and move on.
Sometimes, everything can seem clearer through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know you or your partner. For example, a trained therapist may be able to give you solid advice that no one else has the courage or expertise to explain to you. A third party can also look at your life objectively and explain things from a different perspective.
Remember the article mentioned in the beginning? It explains that with life, you need to be able to separate the many aspects of hope out, so you don’t have cloudy judgment, which may lead to false hope. It advises you to let go of attachments to positive outcomes that do not make sense. Instead, prepare your heart for the truth.
This option may sound funny, but it can really give you the perspective of someone who knows both you and your man. He or she may be able to give you the hard facts so that you aren’t blindsided by your man breaking up with you. Instead, you can better prepare yourself and your life for the possibility that love is not in store for the two of you.
A positive message that you can tell yourself is that if it’s not meant to be, aren’t you happy you know now rather than a year from now? Isn’t it better to be hurt now rather than when you are head over heels in love with him? Sometimes, we have to face pain to get through it, so know that this will pass, you’ll eventually feel better about it.
Has your man put you through this more than one time? If you have been the victim of false hope on more than one occasion, you probably need to take a close look at the facts in front of you. What has he promised you about your relationship? Has he kept his end of things, or did he do this same thing to someone else?
When people are madly in love, it’s tough to answer these questions truthfully. Instead, we want the only fact to be that he does love us and does want a relationship with us, even if that’s not true. We have the false hope that it is true and that this man is an honorable and caring man, regardless of the truth. What is your man doing and saying?
Is he honest about everything, or does lying better suit him? Don’t you believe that you deserve to be with a guy who will treat you with respect, telling you the truth about his feelings for you rather than leading you on? Although I don’t know you, I believe you are worthy of this level of respect! Don’t be hard on yourself; you deserve better!
It’s always a good idea to turn to those who love and care about you. Find a person who knows the situation you have going on with your man and who can gently guide you in the right direction. Just because someone has a history with breakups doesn’t mean they are the most qualified person to discuss this with.
You would probably be better off talking to someone with a successful relationship or marriage who can give you advice from their experience. Make sure this person knows about the man you are referring to, so they will have seen the ways he has treated you in the past. They’ll probably have a grasp on whether this is true love or not.
After the conversation with your man and the advice you’ve received from others, you should have a greater understanding as to what to do next. It may not be the most pleasant news, either. Is he really “the one?” Is this true love or just further heartbreak? What is the next course of action for your life? What is in your best interest?
While breaking up or ending things is certainly a possibility, it’s important to not walk out of this relationship and jump straight into another one. Learn from your mistakes so that you are not doomed to repeat them later on. Find positive ways to spend your time as you heal from this breakup. You may want to reach out to your support group.
Let your friends and family know what you are going through so that they can properly comfort you and help you heal healthily. Take up a new hobby or volunteer to help those who are less fortunate than you. You’d be surprised at the good you can receive from doing what’s best for others! Often, you end up ahead when doing volunteer work!
The best thing you can do for yourself and others is to look at all facts presented before you. Is there adequate support for your beliefs, or are you “fooling yourself?” Don’t let anyone lead you on or play games with your heart, because that may lead to heartbreak.
Many guys want to give a false sense of hope so that women will stick around. They may lack self-love or a proper amount of self-esteem if they need to make women feel this way on purpose. Watch out for guys who offer false hope as a comfort!
If a man has given you false hope, he may have just wanted you to stay in the relationship longer than you had anticipated. Maybe you were ready to leave him, but he didn’t want to be alone yet, even if he wasn’t ready to fully commit to you.
Having hope is not a bad thing unless it is founded on lies. Watch for signs he’s giving you false hope and making you believe there is a future for your relationship when there is none. If you have cloudy judgment, make sure you seek the counsel of trustworthy friends.
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