Everyone cheats. Okay, maybe everyone is pushing it a little, but survey data shows nearly one in two of us has had an affair. One in every four to five has admitted to being married while engaging in infidelity. But those are just the ones who either reported themselves or admitted to cheating anonymously.
Apparently, just over 60 percent of people who cheat on their husband or wife get caught. Which makes you wonder how the remaining 40 get to keep their illicit encounters under the radar. Something to do with the excuses they use to evade suspicion, maybe? Probably along the same line as any of the common best excuses listed below.
Having to work late has to be the most common excuse cheaters make to get out of the house and for good reasons. It is low maintenance, easy to pull off, and almost anyone can morph it perfectly to suit their situation.
Students can say they have an extra class or are studying late in a group or at a friend’s house. Shift workers can easily go with covering someone’s shift or going in earlier/leaving late due to irregular variations expected on occasion. On-call workers already work flexi-time, so being called in for hours at a stretch is typical, talk of a fantastic alibi.
The idea is to keep your excuse somewhat close to what you’d normally do, making deviations too drastic from your reality only leaves more room for suspicion.
Ahh, the gym. A classic. I don’t know if you know this, but sudden amped-up interest in improving physical appearance is a signature tell of a cheating husband or wife. That’s an extra motivation to go to the gym and actually work out, thereby establishing a routine and providing an alibi for days when they go for a different type of exercise.
I mean, if your husband or wife hits the gym every other day of the week, you get used to it, and fixing meetups within those hours wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. Not to mention the following excuse for showering, so it all aligns.
Happy hour drinking with coworkers is another natural excuse for those who have a tradition to spend time with their colleagues outside the office. It does require looping someone in, though, in case your husband or wife tries to reach you through them while you’re off spending time with the lover.
How often you can cheat using this excuse depends on your relationship with your work friends and the occasion, of course. Occasions that sound plausible include someone’s birthday, a breakthrough at work, team bonding activities, etc.
What are friends for, if not to help cheat? This is one of the easiest excuses to get some if you have friends you hang out with on the reg that can cover for you. Your partner won’t think too much of a night of beer and laughs until they catch you in a lie, one just needs to keep the story tight.
Thing is, though, infidelity takes its toll. Juggling an affair and lying to your spouse is more complicated than it looks, and you can only account for your own consistency. Even a slight slip can make your spouse suspicious, so it’s safer to keep a tight rein on the deets and not make a habit of involving others.
In the same vein as the nights out, people hide behind sleepovers at a trusted friend’s house to cheat. Since the same limitations bind this excuse and #4 above, they are both best reserved for days when quickies just won’t do it, and you need to be out of the house overnight with the AP.
One way to stay ahead of the risk of getting discovered is to involve people only you are friends with instead of mutual friends of the family. You’d be surprised how many spouses inadvertently find out they’re being cheated on over routine check-in calls or at the next barbeque because stories don’t add up.
Those whose line of work requires having a lot of meetings can easily use them as an excuse to cheat. If your role takes you out of the workplace often during business hours, even better. All you have to do to make it seem legit is mention it to your s/o like you would any other meeting.
Unless your schedule is extremely flexible, rushing out for such meetings impromptu can only work so many times before it becomes suspicious.
Another classic after the gym is using out-of-town work duties as an excuse to cheat. Needless to say, it’s better suited for people in lines of work that often travel as it’s more convenient to plan your thing around an actual business trip.
Given traveling alone typically puts the partner getting left behind on edge, the trick is to calm their nerves with an actual, if vague, work itinerary. It’s not the best excuse for weekly meetups, but the risk/reward checks out when the chance rolls around. For one, you get to spend an entire day or more with your affair partner without rushing home for a change.
Again, friends are the gifts that keep giving when it comes to making excuses for anything. There are plenty of roles to go around, so the more diversified your social groups, the better. The besties can play the nights out/sleepover part, while literally any friend you haven’t talked to in a minute will do to catch up with
Only the name has to be familiar for this to work, or a believable story about why they are just coming up now. This particular excuse is more popular among the ladies. (no surprises there, we usually have loads of friends.)
Club activities and hobby classes are not just legit ways to escape boredom, they also make for really good alibis. Like the gym, the trick is to familiarize your spouse with the routine first by acting the part and picking one you know they would never ask to join.
Thankfully, there are tons to choose from, from yoga classes to book clubs, depending on your preferences, when they meet and how they fit into your schedule home and away.
Affairs are harder to pull off in committed relationships because, naturally, your significant other has their hands in almost all your pies. However, everyone is entitled to their share of solo time, something to get them out of the house that can be just their thing.
Volunteering is quite innocuous compared to some of the other excuses on this list, because who associates infidelity with such an act of selflessness? Tons of organizations can always use more volunteers (availability et credibility), plus you can decide to “go on your own time,” and your s/o would be none the wiser.
Virtually everyone who’s ever cheated has used the errand excuse. Easily top two of the most common alibis because who doesn’t have errands to run? It has its limitations, of course. This is because getting the dry cleaning and/or milk only takes so long.
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As a workaround, people add a bunch of hard-to-find items to their list, so they can buy some time by saying they checked multiple stores. The problem lies in bringing that stuff back with them to justify spending longer than usual.
Grocery shopping is understandably the go-to for many, but more esoteric fashion or hobby items can buy a bit more time.
Getting rid of pent-up energy is another easy-to-overlook way to cheat on your partner. I've heard of people who start a heated argument so they burst out of the house to "de-escalate." (Un)fortunately, committed relationships aren't ever short of reasons to fight, so it's a dependable last resort.
The unique thing about this excuse is that it can conveniently buy you anything from a few hours to several days based on the intensity of the commotion. It goes without saying that doing something in the ballpark of what you typically would is the best bet of staying above suspicion. E.g., if you usually go for a run to blow off steam, you can take a longer time to 'clear your head,'
Unless you manage to start an argument so big, you can get away with not wanting to see or talk to your spouse for a few days. In that case, you may have to prepare a believable story about where you went and someone to corroborate it for later.
Not everyone’s lifestyle accommodates extracurricular social activities like regular nights out on the town or whatnot, but we all need support outside our partners sometimes. It’s natural to turn to friends in times like this and for us to be there when needed, too.
Friends can need you around for a wide range of reasons from physical presence to emotional support. Say someone broke their heart and they need a shoulder to cry on, they’ve been in an accident, they are leaving the country, lost their job, or just going through it. Such a noble cause lets you spend time with the paramour, perhaps, even overnight without being interrupted.
The same risk applies as the other excuses involving other people, though, so best not to use mutual friends to avoid unnecessary complications.
Some excuses people give for cheating include being lonely, their needs not being met in their relationship, and getting back at a partner who cheated. Excuses along the lines of boredom, loss of chemistry, marrying the wrong person, and being seduced or drunk are also pretty common.
Good excuses to get out of the house can be drawn from who you are, what you do, and where you are going. For example, a student can use studying overnight as an excuse to attend a party or a sleepover. Likewise, someone in a relationship wanting to leave the house to cheat can use the gym, store, hang out with friends, or late work as cover.
There’s always a chance of getting caught if you cheat, it comes with the territory. However, precautions you can take to reduce the odds include keeping your excuses credible and having one or two trusted friends who can cover for you. The farther away from home you can keep the affair, the better. Practice safe sex, don’t leave evidence on your phone, and avoid paying bills with credit cards.
Ask yourself what you hope to gain by cheating and do your best to incorporate them into your relationship. It also helps to think about what you stand to lose if you get caught and weigh the risk versus the potential reward. Avoid temptations when you can, and have hobbies and interests outside your relationship to manage boredom.
Most people show remorse when caught cheating. Some try to minimize what they’ve done by saying something along the lines of, “it’s just sex,” or “it meant nothing,” while others apologize profusely and promise not to do it again. Some people resort to excuses, while some can be downright unapologetic about it.
Lying is key to a successful affair. Whether it’s to leave the house to cheat or get out of work early, remember the secret to good excuses is to keep them “you”. If you’re willing to go the distance to make your excuses seem legit, the whole world around you is your oyster.
Have you cheated on your wife or husband countless times? Have you yourself been cheated on? What are the craziest excuses you’ve heard, and which lame excuse have you used? Admit your sins and let’s get a conversation going in the comments. Also, share the article if you enjoyed it.
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