Ex Wants To Be Friends (7 Odd Reasons Why)

by April Maccario

Breakups are hard and you will likely go through a lot of heartbreak before you start to feel okay again. Whether you were the one to end things or not, it is never going to be a nice situation to experience, especially if you really loved your ex. Just because things didn’t work out or you had issues, it doesn’t mean that your feelings for him went away. 

Things can get even more difficult and confusing if your ex lets you know that he wants to be friends after you have broken up. While it can be nice to have them back in your life it can be difficult to draw the new line and figure out the difference between being lovers and being friends. Being friends may not necessarily make the situation easier for you. 

Perhaps you have tried to stay friends with an ex boyfriend before and it didn’t work out very well, this may lead you to wonder can you be friends with an ex or whether it is ever really going to work out. If you still have strong feelings of love for this one guy, will they eventually go away and, is being friends a good idea for you right now?

My Ex Wants To Be Friends, Why?

Maybe you have been trying to move on with your own life for a while after you have broken up with your someone, now your ex has reached out to you and told you that he asks to be friends with you. This may make things even more confusing. You may continue for a while to try and move on by ignoring his attempts to reach out to you but this may not work for long.

In this situation, it can be extremely difficult to figure out what your feelings for him really are now. Maybe you really want to be able to be friends with him because you still can’t accept the thought of not having him in your life. But perhaps this is not a good idea if you haven’t really gotten over him yet and you do still love him. 

It can be hard to draw the line between your past romantic relationship and your new relationship as just friends. This is especially true if you start dating other people, how will you feel if he starts seeing someone else? It can be incredibly hard if you choose to remain friends not to feel jealous when your ex wants to start dating again, so what can you do?

1. He Still Wants You Around

Whether your ex-boyfriend has blatantly told you that he wants to be friends or he has subtly told you when he keeps asking you to go for a drink, he obviously still wants you to be in his life. This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your ex wants with you, it can be difficult for you to know exactly where you stand with him

It can be easy then to start obsessing over what each little gesture and action that he may make means, even if they, in reality, don’t mean anything at all. Whether your boyfriend keeps sending you text messages or keeps asking you to go for lunch or a coffee, it can be difficult to know exactly how to respond. 

It is important for you to consider his intentions when he is asking you to remain friends. Consider whether he is sincere about wanting to be friends with you or whether he is just playing mind games with you or he is keeping you around because he is bored. Everyone handles breakups differently, but it is important to remain careful in this situation. 

2. He Wants Options

It is important to be aware and consider whether your ex boyfriend may be trying to keep you around because he wants to keep his options open. If this is the case he may want to flirt with you while dating other people at the same time too. He wants you to stay in his life but he wants it to be on his own terms and not yours.

It is likely that he does not know what he wants. If he wanted you and you alone he would be wholeheartedly committed to you and he wouldn’t even consider thinking about dating other people. This probably means that any commitment issues that led to the end of your relationship are still there. 

If you believe that your ex just wants to be friends with you for these reasons then it is important to tell him exactly what you want, rather than accepting his terms. If you are just one of a group of girls that he is seeing, you are likely going to end up getting hurt, so be clear that you want to be his only girl or you don’t want to be in his life. 

3. He’s Not Considering Your Feelings

Your ex wants to be friends with you but he is not considering your feelings. He may want to be friends for sincere reasons but he may not be thinking about how this could affect you. This does not necessarily mean that he is a bad person, while he might be, but people often make decisions before considering how others will feel because of it. 

While you cannot force him to act in a certain way, it is important to be aware of whether you are going to end up getting hurt or not. Be honest with yourself and ensure that you don’t end up being the victim in this situation. If you are not yet over him and he seems to be over you, being in a relationship may not be the best idea. 

However, if you are completely over him it may be healthy to become friends as long as you have taken enough time to figure out your thoughts. If you still want to be in a relationship but he only wants to be friendly with you, it may be a good idea to stay away from him for a while before you get hurt. This may be one way to explain his actions.

4. He Likes To Be In Control

Everybody handles breakups differently and while you may be trying to focus on the rest of your life and your family, he may still want you around so that he doesn’t lose control over you. If your ex is your friend is will be able to keep a check on what is going on in your life and act on things that he doesn’t like. This could be one reason for his actions. 

This may be a weird and difficult thing to accept if you realize that your ex is keeping you around because he likes to maintain control over your life. In this way, he is able to ensure that you are not moving on from him or forgetting about him.  While he may not be blatant about his intentions or even know that he is acting this way it is important to be aware of this. 

It may be that your ex likes to keep you around in order to hold on to you rather than letting you go and start dating someone else. He may not want a relationship with you but he doesn’t want you to be with someone else either. Even if he isn’t doing it on purpose, it is important that you don’t give him this kind of control over your life. 

5. He Finds Boundaries Difficult

It may be that your ex doesn’t want to get back together with you, but he doesn’t know how to set boundaries with you either. However, after a breakup, it is important to set boundaries between you so that you don’t get hurt. If your ex hopes to be amicable, and you are unsure, it may be better to avoid this. 

If you have told your ex that you are not ready for a friendship but he is unable to respect your boundaries, it may be easier to cut contact with him completely for a while. This does not mean that you are being selfish, but it is important to take control of your own life and only do what makes you happy and what you are comfortable with. 

6. He Doesn’t Care About You

This may be hard to take but if he does want to be friendly with you, it may be because he just doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship with you but he still likes to have you around. He may not really care about you enough to be bothered if you start dating other people or knowing everything about your life even though you have broken up. 

He may be able to accept that you are dating other people and even encourage you to go on dates with another person. If he comes back after a breakup and wants a friendship with you, it may just be because he doesn’t care enough for it to be too hard for him. He doesn’t mind it because he just doesn’t want anything more with you. 

You may be wondering “can you be friends with your ex?” This is a very difficult situation especially if you want him to come back into your life. If you don’t feel the same way as him, it can be incredibly hard for you. 

7. He Doesn’t Like Things Changing

Your ex may want to stay friendly with you because he just doesn’t want anything to change. He may be refusing to get over you because he just doesn’t like the idea of having to move on and accepting that anything has changed. While breakups can be difficult to accept, some people find the change harder than others. This may explain why someone might come back into your life. 

FAQs

What Does It Mean When An Ex Hopes For A Friendship?

There can be many reasons why an ex may hope to be friends that are both positive or negative. An ex may sincerely want to be friends with you and in this case, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be friends if you are over him too. However, he may also say he would like to be friends because he likes to be in control and keep an eye on you. 

Can Ex-Lovers Be Friends?

Ex-lovers can become friends, however, it does not mean that it will always work out. Make sure that you are both in a good place, you have resolved any issues between you, and you have taken time to get closure after your breakup, otherwise being friends is likely not going to work. Make sure you have taken enough time before you decide to be friends with an ex. 

Is It Healthy To Keep In Touch With An Ex?

It completely depends on each individual relationship as to whether it is healthy or not to stay in touch with an ex after a breakup. Every relationship ends differently and sometimes it is impossible to be friends with ex. If you are both in a healthy and happy place after you have broken up a while ago, you may be able to stay friends with your ex. 

Can Exes Be Friends And Get Back Together?

It is likely that if you are staying friends with an ex at some point it may turn into something romantic. If things are still good between you and you enjoy being friendly with each other it may eventually to you getting back together with each other. In some situations, exes can have a friendship for a while and get back together. 

How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Cares About You?

If your ex still cares about you he likely will try to stay friendly with you as he may not be able to stand the idea of not having you in his life. If he is able to have a friendship with you he will know that he can still stay close to you. If he still cares about you he will likely still want you around and to know that you are okay. 

To Sum Up…

Your ex may want to be friends, but this can be difficult and will not work with every relationship. Being friends with an ex is not easy. However, if you had a relatively healthy relationship with each other that just didn’t work out romantically you may be able to develop a friendship with each other. However, it is important to be careful in this situation so that you don’t end up getting hurt. 

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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