Are you struggling with emotional walls - either with yourself or with someone else?
If you are searching for answers on how to break down those emotional walls, you are taking steps in the right direction. Many people know they (or those they care about) have issues like this, but they have no desire to find solutions to fix what is going on. Feel proud that you are courageous!
Often, when we have emotional walls up, it’s because we’ve been hurt in the past and feel like we just can't risk another disappointment or betrayal. This is a completely normal reaction to the many bad things that happen in life. What else can we do but put emotional walls up?
If you’ve recently been hurt or damaged in some way, don’t push yourself to break down those emotional walls before you’re ready. Find the right support group or see a trained therapist to find the best coping mechanisms.
If you have always remembered having emotional walls up or never let them down after a hurt that was long ago, you may want to dive into the topic and explore the best way to heal. This article likely will help with that!
One way to get started in removing those emotional walls is to put yourself out there and open up a little more. Even the thought of this may make you feel very uncomfortable, and you may become uneasy with this idea fast, but give it a chance. It may feel like the scariest thing you’ve ever done, but try talking to someone new.
Talk to someone you don’t know and make the effort of putting yourself out there - just a little. Try saying, “hi,” and see what happens. If nothing positive comes of it, look at it this way - each failure is helping you break down your walls and build a stronger backbone. You can do thisone, I promise!
There must be things you say to yourself to make you feel more confident in life. Practice positive self-talk with purposeful affirmations that help you feel stronger as a person. Try keeping a gratitude journal. Just have faith in yourself, and your faith will be another building block in your self-confident house!
You should always turn to friends and family members when going through a struggle. This is pretty much true most of the time. If you have people in your life who are negative influences, don’t turn to them; instead, find someone who makes you feel safe, and get your necessary support and help from them.
Slowly, you are getting higher with strength! Just keep building your blocks of self-esteem - brick by brick!
According to Dr. Jonice Webb, you need to make friends with your emotions by closing your eyes and focusing inward on what you are feeling. Over time, you may develop ways to nurture and support those feelings, tolerating things that were once uncomfortable. Dr. Webb speaks fondly of getting to know who you are inside.
So, get up, and get in touch with your likes, dislikes, struggles, achievements, values, cares, and self-worth. Eventually, you will have a clear picture of who you are. This will translate into a new confidence that you can exhibit in front of others. Do you see now how journaling can help you tear down your walls slowly but surely?
To be able to truly let your emotional walls down, you must be willing to put yourself out there and understand what triggers you into a “safe mode.” There are many obstacles (stuff that triggers you) that are standing in your way. Do you tend to take what people say too personally? If you have identified that as your trigger, triumph!
You’ve been able to recognize and pinpoint your trigger. Now, you have something you can work on! There are many ways to stop taking stuff so personally. Remember that often we don’t think before we speak. Also, maybe whoever said that thought it was funny and wanted to get your attention. The explanations are endless!
Learn to laugh along with others if you think it’s appropriate; just don’t let stuff get to you if it wasn’t an accusatory conversation. Think of the many possible explanations for what just happened, and you’ll be surprised at how easily you jumped to conclusions over something silly!
This is probably one of the hardest solutions to implement. After all, they are called “comfort zones” for a reason (because they are comfortable to us)!
I once found the weekly siren drill to be overwhelming (stupid, I know), but over time, I got over it by exposing myself to the sound - a few seconds each week until I tolerated it the whole three minutes. I still don’t love it, but a little tolerance for a long period of time was all it took to overcome something very uncomfortable to me. Try it!
One of the scariest parts of having emotional walls up in order to protect yourself from pain is the fact that you are missing out on so many great experiences that make us who we are today.
I get it; really, I do. I’ve been hurt more times than I could admit, and we all need to get comfort by some means or another, but you can’t wall yourself off forever, or you’ll never find happiness. If you don’t take any risk in life and put yourself out there to others, you won’t get to witness the really great stuff that happens after you sift through the mush.
You may have an emotional wall up because you feel uncomfortable around groups of people. Learn how to listen - the right way; this means, don’t just “hear” what others are saying; truly pay attention. Don’t think about the next thing you’ll say after they quit talking - we all do that, but don’t. Instead, offer feedback to what they’ve just said.
This is also known as active listening. It’s a powerful tool that can make you quite popular! Just get out of your head and put yourself in the shoes of the other person you are having a conversation with. Show you care and are listening intently to what they have to say. It’s easy to not do this; it comes naturally to many of us. Work on it.
Be personable, too. If the person is having trouble telling a story or gets choked up over their emotions and feelings, give them the silence they deserve or say something like, “are you okay?” You don’t have to blurt in with a “Dr. Phil response!” Be real and give them the moment they need to gather themselves. You will learn so much from this!
As you witness someone else letting their walls down, you will be surprised how easily yours begin to tumble, especially if you are building a tight attachment to this person!
Saving the best for last, there really is no substitute for the right help if you need it. Even if you think you don’t, what hurt comes from a half-hour visit? Find a good therapist or counselor, and they should be able to give you the coping skills, book recommendations, and other tools that you simply cannot find elsewhere. They are, after all, trained for this.
Frustrated that he doesn't pay you as much attention as he used to?
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It makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or not.
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Many people find that putting a wall up is sort of comforting, as it often protects your heart from the many things life throws in our direction. Others are just too shy to let the barriers down and let someone else in; they may not even realize they’re doing it.
The best way to break down walls is to open up and talk; being yourself may be very uncomfortable, but it’s a good thing. You should allow others to get to know the real you; plus, the more you do this, the easier it will become over time.
It may indicate that you haven’t developed the skills needed to be social, or you choose not to use those skills for fear of rejection or pain. Some people have an emotional shutdown at some point in their life, meaning an event has prompted them to put their guard up.
You may not “let people in” as you go through life for fear of being rejected or hurt. However, if you choose to keep your walls up and not develop the skill set you need to move forward in life, you may remain alone and feel unhappy by yourself.
Usually, a person with their walls up will not be likely to open up and share their feelings with others freely. Instead, they choose to keep their emotions bottled up inside, but like a volcano waiting to explode, they may pop one day - an unpretty sight to see!
Have you been around someone with physical/emotional barriers that caused issues in your relationship? Do you have emotional walls still up from a past hurt? Understandably, life can be tough!
I would love to hear about your life experience on the topic. Please share this post and comment below!
Do you hate it how everything seems to always revolve round him while you just seem to be an afterthought sometimes?
We hear this all the time from women that contact us asking for help with their relationship.
It almost makes you wonder whether he actually likes you or whether he's just stringing you along.
Why don't you take this quick free quiz to see if he actually likes you!