Don’t Go to Bed Angry (Why You Shouldn’t And 9 Ways to Make Sure You Don’t)

Last updated on July 4, 2022 by April Maccario

You’ve heard the saying, “don’t go to bed angry,” but did you know that science has shown that you really should do this? 

Researchers say that men have trouble suppressing negative memories after they’ve slept. This means that men are more likely to stay mad if they went to sleep mad about something. 

No one wants to wake up in a bad mood, so it’s best not to go to bed in one, to begin with. As you sleep, your brain often processes the emotions you had before you fell asleep. This means that you may dream about the things you saw and feel the emotions as you sleep that you felt right before bed. 

That’s why I don’t watch scary movies before I go to sleep. I don’t want nightmares, because they make me in a bad mood when I wake up. Do you experience that? I guess if you are a hard sleeper, you might not be affected by what you saw or felt before bed, but most people are affected by their emotions when they sleep. 

If you fight with your partner before bed, this article should help give you some pointers to resolve this problem.

Why You Should Never Go to Bed Angry

You may think that it is no big deal to sleep on problems, but did you know that this can easily damage your relationship? If you let what is upsetting you rummage in your brain for too long, you will find that the issue does not disappear. Instead, it multiplies, which just makes things worse than they already were. You may not be able to get a good night’s sleep. 

This can affect you the next morning as you try to get to work and have a positive morning. You may determine it is very difficult to be pleasant when you are fighting with your significant other. I know when this has happened to me in the past, I just remain in a bad mood until the issue is resolved. No one wants to feel like that, so try to resolve your problems before bedtime.

If you have a partner who likes his space during an argument, you may not have a choice. If he needs his space, give it to him, especially if this helps him cool off and resolve things more positively. Just make sure you are alright with sleeping on issues. If you cannot stand it, you may want to pay close attention to the time when you bring up conflicting issues. 

How to Not Go to Bed Angry With Your Partner (Top Ways)

1. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated

It’s true that this is an old saying, but it really does make a difference in your mindset. Think about how you like to be treated by your partner, and make sure you are showing him or her the same amount of respect and care. If you truly love your partner, demonstrate this in the way you treat him or her. 

2. Spend quality time with each other

One thing my man and I do daily (and we’ve never gone to bed upset) is to take a block of time each day to just talk about our day and any issues that are bothering us. They may not be related to our marriage, but we just talk things out. It’s important to find time to spend with each other during the day to get things out in the open right away.

3. Resolve issues when they come up

This is another trick I learned from years of marriage. If something is bothering me, and we have conflict in our relationship, we make sure to bring up the problem right away. We share what we think about the way we’ve been treated or mistreated as soon as the issue comes to light. It’s not always fun to do this, but we don’t carry grudges this way.

4. Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner

share your thoughts and feelings with your partner

Find time to talk things over with your partner rather than just keeping all of that bottled up inside. If you are new to the relationship you are in, you should practice talking things over so that it can become a standard way you work things out when there is conflict. 

5. Don’t fight over the little things

It’s crucial in any relationship that you pick your battles. Do you really want to fight over who put the last dish in the dishwasher? If you think he did and are upset over it, ask yourself if you want to have conflict over something so trivial. Instead, just run the dishwasher and let the issue pass. You really don’t want to fight over dumb stuff.

6. Learn to compromise

You need to share with your partner how you feel when it comes to the important stuff, but when in conflict, you also need to consider what they want and how they feel. If you are thinking of going to bed upset, really think over the disagreement to decide if it’s really worth it. Try being empathetic when you work things out with your partner.

7. Decide which issues matter

You may be upset because you had a rough afternoon at work, but does that mean you should take it out on your partner? Really think about what you want to fight about before thinking about going to bed upset with him or her. It’s so much healthier to work things out before going to bed. You need to decide what really matters the most to you. 

8. Don’t be argumentative

dont be argumentative

Maybe you were the captain of your debate team in school. That’s great and all, but when you are in a relationship, you need to realize that you aren’t going to a debate tournament. Instead of being argumentative about everything, try being agreeable. You will have much better luck in relationships if you try to be easy to get along with.

9. Listen to your partner’s words and needs

One of the main reasons that people argue is because their needs are not met. If you feel like maybe you haven’t met the needs of your partner or have not listened like you should to his or her complaints or problems, you may want to talk it over with them. Explain that you want to be there for them and help them in any manner that you can.


Why do people say don't go to bed angry?

If you go to sleep upset with your partner, when you wake up, you will probably be even more upset with him or her. Often, when we wake up after an unresolved fight, we are in a bad mood, which is reflected in all areas of our lives.

Why should we not go to bed angry?

Conflict resolution is an important part of any relationship. If you decide to leave things unresolved the night before, there’s a good chance that both of you will wake up even more upset than how you felt the night before. It’s like carrying around extra, unnecessary baggage.

Is it OK to go to bed angry?

Of course, when there is a big fight over something, it’s probably smart to sleep on it. If you have a huge issue that cannot be resolved before you can go to bed, it’s best to agree to disagree for the night and address the problem tomorrow.

Is it OK to sleep in separate rooms when angry?

It’s not the best course of action, but if you feel like you need space from one another and decide to address the problem in the morning, go ahead and sleep in separate rooms. This will give you both a cooling-off period so that you can process things better.

Why do couples fight at night?

Sometimes, couples discover new problems right before they go to sleep. They may not have had time to talk things over earlier, so bedtime is the best time they had to spend quality time together. Unfortunately, this time may include a disagreement over something that happened earlier.

To Sum Things Up…

What are your thoughts on the old saying of “never go to bed angry?” I would love it if you could share your opinion and ideas in the comments section below. Don’t forget to share this post with someone else, too! I’d love to hear what you have to say!

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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