Does He Love Me? (10 Sure Ways To Find Out)

by April Maccario

When you're in a serious relationship, there are some pressing questions you just can't escape. It probably has to do with the fact that you're the one asking them. Nevertheless, by far, one of the most important is 'does he love me'. Sooner or later, it's going to pop up, but the real question is, how do you know when someone loves you? 

Does the sun shine brighter or do they just blurt it out? In my experience, it's a collection of things. Forget all that, 'if he truly loves you, you'll know' mumbo jumbo for a second. Love is a layered and deep emotion, yes, your gut feeling is a good start, but it's no love detector. 

I'm no love detector either, but I can help you look out for tell-tale signs he loves you. When a bunch of these things or actions show up, you may have gotten yourself a winner. 

How To Know If He Loves You

1. He's Not Completely Present Anymore 

This seems like a weird method to express feelings of affection, but what can I say, men do it. At that point, the culprit is confusion, unlike women, men aren't the best at coming to terms with their emotions. So, it's easy for them to become overwhelmed when things get too real. 

As a result of this, you may get to a point in your relationship where he seems a bit distant. It's easy to mistake this for him gearing up for a breakup. There's a lot of women out there who can testify to this all-around weirdness. 

They claimed that they actually thought they were getting the boot right before he popped the question. Kudos to them for keeping their cool, it's not an easy feat. It's ok to freak out too! This situation, take some time to step back and really evaluate the entire situation. You see, there's is a dark reality hidden here.

Sometimes when men pull away, they are actually just pulling away. There's a bunch of other signs that should follow. I just had to put that it out there, so you don't expect a proposal every time one of these men gives you the silent treatment. 

2. You're In His Future Plans

When you're in a relationship, it's easy for you to start building castles in the sky. Women don’t find that hard to do at all, even the ones who would tell you otherwise. Men, on the other hand, tend to remain rooted in the present and very few of them go into a relationship with the end game in sight. On the first level, it's quite a big deal if he opens up to you about his future plans as a whole.

So, even if he does not mention you, but tells you stuff he’s planning to do a year down the line, things are getting spicier. Taking it up a notch, if he lets it slip that you’ll be traveling to see his parents or making a large purchase together, he’s all in. He may not say the actually say the words but you best believe that the sentiments are there.

As I said before, guys are not really keen on building a future with you in their heads. Talkless of vocalizing those feelings and plans in conversations. But if he’s making plans that include you in a year, two years, or even a handful of months down the road,  he’s most likely planning to have you in life indefinitely.

3. He’s Always Willing To Give 

I’m going to start by saying that this does not necessarily mean he showers you with material things. Sure, that is part of it all, but I’m a strong believer in the fact that people have a lot more to offer than money and trinkets. When he loves you, he will buy you stuff, he’ll give you himself and so much more.

Sure, a guy could whisk you away on a shopping spree. But if he doesn’t give you his time, advice, help and a shoulder to lean on, it really can’t be love. One true test of love is how much the other person is willing to give. This is mostly because, love in its entirety, is generous. 

When a person loves, he’ll make sure you have all he has, it comes naturally. So, really look closer at his actions, because love is more about actions than sentiments. Don’t just take my word for it, Dr. Lisa Firestone, the renowned co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate relationships states that ‘the best way to think of love is as a verb’.

So, it’s not all about asking, ‘does he love me?’ Also, ask yourself if he goes the extra mile for you when you need him to.

4. He’s Seen All Of You And Loves It

That first moment you start dating, it's truly all fun and games. You both put your best foot forward and as such, it's easy to idealize each other. Down the road, it gets harder and harder to pretend, so your good, bad, and ugly attributes show themselves. As such, it's at this point that you really get to know whether he’s all in.

Again, he may not actually say it, but if you have a fit and he hasn’t run for the hills, he loves you. The truth is that you are going to spend most of your life annoying each other. So if he can’t take that initial conflict, it's probably for the best if he leaves. But, if he’s a keeper, he won’t just love the idea of you, he will love you, quirks and all.

It's selfish to think that loving a person is all about the way they make you feel. It transcends all that and has a lot to do with loving their insides to bits. Of course, I don’t mean that how they make you feel is irrelevant, it plays a part. All in all, if he is ready to love you inside and outside, even when it's not convenient, he may just be the one.

5. You Are Never In The Dark

In theory, what women want is a dark, mysterious stranger to come and sweep them off their feet. Let’s face it, we have all had that fantasy and it is incredible. But in the real world, you need a level of transparency that a dark, mysterious stranger cannot offer. That’s not to say that you both won’t have some information you can keep to yourself, but openness is a big deal.

I used to think I was crazy for letting my mind travel when a man was being too quiet. But in a relationship, there shouldn’t be any long lapses of silence with zero explanations. So, if he makes you feel like a stalker for wanting to know why you haven’t heard from him in a week, you may not be on the same page.

You should always be in the know, especially in situations that are not that ideal. If he needs to have a lunch date with a female, it's not a bad thing, especially if he lets you know. If he needs to drop his exes stuff with her doorman, he should let you know. It's only fishy when he keeps it a secret.

In a nutshell, when a guy loves you, he won’t shut you out, he will offer up information even when he really does not have to.

6. He Does Not Throw The Towel In

Relationships are tricky, they start out like a fairy tale and get a bit bumpier as everything gets real. That’s why it tends to crash and burn down the line, it's really not easy. But, if he loves you, best believe that he is going to be there when the going gets rough. I have had my share of ups and downs with guys, some of them claimed to love me, some didn’t bother. But, here is the thing, when people are in love, they do not just give up when it all gets rocky.

So, if he bails when the situation gets a bit shaky, best believe that he wasn’t truly in love with you. Love isn’t something you give up on, you have to work on it and grow with it. If it does not work out, it just wasn’t meant to be, but this is not usually for the lack of trying. In some cases, they can clearly love each other, but their compatibility is questionable.

Nevertheless, if he walks out after a disagreement, you’ve got the answer to the question, ‘does he love me?’ He obviously didn’t because if he did, he would not let you go till it's absolutely necessary that he does.

7. You Don’t Doubt His Feelings

It's easy to be a ball of uncertainty when it comes to love; I get it, it's a complicated yet straightforward emotion. You see, I’m already confusing you just talking about the concept of love. But, there are just some times where you know. There’s not an atom of doubt involved when it comes to the fact that this guy loves you. Not only can you see it, but everyone around you can see it too

There will be this feeling of inner peace and so much assurance in your heart when it comes to your man. This is because, when a guy loves you his behavior will be a big indicator of that. So, you’ll never have any cause to think that this person is out to hurt you. Note that, if you’re not at a great place in terms of your emotional health, nothing he does will be enough for you. So, try your best to really analyze issues logically before you go for the jugular. Look within before you vocalize any fears about your man being untrustworthy.

Back to the matter, if you start to doubt his motives, then maybe there is something there. I know I said that your gut feeling isn’t enough to bank on earlier. But, I equally did not rule it out. You need to feel safe and secure in your relationship so it doesn’t affect your life as a whole.

8. You Can See It In His Eyes

You Can See It In His Eyes

If you’re lucky enough to have a guy look at you this way, you know what I mean. You just look into his eyes and it's obvious that it's not all about getting naked, he genuinely is in awe of every aspect of you. I often say I like it when a man looks at me like I’m his favorite food and he just came out of a 40-day fast. But, that’s not enough, in actuality, I don’t just want to be looked at as food, it should be deeper than that

I want to be looked at like I’m a mythical creature or a rare gem because that’s more about awe than ‘boom, boom, let’s get freaky’. Well, if you have a man that looks at you this way, then you’ve got a winner. Sure, you want to know that you’re an object of sexual desire for your partner. But, there is something deeper than that, and every woman, nay person, wants to feel that special.

Even more, it's not just about how this guy looks at you, it's equally about how often he looks at you. A person who loves you will not be able to stop himself from looking at you. This is not just in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, I’m talking years down the line when you’ve put on some baby weight, the fun phase is out of the way, and life has gotten more complicated.

9. Sex Is Just A Plus

In a relationship, sex is important, it offers a special form of intimacy. Nevertheless, it's a problem when it gets in the way of everything else and becomes the centerpiece of your relationship as a whole. More important than getting naked together is simply being close. This is what separates falling in love, with simply shacking up with someone. So, if he doesn’t mind being with you even without getting naked, then he loves you a lot. 

At that point, he does not just see you as a body for quick sex, but he wants to bond with you one way or another. So, as important, it is for you guys to keep things steamy in the bedroom, there needs to be a life outside it. If he is not open to having a life outside the bedroom, then that’s your cue to leave. Except that’s what you want as well, you get yours, but note that there may come a time when you want more.

Nevertheless, when guys want you for real, they crave your presence in different ways. It’ll be amazing in the bedroom, it’ll be great when you’re out with friends and even when you’re both at home in sweat pants. It's just a function of trust and once a guy trusts you, he wants to give you his entirety in this life and the next.

10. He Says The Actual Words

Some may say that this is not the ultimate test of affection in a relationship, and that’s true for the most part. But, there are a lot of guys out there who find it hard to say ‘I love you’. In fact, it can be increasingly obvious that they love you, but the words just never come out. So, when it gets to the point where you actually hear guys say it, best believe that it's true. 

Also, there are times in life where the proof is really just simple, it's nothing elaborate or out there. When it comes to love, we have already established that actions are very paramount, so, don’t just fall for any Tom, Dick, or Harry who tells you he’s falling for you hard. That’s not enough at all, rather look out for some of the things I’ve mentioned on this list. Even more, don’t just depend on one sign to conclude that he’s all in. Love, for the most part, is tricky and we often don’t know when it’s really there (especially when these men pull out all the stops).

So, take a feather out of my book, be spontaneously meticulous because sentiments are a complicated thing and you do not want to mistake obsession or lust for love. Nevertheless, if a man is brave enough to say that he loves you then he wants you in his life. 

FAQs

How Do You Know If A Guy Loves You?

It's not exactly the easiest emotion yo suss out, but there is one gigantic tell-tale sign. He does everything in his power to have time for you. When a man loves you, he doesn't mind checking in with you in between meetings at the office or canceling a prior engagement to spend time with you. 

How Do You Tell If He Loves You In Bed?

For one, sex won't just be about him, but he'll be sensitive to your needs. It won't just be a cheap bang, he'll want you to be as present as he is. Then, when it's all over, he won't be eager to throw on his clothes and leave. Who knows? You might even have a lovely post-coitus conversation. 

How Do I Know Someone Loves Me?

He's there for you ALL the time. Not just when you're happy and the going is peachy. But, if you have the flu, he'll bring you soup and when you're cranky because of hormones, he'll still be there. In a nutshell, he'll become your ride or die, and only betrayal of an intense magnitude can keep him away. 

How Does A Man Act When He's Falling In Love?

For the most part, he'll want everyone to know. Because of that, he won't be reluctant to let you in completely. You'll meet his friends, his family… heck, everyone will know who you are at his office. When a guy is truly into you, he'll make you an integral part of his life. 

How Do You Test A Guy To See If He Loves You?

Check if he's constantly avoiding being seen in public with you. Also, gauge the amount of time he's willing to spend with you. If these two aren't lacking, you can go ahead to look closely at whether he does the little things for you. Grand gestures are great, but only people who love you will plug your phone in when it's low or get you a glass of water because he noticed your throat was scratchy. 

To Conclude

There's no telling exactly what a guy would do when he's all in. But with these signs to look out for, you'll get the gist. I do hope that you found some sort of direction here. All in all, make sure you drop a comment in the box below, I'm open to different takes and opinions. Even more, if you know someone out there who needs to see the light, send this article their way.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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