Dating Your Friend’s Ex (7 Crucial Things)

by April Maccario

Sometimes it may happen that you begin to realize you are developing feelings for your friend’s ex. You may know that you probably shouldn’t act on these feelings but often it is hard to ignore them. Often, pursuing these feelings for one of your friends’ exes is not worth the trouble that they may eventually cause. Keep reading for the signs you should stay away from him. 

Some of your friends may not mind that you date their ex, while others may think that you have unforgivably crossed a boundary by expressing your feelings for someone that they used to date. There are some red flags that you should look out for if you are developing feelings for one of your friends’ ex-partners.

There are certain things to consider if you decide to date one of your friends’ exes. You may also be wondering whether it is always wrong to date their ex-boyfriend or whether it is okay in some cases.

Dating Your Friend’s Ex

1. They still aren’t gotten over the breakup

If you have developed feelings for their ex-boyfriend but your friend is still struggling to get over him, it is likely not a good idea to act on your feelings for him. Whether the relationship ended badly or not, your friends still haven't gotten over the breakup and it would be the biggest betrayal if you decided to date him now. 

If your friend is still upset and grieving over the breakup you should be there for them and help them to get through it rather than jumping on to their ex yourself instead. If your friend isn’t over it and is still requiring your support, it is not the best idea to go in and try to date their ex right now. Focus on your friend rather than your own selfish interests

2. Your friend asked you to stay away from him

Dating a friend’s ex can be tricky. Perhaps you have even gathered up the courage to ask your friend whether she is okay with it and she has said no. It is not the best idea to decide to go behind her back and date the guy anyway even though she said no. Before dating someone’s ex-partner it is important to ask their permission and respect what they say

You should always have an honest conversation with your friend about how you feel about their ex to see if they are okay with you dating them. If they aren’t okay with it and the thought of it makes them feel uncomfortable, it is important that you respect these wishes and stay away from him, unless you want to risk losing your friendship with her. 

There are some exceptions but often, your friend will say that she is okay with it even if she is, as she doesn’t want to feel stupid and she does actually want to be okay with you dating her ex. So if she does give you the go ahead, be careful as she may not have been telling you the whole truth about how she actually feels about the situation. 

3. She can’t stand her ex

She can’t stand her ex

If your friend cannot stand her ex after their breakup, it is likely not a good idea to start dating him if you want your friendship with her to survive. If she can’t stand being around her ex and he can’t stand being around her, it is likely that they either haven’t yet gotten over the breakup or the relationship ended on bad terms. 

It will be very difficult to date a person that your friend cannot stand. In any relationship, it is difficult to date someone that your friends don’t like, but this is made even harder if this person is one of your friends' exes. It may come to the point in the future where you would have to choose between the two of them. 

If they cannot stand to be in the same room as each other after their breakup, it is going to be very hard to maintain a relationship with both of them and you are likely going to get stuck in the middle of their breakup. This is especially true if they have a long history and they haven't moved on properly from their breakup, so be careful. 

4. Your friend is still defensive over their ex

If your friend is still defensive over their ex even after they have broken up, it is likely not a good idea to start dating him. If she keeps jumping to his defense or brings him up even when he isn’t the main focus of the conversation, it is likely that she isn’t over the relationship with him. It is important to be careful in this situation if you want to protect your friendship. 

If she constantly sees the need to defend him, especially when he isn’t even the center of the conversation, it means that she probably hasn’t gotten over him and is still thinking of him often. It would be breaking your girl code if you chose to date him now. No matter how you feel it is important to put your feelings aside for the sake of your friend. 

5. They still have feelings for their ex

If your friend still has feelings for their ex, and she has even told you about how she still feels about him, you would be betraying them by choosing to date their ex right now. This is especially true if this person is your best friend and someone that you want to always have a strong relationship with. 

It can be difficult to properly move on after a relationship if these feelings are still there. It could cause huge problems between you and this person if you choose to date their ex, especially if you know that they aren’t yet over the breakup. 

6. You aren’t completely sure about how you feel

If you aren’t completely sure about how you feel about your friends’ ex then there is likely no point in risking your relationship with this friend for the sake of finding out how you feel. Unless you are completely sure about how you feel about this person you shouldn’t act on it, even then it may not be a good idea. 

If you think you have feelings for one someone’s ex-partner, but you aren’t completely sure, it may be necessary to take some more time to think about it more carefully before you consider acting on it. It is easy to imagine that things are going to work out great if you haven’t really thought about it, but in reality, he may not even be the right person for you. 

Their ex-partner might seem like an amazing person on a night out, but when you don’t really know them much better than that, you cannot be sure that you would ever have a real connection with them. It is extremely important that you are completely honest with yourself about how you feel about them. 

7. They have a long history 

They have a long history

If your friend and their ex had a very long history and they started dating in high school it is likely time to reconsider how you feel. If they were together for a long time, it is likely that they still have love for each other. If they were together for a long time, they likely shared a lot of memories and will likely always have some love for each other. 

If your friend and their ex went out with each other for more than a year, it is probably a good idea to stay away for they probably developed a deep emotional connection that will never truly go away. When you are with someone for that long you will never really lose that love, even if things didn’t work out in the way that you planned.

FAQs

Is it wrong dating your friend's ex?

In most cases, it is likely not a good idea to date someone’s ex-partner. This is especially true if they had a very long relationship with their ex and they aren’t truly over them. If you want your relationship with this person to survive, it is not a good idea to start dating their ex. If you feel like you want to date your friend’s ex-partner think very carefully. 

How do I date my friend's ex?

If your friend went out with someone for a long time, it is likely not a good idea to consider dating them as they probably share some strong emotions and an intimate bond with this person even if they broke up. 

How long until you can date your friend's ex?

There is no set time as to how long you should wait after your friend breaks up with their ex to date them. Often, it is never a good idea to go out with your friend’s ex-partner

Is it bad to date your ex's best friend?

It is usually never a good idea to date your ex’s best friend as they likely have a connection that they will never lose. You will probably risk losing your friendship with this person if you decide to date your best friend’s ex-partner. 

Are friends exes off-limits?

Friend’s exes are almost always off-limits. You may risk losing your friend if you decide to date their ex. There are a lot of other people that you can date, so try to avoid this. 

Taking Everything Into Account

Dating your friend’s ex-partner is usually a bad idea. You may risk losing your friendship with this person if you choose to betray them in this way. This is especially true if your friend dated their ex for a long time and they shared a long history together or that you know they aren’t yet over the breakup. 

Let us know what you thought in the comments and don’t forget to share this article!

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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