Dating Someone Out Of Your League (29 Things To Think About)

Last updated on June 12, 2022 by April Maccario

Traditional knowledge suggests that people tend to cut their coats according to their size when it comes to seeking a mate. However, studies have shown that this position often does not necessarily hold true.

Extensive research conducted by the University of Michigan on a popular dating site finds that people pursue partners who are about 25% more desirable than themselves, on average. No one wants to date down, I think it’s a self-esteem issue. Dating out your league doesn’t mean you’re reaching, in fact, many might argue that you’re balancing the stakes

You see, if all the sexy, smart, industrious people paired up and married themselves, what happens to the rest? 

It’s funny but true. However, many feel like the idea of getting with someone above your level is nothing but a fantasy. That’s not true. People before us have done it, and the ones after us will too. Let’s say it’s a different kind of ‘circle of life.’

The gap between you and your potential partner can be in looks, finances, popularity, or even intellect. And though it might make them seem intimidating at first, you can improve your odds by arming yourself with the following tips.

29 Ways to Date A Guy Out of Your League

1. Have a strong sense of self

If the gap between you is more physical, there will always be a stranger when you are out together who gives you a not so cryptic look. One that says they wonder what a guy like that is doing with you. It’s up to you to have self-worth steely enough that this doesn't get to you and affect your relationship.

2. Let your actions communicate your values

It is normal to want to conform to what you think your date might want, especially if you’re an online dater. Here’s the thing, no one is perfect, and your bubbly personality and warm smile may be all that person wants. Maybe it’s your values that attracted them to you, so whatever you do, always remain true to them.

3. You attract what you are

you attract what you are

Though it may seem like your interest in this person upends the law of attraction, ultimately, it still holds, you attract what you are. Whether you are still in the chasing process or trying to keep them interested, be sure to be the version of yourself that pulls them in.

4. Shoot your shot

As hockey legend Wayne Gretzky puts it, ‘’You miss 100% of the shots you don't take’’. Your crush is probably not even seeing a potential partner in you yet, and that won't change if you don't put yourself on their radar. Granted, it's possible not to get the response you want, but what if you do? Don’t think about it too much, after all, if you never try, you’ll always wonder.

5. See it as an adventure

Dating somebody beyond your level may feel like work, especially if you've always fared well within your comfort zone. However, you can make it fun if you take it as an adventure. Having a great sense of humor would be nice, and it will take most of the tension away.

6. Try not to lose yourself

On top of the thrill of new love, it can be even more exhilarating when it's in an entirely new zone. However, amid the excitement of swimming in new waters, try not to lose yourself. There's always a chance that your relationship will blossom, but it can easily go the other way, so always remember that.

7. Be patient

If you're not used to having to wait to get what you want, you might have to get accustomed to it. Depending on how big your love interest is, they may have to put other things before you from time to time, and that can be frustrating if you're not patient.

8. You can start as friends

Don't be deterred if you don't get a positive response immediately, good things take time. It doesn't always happen in real life like in the movies where the attraction is instant, sometimes it develops from friendship. Nevertheless, remember to make your intentions known, so you don't wind up friendzoned.

9. Be your best self

You don't have to become a completely different girl to date outside your league, but it can help to be the best version of yourself there is. More importantly, do it for you, don't hit the gym to impress a fitness enthusiast, do it to improve your health, and if it causes them to notice you, it would be a bonus.

10. Suppress your insecurities 

Even without your date's status and whatnot, if you don't learn to take emotional responsibility first, you may attract them, but you wouldn't be able to keep them. Try to get past the little voice in your head saying you're not enough, and project confidence. Dating a guy several leagues above you requires confidence, so don’t look down on yourself. 

11. Find your own ways to impress them

Everyone likes to be impressed, but how do you do that for somebody who has everything? Well, that's what you have to figure out from studying them, I've learned that attentiveness can go a long way with people like that. So that's one angle you can explore while staying within your means.

12. Avoid making the mistakes others did

You probably won't be the first lady on your level to try to date this person, but you can be the one they end up with if you play your cards right. Simply figure out where the others go wrong and do a better job at it.

13. Bring something new to the table 

It has been said that a relationship between any two people is a kind of business deal. Ultimately, we all want to be with somebody who adds something to us. It may be true that you are miles apart, but there has to be something they want that you can give. It may be your free-spiritedness, humor, or street smartness. 

14. Forget the leagues

Focusing on the league difference when you’re dating is how you let your insecurities thrive, which might, in turn, lower your self-esteem around them. Instead, focus on being the best partner to this huge catch of yours, and you just might stand a chance. 

15. Consider what being with them entails

consider what being with them entails

If you want to be with a person that different from you, you need to consider all the angles to what that entails. If they are an actor, for instance, the nature of their work may require them to do some stuff that may not sit well with you e.g., making out with another woman.

16. Be legitimately helpful

Since you're not coming from the same place, you probably can't relate to some of the things that go on in their life. That doesn't mean you can't do something, even if all you can contribute sometimes is empathy or listening ears, it can mean the whole world to them.

17. Know there will always be other admirers

As a lady, I'm sure you can relate to how admirers swarm around beauty, you've lived it. Whether education is what your guy excels at or fame, know that the same qualities that drew you to him will definitely attract others. So, if you intend to hang around for the long haul, accept this, and know peace.

18. Become friends with their friends

I don't know about you, but if my best friend approves of someone, they automatically rank higher on my list. Even if you can't get their best buddy, see if you can start a friendship with their friends. It may just take you from a temporary bleep to being a more concrete part of their life.

19. Make your personality worth loving

While being pretty definitely counts, and probably played a pivotal role in your previous relationships, it might not be enough in this case. Chances are this particular individual has seen their share of conventional beauty. Your personality is an attribute that is unique to you, and an interesting one will compensate for the difference in status.

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20. Avoid making it all about what they have

On the other hand, you should take an interest in their personality too. Making somebody's standout features all they're about as an individual is a common mistake. You wouldn't like being seen as nothing but a pretty face or just a bag of money, so avoid doing that to your partner.

21. Consider if you really want them

As you should with any relationship, consider why you're going into this. Do you really want them, or are you just curious what it's like to date someone in their position? High status or not, they are human too, which means they can get hurt. It wouldn't be fair to put them through unnecessary heartbreak to satisfy your curiosity.

22. Have a definitive knowledge of your place in their life

Knowing where you stand with someone is essential in dating generally, even more, when you are going outside your zone. This will inform your expectations and your relationship dynamic, including how you make plans, argue, resolve conflicts, et cetera.

23. Don't be needy

Understand this relationship is potentially different from the ones you've been in, so you may have to make some compromises. There will be days when they won't be the perfect partner due to circumstances they can't help. Understand this and try not to make them feel too bad about it. 

24. Find similar interests

Another way to date someone who is in a better place than you are is to have something in common. An avenue that levels the playing ground, where your differences don't count. It should be something you both enjoy, so you're both eager to do it as opposed to it being a sacrifice.

25. Stay in touch with your normal life

To further buttress my earlier point about not losing yourself, a way to achieve this is to remain in touch with your life before Mr. Perfect. Don't get so comfortable with their friends that you abandon your own. Maintain your regular activities, and don't lose sight of your goals. This precaution will help keep you grounded.

26. Teach yourself to rise to their level psychologically

Let's be frank, the idea that someone is above your level is purely material. You are both human beings, they just happen to stand out physically or otherwise. Ultimately what matters is that you want each other and are compatible, stop acting like they're a god already, everyone else already does that.

27. Be honest

Sadly, not everyone approaches others with the best of intentions. If your date is extremely gorgeous or super-rich, they can probably relate to this reality better than most, as their position attracts all sorts. People lie to them all the time, so if you want something meaningful, be honest from the get-go about what you want. 

28. Be careful not to become a pushover

While you will get the natural urge to please your new beau, you still have to be careful not to let them take advantage of you. They are probably used to having people cower to their every whim, so you may need to put your foot down sometimes if something doesn't sit well with you.

29. Be prepared to move on

be prepared to move on

As huge a catch as they might be, don't cheat yourself into thinking you couldn't do better. If you ever feel like the relationship has run its course and they are no longer what you want for yourself, know you can always leave.


Is it possible to date someone out of your league?

Yes, it is, however, your relationship's quality and how long it lasts will depend on your ability to separate their status from your relationship. They are who they are, but if you date, they will also be your partner, so it is imperative to see them as an equal.

How do I stop liking someone out of my league?

If you've realized the odds of the two of you ending up together are slim to none, avoid activities that continuously remind you of them. Don't keep in touch and try not to obsess over them even if that means finding a distraction.

What makes someone out of your league?

The traditional belief of an individual being out of your league is that they are worlds away from you in conventional attractiveness. It can also imply a significant difference in wealth, education, social status, popularity, or a combination of these.

How do you date a guy out of your league?

The first step is not to let his wealth, looks, or position intimidate you, at the end of the day, he is just another guy. However, you may need to learn how to navigate his world and make some compromises as the relationship progresses. 

How do you tell if you're out of someone's league?

Deciding leagues can be a matter of context, e.g., a world-renowned musician can be outside a powerful politician's league even though they are both influential. However, it can also be as apparent as the wealthy, hot girl being out of the league of the poorest guy in her class.

To Conclude

I hope this list made for an enjoyable read, and that it helps you realize it isn't impossible to date out of your class. A topic as interesting as this should be conversational, so kindly share and leave a comment so other people can learn from your experience too.

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April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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