You’ve been noticing some strange things about your partner. Maybe things just got a little more serious and you’ve been spending more time with each other, but it’s not going as smoothly as you hoped.
They’re secretive about their phone, they are always wanting sex or being sexual, maybe you’ve caught them in a few lies, maybe your partner has even cheated on you and can’t seem to give an explanation as to why they did it, or they can’t stop watching porn.
Like any addiction, sex addiction is a disease. And like any addiction, it can tear relationships and families apart. Sex addiction however is one of the hardest addictions to conquer. It’s not a substance they can avoid or a bad crowd they can move away from.
It’s a behavioral addiction, where sex is their coping mechanism for life. It’s usually stemmed from trauma in early childhood with a main primary giver, and as time goes on depression, low self-esteem, and shame can make the condition worse.
Addiction is defined as “the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.” People will chase these things that they are addicted to regardless of negative consequences. It is compulsive, and people who have an addiction may not have control over their urges without help.
Sexual addiction is only different from drug addiction in the fact that it is a behavioral addiction, not a substance addiction.
It’s important to realize that sex addicts are not enjoying their lifestyles. They are indulging in compulsive sexual behavior, and most of them feel guilty about it once the dopamine from getting their ‘fix’ has worn off.
If you do happen to have a partner who is showing three or more of the following symptoms of sexual addictions, you have to know that life for them is not as simple as it is for you or me. They cannot control their sexual appetites or impulses, though they may try their best.
The first part of being able to help your partner is realizing that people with addictions to sex do not have good mental health. Shame and guilt destroy their already damaged self-esteem. So if your partner is displaying these signs, the first step is keeping an open mind to their feelings and the fact that sex addiction is a disease, and know that all the secrets are because of shame.
One of the first and most common symptoms that you’ll notice early on is the dishonesty coming from your partner. You’ll catch them in lies, big and small. Many people with sexual addiction will live double lives, or lie about the simplest things.
This is a shame and has nothing to do with you for the most part. Lying becomes a habit, and they may begin to lie subconsciously about all kinds of things.
Does your partner hide his phone? Do they avoid pulling it out in front of you, and not let you use it? What about their computer screens? Do they minimize it every time you come around? Do they act defensive when you ask them about it?
This can affect your relationship with your partner because these sneaky actions may make you think they are cheating on you. In actuality, they are hiding pornography, or they could even be doing webcam sessions.
If you are romantically involved with a sex addict, you can expect to be cheated on. Some people who are sex addicts may be able to control themselves enough to remain faithful. But a lot of the time they can’t. These urges are unstoppable for them. If your partner with sexual addiction is caught alone by a person making advances on them, it may not be within their ability to stop themselves.
This doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It means that they are a sex addict. But they could love you to the moon and back, their soulmate and they don’t want anyone else sexually consciously. But addiction, as many people know unwanted sexual activity is oftentimes too hard to resist since that is their drug.
An addict to sex can have sex five, six, up to ten times a day - and sometimes still need to masturbate. If your partner never seems to be able to get enough then they may be suffering from an affliction and you know it’s time to maybe try to get some help for them.
Of course, this is all okay as long as you two can stay home together all day and every day. But most of the time you won’t be able to do that for your partner. If you can’t handle the prospect or the reality of being cheated on, you may need to go in a different direction with your partner. Even if you don’t know for sure, there are lots of things that the behavior of a sex addict does that may lower your self-esteem as it is.
Even if it hurts your feelings, your partner may not be able to help looking at pornography. A sex addict can’t help their sexual needs and compulsions. They may spend more time than needed in the bathroom or alone in the bedroom during the day, trying to scratch that itch.
However, they will be secretive about it, afraid of the conflict, or don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings. This will lead to problems in your love life because again, it will cause suspicion. It’s usually on the phone or computer, which is why they shut it down when you walk in.
Some people who are sex addicts have a hard time with intimacy in all forms. Letting someone close to them, or physical intimacy. They don’t have that connection, since they are used to compulsive sex to fulfill their immediate need. They don’t really cuddle after sex or use romance in their daily life.
If your relationship seems cold, try to remember it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with your partner and their affliction. They do not have healthy relationships like most people who suffer from this disease. Because of this, you may end up feeling lonely.
A lot of sex addicts will avoid committed monogamous relationships all together knowing that may not be able to keep that commitment. If the person you are trying to be close to has a sexual behavior issue, they may avoid being ‘with’ you, though they will gladly use you as a sexual release.
A partner with a sex addiction most likely cannot control their flirting, even if they are right in front of you. It’s a natural default mode, lining up potential partners for their next fix. They don’t realize that they are hurting their partner. When your lover flirts with others right in front of you, it hurts, makes you feel worthless and replaceable, though your partner will most likely defend it as ‘harmless.’
Like people who smoke cigarettes get irritable if they have not had a smoke break, people who are addicted to sex will become aggravated or irritable if they don’t have access to relief. Their mood will obviously elevate once they have had their release of dopamine and serotonin through coitus.
Have you ever heard the phrase “the accuser is often guilty?” Sex-addicted people are a literal example of that saying. They will often accuse you or treat you like you are the guilty party, even though they are the ones that have the problem.
When you have backed them into a corner, or confronted them about the situation they may get manipulative. Arguments end in sex, actually... everything ends in sex. Sex is not only their drug but their weapon too. They know how to get what they ‘need’ and want, when they want or need it.
A lot of sex addicts may be unsafe about having sex with multiple partners. They could have multiple children by different people, have the opportunity to spread STDs because they are too impatient with safe sex practices such as condoms or birth control.
If you are dating someone who is recovering from this affliction or who is currently suffering from it, you may want to get yourself checked by your doctor, and often.
Another indicator that your lover is most likely a sex addict is that they are very controlling during sex itself. They are always in control, there may not be very much foreplay or intimacy. Sex is usually fast, hard, and again, intimacy and romance may be lacking.
Needless to say, like all addicts, the problem can be worked on. It takes strong will power and going through a proper 12-step program.
Symptoms of hypersexuality include failure to control sexual urges, excessive time indulging in sexual behaviors and fantasies, and acting out these sexual fantasies during stressful or hard times in life.
If a girl engages in many sexual partners, sexual acts and fantasies with multiple partners, in general, or in response to stressors in their day to day activities, she may be hypersexual.
Not a lot is known about the origins or the start of hypersexuality. It is debated that it most likely is caused by trauma or stress. The World Health Organization’s International Classification of Disease and experts say that people who suffer from this addiction suffer a great amount of emotional distress.
Hypersexuality may manifest as a mania for bipolar. Otherwise known as a manic depressive syndrome. These people are subject to emotional manias, and often suffer from sexual addictions due to the dopamine release.
If you feel like you are excessively sexually aroused there are several factors to consider. Are you still going through puberty? If so, it’s natural for these kinds of arousals to happen, however, if they become disruptive to your life, or do not let up after a while, it may be time to seek a professionals help.
Are you dating a sex addict? Do you feel like you may be dating a sex addict? Tell us your stories in the comments, and don’t forget to share it with your friends. I hope this helped, and I hope you enjoyed the article. Thank you for reading everyone!