I Caught My Boyfriend Texting Another Girl What Should I Do? (12 Things To Do Without Over-reacting)

by April Maccario

You’ve noticed that your boyfriend is always glued to his cell phone, receiving notifications almost every minute, and smiling mischievously at the texts he receives. At first, you decided to shake the obvious feeling off, but then you noticed how all of a sudden he has become so secretive and protective of his phone. 

This alone tells you that he’s got someone or something to hide, it then dawns on you that your beloved partner is texting another girl which invariably means that he’s cheating on you. I know it’s a terrible feeling to suspect your partner is cheating. However, I’d advise that before you take any action, you should get your facts straight about what has been going on.

This article features a list of things to do when you find out that your boyfriend has been texting another girl.

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Texting Another Girl

1. Carefully monitor the situation

Your boyfriend texting another girl doesn’t mean it’s the end of your relationship. The incessant texting could be a new habit and may even be work-related or directed at aclose friend. In this case, I would recommend that you carefully observe the trend and see if it metamorphoses into a pattern.

It’s possible that your hunch could just be curious suspicions and nothing serious. However, sometimes those instincts aren’t far from the truth. The hunch that your partner is cheating on you could be accurate. Before you draw any conclusions, monitor the situation for a period of time and see what unfolds at the end.

Wrongly accusing your partner of texting another girl can result in creating mistrust between you two and poke holes into the relationship.

2. Confront him about it

Confront him about it

It is important not to rush into conclusions that might ultimately ruin your relationship. This is why you need to confront your boyfriend about your suspicions regarding his sudden change in behavior. 

Your conversations might reveal a lot of shocking but legitimate reasons for being so engrossed with his phone. It’s possible that he is planning a surprise birthday or anniversary party and doesn’t want you to find out.

When approaching him, I’d suggest you do so calmly as opposed to accusingly so you don’t end up tipping the boat over instead of keeping it afloat, if you know what I mean. If you guys maintain an open-honest policy in your relationship, then it shouldn’t be difficult talking about something like this.

3. Find out the content and recipient of the text

As much as you don’t want to appear paranoid or insecure, you owe it to yourself to find out why your boyfriend is texting another woman. If you don’t feel satisfied with the response he gave you when you confronted him about it, then you have to find out the truth for yourself.

It shouldn’t be difficult accessing your partner’s phone, especially if you know his password, go through his messages, and find out if he has been sending flirtatious messages to another girl. Also, you might want to save the contact of the lady your man has been texting on your phone. He could be texting someone dear to him, one of his colleagues, or even a family member, but it’s still better to get to the root of it. 

Knowing the details of the text messages can help put your mind at ease and offer you closure on the matter. More importantly, you need to brace yourself for whatever truth you might likely find.

4. Decide not to get angry at him

I know for a fact that we ladies find it difficult to control our emotions especially when hurt by someone we love. Don’t lose your cool because of a sneaky suspicion or explode and go all riot-mode on your boyfriend. Rather, maintain a calm demeanor and decide not to allow your emotions to get the best of you till you find out what’s going on.

Men easily go on the defensive once they sense that something is off, so it’s either he lies to you about it, tries not to look guilty, or turns it into a full-blown quarrel. If you know you won’t be able to maintain your cool and risk turning it into an argument, my advice is that you take some time off to calm your nerves before taking any action.

5. Give him ample time to reconsider his ways

If you value your relationship and still think there is a minute chance of saving it, then this is the least you can do for yourself. After you must have confronted him with facts and evidence, allow him enough time to own up to his mistakes, and ask for your forgiveness.

If your boyfriend genuinely loves you, he would acknowledge that he has been texting another girl and apologize for doing so. Some men may be knee-deep into the affair that it may take them a long time to see the error in their ways. All you need to do is present your partner with your suspicions and give him enough time and space to make his mind up.

6. Check to see if you can trust him

It’s possible that after confronting him, he might tell you there is nothing between him and the lady he is sending texts to. If you don’t take his word for it, then it speaks to how much you trust your man. For a relationship to thrive, trust is an important factor to take into consideration.

It is fairly normal for a lady to have doubts or feel insecure, especially if you have had negative experiences in the past. If unchecked, it can lead to paranoia, and paranoia is not healthy for any relationship. It’s enough that you’re going through his phone to read chats his sending to someone else, don’t add stalking or showing up to his office to the list. 

So, it is either you trust him completely or you break up with him. However, don’t let your insecurities or past experiences ruin the beautiful thing you have going for you.

7. Consider forgiving him

You may eventually find out that your boyfriend is texting another girl and it turns out the contents of the text message have been flirtatious in nature. After all the anger and disappointment, you have to check to see if you can forgive him and move past it. Not all ladies are emotionally capable of forgiving a partner who has been conscientiously texting another woman.

If you find yourself in this category and you know you can never move past what happened, then I suggest you end the relationship and move on with your life. The best time to decide on a line of action is when you first get the hunch that he might be cheating on you.

8. Talk to close friends about it

Friends are very important in times like this, it might not be all them, just one close friend who always has your back will do. Present the facts of the case, and seek her advice, it’s possible that in your moment of confusion and grief, you might be incapable of thinking straight. Your friends would be more objective when thinking due to the fact that they view the situation from an external perspective.

Be mindful of the friends you tell your problems though, one of them could be admiring your boyfriend from a distance and secretly waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch him. Carefully consider the counsel and options your friends give before concluding that he’s into someone else. 

9. Weigh your options properly

If you discover your boyfriend texting another girl and you find the content of the message to be flirtatious, then you need to weigh your options going forward. If your partner is a ‘first time offender,’ then you need to go easy on him. It is likely that he was seduced by the other girl and that he won’t repeat it again.

However, if he has been unfaithful in the past and you find out he hasn’t changed in the least, then you need to take a more drastic decision. Any man who repeatedly cheats on you is not worthy. Even if you forgive him and decide to move on, there is every tendency that he might cheat on you again. Weighing your options properly would help you make an informed decision.

10. Be deliberate in your decision

If and when your suspicions have been confirmed, then you need to take decisive action. If you feel that the relationship is still viable and can be salvaged, then forgive him this one time and think about ways to improve the relationship. If you caught him in the act of texting another woman he is having an affair with and you can’t seem to wipe out the memory from your head, then it’s best you break up with him.

Be deliberate and intentional about whatever action you decide to take, your partner should not be allowed to take advantage of your indecisiveness. My point is, whatever resolutions you come up must be strictly adhered to.

11. Walk away from the relationship

Walk away from the relationship

This is usually the last resort after trying all other means to salvage the situation. As painful and heartbreaking as this may sound, it is about time for you to call the relationship quits. Any guy that is unfaithful to you is not worthy of your love, loyalty, and respect. If he is hiding his phone, acting sneaky, and constantly lying, that’s just a lot of negative energy and bad vibes you don’t need. 

Like I mentioned earlier, before you go breaking up with him, you need to be absolutely sure that your partner is having an affair with the lady he is texting. Don’t end your beautiful long-term relationship over a hunch, hearsay, or suspicion. Getting your facts straight will help you avoid a lifetime of regrets.

12. Be open to love again

Loving another person again or entering into another relationship sounds like the last thing on your mind after breaking up with your boyfriend. This ugly experience shouldn’t deny you the opportunity of finding true love with another guy who would never hurt you. It is not going to be easy forgetting the things you went through in the hands of your ex but it is important that you do so.

You could also decide to steer clear from relationships for a while so that you can heal properly. You owe yourself a chance at happiness and deserve a blissful relationship, so do not be quick to dismiss the next fine young man who stops to ask for your phone number.

FAQs

Is it okay for your boyfriend to text another girl?

There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend texting another girl as long as the girl is not his lover and the contents of the text are formal. There are several reasons for why he is texting another girl that doesn’t involve him cheating. You shouldn’t allow your insecurities and suspicions ruin your sex life or relationship.

Should I forgive my boyfriend for texting another girl?

Whether or not you should forgive your partner depends entirely on the context of the situation. If the contents of the texts are harmless, then there is nothing to forgive. However, if you discover that he has been flirting or having an affair with the lady, then it’s only you that can decide if you want to forgive him.

Why did my boyfriend text another girl?

The other lady your boyfriend is texting might be an old friend, colleague, or client, he could also be bored, and looking for a little risk to excite him. Some guys like the thrill of almost being caught, or doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing, which is childish, I know. If you feel that he is cheating, then you might have to confront him about it.

Can texting be considered cheating?

Texting another girl is not in the actual sense considered as cheating, this is if the lady in question is your partner’s friend or one of his colleagues. On the other hand, it becomes cheating if he starts having an affair with the woman he is texting, or if he starts hitting on her.

Why is my boyfriend deleting messages?

It could be that your boyfriend knows that you are the insecure type and in a bid to maintain the tranquility in the relationship, deletes his messages. It could also be that your boyfriend is cheating on you and deleting his messages to conceal the traces of his infidelity and flirtatious messages. 

All In All...

I trust that you found this article insightful and illuminating, you can always come back and read it whenever you are in doubt about what to do. I would love to know what you think about this post, so feel free to drop your comments below. 

Don’t forget to share this with your friends and loved ones.

April Maccario
I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life.

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