Isn’t it funny how men can be total talkers when the relationship is new, but then regress to becoming almost mute as the relationship proceeds? It makes you wonder if your man got switched or you did something wrong along the line. While it is not unlikely that you did, their vow of silence sometimes has nothing to do with you.
This same human you used to talk to for hours has now become the boyfriend who doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with a 15-minute conversation in two days. Having a partner who was all sweet at the beginning but can’t seem to care less about you now – for lack of a better word – sucks.
It is an easy fix if the reason is apparent, but many times, it is not. From overfamiliarity to cheating, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why your partner won’t talk to you.
Some men aren’t big talkers in the first place, it only seems that way when you two start because he is trying to win you over. At that stage, he would do anything to make you see him as the best choice for you. He’s more attentive to your needs, does things you like, listens to your rants, and actually responds.
Once you’ve been secured and you two start getting comfortable, the zeal naturally reduces. As the relationship progresses, their true color starts to show. This doesn’t mean your partner has grown out of love for you, it just means the excitement has waned, and the honeymoon phase is probably over.
This kind of familiarity has its perks, but as you can already tell, it has its cons as well. While you may feel super comfy with each other at this point, your conversations are reduced to the essentials only, and that isn’t cute.
Silence is a safe go-to for many people when they are upset, especially men. It is a way of coping that prevents whatever negative emotion he is feeling at that moment from running amok. The best move at a time like this isn’t to force him to talk, that will only make the situation worse.
Allow him that period to process his thoughts and wait for him to approach when he is ready. If you feel like the silence is dragging out for too long, you could also reach out, but only after he has cooled down a bit. However, there should be a line between understanding how he functions and tolerating an unhealthy habit in a partner.
If his silent treatment seems like it’s lasting forever, and he never makes an effort to communicate and resolve your relationship issues until you do, you might need to discuss that dynamic after things have settled.
There are many old stereotypes that people need to unlearn, one of them being that men aren’t supposed to talk much. Not about their feelings or troubles, even if it is killing them, they’re supposed to keep it together like a ‘man’. Well, that is just not right, although this issue is now being gradually addressed, it has been in existence far too long.
Many parents were raised by parents who were taught that the boy child isn’t supposed to communicate. On the other hand, the girls are taught to be expressive, but respectful, and are thus trained for better communication. Therefore, because society has taught us that discussing feelings and stuff emasculates men, the boys grow up perfecting walls around their minds because that’s how they think a man should be.
So, your boyfriend may not be talking to you because he simply didn’t get enough practice opening up as you did growing up.
If he’s not avoiding you when you talk to him, your body language and sex life are still very much in sync and alive, then it’s clear that this man still loves you, so why won’t he speak to you? Sometimes, your partner not talking to you does not imply relationship problems, it might just mean he has run out of things to say to you.
This can happen whether your relationship is still fresh or has been going on for a while, though it’s more common in new flames. He might not be initiating conversation because he’s nervous about what is appropriate and what’s not. If he isn’t normally shy with others but is with you, he’s definitely still nervous around you, give him some time to get comfortable.
It could also be that you and your partner don’t share the same interests. For instance, if you like sports and he likes fashion, it’s easy to have conversation gaps. Thankfully, this can be easily fixed by finding common ground.
Cheating is the elephant in the room, so we might as well get it out of the way now. Is the emotional distance a new thing, or has it always been there? If it’s been a fixture in your relationship since the beginning, you can consider other reasons for his silence before an affair. However, if your partner stopped talking to you out of the blue, and has given you other reasons to believe there might be a bigger issue, then cheating is worth exploring.
The reason cheating quickly comes to mind when the person you are in a relationship with stops talking to you is because we worry they’re clocking those hours with someone else.
Interestingly, the signs your man is stepping out on you can often be confusing because they could easily mean something else. Many men know how to hide their affairs and lie as if nothing happened, even when your sex life has been more fantasy than actual action.
However, don’t assume the worst until you’ve at least seen some things that confirm your suspicions.
If he is indeed cheating and happens to not be very good at it, he might avoid talking to you because he is afraid you will pick something up in his tone. Women’s intuition may be a myth, but guys who have something to hide know better than not to fear it. Someone who used to be like a best friend and lover to you suddenly giving you the silent treatment may be hiding something.
Please note that I only use cheating because it is one of the most common relationship problems couples encounter, even though it’s not the only one. The problem may not even be that serious, your man may not be getting it on with another person, but a past occurrence or mistake he made could be eating him up.
It doesn’t have to be something adverse, it might just be a deal big enough to him that your opinion as his girlfriend would have a significant effect. Maybe what he has to say is what he has seen you mock in the past, or something he knows would definitely break you two. The more difficult the potential dialogue, the more people try to avoid it altogether, which doesn’t solve the problem anyway.
Some guys do this thing where they establish their masculinity by ignoring their partners. It’s like he feels he is superior to you in some way and wouldn’t be caught dead ‘arguing with a woman’. It’s the age-old patriarchy problem, and no matter how modern the world gets, we still find partners that can’t let go of such backward thinking.
Well, if that sounds like your boyfriend, I’m here to break it to you, he is toxic. He thinks talking stuff out is arguing, and will rather stonewall you every time things don’t go his way. You two may be a couple, but he doesn’t consider you an equal partner in the relationship. A guy like this feels he has the authority to do whatever he wants whenever, and if that includes not talking to his girl for god-knows-how long, then there’s no problem with that.
Not to be the angel of doom here, but that is the kind of guy who would ghost you without a second thought. One minute you are planning your lives together, the next minute, he is just gone. If you don’t want that for yourself, you might want to discuss the power dynamics in your relationship going forward and agree to go on as equal partners, or nothing at all.
Giving the silent treatment is the only way your partner knows how to deal with things. You probably didn’t fall in love with him for his excellent communication skills, which didn’t seem like a problem at the time. It simply isn’t one of his strong suits because he wasn’t raised to believe in it. If this is the case, the good news is he can learn, partners like this usually loosen up and start communicating better, depending on how the situation is handled.
The bad news? He may not see anything wrong in it since that’s the way he’s always known to navigate problems. I’ve learned that things that have worked for us in the past are hard to let go, even when they obviously don’t work anymore. So how do you teach an unwilling person to communicate without becoming a nag? That’s where the experts come in.
Healthline provides some communication tips and explains how both partners can get what they want in a relationship without one party feeling left out, bullied, or hushed.
Let’s face it, often, we are the cause of our own problems, some of these behaviors men exhibit do not exist in a vacuum, it is our actions that lead them there. We conveniently overlook the part we play in creating the issue and wonder why the effects are happening. Your significant other never gets a chance to finish a sentence with you, so he stops trying, maybe it’s time to think about what you could be doing wrong.
How about you work on that the next time he tries? Even if you feel like you already know what he wants to say or what he is saying is completely off the track, let him finish. Not only is interrupting your partner disrespectful, but it can also tug on their self-esteem. This is a common slip up that comes with over-familiarity.
Sometimes, he just doesn’t want to talk, it is as simple as that; social interactions can be draining for an introvert, even if he is utterly in love with you. While it isn’t always like that, there are times when not even the allure of your sweet voice is enough to draw him out of his bubble. If this is the kind of guy you are dating, withdrawing into his shell is something you should probably get used to.
Don’t let it be an excuse to neglect your man though, if it occurs too often, ask him if he is okay. Obviously, the responsible thing for someone like this to do is to tell you about it from the beginning rather than just springing it on you when it happens. Nevertheless, this doesn’t only apply to those with mood-swings and introversion. Sometimes, even talkative people don’t want to talk, and that’s okay.
Perhaps your man’s confidence has been betrayed before, either by a friend or a past lover. If he is like that with his buddies as well, the betrayal may have come from a friend. However, if he’s usually free with his guys and female friends but only seems to clam up when he’s with you, he may have had his feelings and ego hurt by an ex.
Talking is bonding, it’s why there is a “talking stage” in dating, but a guy with trust issues, or whatever else his past pain has made him develop only sees bonding as a threat. To him, letting his guard down enough to have conversations that go beyond the basics is how you become attached and open yourself to heartbreak again.
In his head, the depth of his hurt would always justify whatever cold treatment you or anyone else is getting from him. This is not a healthy way of dealing with heartache, but if that’s the straw your partner drew, then you can either choose to walk away or help him get through it.
This isn’t only a guy thing, a lot of people, myself inclusive, don’t see the point of talking to someone who doesn’t have anything to offer at that moment. Don’t get me wrong, there is always a place for empathy, a problem shared? and all of that, sometimes, that simply isn’t what you want.
Have you ever been in a situation where you can’t even wrap your mind around what’s going on with you, let alone tell someone about it? Yeah, he could be in that same situation too. On the flip side, he may think he is doing you a favor by keeping mute.
My man does this thing where he stays quiet when I’m talking to him because he doesn’t have anything to contribute. That never sits well with me, and it’s caused a lot of problems in the past, but I called him out on it, and we’re stronger for it today, perhaps you should try doing the same.
It’s nice to feel like we are the center of our man’s world from time to time. However, we sometimes get carried away by all the attention that we forget he has a life outside the relationship. This is especially true for new relationships that are only just transitioning from the butterfly phase to reality.
Your significant other would probably like to spend his days with you or text and exchange phone calls all the time. Yet, the reality is that it’s simply not sustainable, ignoring the fact that spending that much time together can become tiring. What about his job, school, family, and friends, he needs to spend time with them too.
If all he does is talk to you all day, when does he make time for his other relationships? Let’s not forget that your man could also be dealing with stuff he can’t discuss with you yet. Health issues, problems at work, personal stuff, etc. Remember, it’s not always about you and ask before you draw any kind of conclusions.
Your partner might be avoiding chatting with you because he’s expecting you to take the hint and give him some space. Of course, the adult thing to do would be to say it to your face instead of playing needless games, but grown people don’t always do the right thing. However, it is understandable that he chooses that approach, albeit childish.
Asking for space can be an awkward conversation, one he probably prefers not to have. When it is not done right, conversations can aggravate things. If the relationship is already at a stage where he thinks taking some time off might do you both some good, then the issues didn’t start today.
You may have also contributed to his choice to act up, instead of letting you know his intentions, he keeps to himself maybe because you have over-reacted once, or twice. If conversations with you only make stuff worse, it is only natural that he clams up and slowly moves away to avoid further conflict.
I discussed all these other possible reasons first because people deserve the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, the truth could be staring us right in the face sometimes, and we’d prefer to wish it away. Instead of refusing what is in front of you, it might do you and your self-esteem some good to actually accept things for what they are.
The truth is, someone who really wants to be with you will always make an effort to stay in contact, no matter how minimal. If he conveniently goes days without talking to you with no good reason, and it becomes a regular occurrence, it might be time to think about your options. Someone who cares about you won’t always wait till you initiate a conversation before he reaches out.
If this is what your boyfriend does, you are either not the only ball in his sack, or he is just not interested in the relationship anymore. Now the decision to either hang around in uncertainty until he rips off the bandage, or to choose yourself and walk away is entirely in your court.
If your boyfriend won’t talk to you because of something you did, it may mean that he is upset and will likely get over it in no time. However, if you did nothing, the reasons for this might vary from personal issues to him not being interested in you anymore.
It depends on how you got there, if he has been open with you before but closed up because of something you did, give him some time to process. However, if this is becoming a pattern in your relationship, you might want to have a serious conversation about it before it becomes worse.
There is no such thing as normal when it comes to relationships, what is considered normal by others may not work for you, and vice versa. Whether you choose to talk to your significant other every day or not is totally okay, as long as it’s what you both want, and nobody is feeling neglected.
Perhaps he got busy with other aspects of his life and couldn’t keep up with texting. It could also mean that he is pulling away from you because he is tired or has found someone else. However, you might never know the real reason for the silence if you don’t ask him.
Each man has a unique set of experiences that influence the things he wants or doesn’t want for himself. In some cases, it is because they have had what they thought they wanted you for, and it just isn’t enough to make them stay. Other times, it may be that there is a fundamental difference in what you both want.
Your partner not talking to you is not a pleasant place to be, when the person who is supposed to get you when no one else does clams up on you, one can easily take it personally. Before you do that, however, go through the reasons above carefully.
If any of them hits home, let me know in the comments and do well to share the article as well.